For Luck
Submitted by PrincessJaden on November 19, 2008 - 8:20pm.
Rain was in the dim light of the Ebon Hawk's main hold talking with Mira. They'd made the return trip to Dxun, and now it was looking like she and her crew were going to have to split up. This next part of the mission had two objectives that needed to be completed simultaneously. There was simply no other way.
She'd never had to break up the team before, and it left her feeling uneasy. She didn't question their abilities, she just really wanted them all to be together. With her. If anything should happen to any of them, she didn't think she could bear it.
In an effort to make herself feel better, Rain was taking a few minutes before they left the ship to speak with each of her crew in private. Mira was usually good for a laugh, but now it seemed as if the red head's excitement was causing her to come out and ask some silly, and rather personal questions.
"Hey, I've seen the way you and our shifty pilot look at each other. Be honest, I promise I won't say a word. Have you two had a chance to, you know, hook up a power coupling? Is he as selfish in that regard as he is with everything else? Oh, you poor thing..."
It seemed as if not answering the question was as good as a confirmation, so Rain felt forced to answer, "Mira, of course Atton and I haven't... done that."
"But you want to. Try to remember who you're talking to. I can tell," she said, grinning.
Rain sighed, exasperated now. "I care about Atton. A lot. But I can't get hung up on any of that right now. I've got other things to worry about. And so do you."
Mira held up her hands in defense. "Hey, I was only asking. It's alright. Like I said, I won't tell a soul."
Rain could still see the laughter in Mira's eyes. "Alright, teasing time's over. I have to go. Just make sure you're ready." She shook her head, backing away. Then she turned, heading for the corridor that would lead her to the garage, and Bao-Dur.
She'd taken only a few steps when she ran smack-dab into Atton.
His arms shot out to steady her, and she quickly took a step back. She looked up at his face, and seeing his grin and laughing eyes, she knew immediately that he'd heard every word.
"So, you 'care' about me, huh?" and his smile grew wider.
Rain continued to back away until her back hit the cold wall of the ship. "Oh, for crying out loud. Must you constantly spy in me?" How was she supposed to talk her way out of this one?
Atton advanced with her, bracing an arm against the wall over Rain's left shoulder when they stopped. He leaned in close. "Hey, I..." he was cut off as Bao-Dur came upon them in the hall.
"General, can I talk to you a moment?"
Rain wanted to kiss him for saving her. She ducked out from under Atton's arm, "Sure." Being certain not to look at Atton, she followed Bao into the garage. "Thanks for that," she said, low.
"No problem," he replied, smiling softly.
When she looked back over the zabrak's shoulder, she saw that Atton had left.
They stood in the green afternoon rain, the thunder crashing above their heads. Lightening lit up the sky intermittently.
It was decided. Kreia and Visas would accompany Rain to Onderon to face General Vaklu. She appointed Atton the leader of the second team. He, along with Mira and Bao-Dur, would take out the Sith outpost at the tomb of Freedon Nadd here on Dxun.
Atton seemed a bit surprised, but happy with her choice. They hadn't had a chance to talk since the little scene aboard the Hawk. His eyes were full of questions, but Rain didn't want to answer them, so she'd been avoiding him.
Now as they stood ready to depart, unsure as to what the future held, she felt it was important to at least say something to him. She grabbed his arm, clad now as it was in Jedi robes, and led him a few feet from the main group. "You OK?" she asked him, feeling the affection she always did whenever she looked into his light brown eyes.
"Yeah. Don't worry about us, we'll be fine." He smiled down at her, brushing a few stray hairs back from her forehead. He'd never touched her like this before, and as the rain beat down upon them, drenching them to the skin, she found herself blown away by the fact that he wasn't using this time to tease her. "Hey, I want you to have something," he reached into his pocket and pulled out his pazaak deck. "For luck," still smiling, he passed it to Rain. It was such a silly thing. She knew he rarely used it; he could play all day in his head, keeping track of his numbers as well as his opponents'. But it meant something. It was his, all he really clung to as far as possesions went. He'd given up his blasters and his favorite jacket when he'd began his Jedi training. This was really all he had to give.
