The Broken One and The Assassin Part 3
"I'll be getting off when we get to Qaonai Prime."
Elanja's blunt statement took Vihn completely off guard. He turned from the screens he was looking at to look her in the eye to make sure she was serious. One look in her hard teal eyes was enough to confirm that she was utterly serious. This was the first thing she had said in hours. Granted she did that from time to time, but this was not how he wanted her silence to end.
"Why?"
Elanja stared at the ceiling as she answered. "I am a wanderer, that's what I have become, and I've been doing it for a while now. I try not to form connections with any one place and... I think it's simply time for me to move on."
She already knew she had stayed on the Zephyr too long. She had started viewing Vihn as a friend, not just as the ship's captain.
When she was a Jedi, she had welcomed the chance to make new friends. But ever since Malachor... after so many dead... she knew she couldn't, never again. Friendship resurrected the pain and the emptiness inside her. The pain of the betrayal of those who she had trusted. The pain she strove to forget.
"It's nothing personal, Vihn."
Vihn sighed, something he seemed to do a lot recently.
"Well, if you need tah move on, then you need tah move on. Don't let me stop you. But." He jabbed his finger in her direction. "If you ever need a ride, just let me know." he finished with an easy smile.
Elanja was relieved that he was taking her leaving so easily.
"Thanks. I really appreciate every-" She stopped abruptly. Out of the blue, a realization hit her like speeding freight transport.
Vihn took note of the truncation of her sentence. "What is it?"
Elanja shook her head. "Nothing, I just... got to take care of something... be right back." She quickly exited the cockpit, leaving a bewildered Vihn staring off into space.
It all fit. The faceless red-haired boy who had taken her wallet and the red haired boy and girl who mysteriously had the money to buy passage on a ship and had no parents to speak of.
Her little thieves where hiding right under her nose.
* * *
Nessam was scared. He had gotten himself and his sister on this ship and only after the ship, had taken off had he seen the very person whose credits he had stolen walking in the hallways.
He kept reminding himself that there was no way she could have seen him. But still, the nine-year-old was worried they would be discovered.
He paced around the room, his hands fidgeting nervously. His twin sister, Kessika, was sprawled on the bed grinning from ear to ear.
"Ness you need to stop worrying! That lady couldn't have recognized you." she told him.
"Well, I suppose.... but I don't feel good about stealing her credits!"
She got up from the bunk and walked over to him, looking beseechingly into his eyes. "You know we could not stay there! Choggo would've sold us!" Fear filled her voice at the memory.
Nessam's shoulders slumped. "I know... I still don't feel right..."
Kessika gave her brother a comforting hug. A sudden smile spread across her face. "Come on, lets see if we can get some food!" she said, throwing her arm over her brother's shoulder.
Nessam's face brightened at this prospect and he followed Kessika to the door. Maybe she's right, he thought hopefully.
His hopes were dashed as the door opened, revealing the grim-faced woman whose wallet he had snatched. His instincts kicked in as he tried to run past her. Suffice to say, he was unsuccessful.
Elanja held the struggling boy by the the collar of his brown shirt. The girl screamed for her to not hurt him. Elanja dumped the boy back into the room and pulled the door shut.
"I do believe you have something of mine." she said, holding her hand out. They stood stock still, as if frozen. "NOW!" She immediately wished she could take that back when she saw that the boy and girl's eyes were now wild with fear. The girls lower lip quivered and she started tearing up.
"Please... don't hurt us..."
Elanja's expression softened a little. "I'm not going to hurt you, I just want my money back and a sincere-" she jabbed her finger at them to emphasize her point. "-apology."
They both nodded. The boy went over to the bunk and reached under the mattress, pulling out a pouch full of credits.
"Thank you." Crouching down, she took it from his small hand. "Now, do you two have names?"
The boy seemed to relax a little. "Well, my name is Nessam and this is my sister, Kessika."
"Alright Nessam, why are you two on this ship?"
"We were gonna get sold..." Kessika whispered. "We worked for a Hutt named Choggo on the docks, Nessam got in trouble with him and he was going to sell us to the Trandoshan slavers!"
Elanja's skill at reading people had been honed to a very fine point as a Jedi and a General, and it told her that these two children were telling the truth, not just running a scam on her. Her heart melted at the sight of two sets of eyes staring at her, begging silently.
"Alright, I won't run you two off the ship, just ask before taking my credits next time." She smiled.
Both of them smiled with relief at that, nodding vigorously.
"Now run along, I think there's some food in the galley."
