Chapter 2: Duty's Call
Weeks had passed, but T3 still said that they hadn't reached Revan's destination. All of her queries as to how much longer had been met with the same answer, soon. 'Damn it T3, soon isn't good enough. How much farther are we going to travel before we reach Revan?' Tanya shouted at the utility droid
'Dwooo.' T3 replied, just as it had every time before.
'Soon when? Soon two hours, soon three weeks, soon four years? How much longer are we going to travel?'
T3 did not reply, instead turning around and rolling away.
'Damn it T3, can't you just give me a straight answer?'
...
'Do either of you know where she went? I have to follow her.' Atton demanded of Visas and Mira.
'No,' Visas replied, 'she refused to tell us. You watched the holocube, you know that she did not want you to follow. She knows something, something which endangers the entire galaxy. And she left to protect us all.'
'Besides, if she had any intention of letting you follow, she would not have knocked you out and dropped you here.' Mira added, 'So make the best of the situation and get over yourself. If you don't, I'm certain there's a bounty out there somewhere for you, Jedi-killer.'
'I won't let her go. I can't let her go.'
'Which is why she left you behind. She can't have that kind of distraction.' Visas replied calmly.
'Damn you both.' Atton said as he stormed off towards the enclave.
Mira turned to Visas, 'He won't give up. He'll jump a ship and go looking for her.'
'I know,' Visas replied, 'And we will go with him.'
'What!?'
'I am curious as to where she went as well, and I suspect you are too. However, she is very clever, and none of us will be able to find her on our own. We will need to work together. Which is why I bought a ship which should be arriving within a day.'
'Damn Visas, you are far too cunning for your own good sometimes. You should have been a bounty hunter.'
'Thank you, I think.'
...
'Mandalore, we followed the hyperspace wake as far as we could, but we lost the trail two days ago.'
'Damn. Return to base.'
One of the consoles at Mandalore's hands started beeping.
About time, he thought.
'Visas, did you get the ship yet?'
'Yes. Mira, Atton and I are in orbit awaiting permission to land.'
'Did the Onderonian fleet detect you?'
'No.'
'Very well, bring your ship down, and be stealthy about it. No need to attract unwanted attention.'
'Agreed.'
He cut the signal and turned around. 'Eavesdropping could be considered a grievous offense, Kumus. Don't think that just because I am otherwise occupied, that I am unaware of my surroundings.'
'My apologies Mandalore.'
'Never mind, what do you need.'
...
'This is it? This worthless piece of rock is where Revan is waiting?'
T3's beeping answered her suspicions.
'Then what are we waiting for? Let's go down there.'
The Ebon Hawk began it's descent, still battered from Malachor V. Lightning struck it, throwing it into a dive from loss of control.
'Damn, I knew I should have had this thing fixed,' Tanya muttered as she struggled to regain control and make some semblance of a controlled landing. She managed to pull the nose up and activate the repulsorlifts at the last second. 'By the Force, that was close.' She walked over to the boarding ramp, lightsaber in hand, and lowered it. A lone figure stood at the bottom of the ramp. 'Revan?' she asked, hopeful.
'Yes, it is me. Pardon my lack of knowledge, but who are you and what the hell did you do to my ship.'
'Revan, it's me, Tanya. Don't you remember, from the academy on Dantooine?'
'No, I'm afraid not. And please, call me David. My name is no longer Revan, despite who I might look like, and what I may remember. And you still haven't explained what happened to my ship.'
'Malachor V.'
'Ah, yes that would explain it. So, are you going to invite me onboard, or are you going to leave me to stand out here in the cold.'
'Oh, I'm so sorry,' Tanya replied effusively, 'Please. I have a feeling you'll be able to do more with this ship than I can.
...
"Mandalorian shuttle, lower your shields and prepare to be boarded." Admiral Onasi demanded.
"Sojurn, this is the Duty's Call, requesting permission to dock."
"Hold on, I know that voice. weren't you the pilot who was with the Exile?"
"Told you he'd recognize your voice Atton."
"Well, Mira, I guess I owe you ten credits. Yes Admiral Onasi, I was the pilot with the Exile."
"She's followed Revan, hasn't she?"
"How'd you know?"
"Call it a hunch. Permission to dock granted, welcome to the Sojurn."
...
"So David, what have you been doing for five years? I mean, you disappear without explanation and are presumed dead." Tanya asked
"Good. If they think I'm dead, I can move freely. But to answer your question, in the Unknown Regions, there are dangers which make Malak or Nilihus look feeble in comparison." David replied calmly.
"And you think that you can stop these dangers?"
"At first, yes, I thought I could, but I quickly realized I would need help. That's when I sent T3 to find you. I knew you could help me, although at the time, I didn't know why. As I remembered more and more, I realized that what happened at Malachor V was no accident. I purposely forced you to feel all of those deaths, I cut you off from the Force, because I knew that I would need you to experience it to help me now. In the end, I couldn't let you fall with me, so I cut you off from the Force."
"Wait, you were responsible for my deafening?"
"Revan was yes, but only because he loved you so much, he couldn't let you fall with him. Not to mention, he needed you to experience that, and finish off Malachor V once and for all."
"You've been in the Unknown Regions for, what, five years now? How do you know what's been happening?"
"I may have been unresponsive, but I still could receive news. Also, I had Kreia update me on your progress."
"Really?"

I'm sorry to say this, but I'm just not feeling the story. I'm not getting enough of a mental visual or anything to relate to the characters. And it feels like the first two chapters are moving to fast. I feel like I'm being pushed through scenes before I can even incorporate and enjoy them. The story intrigues me, but the execution of it leaves something to be desired. I think you can do better. Take sometime to flesh it out. Also Revan/David seems a bit flat to me as a character. There's not enough there to make him seem more than a talking cardboard cut out. You need to describe him, make him real, give him something more than just words to say. Same with the Exile. I would venture a guess you were rushing through this last chapter. Because while the first was missing somethings, this one was missing alot more.
Well I think that you are doing great. I only agre with Revan/David. You just need to give him more character. That's all from me.
RR