Chapter 27: Fools Rush In

Chapter 27 of: The Fate of the Wandering: Fools Rush In

Hush. Quiet.

Don't make too much noise. Don't try to move. Don't let your voice echo.

Thinking this, Elaine closed her eyes and opened her mind, trying to find a weakness, a hole in this place where she could dig through. Without her Force to guide her, it was a much harder task, and she felt beads of sweat forming on her forehead. Speaking of which, how many days had she been here, chained up as she was? She thought longingly of bubble baths on Coruscant, the scented oils, candles...Her eyes opened. Stop it, she told herself sternly. Focus.

At first, there seemed to be no weakness. Until she sensed a barrier. It could not be seen, but could be felt. And there was some sort of rift, a transparent page, something that could be pulled off with great effort...Using what little remains of energy she had left, she closed her eyes again, and tried to root herself, trying to find her center so she could be reconnected to her Force...

There.

Just barely. She did not have much time. Like sand falling through an hourglass, she knew she had seconds at most to do what she needed to do.

A console fell from her pocket.

She directed it to stand upright, which it did. The record button was pressed of its own accord.

Elaine took a deep breath and started.

'This is Elaine,' she said in a hoarse whisper. She cleared her throat to start again, hoping the sound receptors would be able to pick up her voice. 'This is me,' she said, her voice clearer now. 'I don't have much time to explain where I am or what I've been doing or how I got here or why the Force I'm even here in the first place...And I know that I'm going to be contradicting myself, but...'

She gathered herself up as best she could, with what little dignity she had left, and looked the console straight-on. 'I need all of you here. I don't have time to explain, like I said. The hospitality here is horrible to say the least. No, that was a bad joke.'

Elaine closed her eyes and exhaled, and started again. Don't blow it, Elaine, she thought. This may be your only chance.

'A war is coming,' she said finally, and her eyes glowed as she said that. 'We all know this. And as much as I've tried to deny this, I cannot do it alone. I will need you all beside me. I don't know much about the defenses here, but I do know that to get through the Shift you're going to need somebody who was once one with the Dark, but has now turned to the Light. And you're going to need the coordinates. They are locked in the communications room aboard our ship. The password is...'

She closed her eyes again. Trying to remember...Oh. Of course.

''Ian Pace, I will come back.'' Opening her eyes again, pigments of red and violet shone in her eyes. 'It is voice activated; you will need HK to get it for you. And when you get here, search for Aleksander. He will lead you to me. That is all. I...I know I cannot make you come after me. After all I've done to make sure that you didn't...There are no words to--'

Then, she heard the sound of somebody heading down the hall outside, and inhaled sharply. And though she tried to hide it, her eyes shone in fear.

'I have to go,' she whispered. 'Again. I'm so sorry.'

And the recording stopped.

Far away, the message was transmitted to a holovid program on Coruscant. The bookkeeper saw the encryption with delicate puzzlement etched on his features. This new arrival was untraceable concerning the sender and its origins. All he was able to read was 'To The Lost Jedi and Their Admiral, From the One Who Drinks Too Much Caffa.'

And he decided to let Jedi Master Bastila Shan handle it.

'There it is.'

Bastila slid the holovid across the long table to Carth, so he could see it for himself.

'What do you have to say for yourself?'

Carth looked at it, watched the holovid sway on the brink of the desk before starting to fall on the floor, but he stopped it before it could do so, so it came to a rest at the edge of the table. The image of Elaine in chains, bound in some tower, still lingered in his mind.

His brown eyes were troubled and defiant all at once. He straightened himself in his chair, dropping the fist that had been propped beneath his chin.

'It's a scam,' he said decisively.

'Forgive me, Admiral,' interceded Mical, from a chair at the other side of the room. 'But how can it be a scam? It was Elaine. And her telling us that she needs help cannot be a scam at all. She is trying to topple a Sith empire all by herself, one that has been around undoubtedly for thousands of years. From my point of view, doing this seems like the only realistic thing. And it can't have been easy to send that message.'

'She wanted us to stay behind; she made that very clear,' Carth said, his voice firm. 'Why the sudden change of mind?'

'Force, Carth!' Bastila stormed down the room towards him. 'You are determined to remove every sign that gives you a chance to go after her! She needs us. She needs us, Carth. Why is that so hard to believe? Isn't this what you want?'

'Isn't this what I want?' repeated Carth, and he laughed a harsh, dry laugh that made Bastila and Mical flinch. 'Right, Bastila, this is really the way that I had imagined everything to turn out! That the woman I loved would be doing her duty, saving the galaxy, removing the last remnants of Sith on a distant planet, being torn between life and death, light and dark, with each moment hanging in the balance.'

