Honour

I couldn’t help but watch her every movement, her expressions and overall behaviour - the way she nervously kept flicking a few loose strands away from her eyes, how her foot kept twitching and how she kept crossing and uncrossing her small legs. It all somehow fascinated me. She looked like she was barely 18 and yet there she was, commanding us, in charge of the reconnaissance mission that we were to carry over in another rundown planet over run by Mandalorians.

“Not feeling very comfortable, General?”

She looked up at me, seemingly startled and quickly resumed staring at her fingernails.

”I’ve been better. And please, call me Kaelyn.” she sighed.

“Kaelyn,” I chuckled, “there’s no need to be nervous. In fact, a general shouldn’t be nervous. At least you shouldn’t show it.”

“I’m not nervous.” Kaelyn replied, sinking herself into her chair, “I’m just...”

“Nervous.”

She looked up again at me and pursed her lips as if trying to constraint a less than Jedi-like reply. I didn’t dare to say anything, feeling a bit bad about teasing her like that, knowing what she was going to face. War wasn’t easy to anyone, let alone a young sheltered Jedi that knew no more of the galaxy than what her Masters allowed her to.

Kaelyn had the skills and techniques necessary to lead such an operation but she lacked one very important thing: experience in the field. It was common with all Jedi, they were trained from a very young age at some academy, away from the outside world, away from all the violence, evil and atrocities that one single individual could cause. All they knew from the other side were the Sith and even then, they were nothing more but part of bedtime stories told to make the younglings more eager to learn the Jedi code and to shield them from such threats.

I had seen my fair share of Jedis in their first missions in the field... and it was never a pretty picture.

“Listen kid... I know you have your reasons but it’s better if you, at least, try to relax. It’s not easy, especially in this situation, but you gain nothing by being a nervous wreck. And don’t deny it, it’s way too obvious. You’re here as a leader, you’d better start acting like one. For your sake as well as ours.”

She didn’t speak a word. Her eyes almost burrowed holes into my skull while her hands gripped the chair’s arms with unmeasured force. The young Jedi’s jaw opened and closed as she averted her gaze and lightly caressed her lightsaber, perhaps as a way of reassuring herself.

At that moment, the pilot’s voice resonated throughout the ship, as a warning for us to buckle up and prepare for landing. Kaelyn tried, in vain, to fasten her own seatbelt. Her hands were shaking more and more, at the increasing frustration and the sweat that decided to invade her palms didn’t help either.

“Here, let me do that.”

A sigh escaped the girl’s throat as she let go of the buckle and allowed me to do it. I placed a, hopefully, comforting hand on her shoulder and said in a voice that only she could hear:

“Remember what I told you, kid. There’s no need for that, it’ll be nothing but trouble for you.”

With that, I sat back in my chair and proceeded to buckle myself up and to get ready for what I expected to be a bumpy landing.

The sight was an, unfortunately, common one. Destruction and mayhem painted a picture of recent conflict, one that was akin to the war that we currently fought. Rubble and debris filled the streets as well as the wails from broken souls shattered by the Mandalorians. I resisted the urge to cough when the unavoidable smoke invaded my nostrils and throat.

Kaelyn’s face showed what I feared. I knew that she was expecting this... she’d be a fool not to but, as I predicted, the true reality of war was way beyond her wildest nightmares. She flicked her hair away from her face as I saw her do countless times in the ship and constantly touched her lightsaber safely held against her hip. As we tread carefully throughout the devastated buildings, I grasped her wrist and gave her a reassuring squeeze. She didn’t even look at me but the simple nod that she gave me was more than enough for me to know that this young girl was gaining some courage. Or at least I hoped so.

“Remember what I told you. War is never easy, surviving isn’t easy and being responsible for your soldiers sure as hell isn’t easy. But the greatest honour comes from overcoming whatever obstacles you might face and, not save yourself, but the men that have devoted themselves to following you. You have vowed to protect the innocent. Don’t forget to protect those that are loyal to you.”

This time Kaelyn’s eyes met mine and a shy smile formed on her face:
”I understand.”

The ashes that fell on her hair and nose made me notice once again how young and innocent this girl looked and, despite all the fear and uncertainty, realise how much strength she held within her. She was scared and yet she was willing to fight to the end. For herself and for us. And somehow that made me proud, to fight beside someone like that, someone that usually would instil doubt on her comrades and instead made us want to follow her despite her very apparent nervousness. It’s not that I wanted to believe in this girl... I just did, I had no idea why... but I believed in her.

As we continued to explore the ravished dwellings, the more I began to think to myself that the threat was long gone. After all the conflict and pillaging, all that was left was ruin and destruction, the marks of the Mandalorians’ passing and they usually didn’t stay for long afterwards. They were probably already gone to another settlement, although everything was now prepared to welcome them as our troops had been deployed in various places throughout the planet. No one would be caught unprepared now.

Suddenly, a quick noise caught my attention. I turned back as a reflex and a faint metal shine confirmed my instant fears. Ambush.

Before we knew it, Mandalorian troops circled us and began to open fire as several of our own soldiers fell coldly slaughtered. A bright green light suddenly appeared beside me as I saw rifle shots being repelled at an increasing rate.

It was like all of a sudden, something had been triggered inside Kaelyn. Her graceful form moved as if it was nothing more than a dance, dodging and striking enemies in a flawless manner, reaping Mandalorians left and right. It was as if somehow her fighter spirit kicked in and she shed all of her fears and doubts for just pure survival and protection instinct.

I was simply in awe, hardly believing that this was the same girl that I had to reassure over and over. Now I knew why she had been chosen to lead us.

The Mandalorians started to retreat, although they never ceased to fire, even as they fled the scene. A particular soldier stood at a safe distance aiming down at us and I instantly knew who he was looking to hit. In a sudden reflex, I jumped towards Kaelyn and threw her down, making her lightsaber be tossed away and both of us hit the dusty and rocky ground. I felt dizzy and light headed, sudden warmth taking over my back and neck for what seemed only a few seconds. The air seemed so heavy, so dense, and so hard to breathe...I sensed something cool going over me but I knew that it was too late, at least for me. But I knew that it wasn’t in vain, not after what I had seen, not after being assured that my troops were in good hands. Once more I looked for her eyes, for her strong spirit that I knew was there and that made me leave in peace . Our General. Kaelyn.