What Price Happiness?

A/N: Post KotOR II.

You know, when she told me I had to team up with the Disciple, I shoulda said no. Seriously.

See, she had this crystal she wanted. Querzite, I think she said. I don’t know, really. I just wrote down where she said to find it. That shoulda been the first tip-off, actually. It was on Korriban. Korriban!

First, the place is a desert. I hate deserts. In fact, hate isn’t even strong enough. Loathe. I’ve always wanted to use that word. I loathe deserts. Tatooine? You can keep it. Korriban? No way. Sand that burns your eyes and gets into every orifice and crevice; creatures that are just as nasty. Deserts just give me this weird sense of…of desperation, too. People who build their lives on such a shaky foundation as sand must be desperate.

What? I’m a Jedi, now; I’m allowed to spout insightful wisdom sometimes. I even refrained from mentioning that the only good thing about deserts is that the dancing twi’leks wear even smaller outfits. Cause it’s hot, heh.

Oh, yeah. Where was I? Second, I don’t really like the idea of going anywhere Sith-related anymore. That’s just a personal preference. I have a feeling that’s pretty much the case with all redeemed Sith. I bet even Revan prefers it, though she’d never say as much.

Anyway, I think you get the idea. The Exile even described it as "a simple mission."

Yeah, I definitely shoulda said no.

Instead, I asked, “Why can’t you go with me?” She just frowned at me and insisted that the council would be meeting for days on end, as usual, to discuss some kind of stupid rule change. Something about Jedi having kids or whatever. I didn’t really pay attention; she’s sort of distracting when her robes are fitting her just right and she smiles like that!

“Why can’t Visas do it?” Visas was on Katarr, trying to sort through the ruins of her species. Apparently, that’s really important work.

“Why can’t Mira and Bao-Dur do it?” They were on the surface of Telos, helping the Ithorians prepare for new zone openings. Again, Really Important Work.

So, I huffed a little, pouted, really tried to press the guilt thing, and then just said, “Fine.” She wanted to make it up to me by dragging me over to our bed—and an hour later, I did feel better…but only slightly. Another clue that this wasn’t a good idea? You betcha.

~*~

“You know, Atton, I’m the best Jedi in the galaxy and I do everything perfect and don’t you think my blonde hair is dreamy?”

What? That really does summarize most of what he said on any given day of the week. And I had to ride with him—the Disciple, Mical—in a tiny long-range shuttle for hours. When we finally arrived on Korriban, I was actually thankful!

He glanced at the map, looked around the valley of tombs for a minute, and then pointed. “That one.”

“Whose is it? Any idea?” Not that I was curious or anything.

“No. It is one of the many unnamed tombs in the area. This planet was blah, blah, blah.” He never knew when to shut up! Okay, so it was that smallish tomb with the door leading down into the ground instead of up some stairs. That’s really all I needed to know, thanks.

And whadaya know? It looked like it’d been looted, of course. Somebody left the front door wide open.

I went first, shivering when I entered. It wasn’t the musty, moldy air or the hollow silence of the place. Something deeper; the dark side, perhaps. It doesn’t really matter what that something was; it was just creepy.

We navigated the tomb easily enough, moving below the surface of Korriban as we did. Didn’t meet any kind of creature or sentient, not even a bug. In fact, as you probably already figured out, it was too easy. We basically walked in and picked up the crystal.

And that’s when things became much more difficult.

The crystal was stored in a box, plain and square, hidden in a recessed cabinet in a wall. I swear I looked it over: I checked for traps, pressure switches, lasers, all kinds of stuff. Nothing. But when I scooped the crystal up out of the box, I heard a squeak, a crack, a rumble, and a crash, real fast. When I turned around, I knew something was wrong, but what?

Disciple? Check.

Crystal? Check.

Strange, scary noise? Check. Crap.

I quickly surveyed the room again and realized what had happened. Both doors were blocked by two large, round stones. How’d they get there? Beats me, I was getting the crystal. And Disciple wasn’t any help, either. He was just staring at the wall beside one of the stones—the one covering our exit.

Facing the wall, his voice echoing all over the place, he just started talking. “Atton, I’m able to read the writing. I studied it in the academy archives, as there was little else to do while I waited for the Exile’s arrival. In fact, I was studying it when she knocked on the door of the archives—“

“Your point?” Oh, Force, let him have a point!

“This wall was uncovered when the stone was moved. It says ‘What price for a crystal so rare? One death; the Jedi key. Else, all shall perish here.’ What do you make of it?” He’d turned to face me at some point, but I was caught on the phrase ‘all shall perish here’ and didn’t notice.

“Did it mean one of us has to die or…uh…we both do?” If it was me or him, well, I think you can guess who I thought would win—er, hoped would, anyway. Something old and dark flared up inside of me and my finger twitched toward the blaster at my side, but I pushed it away, as usual, folding my hands in my lap. 

“I-I believe so, Atton. There is smaller, supplementary text below, but I am having difficulty with one word and…oh.” The Disciple twitched, just a little. I only caught it because he always annoyed me with his little twitches and this was one of the really annoying ones: eyebrow-head-hand.

“What? What does it say?” I’d have been embarrassed by the edge of fear in my voice, in any other situation.

“Basically, we shall run out of oxygen in eight hours.”

“Unless one of us dies?”

“Unless one of us dies. Then, the door shall open.”