Carth suddenly pushed his chair back and stood up. 'But you see, that's not really the thing that's bothering me. What's bothering me is the fact that I have to stay behind, like she told me to, like I promised her. That I can't be at her side while she goes through whatever the hell it is that she's going through. And now, this holovid finds its way to us! It dismisses everything that I've had to do these past five years, and that's not the part that bothers me either! What bothers me is, why is she just figuring out that she needed us now?! Why didn't all of this start out this way before? Because if it had, Bastila, then I wouldn't be standing here. I'd be there, with her, and I'd understand what she was going through. I'd be able to protect her, I'd be there to remind her of what she was fighting for, and I'd just be there because I would do anything in the galaxy for her, even wait for her. Which is the most painful of them all.'

'But you don't have to wait anymore, Carth!' Bastila exclaimed shrilly. 'Weren't you listening to her message? She gave us direction, she gave us her permission, something you seem to be so fond of. And there is nothing stopping you from doing what you need to do.'

'There is, Bastila,' Mical said quietly, looking at Carth in a strange new light, realizing that he and the Admiral had something in common. 'Himself.'

Bastila stared at Mical, then at Carth, who had turned to the wall, looking away. And a realization dawned on her. 'You think she's turned,' she said slowly. 'You think there's a chance she's turned to the Dark Side, and that now she can never come back. Is this correct?'

There was silence from Carth's end of the room.

Bastila shook her head in disbelief, eyes wide. 'I don't believe this, Carth. You are the one that she needs by her side most, and you're just brushing this away, like you can't see what pain she's in.'

'Damn it all, Bastila!' Carth hollered angrily. 'I'm not blind and I'm not deaf, and I know that she's been in pain way before any of this even happened. I have faith in her, that she'd be able to withstand whatever test they throw at her. But I can't be sure of anything anymore; do you understand? Just a few days ago, I learned that she had a son!' He let the words sink in for a moment, knowing full well that neither of them in the room had heard this information before. 'After all that I had shared with her, about my past, my son, my wife, my planet, she had never told me this. Blame it on the memory loss, whatever you want. It hit me hard, learning that the father was one of our many mortal enemies, and that the son was somebody who I had had by my side ever since her disappearance. I should have realized something because of the convenient timing. But I didn't. And timing! Now, see there's another thing!'

'Carth,' Bastila said warningly. 'Control yourself.'

'No, Bastila!' Carth exclaimed. 'Controlling myself is exactly what I've been doing these past five fracking years and there comes a certain point when the extent of what I can carry becomes too much. I'm sure that all of us know the feeling.'

'There seems to be a lot that you want to tell her,' Bastila replied placidly, but her eyes showed sympathy and frustration all in one. 'But if you don't agree with me now that we have no choice but to go after her, then you are never going to receive that chance. You've seen the holovid, Carth. We both know she's strong, but just like there is an extent to what we can carry, there is also an extent of what we can go through.'

'And she needs us there to help her carry the burden. To help her in our mission,' Mical said humbly, seriously. 'I will do my best to aid. You can count on that.'

'When she left,' Bastila said to Carth, who was still looking at Mical in mingled disbelief and uncertainty, and slowly moved his gaze back to her, 'you were not sure that she would ever come back. But there is proof that she is still alive and we can do something to make sure that it stays that way.'

Carth shook his head and sighed, but it was in defeat not opposition. 'I'm not--I'm not hesitating like this because of a petty grudge or because of being a coward. I hope you know that.' He hung his head. 'If this had happened earlier, the first thing I would have done was hijack the first ship that came patrolling nearby, and I would have flown after her, even if it was into certain death. Which this probably still is. It's just...'

'You're doing the right thing, Carth,' Bastila said, her voice comforting. 'And you're not going to be the only one going after her, you know.'

'I think Carth needs time alone, Bastila,' Mical said, standing up. 'And we need to make preparations.'

'You are right,' Bastila breathed, still looking at Carth concernedly. 'I'll get two ships for all of us and I'll ask Bao-Dur to contact Demi and get the information we need.' She stood close to Carth's shoulder. 'Are you sure you're going to be all right?'

'You went to the Dark Side before,' Carth said suddenly. 'And she helped you turn back. There is still hope that we can do the same for her, isn't there?'

'Carth, you don't know that she's--'

'Tell me,' Carth said, voice hard, 'that there is.'

'You've got to stop thinking in this mindset--'

'Bastila--' Carth said warningly.

'You're putting too much pressure on her!' Mical said, his voice commanding, but then he stopped, and did a slight bow. 'I'm sorry, Admiral. I know I'm a Jedi Master now, but I can't forget the time when I worked for you. But I do believe that these are your own doubts and fears, which we all have. You're going to have to try to quench your own without putting the blame on others.'