"Oh, I couldn't..."
"Take it, please," he said, placing it into her hands, then squeezing them shut with his own.
She pressed it to her chest, holding it close. "Thank you. And, Atton, I want you to know that I..."
He reached out, trailing his fingertips across her lips. "Tell me when we get back, OK?"
She didn't want to wait. She wanted to tell him now how she felt about him, and how she hoped that maybe, someday, they could find a way to be together. But he was probably right. It would be better this way. Now they'd both have to make sure to come back safe and sound.
~end~
For Luck - KotOR 2, LSF Exile and Atton
Rain was in the dim light of the Ebon Hawk's main hold talking with Mira. They'd made the return trip to Dxun, and now it was looking like she and her crew were going to have to split up. This next part of the mission had two objectives that needed to be completed simultaneously. There was simply no other way.
She'd never had to break up the team before, and it left her feeling uneasy. She didn't question their abilities, she just really wanted them all to be together. With her. If anything should happen to any of them, she didn't think she could bear it.
In an effort to make herself feel better, Rain was taking a few minutes before they left the ship to speak with each of her crew in private. Mira was usually good for a laugh, but now it seemed as if the red head's excitement was causing her to come out and ask some silly, and rather personal questions.
"Hey, I've seen the way you and our shifty pilot look at each other. Be honest, I promise I won't say a word. Have you two had a chance to, you know, hook up a power coupling? Is he as selfish in that regard as he is with everything else? Oh, you poor thing..."
It seemed as if not answering the question was as good as a confirmation, so Rain felt forced to answer, "Mira, of course Atton and I haven't... done that."
"But you want to. Try to remember who you're talking to. I can tell," she said, grinning.
Rain sighed, exasperated now. "I care about Atton. A lot. But I can't get hung up on any of that right now. I've got other things to worry about. And so do you."
Mira held up her hands in defense. "Hey, I was only asking. It's alright. Like I said, I won't tell a soul."
Rain could still see the laughter in Mira's eyes. "Alright, teasing time's over. I have to go. Just make sure you're ready." She shook her head, backing away. Then she turned, heading for the corridor that would lead her to the garage, and Bao-Dur.
She'd taken only a few steps when she ran smack-dab into Atton.
His arms shot out to steady her, and she quickly took a step back. She looked up at his face, and seeing his grin and laughing eyes, she knew immediately that he'd heard every word.
"So, you 'care' about me, huh?" and his smile grew wider.
Rain continued to back away until her back hit the cold wall of the ship. "Oh, for crying out loud. Must you constantly spy in me?" How was she supposed to talk her way out of this one?
Atton advanced with her, bracing an arm against the wall over Rain's left shoulder when they stopped. He leaned in close. "Hey, I..." he was cut off as Bao-Dur came upon them in the hall.
"General, can I talk to you a moment?"
Rain wanted to kiss him for saving her. She ducked out from under Atton's arm, "Sure." Being certain not to look at Atton, she followed Bao into the garage. "Thanks for that," she said, low.
"No problem," he replied, smiling softly.
When she looked back over the zabrak's shoulder, she saw that Atton had left.
They stood in the green afternoon rain, the thunder crashing above their heads. Lightening lit up the sky intermittently.
It was decided. Kreia and Visas would accompany Rain to Onderon to face General Vaklu. She appointed Atton the leader of the second team. He, along with Mira and Bao-Dur, would take out the Sith outpost at the tomb of Freedon Nadd here on Dxun.
Atton seemed a bit surprised, but happy with her choice. They hadn't had a chance to talk since the little scene aboard the Hawk. His eyes were full of questions, but Rain didn't want to answer them, so she'd been avoiding him.
