Relics Prologue and Part 1

 

Alaina was happily rummaging through the multiple boxes and footlockers in her grandmother's basement, marveling at numerous objects she'd never seen before. She was going through one of the larger metal boxes when she saw the unmistakable glint of dulled and dusty metal. She reached down, pushing old blaster parts and ancient holo vids aside, and pulled out a mask of crimson set on black, with a slit cut out where the eyes would be.

Studying it with growing curiosity, Alaina decided to go ask her grandmother, it was her house after all. She tittered quietly with excitement, blew the dust off the mask, and coughed as it blew back into her face. She made her way quickly back upstairs, moving even faster when she heard the sound of a blaster being fired in the living room followed by her grandmother cursing in more than 10 different languages, including Galactic Basic, Duro, Mando'a, and Huttese. The only ones Alana understood and had her wondering where her grandma had learned them.

"Grandma Chrys!" she cried as she passed through the doorway to find her grandma cleaning a blaster rifle. "What in the galaxy did you do?! Are you alright?"

"Keep your shirt on Alaina, I'm fine." Chrys replied, sounding somewhat annoyed. "I'll have to ask Blair for a new holo vid of the family though..." she muttered, pointing to the charred and mutilated remains of machinery on the mantle. "Stupid thing was jammed," she continued, indicating the blaster in her hands, "I had to fix it. Canderous would kill if I didn't."

"Who's Canderous, Grandma?" Alaina asked, a new curiosity gnawing at the back of her mind at the mention of a name she didn't know.

"He's an old Mandalorian I know," Chrys replied, looking up and then doing a double take, staring at the mask Alana had in her hands, "Where did you get that?" she asked curtly, causing Alaina to shy away slightly.

"It was in a box in the basement... You knew I was down there, didn't you?" Alaina's former excitement dissipating at the look on Chrys's face. She had never seen her grandmother look so serious. Chrys's expression softened.

"Was it really?" she asked, putting the blaster down and coming over, reaching for the mask, "I thought it was in my room..." she ran her fingers over the crimson colored triangle that made up the middle and main part of the mask.

"What is it Grandma? Where did it come from? Is it yours? How..." Chrys held up her hand, cutting off Alaina's tirade of questions.

"The story behind this mask is long little one. Are you quite sure that you want to hear it?" she asked, sitting down in her big cushioned armchair. Alaina's face lit up as she sat in one of the other chairs in the room, getting comfortable.

"Yes. Yes I would Grandma." She said excitedly.

"Alright then." Chrys started, smiling at the excited look on Alaina's face, "This story takes place a long time ago. Long before even your mother was born..."


 "Catiel Winree! Get your ass up now! We're being attacked! Skrag, Kitty. How can you sleep through this?!" Chrysala Cordana was bending over her friend's bunk on the Republic ship Endar Spire, shaking her furiously.

"Alright, alright Chrys! I'm awake okay?! Knock it off!" Cat sat up rubbing sleep from bright blue eyes and pulling her long, black hair out of her face. Chrys stood up smiling smugly and shook her head, causing her short brown hair to twirl around her head like a dancer's skirt.

"How do you do it Kitty?" She asked.

"Do what?" was the drowsy reply.

"Sleep through everything?!" Chrys's light green eyes twinkled brightly with amusement. She walked over to the footlocker at the end of her bunk and pulled out her blasters, twirling them deftly and placing them in their holsters on her hips.

"And what exactly was I sleeping through tat was so important you woke me up?" Cat growled, climbing off her bunk and pulling on her clothes, "I was having a lovely dream."

"I told you didn't I?" Chrys said as she walked over and zipped up the back of Cat's shirt, "The Endar Spire is under attack." She reached into Cat's footlocker and pulled out her blaster.

"Ha! Yea. And how do I know you're not just-"Cat pitched forward onto her bed as the ship rocked violently, "Son of a schutta! You're telling the truth!" she exclaimed as she snatched her blaster from Chrys, put it in the back of her belt and grabbed her vibroblade from it's place in the lid of the footlocker.