Once Elanja had opened the door, they ran out, laughing at their good fortune. Elanja shook her head in amusement. That situation had certainly gotten her Jedi instincts going. Back when she was a Jedi she could have done much more though...
But I'm not anymore, that chapter of my life has been burned by the very ones who wrote it, she told herself, suddenly bitter again.
Burned by the very ones who wrote it...
* * *
For the third time in a row, Haisan hit the sparring mat with a thud. Rising to his hands and knees, he wiped a bit of blood of his newly split lip.
Zale wiped a small bit of sweat from his brow. "You are too slow, Haisan; you keep swinging from the shoulder. You are not using a machete in a jungle, you are fighting a breathing opponent!"
Haisan grunted in reply. Picking his Kryyrkk wood sparring sword, he leveled it at Zale. Zale held his sword in a seemingly relaxed position at his hip. They circled, waiting for the other to make the first move
"Why do you teach me like this, Zale?"
"Why? Why indeed..."
"Have you forgotten that I am your enemy?"
Zale wore a slightly amused expression."Have you heard the phrase 'Enemies can make the most powerful allies'? It is a phrase that has aided me many times in the past and shall aid me again now."
Haisan snorted at this, but Zale continued."Enemies' rivalry with you can be turned to your own use, and then they simply aren't your enemies any more. They are the balancing point between friend and foe. And that, Haisan, is the most powerful ally." Haisan had to admit, he was a little impressed by the wisdom of this doctrine of Zale's. "But the Sith teachings tell us to have strength by ourselves!" he argued.
Zale smirked. "Yes they do tell us to have strength by ourselves, but, if you gather other strong ones about you, you become invincible."
Without further ado, Zale swung at Haisan. He parried the swing, sliding the polished wood blade off of his own.
They began circling each other again.
Zale inclined his head towards Haisan. "Your move."
Taking this opportunity, Haisan struck a difficult figure-eight shaped attack. Zale was pleased to see him changing his strategy. Perhaps this round would be a slight more interesting than those previously.
Zale's blade came up to meet Haisan's with a loud whack.
"Impressive."
Haisan continued to probe Zale's defenses, searching for an opening. He gave another elaborate attack, a crescent shaped swing to Zale's left side.
Zale was disappointed. He was showing off; this was unacceptable. As he parried, he twisted their blades together, locking them in place. He then quickly levered Haisan's sword out of his hand and brought them both up to his neck.
"Tsk, you were doing better. But one thing you must learn-." his voice turned deadly. "- Never show off when facing an opponent. If we were enemies, you would be dead now."
It was at this moment, a Sith soldier came through the door into the cargo bay they were sparring in. He kneeled.
"Master Vekotahn, we are nearing the Bonoso system."
Zale lowered the wood swords from Haisan's neck. With a measured pace, he returned the swords to their storage crate.
"Very well. Order the troops to have their weapons ready."
The Sith soldier nodded and departed. Zale turned back to Haisan.
"Get your weapons ready as well; you will need them."
Haisan nodded. "What is your plan once we touch down?"
"Ahh yes, I believe that part will be well within your area of expertise....
-----
Ferrein was an unremarkable world, a sprawl of mixed forests and mountains. The refueling station was located on the slopes on one such mountain. The support struts jutting from the structure's side made it look like some giant insect crawling up the mountain.
The Mekkatros glided down through the clouds light a large black fish.
The comm station crackled to life. "Unidentified vessel, please state your business."
He nodded for the soldier at the communications console to open a channel.
"This is the Mekkatros, requesting dock and refuel."
"Copy Mekkatros, be advised that our defense towers are locked on your ship. If you attempt hostile action we will use them."
The comm went silent.
"Defense towers, they will certainly be useful," Zale reflected aloud. "Pilot, take us down."
"Yes Master Vekotahn."
* * *
The sound of the Grey Zephyr's engines rose to a whine as it dropped out of hyperspace.
Elanja looked out from the cockpit at the system before her. Five planets of differing shapes and types orbited a glaring sun that bathed the cockpit with its golden rays. It was much more pleasant than the dull lights aboard the Zephyr.
Elanja savored this brief moment of peace, for she knew these were few and far between. But, as all good things do, it did not last. Elanja heard a small gasp behind her.
Turning, she saw Nessam and Kessika in the threshold to the bridge, staring out at the sight before them.
She smiled. "First time off-world?"
Nessam nodded slowly, never taking his eyes of the viewport.
"Well enjoy it while you can, we'll be landing to refuel shortly." she switched the controls to manual. "Why don't you two take a seat?" she said, gesturing to a pair of empty seats.