'Jedi,' Carth sighed. 'But you're right. You've come a long way, Mical.'

'It's mostly because of another Jedi, who is at this moment going after the person we're all talking about right now. And I'm worried for her too. Unlike you, I've never had to wait for her, not in the way you have, because my wait is one that I know will never come to an end. Consider yourself lucky in that aspect. I, ah...Right now I have to go.' Mical nodded to Bastila, exited the room and disappeared.

It was just Carth and Bastila, the latter who headed to the door as well. She paused before leaving, seeing Carth eyeing the holovid on the table with a mixed expression. 'Only watch it one more time,' she said to him, her blue eyes luckily shadowed or else the sadness in them would have been revealed. 'Then destroy it. We know everything we need to know and before showing it to you I had already recorded Elaine saying the password, although since we don't have the ship we'll have to count on HK to unlock the coordinates. Anyway, you better get ready. I have to go alert the others about this new event.'

Carth merely nodded, and Bastila paused, about to say something, but abruptly, she stopped herself, and swept out the door.

Carth stared at the unactivated holovid on the conference table, but did not move. Soon the overhead lights switched off of their own accord because of the lack of movement, and Carth was left once more in the dark.

The Dancing Gypsy was still open at this time, and although the sun would be rising in a few hours, it seemed to Atton as he headed closer that darkness was transcending. A glowing neon sign emblazoned with red colors and the name of the cantina called like a beacon to those in this city that never slept.

A bouncer at the door roughly prodded and felt around the pockets of the person who was in front of him in line, before letting her go, pushing her inside. Atton could already hear the blazing music.

'=You don't want to lay a finger on me,=' Atton told the bouncer, vengefully and slightly calmly, as he came up, using Force behind his words. He left the bouncer feeling dazed and did not look back.

Atton stepped deeper inside and blended into the darkness in the back of the room, slowly walking around its perimeter. And he saw her instantly.

The center floor was full of people dancing, arms up in the air, moving to a fast tempo, so close there was almost no space to breathe. Together they seemed like shadows or flames; the flashing lights above made the brief dark moments in between feel strange and surreal. One flash of a light, and she was on the other edge of the room, dancing close to another male dancer but not enough so that their skin was touching. Another and she was back in the center, brown, curly hair flying, hips swaying, each movement alluring and bewitching. And the male dancer was behind her again, and Atton knew exactly what he was thinking.

He strode over to a nearby wall, expression detached, unlocked the panel, and flicked off several switches all at once.

Immediately, the power closed down. Music halted mid-song to many groans, the few remaining lights that had been on turned off, and water sprinkled from the ceiling one nozzle after another, even though there was no fire in sight.

People stampeded to the door, most of them young and looking for a last bit of fun that obviously could not be found here any longer. The bartender was nowhere to be seen. The heavy door slammed shut behind the last to leave. Pipes dripped above them and the water on the floor slowed and lengthened their steps.

Atton turned off the water and emerged from his place by the door to step up to Renee, who stood in the center, exactly where she had been earlier. The lights flickered overhead and two of them came back on, casting an eerie white light onto both of them. It was just Renee and Atton now--alone and face to face, finally, after all these years.

'Aw, gee, Jaq,' Renee said lightly. Her hair was drenched and straight now, and she stood still, all in black, waiting for him. 'Our own little empty cantina, music, lights...You didn't have to do all this for me. If you wanted me alone, all you had to do was ask.'

'We need to talk,' Atton said, watching her out of the corner of his eye.

Renee cocked her head to one side and sized him up. 'The four words nobody ever wants to hear. So talk. Nothing's stopping you.'

Atton had not been expecting this answer. In fact, he had been expecting every single dagger on the planet of every shape and size to come flying at him the minute he had stepped inside. And then he realized that he did not know what to say, because he had never planned to say anything at all.

'A little stuck there, flyboy?' Renee said for him. 'Well, after a few years, conversation wasn't our biggest strength, so it's understandable. How about I help you out?'

She walked over to the bar and held up a glass of something at eye level, now filled to the brim with water, and inspected him through it. 'You came here because you either wanted to do something or say something, and since right now you're doing neither, I'm starting to think that all you wanted to do was crash my party. Maybe you don't know this, Jaq, but I didn't inherit a damn thing, not even this cantina, from my parents. There's not a single person running or owning this place right now, but as long as it's open and there's music, nobody seems to care, do they?'

Renee threw the glass at the wall behind the bar, and turned back to Jaq agitatedly. Shards of glass and specks of water smashed against the wall hard and leaked down to the floor. 'Damn it, Jaq, what do you want from me?' she exclaimed. 'Do you want answers? Then ask. Are you here to kill me? Then go ahead and try. Or maybe you're just here to screw behind Demi's back--that is her name, isn't it?--but I'm fracking tired so you better make some kind of a move soon because I'm not here to do it for you.'