"Of course I'm telling the truth!" Chrys yelled back, "I don't joke about these things!"

"Hmm. You. Not joke about what could be a life or death situation. Funny Chrys." Cat's voice was laden with sarcasm as she twirled the double-bladed weapon deftly.

"I'm serious Cat." Chrys said, looking at her best friend twirling and showing off when their lives were in danger. Again, "How can you stand to use that giant Bantha-sticker anyways?" she asked patting the blasters on her hips, "Blasters are so much more efficient."

Cat harrumphed, "Sure Chrys. Whatever you say." She unlocked the door that led to the hallway, "Come on. Let's go." They'd hardly taken 10 paces before their communicators went off at their belts. They looked at each other before Cat switched her screen on, and Chrys turned the sound on hers off. Both women stared quietly at the brown-eyed face of a man that appeared on the screen.

"This is Carth Onasi. The Sith are threatening to overrun our position. All hands to the bridge!" Cat put her ‘comm back on her belt, blue eyes grim.

"Frack!" Chrys exclaimed behind her, "He was cuuute!" she looked innocently at Cat's disbelieving expression, "What?!" Cat rolled her eyes as she took off down the corridor. Chrys chased after her, "What Kitty? What was that for?"

"We might die and you're saying that a pilot is cute?! I can't believe you Chrys!" Cat hissed as they ran through the ship, killing Sith soldiers as they went.

"What?" Chrys asked indignantly after a particularly large group, "I'll bet you thought he was to!"

"I wasn't paying attention to what he looked like, more so what he was saying."

"Suuuure. Then how'd you know he was a pilot?" Chrys asked, smirking as her friend blushed.

"He was wearing the orange uniform jacket of a pilot." Cat stammered in reply, "Bright color. Hard to miss." She felt her face turning redder.

"Uh huh." Came Chrys's sarcastic reply. "Sure. Whatever you want to tell yourself Kitty." They stopped at the door to the bridge, able to hear blaster fire and the clash of vibroblades behind it. Cat turned to face Chrys, twirling her ‘blades, a sadistic twinkle in her eyes.

"Cover me?

"You bet." Chrys twirled her guns out of their holsters as Cat opened the door. Cat's smile widened as she jumped forward, whirling her ‘blades left and right as Chrys stood at the door, shooting carefully so she wouldn't hit her friend or the few Republic soldiers still alive and fighting.

A flash of white caught Chrys's eye and she turned to see a Republic soldier with short-cropped white hair struggling with a Sith who was particularly nasty with a ‘blade. She moved swiftly, shooting the Sith and turning back around in time to dispatch one about to shoot Cat. The battle was over quickly and Chrys looked around at the bodies that littered the floor. Cat was kneeling with a circle of dead Sith around her, panting.

"Kitty?" Chrys asked, walking up to her and putting her hand on her shoulder, "You okay?" Cat stood up, grunting and nodding. She walked over to the only survivor, the soldier with the white hair that Chrys had helped.

"I'm fine Chrys." She said as she handed the man a medpac, "You okay soldier? Who are you? What exactly is going on here?"

"I'm fin now thank you," he replied, injecting the pac into his leg and sighing with relief, "I'm Trask Ulgo. Ensign with the Republic. The Sith attacked us out of nowhere, to capture Bastila I'd assume." He looked at the confused looks on both faces in front of him, "Don't tell me you don't know who that is."

"We don't, actually." Cat replied, sheepishly, wincing slightly in embarrassment.

Trask sighed, "She's the one in charge. We are supposed to protect her. We made sure that she could get to the escape pods all right, but she's going to need men and women like us to help her." He stopped, eyebrows rising and eyes widening slightly, "I know you two. You're the two smugglers that the Republic drafted. Heh, they couldn't catch you so they hired you."

"Yea. That's us." Cat said with a small smile, "Let's get going, from what I understand we have to help this Bastila." She went through the door on the other side of the bridge, Trask and Chrys close behind. Trask pulled out his vibroblade and motioned for the other two to stop.

"There is something behind here. You two keep going, I'll see what it is. Go!" he opened the door and walked through. Chrys and Cat could see and hear the tell tale signs of a lightsaber being fired up.