Now as they stood ready to depart, unsure as to what the future held, she felt it was important to at least say something to him. She grabbed his arm, clad now as it was in Jedi robes, and led him a few feet from the main group. "You OK?" she asked him, feeling the affection she always did whenever she looked into his light brown eyes.
"Yeah. Don't worry about us, we'll be fine." He smiled down at her, brushing a few stray hairs back from her forehead. He'd never touched her like this before, and as the rain beat down upon them, drenching them to the skin, she found herself blown away by the fact that he wasn't using this time to tease her. "Hey, I want you to have something," he reached into his pocket and pulled out his pazaak deck. "For luck," still smiling, he passed it to Rain. It was such a silly thing. She knew he rarely used it; he could play all day in his head, keeping track of his numbers as well as his opponents'. But it meant something. It was his, all he really clung to as far as possesions went. He'd given up his blasters and his favorite jacket when he'd began his Jedi training. This was really all he had to give.
"Oh, I couldn't..."
"Take it, please," he said, placing it into her hands, then squeezing them shut with his own.
She pressed it to her chest, holding it close. "Thank you. And, Atton, I want you to know that I..."
He reached out, trailing his fingertips across her lips. "Tell me when we get back, OK?"
She didn't want to wait. She wanted to tell him now how she felt about him, and how she hoped that maybe, someday, they could find a way to be together. But he was probably right. It would be better this way. Now they'd both have to make sure to come back safe and sound.
~end~
A/N: My submission for the deviantART KotOR-Flyboys-Club challenge: giving. This is just a bit of shameless fluff for the holidays. Not my best work. xD I was really trying to stick with the in-game Atton this time.
Your explanation of Rain's
Your explanation of Rain's and the other character's reactions to what's happening around them are well done. I think that you could flesh out the descriptions and take more time to set up circumstances instead of having things just happen. Work up to them, have Rain think about them. You could maybe touch up the dialogue a bit, but the bones of it are good. A fine start!
~The word was born in the blood...blood which expresses its substance, and so implies its own unwinding.~ Pablo Neruda
Consider deepening the relationship...
I like the idea of Atton giving the Exile a gift, if only because it's completely out of character for him (selfish scoundrel that he is) and thus shows a certain degree of development in his personality. He also owns so little that anything he gives can assume a strong symbolic significance.
As Jaina Solo notes, it would be helpful if you gave us a bit more to go on with Rain and Atton, the circumstances surrounding them and why they care about one another. Obviously, this is a one-shot and you can't go into every facet of their relationship, but it would be helpful to give us a bit more detail regarding Rain's interest in Atton - why is she attracted to him? Why does she think a relationship between them would succeed in spite of the numerous obstacles (both physical and emotional)? Playing up those elements and also elaborating a bit on the potential dangers confronting them would give us more opportunity to root for them as a couple. This is especially true when you show Rain trying to avoid Atton...without giving us context and past incidences of friendliness between them, it can seem like she'd rather hang out with Bao.
Having said this, I think this is generally well-done and certainly could become quite poignant with some additions. It's always a good sign when readers ask you to elaborate more on what you have written. :)
We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. - Oscar Wilde
Change of name
It was good, overall--see what Dove-Feathered Raven said. My one problem with it is the Exile's name. I would consider changing it to something besides 'Rain'. A rather major EU character has that one. :/
But, as I said, good overall. :)
I said it on ff.net, and
I said it on ff.net, and I'll say it again now... there's nothing like a bit of LFExile/Atton fluff to cheer you up after a day of exams and work. Thanks for this.:)
To be posted 2 Jan 2009 on
To be posted 2 Jan 2009 on StarwarsKnights under The Critic returns and Lucasforums under the Critic’s Two Cents.
Because I find that a lot of the writing here is already what I would define as professional standard, I will tag those I liked as pick of the week. Check at StarwarsKnights for the best of the best.
TSL on Dxun: Just for luck…
The piece is short, but like the previously reviewed work, it made me want more.
Pick of the Week