They both smiled at her, and proceeded to do so.
"And put on the harnesses, the landing can make the ship shake a little," she advised, looking over her shoulder to make sure they did as instructed.
While they were fastening the harnesses across their chests, Elanja thumbed on the ship's intercom.
"Attention, this is your pilot speaking. We are about to make a short landing to refuel so please go to the main hold and harness yourselves onto the seats there. Vihn, get up here."
She thumbed off the intercom and started fastening her own safety harnesses as well.
She banked the Zephyr into an approach for the fourth planet, taking them past an enormous blue gas giant. If it were possible, the siblings eyes grew wider, watching the soft swirls and curves of the gas giant glide past the view port.
Elanja, as a favor for them, took them in a close pass by one of the gas giant's moons. The craters in its dull yellow surface were clearly visible. The ship then cleared the moon and returned to the approach vector to Ferrein.
Elanja pulled the comm headset on. "Ferrein fuel outpost, this is the passenger freighter Grey Zephyr requesting dock and re-fuel."
Silence.
"I repeat, this is the passenger freighter Grey Zephyr requesting dock and re-fuel."
Silence.
* * *
Killing the inhabitants of the re-fueling station was easy. There were only a few armed guards and a bunch of workers. Their bodies had been dumped down the garbage compactor. The spattered blood and pools here and there where the only signs that they had ever been there
Zale was wiping the last drops of the station administrator's blood off his knives. He held the image of the administrator's face as he had died. It was an expression of pained surprise as Zale had slashed his knife vertically up his chest, neatly bisecting his heart. The man had stood there, held up by Zale's knife, as a sanguine pool had rapidly spread around his feet.
The door to the command center opened, revealing Haisan, backed by two Sith commandos, walking up to him. Haisan was spattered lightly with red.
"I believe we got everyone, Zale," he informed him casually. "Not much of a problem... it's just..."
"It's just... what?"
Haisan shook his head. "It doesn't matter. What matters is the facility is cleared."
Zale shrugged. "Very well." Just then the communications console started beeping. It crackled to life.
"Ferrein fuel outpost, this is the passenger freighter Grey Zephyr requesting dock and re-fuel."
Zale knew that voice. It was her. A Jedi working as a pilot? Zale scoffed. Apparently Jedi standards have lowered recently.
Haisan started to take matters into his own hands. "I'll get the ship ready for immediate intercept."
"No," Zale gave a stopping motion with his hand. "Let them come closer. I have another plan."
The Jedi commed in again. "I repeat, this is the passenger freighter Grey Zephyr requesting dock and re-fuel."
* * *
Elanja didn't like this. Normally comm operators answered immediately after being hailed. She held the Zephyr in a high geo-synch orbit above the station.
She was relieved when a response came through. "We copy Zephyr, you are cleared for dock."
Atmospheric entry was always bumpy and rather loud in the cockpit. Tongues of fire spread across the view port. The children oohed and ahhed at the sight. Elanja, who had seen it countless time in dropship insertions, continued to try to stabilize their decent.
Then they were through the atmosphere; the landscape stretched out below them, veined with crisscrossing rivers.
The station was a tiny dot on the side of a mountain range. Within a few seconds it grew support struts and an umbilical dock on one side.
Elanja pulled back the throttle for the final approach. They were within a mile of the station when the defense turret swiveled to track them. Before she could do anything besides pull the controls to veer off, they opened fire.
Without shields, the laser fire blasted deep craters all along the port side of the Zephyr, severely damaging the engine on that side. The wounded structure of the ship groaned with the strain it was being put through.
The twins let out screams as the Zephyr went into an uncontrolled spin. Elanja managed to pull the ship out of it just before they were crushed against the mountainside.
She started shouting into the comm. "Ferrein outpost, you said I had clearance to land! Abort your attack!"
The comm remained silent and the towers continued to fire. Elanja worked to get the Zephyr out of their range, bringing the shields up to reduce the damage. But the outdated shields were no match for the advanced turbolaser towers they were up against. She winced at every hit they took. But the ship had started to exit the tower's range: their shots were missing more often.
"What in death's name is goin' on!?" A voice behind her yelled. Apparently Vihn had managed to get to the cockpit in spite of the erratic movements.
Elanja couldn't spare the concentration to answer him. The sensor screen's alarm started going off. Five small blips were gaining on them rapidly.
Missiles.