“So it’s all a big Sith joke, then? Ha.” He must have seen me eyeing him, because the Disciple’s frown deepened and he quietly suggested that we meditate in an effort to figure this out and conserve oxygen. I agreed ‘cause, well, we might figure something out. And the Exile would kill me if I came back without that smarmy dope.

We sat down on separate sides of the room, and I had every intention of meditating, but…but…I couldn’t. There was no way to find my focus in that place, so I paced instead, up and down the length of the room. I could think better like that. I could think better if I was back on the Hawk, lounging in the cockpit, and didn’t have another threat of impending doom hanging over my head. Ha! I could think better if I was back on Coruscant with the Exile and I’d said no to this dumb mission.

Of course, the Disciple was playing ‘Jedi Master’ in the other corner. Stiff-backed and still, just meditating.

The thought occurred to me that, if we both died, the Council would eventually send someone looking for us. If they found us, they'd probably see the Disciple and say something like, “Look, he died a true Jedi.”

Then, they’d find my body sprawled out somewhere and groan, “Oh, and Atton was there, too.” Gah!

~*~

After four hours, I was getting impatient. And tired. And hungry. And feeling really stupid. It was a door. We were Jedi. Surely there was something we could do besides stare at it. I found myself pacing, tracing the spaces between joints with my fingertips. Like that prison on Hilo, just needed to find a weakness. I even tried blasting it a few times with this cool Force-thing the Exile had shown me. Of course, it didn’t move.

The air was definitely thinner, and it was starting to taste suspiciously like stale caffa and eggs—breakfast that morning. A lone torch hung underneath the inscription, guttering and dancing, sending shadows across the walls. And I still don’t know if it was me or the room, but that place was getting smaller by the minute.

I wandered over to the Disciple, sort of contemplating kicking him to get him out of his trance. Instead, I squatted down in front of him. His eyes popped open immediately, wide and blue. Not that I noticed. “Think of anything?”

“No, Atton. I haven’t thought of anything since the last time you asked.” He sighed and just stared at me for moment. We had a sort of staring contest for minute before he turned away. I heard him saying something, so I leaned in a bit closer, resting on my knees and toes. “But I have been thinking about the Exile and, well, I need to ask a favor of you, Atton. If anything were to happen…if, for some reason, one of us doesn’t make it out of here…the other will take care of her, right? Promise me that you will?”

“But, Mical—“

“Atton, promise that you will. I love her, but I don’t make her happy. You do. I accepted it long ago. I know she has a temper, but you must understand the precious gift that she is. Should something happen…”

“Nothin’s gonna happen. We’ll figure something out, right?” The Disciple looked back at me, a hint of anger in his expression. “Okay, okay, I promise.”

I didn’t notice any change in him until he’d already moved, and frack if it wasn’t already too late. The next thing I knew, there was a blaster discharge and he was sprawled out on the stone floor, my blaster skittering across the room. It was obvious from the smell as I got closer that he’d emptied his bowels, and apparently his stomach as well by the stain on the ground beside him.

The worst thing was the way I hesitated for a minute, like I wasn’t gonna do anything. I mean, I didn’t like the guy, but…

“Hey, what are you tryin’ to pull here? Tryin’ to show me up? Stealin’ my glory?” I always covered everything up with stupid humor and sarcasm. This time, I couldn’t even manage the stiffest laugh, and something in me snapped.

I knelt down beside him and gathered his body up in my arms. That self-sacrificing little…“Why?”

The side of his head was ruined, burnt flesh, sodden with blood. “If, by saving you, I can ensure her happiness…I shall.”

Hell, what do you say to something like that?

His raspy breath was slowing down. I tried to feed him some of my own reserves of power, but the schutta blocked me. “…take care of them.”

My chest clenched as he said it because you could see the light go out behind those eyes of his. I guess he just needed to say it, before he let go.

I didn’t have time to think about it for long, though. This awful screeching noise filled my ears, the scraping of rock-on-rock. The door! Kriffing pretty-boy…I knew he saved my life, but, I mean, then I really knew! One death; the Jedi key. At the same time, he started glowing. Blue light surrounded him, and where it touched me, a warm calm seeped into my muscles. The light grew brighter until I had to close my eyes, and then the weight on my lap faded until there was nothing. When I could see again, it was just in time to see a blue Force-ghosty impression of the kid, disappearing.

I guess, in some weird way, I helped him find peace before he died. That’s what that means, right? I’ve heard of it, but all the Jedi I’ve ever seen, well, they went in a less-than-peaceful sort of way.

After a minute of stunned, gape-mouthed shock, I scrambled up off the ground, grabbed his lightsaber, and ran. Better to get outta there before I got into any more trouble. Besides, I had to get back to the Exile. I’d promised him, after all. And she’d wanna know. I found it hard to be sad; if the Disciple was one with the Force, then I was actually happy for him. It’s what he wanted, why he hung on until he knew she would be okay. Frig, he wasn’t as bad as I thought. Anyway, it wasn’t until months afterward that I was able to mourn properly, when I really understood what he’d done for us.

As I stomped up the shuttle’s boarding ramp, I couldn’t help thinking about his final words. He would be the type to leave behind some kind of legacy, promises to be fulfilled and stuff. He was just that way. In hindsight, I can see that it made a difference, but just then, I was pretty confused.

Something tugged at the back of my mind as I fired up the engines and started the pre-flight checks. The tug became a pull as I lifted off that Force-forsaken planet. The pull became an itch I couldn’t ignore as I made the jump to hyperspace and the stars became streaks. His last words...

"Take care of them?"