"Come on then Chrys. He obviously knows what he's doing. But he won't make it out alive." Cat said as she opened the door to the starboard section of the ship.

"Yea. He must know that as well." Chrys replied, following close behind. They made their way quickly through to the escape pods, stopping in surprise to find the pilot who'd contacted them outside their bunk room still there. Waiting for them.

"You're just in time." He said, looking slightly relieved. "We are the only ones left, and luckily enough there are two escape pods. Two of us will have to go in one, and one will go by their self in the other." He climbed into one of the escape pods.

"You go with him Kitty." Chrys said immediately. "He seems to know what is going on and I can cope by myself."

"What?! Chrys, no. We go together. No matter what." Cat looked at her best friend, "We haven't been apart since we met. I don't want to go."

"No questions Cat. You go with him." She gently pushed her friend inside with the pilot, smiling, "I'll find you on the planet below. And if I don't I'll find you somehow. You know I will." Cat looked up at Chrys, eyes starting to fill with tears as Chrys closed the pod and pressed the eject button.

"Chrys! No!" Cat cried, her voice muffled as the escape pod shot from the ship and to the planet below. Chrys sighed and climbed into the remaining escape pod

"Well... Time to go I guess." She closed the door and hit the button, shooting herself and the escape pod from the ship as well.

Interesting Concept

You truly win on orgionality. But I have to admit I'm curious as to where the extra character will fit in. Is she a Jedi assigned to look after Revan? Also it's hard to tell which woman is actually Revan. My guess is Cat but there isn't any confirmation.

 I do have a little criticism if thats ok. When Chrys says Carth is cuuuute, or suuure, it's very juvanile looking. If you want to let us know she's exagerating the words you could write it this way... "Sure." Chrys said sarcastically, drawing out the word's length. Other than that it seems to be a good start. I just caution you on having your characters sound too much like Mission.  

oh. does she really sound

oh. does she really sound like Mission? my bad. I didn't mean to do that XD it's just kind of a way that me and my best friend act. XD thanks for the criticism. I love it as long as it isn't completely demeaning and horrible ^^;; then, you just don't need to read it at all. but thanks Silver ^^

I'm probably going to end up

I'm probably going to end up echoing a number of things Silver said, but hopefully I can add some new ideas too. Like Silver, I think the angle that you started the story from is really intriguing. I like the fact that you are showing both the K1 story and its future ramifications in the lives of the characters - that makes this much more involving than your average walk-through.

 I have to admit that I was somewhat disappointed to discover that the sections of the story that occur in the past would not be narrated in Chrys' voice, a technique that would allow you to exploit your narrative device to greatest effect. I'm hoping that in future chapters you may have narrative breaks in which we return to the grandmother explaining the story to Alaina, thus allowing us as readers to see how she interprets the past with the benefit of hindsight. You might also utilize these moments to engage in foreshadowing about, say, who Chrys will marry, what will happen to Cat, etc., etc.

I thought you did a good job demonstrating a close relationship between Cat and Chrys, which is going to be important if you want us to be invested in their reunion on Taris. However, the dialogue here did make them seem like teenagers rather than adults. The girly camaraderie is good and makes sense for two best friends, but I might suggest upgrading the characters' vocabularies a bit and intermingling the moments of levity with a bit more seriousness and practicality in future chapters. After all, one of them is Revan, a military genius (probably Cat?) and I'm sure the other is no slouch herself when it comes to battle training. Giving some indication of the discipline, drive and independence that they would have to possess to succeed as soldiers will be helpful in ensuring that they seem like women in their late 20s or early 30s rather than teenage girls.

Anyway, I think this is an interesting start and I'll be looking forward to seeing what you decide to do with it. Good job, and good luck writing the next installment.

We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.  - Oscar Wilde

Thank You

Thanks. I'm just having them act the same way I'm probably going to be acting when I'm older... even in my 30s XD I'm also basing it off of what people I ACTUALLY KNOW act like (my mom and her friends believe it or not).

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.