"Hang on!" she yelled as the took the Zephyr in low, so low the hull started breaking off treetops. The mislles came screaming down on them like vengeful Kullhawks. A few seconds before they would have impacted, Elanja did a sharp U-turn, sending them into a deep riverbed. Two of the missiles couldn't compensate and crashed into the forest, sending up huge plumes of flame, dirt and splintered wood.
The riverbed was just wide enough to accommodate the cumbersome freighter. Using skills born of desperation, Elanja kept the Zephyr from shredding against the rock walls of the riverbed. Suddenly the ground dropped out from beneath the ship; the river had gone over a waterfall. Quickly adjusting, she took them into a steep descent to the river now far below them.
Another one of the missiles went down too soon and went into the water.
She tried the comm again. "Ferein outpost, abort your attack! I am carrying passengers!"
Still no answer. It was clear that they had no intention to abort their attack.
And then things got worse. The port engine started to fail. They were losing precious speed.
No. please no! Don't fail now! she pleaded mentally.
It failed completely. The missiles streaked closer to the floundering ship.
Elanja's eyes blurred with tears of utter frustration and anger. She tore off the comm headset and threw it at the sensor screen.
The missiles impacted. Elanja's world was filled with an unearthly roar.
Darkness claimed her.
Notes: Sorry this one took so long. Now that Freesourcfull (I far as I understand) has agreed to be my Beta reader they might get released a bit faster.

I just finished reading the
I just finished reading the three chapters you have posted and I am enjoying it. It's well told and definitely keeps my attention.
The only thing I saw that I felt needed a constructive comment was this sentence: "Elanja managed to pull the ship out of it just before they were crushed against the mountainside." The way I read that, it sounded like they actually were crushed against the mountainside, not that she had managed to avert the crash. I was definitely confused for a second.
Otherwise I'm enjoying the story, your exile and the characters you've created. :)
Another good chapter!
Oh, they finally cross paths! This one kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time. like qt314159 said, that one sentence about Elanja keeping the ship from crashing convused me a bit. Maybe something more like:
'Elanja managed to pull the ship out of it, narrowly avioding crashing into the mountainside.'
Just some constructive criticism. You are keeping us all waiting on the edge of our seats tho, dratted cliffhanger! =) I can't wait for the next on, tho, keep it up!!
Only mindless people can hate Carth, Atton, Anakin, or the Master Chief. I am not mindless, and therefore, a fangirl.
Zalbaar swore a lifedebt to Revan. I swore a lifedebt to Jesus.
Comment
Don’t count on my reading too fast! I’m a veryslow Beta. :P
Anyway, I’m enjoying your portrayal of Elanja so far. I like that you don’t spend too much timefocusing ont he thoughts in her head. I’m getting a pretty consistent portrayal ofa character who’s in pain and suffering, but no really willing to talk about it, and pretty close-mouthed overall. The introduction of the two kids was nice, but a little too brief for us to care much aobut them, although further development may yet come, so I’ll hold off on judging them entirely. A few descriptive phrases I enjoyed, “Using skills born of desperation” and:
“It failed completely” was an awesome line. It was both humorous (grimly humorous) but also serves to underline the much put-upon, “of course everything that could go bad, would go bad for me” personality of Elanja. Nice.
All this isn’t to say there aren’t places where mroe description and development and a more fluid sense of prose wouldn’t help improve the story. There wasn’t anything that really jumped out at me on a cursory read, but I’ll be sure to give you more feedback in the proofreading.
Cheers,
Freesourceful
Stop drinking the detergent, Caboose!
I've just finished reading
I've just finished reading through this chapter and the previous two, and I'll say now that I'm enjoying this a lot. I'm pracitcally magnetically drawn to Female Exile fics, and your Exile is a very interesting character. She has developed quite a bit in these 3 chapters, and I'm guessing there's a lot more grief coming her way!
One thing that did hit me (don't worry about it for this fic though), is the change of characters in what is supposed to be Elanja telling the story. Obviously this can't be changed, and it became unoticeable the moment I got lost in this story! I found the idea of Elanja telling the story to be a very good one... might just have to steal that ;).
As Freesourceful said, you have a few really good sentences, and your use of words are well thought out. You seem to get the right emotion across to the reader (well at least to me) in a couple of words. All I would say is that a quick check of grammar and spelling would help, though mistakes seem to be few and far between. Also, be careful of using the same word twice in a sentence; sometimes (and it's usually only larger words) a double use of a word can break up a sentence, and can detract the reader from the flow of the story.
But as you can see, these can be easily sorted out, it took nothing away from my overall enjoyment of this story. I will definitely be keeping an eye out for your next fic!
Keep up the good work!
Spud Head