'I'm here to tie up a loose end,' Atton said. 'And that would be you.'

'I'm a loose end now, am I?' Renee replied, looking at her fingernails in disinterest. 'That's strange. I thought you were.'

'What are you doing in Nar Shaddaa, Renee?' he said, cutting over her.

Renee looked up and laughed in disbelief. 'This is it?' She kicked aside a stool and stalked up to him. 'You came all the way to this goddamn, run-down, filthy cantina so you could make small talk with me? You must have fallen farther than I had originally thought.'

'Who's sending the dreams?' Atton demanded.

'Dreams?' Renee said in genuine surprise, forehead crinkling in confusion. 'I don't know what you're talking about, Jaq.'

Atton laughed. 'Don't even try lying,' he said venomously. 'You want to play games? Then let's play games. Give me one reason why I shouldn't just disregard what Demi said and kill you right here, right now.'

'Kill me?' Renee repeated, a smile growing on her lips. 'Now, see, this, Jaq, is finally getting interesting.'

In a flash, a dart flew from her sleeve and Atton dislodged his lightsaber from his belt, igniting it and slicing it though the air and the dart simultaneously before it could reach him. But a second one flew out at the same time and pierced Atton right in the shoulder. Blood spilled over his Jedi robes. With effort, he pulled it out and threw it on the floor with distaste.

'I see you haven't lost your fondness for those things,' Atton remarked.

'And I see something else myself. You come here all 'Jedified,' thinking that that makes you stronger than me, that now, you can finally defeat me. Do you remember the arena back at the Academy? The first day we met each other?' She chuckled darkly, and they started circling each other. 'Sixty seconds to go, no points for either Rand or Lunecaster. Who will win this time, I wonder? I beat you bad that day, Jaq. You were tougher than Mars, but that doesn't really count for anything, does it? What a spineless bastard he was. You said so yourself.'

'Leave out the spineless part and you've got it about right.' His lightsaber buzzed impatiently. 'But this isn't about Mars.'

'No, it isn't, is it?' Renee said. 'So why don't you just throw that lightsaber through me from where you stand right now and do the galaxy a favor?' She showed her empty hands. 'I don't have anymore weapons.' She smiled grimly and walked within a foot of him. 'Except maybe one. You're making me wonder, Jaq, what you're really here for. You could have tried to kill me already, yet here we are.'

She stepped in closer, and her voice grew softer. 'It used to be us against the world, Jaq,' Renee whispered, not an inch from his ear. He could feel her hot breath on his skin. She was close. Much too close. 'Can you remember that feeling?'

'Don't remind me,' Atton snarled, pulling away. 'You couldn't have me when I was Jaq and you can't have me now either.'

'You sound like you're trying to convince yourself, Jaq. Are you scared that what we had might actually mean something more than...whatever it is you have with the little blonde?'

In a flash, Atton brought his left fist back and threw a punch at her face, fury and untold vengeance behind it. Renee turned away, the blow hitting her hard, before returning with a side kick to his stomach. It choked the wind out of him, but he grabbed her ankle and tripped her so she did a horizontal spin in the air before falling in a heap to the floor.

Renee got up easily. 'One point for Rand,' she said, and laughed as she started circling around him. 'Talking about her must be a sore spot for you, am I right, Jaq? Things can't be going well then.'

Atton shoved her against the bar so she slammed against it, and brought his lightsaber crashing down just a few seconds too late. Renee jumped and rolled to the opposite side of the bar and retrieved something from behind it.

When she came back up, she was holding a repeater.

With one eye closed and carefully trained on her target, she started shooting. Bolts ricocheted and glasses exploded all around her. Atton used his lightsaber and deflected each one that came soaring towards him, succeeding in hitting some back at her, all of which she dodged. She crouched out of sight and started crawling. Atton propelled his lightsaber toward her. It disappeared behind the bar and when it came looping back to him, everything was silent.

Was it really over? Had his shot hit its mark?

Carefully, he came around the bend, but out of nowhere a kick rammed against the hilt of his lightsaber and dislodged it from his hand. The lightsaber rolled several feet away.

'Could you telegraph your movements more?' Renee wanted to know.

Immediately after, she punched him two times, fast and snappy as lightning, and brought down a foot on the back of his neck and pressed down hard. Atton groaned and lifted her up, throwing her against the top of the bar's counter which she slid across, sweeping the remaining glasses along with her, and fell down at the opposite side.

