Eyes of the Shadow - Prologue
As night approached dawn, Physician Zelka Forn knew something had been very different about the evening before. The rumblings from above began in the late afternoon and grew louder as evening approached. Things had begun falling onto the surface of the planet crashing through houses and shops and skyscrapers causing so much damage to property and persons. The rumors and murmurings told of a battle in orbit. The facts did not seem to link up since debris from an orbital exchange burned up on atmospheric entry. There had only been maybe a half dozen impacts, but since he had spent the last ten solid hours in the medical facility, he knew nothing and cared little of what had hit the surface or what was being done about it.
He longed to go home before daylight, but an electrical storm had whipped up the environment outside showering this portion of the Upper City with the ever so rare rain shower. He delayed his departure thinking the weather would settle down in a few minutes. As he paced the outer office of his small clinic looking over a log of the night's procedures and patient care choices, the front entry slid open exposing the interior to the raucous activities of nature and a stout dark figure carrying two large bundles in cargo bags one under each arm.
Forn stood with his mouth agape momentarily with his tired brain struggling to figure out what had just walked in. The figure looked to be just another ordinary fellow without anything particular to distinguish him. He wore an overcoat and hood that protected him from the driving rain and the casual glance at his face.
"Where can I put them?" He asked quietly and patiently as if his burdens were sacks of old garments.
"Wha...what...?" Since it was obvious that the good doctor was a bit taken aback by the unexpected intrusion, the visitor moved to the back of the room to a pair of examination tables hefting the bags each onto its own table. As he unzipped the first large bag, an arm rolled out indicating its human cargo.
Forn was galvanized into action at the sight nearly shouting, "What have your brought here! Who are you?!"
The dark figure stepped away quickly letting the doctor complete the process of unzipping the bag and removing the "contents". Upon seeing the two men, unpacked and lying on the examination table with the physician beginning his analysis, the stranger began to head for the door.
"Hold it right there." Forn said authoritatively. "I need data, and I need it fast."
The visitor paused then allowed the doctor to catch just a glimpse of his face.
"Oh..." Forn said in surprise. "It's you. I cannot fathom why someone would have brought me severely, potentially mortally, wounded individuals packed in cargo bags."
"I'm just helping out." was the curt reply of the unnamed guest as he turned to retreat to the door.
Lashing out, the doctor demanded, "Look, I don't really know you, and I don't really care who you are or who you are hiding from. I just need to know what these two boys have been through. Where did you find them? What condition were they in? What kind of trauma have they experienced? I just need enough information to give me a starting point."
The stranger pointed up towards the sky giving it a few jabbing motions. At that moment it dawned on Forn what had happened and who these men were. War had been raging around them for so long out there across the rims of the galaxy that it had simply become an integral part of life. Their clothing was a ravaged representation of Republican Navy uniforms and he was keenly aware of the three year old war between the resurgent Sith and the Republic. Taking another look at the men, Forn realized that the fallen objects the night before were escape pods and these men were not likely on the winning side of the orbital scrap that had occurred the night before. When he turned around, the merciful one was gone. As the doctor swiftly returned to his new charges, the door slid open again. The stranger had returned.
"Something bad is coming, Doctor. Something dark. You are one of the few decent people around here and I want you to be safe. Hide them. Anyone that comes looking for them will likely mean trouble for you." He turned to leave, but as he glanced over his shoulder he saw the physician locked in place with a look of fear moving over his face. The pure white of his eyes standing out in stark contrast to the ebony of his skin.
"Take heart doctor, the dark is coming but there is a point of light out there somewhere. There is something good out there right now. I am not sure what it is, but we may both have a chance to help the light."
In the blink of an eye, the figure was gone. Shaking himself back to what was necessary; he began looking over his new patients to see to their condition. They were both stable but in very poor condition. It did not appear that they were going to survive their crash landing on Taris. Perhaps that was a merciful result. The Sith would arrive soon, no doubt, and show little kindness for men like these two. Taris would now exchange hands yet again. The stranger was right though, he needed to hide them. As he did what he could to make them comfortable in a hidden alcove, his mind wandered back to that stranger. Twice before tonight, he had brought pitiful victims to his door in the late hours of the night.
"Don't know who he is, but I suppose he is somebody's hero." The doctor mumbled as he sent a cryptic message to his assistant before curling up on an examination table as he oft did for a little sleep. No point in going home now, he was likely to have some busy days ahead.
a/n: This story will be about somebody new for all of us to enjoy reading about.

You can say that again. I am entralled with this small prologue. The detail is excellent, the writing is smooth. I never left the story until I reached the end, and when I did reach the end, I felt...bereft, because it was over for now. It's something I've always wondered about, really. As to how the soldiers got there in the first place. I'm glad you posted it, and I do hope you continue because it is off to a very good start. And well developed original characters are always welcome in my book. I know the shadows are comfortable and safe, but it's nice that you chose to relinquish your shadows, if only for a moment, to post your story. I look forward to reading more. Lene
Very nice! You've left me wanting so much more. Good writing, the story flows very nicely. And I loved the dreary ambiance of the nighttime storm. It made the stranger more mysterious.
Vigilante justice on Taris--very Alan Moore (I've read ahead a little). I love the idea and the noir-ish feel, and I especially like that you are using Zelka Forn as your protagonist, a good character in and game, and a solid choice well in line with the conventions of the noir-crime thriller genre.
You've definitely got me curious about the stout dark figure--he must be strong, to carry two fully grown men, one under each arm. One thing I'm not sure of:
"When he turned around, the merciful one was gone. As the doctor swiftly returned to his new charges, the door slid open again. The stranger had returned."
Aside from dramatic effect, I'm not sure I understand why the stranger left?
I also feel that a little more economy in your writing will help make this tighter and even more engaging. For example:
Shaking himself back to what was necessary; he began looking over his new patients to see to their condition. They were both stable but in very poor condition.
Using condition twice was a little jarring to me, and made me feel like you were covering the same ground in both sentences, even if you weren't, exactly. You also have an opportunity here to let Forn's voice come through more strongly by showing your reader how he might think about the soldiers and their injuries. For example (and it's just an example):
"Shaking himself back to necessity, he began checking the condition of his new patients. It didn't look good." Instead of the somewhat overused "didn't look good", you could come up with something more evocative of Forn's character voice: it was a miracle these poor soldiers survived the trip to the clinic; these kids were fragged; it looked like their mothers were going to be getting a letter from the Republic; he'd eat a medpac if either of them survived the night.
Does all that make sense? I hope so, and I hope it helps. Either way, I'll be sure to check for further updates. :)
Showing the fallout from the Endar Spire through the eyes of Zelka Forn is a great idea. It's nice to get a fresh perspective. This short snippet really sucked me in.
Wauw, this was... GOOD. I must admit him coming with the poor guys in cargo bags made me giggle slightly, but, aw, so well-written... so flowing... gah, I'm so jealous! I suppose Zelka DID say people had been bringing them in XD.
I always liked Zelka, so his POV made me very happy. He is indeed one of the few decent people on Taris.
And the best part is that I can read on, so I will!
Hmmm, pretty interesting. There is one piece tho, where Zelka goes:
Yet right after he goes:
I don't know if that was intentional or not. But this is definetly different, something I think I'll like.