'Oh, by the way,' Renee said conversationally, as though she hadn't just been thrown across the room. Small shards of glass littered her jacket and twinkled under the dim lights. She got to one knee and slowly got up as she continued, 'Remember the twi'lek? Lena, I think she called herself. I killed her, Jaq. She barely even put up any resistance. It was like she knew she had nothing else to live for, and was just waiting for someone like me to come along and finish her off. That's how pathetic she was, Jaq.'

Atton worked his way back to the other side of the room after retrieving his lightsaber, and Renee took a few steps back, but it was not out of fear. 'And do you remember Eres III? When you heard what had happened to your old planet that day at camp, you came to my tent. I let you have your way with me because you were so needy, so dependent, so unable to solve anything by yourself. And the reason that I'm bringing all this up, Jaq, is because--' Here she started laughing again --'it's just so goddamn funny to see you get angry. Can you even see your expression right now?'

Atton's response was to bring his lightsaber swinging down upon her again and again, all of which she was able to dodge and jump and duck in turn. Frustrated, he brought his hand towards her and used the Force to push her back. She rolled on her shoulder to cushion her fall and got back to her feet.

'Oh, no, you don't,' Renee said, threateningly. 'You don't use those new powers on me. I don't want that weakness even touching me.'

'We may have been involved, long ago, once upon a time,' Atton said, circling around her. 'But I want you to know that I never loved you. Not even for a moment.'

'Force!' Renee faked hurt and surprise. 'That hurt!' She laughed. 'Maybe you've been stuck in your little fantasy for too long, loverboy, so I'll spell it out for you. Maybe your feeling of hate for me was mutual. You ever think about that? I think we were pretending to feel something the whole damn time. It was just fun and games, Jaq. Fun and games.' Her voice grew more taunting. 'And you know why I despise you, Jaq? Because you're beneath me. And you always were. So...Sorry!' She laughed hollowly. 'That little confession of yours didn't hurt at all.'

'And imagine, through all this, Demi still wants to help you.' Atton's eyes slanted in distrust. 'Can't imagine why.'

'So, what? You're here to finish off the job? You think that, in killing me, you'll be getting rid of your dark past, once and for all?' Renee leaned in close to his ear. 'Let me tell you something, Jaq. You can't. Not like this. You've become weak. That little Jedi has poisoned you!

'And here's another thing, Jaq. Why don't you put away your lightsaber and fight me person to person, fair all around, and let's see if, giving you that advantage, you'd finally have it within yourself to beat me.' There was quiet for a moment. 'How about it?' Renee smiled. 'Are you up for the challenge?'

In one brusque movement, Atton deposited his lightsaber back to his belt. Renee lunged in and Atton blocked her strike, but she had feinted him and the real punch reeled him backwards. He fell and Renee did another lightning kick fast. Atton grabbed her leg, and tripped her so she fell on the floor too. Renee kicked him hard in the face as he struggled to get up.

'Come on, now!' Renee whispered. 'Where's the dirty fighting, huh? This all you got? For a second I thought we were gonna play hardball! Where's Jaq? What has the little Jedi done to you?'

'Her name,' Atton growled, blood on his face, 'is Demi. And my name,' he pushed her up against the wall, 'is Atton!'

He tightened his grip around her neck.

Renee was smiling knowingly, triumphantly. 'That's my boy,' she choked out. 'I knew Jaq was in there somewhere.'

Flashbacks of Elle dying, suffocating, by Atton's own hand flashed in his mind. No...I'm not doing this again, he thought.

He dropped Renee roughly so she fell in a heap to the floor, and turned around to walk out of the empty cantina.

'That's it, Jaq! Run away!' she yelled after him. 'You know you can't! You know that eventually, the darkness you've been trying to escape is going to take over you. It's in you even now, and the only thing that's stopping it is Demi! That darkness is powerful, Jaq. I don't even know why you're trying to prevent it.'

Atton stopped. 'You honestly want to know why, Renee?' He whirled around to face her.

'Why?' Renee demanded.

'Because you, all of it...It's beneath me. That's why.'

And Atton left.

Renee held up a hidden blaster pistol after him, even as the door slammed shut, water touching her bottom lip and soaking through her clothes. Weakly, she shuddered and set down the weapon. We could have both killed each other, she thought. But we both held back. She looked up, her emerald eyes flashing. Not anymore, Jaq. Not anymore.

'Untie me,' Elaine commanded of the Sith servant who hurried to obey.

At the last click of freedom, Elaine stood up and stretched freely. 'Much better,' she murmured, and picked up the holo recorder from the floor. She handed the recorder to the Sith servant. 'Put it away,' she instructed. 'We may need this trinket for later.'

The dark servant bowed beneath his hood and exited. After a few moments of lingering in the tower, reminiscing of her earlier moments here, Elaine followed. She made her way down the stone halls with their torches and entered the room where the real prisoner was.

The dark-haired female was bound and gagged, violet eyes furious and wide.

Aleksander morphed back into his true form and turned to his victim. Violently, he ripped the gag from Elaine's mouth.

'What,' she said through gritted teeth, as soon as she could speak, 'did you do?'

Aleksander just laughed. 'Was my acting convincing enough, do you suppose? Do you think your precious pilot bought the pitiful eyes and tired voice?' With one hand, he threw the duplicate 'trinket' up and down, catching it, throwing it, and catching it again.

'You bastard,' Elaine hissed.

'Ah, but a crafty and intelligent one I am. I will have the whole Jedi Order, the Mandalorian leader, the Republic Admiral, the famous General, and the powerful Revan all under my influence. All of which is something you have tried your very best to prevent. Without their leaders, the galaxy will erupt into turmoil.'

'They could elect new ones,' Elaine said, but even she sounded afraid. 'And do you honestly think removing the Mandalorian chief from his own clan will not stop them from hunting you down? You may not possess much fear, Aleksander, but I would be scared for your Sith and the well-fare of this whole planet.'

'The Sith who work for me are important, yes,' Aleksander agreed, but he sounded anything but sincere. 'But in the overall web of things, they are nothing but the bait. As are you. As for the Mandalorians, I will personally make sure their arrival does not happen. Their race has long since exceeded their time, anyhow.' He headed over to the panel, to bring up another vision and environment that would paint the tower's walls, but stopped.

'I wonder,' he said softly, 'if Admiral Onasi or any of your so-called friends and comrades will be able to tell the difference. Wouldn't that be the ultimate disappointment, Revan? If they could not distinguish me from the real you. And he is the man who declared he loved you.' Aleksander shook his head and chuckled darkly. 'You will find, that in the end, they mean nothing to you. And in the end, perhaps they will decide that you are not worth the risk. We will have to see.'

He waved a hand over the panel and holographic symbols rose up from his fingertips and palm once again. A past memory surrounded Elaine, like a never-ending holovid. 'Learn the truth about your origins, Revan,' Aleksander said, his voice strong. 'Not the lies the Republic fed you. For now, we watch and we listen and we wait.'

Elaine could do nothing but exactly that. And, not for the last time, she was forced to question who she really was.

Demi wasn't sure where to start. Once she was down the ramp of the Ebon Hawk, the possibilities of where to look seemed endless. The only thought she had been able to extract from Atton was 'cantina.'

'That's a real bloody help,' Demi muttered, trying unsuccessfully to tie her shoulder-length, white-blonde hair up. Her fingers were unsteady, either because of the light breeze that swept her hair away before she could control it, or because it was around four in the morning and on a normal day she would be fast asleep. She felt half-asleep. 'Thank you very much, Atton,' she continued, striding along a walkway near the railing, hands in her pockets. 'There's only about five hundred cantinas in this district.'

But deep inside, Demi knew it was her fault. So she had set off, leaving only a note for Leo on the table in the main hold. There was nobody around at this time, which was understandable and puzzling all at once. She would have felt more comfortable if there were at least a few people wandering the streets like she was. Now, it felt like everybody's eyes were upon her, watching her. At least the weight of her double-bladed, silver lightsaber hanging around her waist felt reassuring.

Around a corner she went, and far off into the distance she saw him.

He was walking towards her as well, the only other person in sight, and it seemed like once he had seen her, he quickened his steps. His Jedi robes billowed out behind him and his brown hair fell just so. He walked with a purpose and Demi could tell that whatever had happened, something had changed.

They met in the middle and stopped within two feet of each other.

'I was looking for you,' Demi heard herself saying, just as Atton said, 'So here's the thing--'

They both stopped abruptly and looked at each other.

'You're bleeding,' Demi said suddenly.

'What?' Atton carelessly reached towards his arm, where Renee's dart had pierced through his skin. 'Oh. It's...nothing. Just a little special, customized gift from Renee. Blood comes with the package as always, you know. But that doesn't really matter...not now.'

'Oh, geez, Atton,' Demi said, rolling her eyes, and pulling him over to her. She lifted a hand and hovered it over his arm, using the Force to heal the deep, punctured wound. 'Of course it matters. I...' Realizing she was still holding his hand, she dropped it rather roughly and continued. 'I was on my way to try to find you. I knew you were going to see her, I just thought maybe you and Renee needed to work things out on your own. Looks like it didn't turn out that well, did it?'

'And you were expecting anything else?'

He turned and faced the railing, one hand in his pockets. The light breeze rustled through his hair and he let out a small sigh.

'What happened?' Demi said softly, stepping closer to him.

'The usual,' Atton replied shortly. 'We left the place in wrecks. Glass everywhere; the building was practically flooded...but there's been worse.'

Demi contemplated him in his somber state for a few moments before a wicked smile came on her face.

'Hey, watch,' she said.

Atton turned to her, and so she took out her lightsaber and placed it on the railing.

'No offense,' Atton started to say, 'but I don't think that's exactly the best spot for--'

Then, the lightsaber stood up straight and lifted three inches above the railing. Demi smiled as she controlled the lightsaber with her mind. Silver lights emitted from each end in turn, as the lightsaber did a sort of cart-wheel along the railing. Sparks shone in the air and seemed to blend into one full silver circle, as it flipped and rolled along.

Demi turned to see the expression upon his face. Luckily, it was a good one, one of reluctant amusement.

'That's...that's pretty nice. Been practicing that lately?' he asked.

'No. I just sort of...winged it, right now.' The lights from each end deactivated and the lightsaber found its way to her belt again. 'I don't like seeing you like this, that's all. I mean, I know we're not exactly on the winning side of the dejarik board, but...' Demi crossed her arms and sighed. 'We've just go to keep going, you know?'

Wordlessly, Atton held out his lightsaber by its hilt in front of him and let go. The Force supported it upwards, where it flew to the railing, activated its yellow crystal, and bounced all around. Demi laughed and soon her own lightsaber joined his and they both just watched for a few dazing moments, the simple dance displayed out before them. The lightsabers turned and swirled around each other in flashes of gold and silver.

After a while, they both reclaimed their lightsabers.

'You learn fast,' Demi observed.

'Really?' Atton said, glancing sideways at her. 'I didn't know this was a lesson.'

Demi felt the corners of her mouth turn up, then looked around the street. 'We should head back.'

'That sounds about right.' And, Thanks, Demi. I don't know why dancing pieces of metal can make someone happier, but it sort of did.

Like therapy?

Atton chuckled. Well, I dunno about that, but...You know what I mean.

Demi put both hands back in her pockets and jerked her head gently towards the direction of the ship, and Atton nodded.

As they turned a corner, Atton stopped in his tracks.

'Demi, wait.'

Demi turned around. 'Yeah?'

'Just tell me the truth on this, will you?'

Demi slowly faced towards him again. She wasn't sure why, but her heart started beating a bit faster. 'Sure. What's wrong?'

Atton sighed and ran a hand through his hair uncertainly. 'I want to know your perspective on all of this.'

'On all of what?'

'On all of--' He waved his arms wildly around '--this! Whatever the hell this is, I want you for once to tell me how you really feel. I mean, sometimes I get this feeling like maybe I'm not the only one going completely insane on this end, that I'm not the only one who actually feels something, and then something happens that makes me think otherwise.' He took a few strides toward her and lowered his voice. 'Demi, come on. We can't stay like this forever.'

'What are you--' Demi swallowed and went on. 'What are you suggesting?'

'That we become what we know is inevitable, what we know is going to happen eventually.'

Demi stepped back and took a look at him, the whole package. A frustrated passion lay behind his words, his eyes alight and fearful...and hopeful. Suddenly the phrase, 'You have the right to remain silent; whatever you say may and will be used against you,' popped into her head.

'Atton...' she began.

'Look, I know I sound like some--Well, I don't know what I sound like; probably some half-assed, pompous, random guy who's so sure of himself; but the truth is that I'm not right now, and I need to know, I need to know the answer to this. It's not going to solve it on its own, no matter how much we try to pretend that it isn't there. And for once, everything else, Revan, promises, the galaxy, life, and death...leave all that out of the equation.--For once, make it just about you and me. Nobody else.'

'Are you so sure about that?' Demi said, her voice quavering. 'Is that really what you want?'

Atton just stared at her for a few moments, breathing hard.

Finally, Demi moved, and began to speak. 'I've never,' Demi began, her voice so soft Atton could barely hear it, '--I've never been good at explaining how I felt. And I doubt you'd understand, anyway.'

'Try me,' Atton said seriously, not moving any closer but not inching away either. His heart was pounding hard in his chest.

'What do you want me to say?' Demi said, still quietly.

Whatever it is you're not saying.

Demi nodded. That made sense.

She closed her eyes for a moment, wondering many things all at once. Just say something, Demi, she thought. Just--

'It doesn't have to be so hard, you know,' Atton said in an undertone.

Demi opened her eyes. 'You're not exactly making it easy.'

Atton sighed aggravatedly. 'I'm trying my best, all right? Usually, I don't even feel like talking things out, as I'm sure you've noticed, but there's been a lot of it going around lately, and if this is what it takes, then I'll go for it.' His voice softened. 'I don't need some kind of term paper from you, Demi. I just need the truth.'

'As if the truth is any easier,' Demi said bitterly. 'If anything, it's more complicated.'

'Well, that's just the way things are! Why can't you just--' He shook his head and stopped himself, running his hands through his hair, unable to contain his anger and frustration. He turned away for a moment before facing her again. 'You know what your problem is, Demi?'

'What?' Demi demanded. 'What exactly is my problem, Atton? Since you seem to know me so well!'

'The fact that you keep running and running away from what you know is going to happen eventually.'

'What's going to happen,' Demi said desperately, 'is us driving each other mad! A while ago we were getting along fine, and look at us now! Bickering like some old married couple.'

'Well, if we are,' Atton insisted, 'it's some kind of sign!'

Demi gave a disbelieving laugh and shook her head. 'No. No, Atton. We've gone over this before. It couldn't possibly...happen.'

'Then what was the thing that happened back at Central Port? Was that to help the galaxy? Was that to save Revan?'

It hurt to look in his eyes, so she turned away. 'It's never going to work.'

'You don't know that.'

'I do.'

It was quiet for a moment between them.

'What are you trying to say, Dem?' Atton said finally, breaking the awful silence that had fallen like a curse upon them. 'You don't care for me at all? Not even one, twisted, little part of you needs me? And I'm not talking about piloting the ship. You know that.'

Silently, Demi looked over Nar Shaddaa.

'I don't...know. Anything at all. When I'm with you, I mean. You have no idea how confusing you really are. Or maybe, as you said, it's also me.' She half-laughed. 'It--it probably is.'

Atton joined her at the railing, letting her go on.

'And I hate...' Demi swallowed, struggling. 'I hate how you can make me feel...things. I've never in my whole life--' She broke off, laughing harshly. 'Damn it. What am I trying to say? I sound ridiculous.' She sighed, a tear coursing its way down her cheek. She brushed it away restlessly. 'You don't understand, Atton. The way I've been brought up, the things I've had to do. I'm not allowed anything. And then you come in. At first, I just thought you were...Well, the definition isn't entirely flattering so I'll just leave that there. But you weren't. And then I thought that maybe I was just feeling lust...or something. But learning more about your past and every other little thing you kept hidden just like the rest of us made me wonder...It made me think twice. I realized there was so much more to you and so much more to know...That I didn't. Know, I mean.'

She glanced at him, not sure how to say the words she wanted to say.

Atton just nodded, wanting to understand. Knowing now that once the initial wall was broken, the feelings would eventually spill out. All she needed was a bit of prodding in the direction she needed to go.

'And...it's not just fun and games anymore. It's not just a little bit of back-and-forth between us. It's reality. And I hate that I'm scared. I hate that this is all new and I'm just not prepared for it. There is no strategy I can concoct like during the Wars, it's a whole new--territory, I guess I should say. I hate how I'm not even sure what I really want, or what you want. And I just...I hate it,' she finished.

'That's life, Demi,' Atton said. 'Not being prepared. You don't have to be scared. You don't have to be anything at all.' He looked straight at her. 'I guess I know now where I stand.'

Demi's eyes conveyed shock and confusion. 'And where is that?'

Atton started walking away, backwards, hands in pockets. 'Away. Far, far away. Ever since I've gotten here it's like you've been wanting to get rid of me.'

'That's not true,' Demi said softly. 'You know that.'

'Do I? Should I count the bruises, Demi? I've gotten kneed, slapped, kicked in the shins. You can't be telling me that's some sign of affection. Love hurts, Dem, but it shouldn't be literal.'

'Shut up,' Demi whispered softly, but her eyes glittered. 'This isn't a joke.'

'I know that. Probably better than you, actually. The fact is that me, here with you, that's the last place you possibly want me to be. Maybe I've just been kidding myself that I'm actually useful, that I wasn't just some thorn in your side as you went off to find Revan. With me gone, Renee will get off your back. She doesn't care about you; it's Jaq she wants. And I'm sure you'll find some other former-Dark sider to get you into the special planet's atmosphere. There's plenty of 'em walking around. So you can get through all of it. Without me.'

He meant it. Atton turned around and kept walking. Usually it was Demi's back turned on him, but this was a new feeling. And Demi wasn't sure that she really liked it. In fact, she was sure she didn't like it at all.

'Where are you going?' Demi said, astonished.

He didn't answer, just kept striding down the walkway the way he had come.

'Atton!' Demi yelled after him. He didn't even turn around. 'Stay!'

Give me a reason.

'W-What?' Demi breathed. The sound of his voice in her head kept echoing, but its meaning didn't quite register with Demi until she realized just how much further and farther away he was getting.

'Atton!' she yelled again. 'I--I...' She swallowed and took a deep breath.

'I love you, you schutta!'

:) tWiNkLeT.