Truce
As usual, this is a non voting entry simply posted for fun. So while thumbs up are certainly appreciated, they're not counted in the official tally. Also, I apologize in advance for any typos you may find. I wrote this story this morning, so I haven't had the chance to proof like I should. I'll try to fix them as soon as I can.
***
In moments like this, when an amnesia plagued Dark Lord was staring at him like he was the biggest core slime in the galaxy, Carth Onasi wished he was a better liar.
Revan's demand was a loud whisper. 'Onasi, what the hell is your problem?'
Carth stole a quick glance around the dank Taris apartment where a Wookiee, a Twi'lek kid and the Hope of the Republic were currently sleeping. He wondered if they were still asleep or just pretending because they didn't want to get involved. As Bastila generally wasn't that discreet and Mission could be amazingly nosy, he figured they must really be asleep. Or maybe they just couldn't hear anything over the loud Wookiee snoring.
'What are you talking about? I don't have a problem,' he snapped.
Even though he was pretty sure his face reflected the same bland neutrality that he'd tried to wear ever since they'd crashed on Taris, he couldn't stop his fists from clenching.
'Right. That's why you've been staring at me for the last hour like I'm going to kill everyone in their sleep or something,' she shot back as she grabbed her satchel and headed out the door.
Carth cursed under his breath, wishing that Revan hadn't caught him watching her. He knew that he should try to make an effort to act more normal around her, but he just couldn't seem to manage it. She was Revan. She was responsible for the death of his planet and family. And she was absolutely nothing like he expected to find when he'd been ordered to take this damned mission.
He slung his blaster holster around his hips and tried not to step on any of his sleeping companions as he followed her. The door hissed shut behind him and he had to trot down the hall to catch up with her. She was so pissed that she wouldn't even look at him.
'Forget it. I don't even want to know. I'm out of here.'
He grabbed her arm, jerking her to a stop, panic that she was going to follow through with her threat and leave tightening his grip. There was no way in the nine Corellian Hells that he was going to let Revan prance around Taris by herself. If she got picked up by the Sith, if they figured out that their Dark Lord wasn't really dead -- well the implications were beyond dangerous.
The words came out in a near snarl. 'Wait a minute, sister. You can't just march off on your own.'
Revan's glare flickered from his hands to his face. 'Get your hands off of me. Now.'
Carth looked down at his hand clenched around her bare arm. When he let go, he could see marks from his hand on her smooth brown skin. The twinge of guilt he felt caught him completely off guard, shocking him into silence.
He'd been in battles before. Hell, he'd killed people with blasters and blades, but he'd never laid hands on a woman like that in his entire life. Carth's disgust with himself mirrored the look on Revan's face.
She took advantage of his momentary confusion. Rubbing her arm, she continued down the hallway.
'Wait -'
She cut him off with her slender brown hand. 'I don't think so.'
'You can't go out there by yourself.'
'Watch me.'
'It's too dangerous.'
A snort. 'Why do you care? You've been nothing but a complete asshole to me ever since we met. If you hadn't saved my life, I would have left you and your damn mission to rot. But now I've done what I promised, and gotten your damn Jedi back. I've paid my debt to you and now I'm done.'
'No way. I'm not letting you leave like this.'
The building's exit loomed closer. Revan's pace quickened. She fired off her words as fast as her steps. 'You don't have a choice. I'm not in the military. You're not my commanding officer. You have no authority over me. I can do whatever the hell I want. And what I want to do, more than anything, is get away from you.'
Carth knew she was right, that he didn't have any way, short of shooting her in the back of the head, to make her stay. A few days ago he would have had no problem doing exactly that, but now, after watching her work so hard to help Mission and Zalbaar as well as helping him get Bastila back, he wasn't sure if he could do it.
As it wasn't something he wanted to test, he ground the needed words out. 'Please stop, Min.'
Startled that he'd actually called her by what she thought was her name, she stopped and stared at him. Revan was silent for a few seconds, as she studied him with dark eyes.
Finally, she said, 'You hate my guts.' It wasn't a question.
Carth fumbled for words. Something to say to keep her from leaving. What popped from his lips surprised both of them.
'I don't hate you.'
What was shocking was that it was almost true. Carth was pretty sure that he'd never be comfortable around the woman who'd caused the destruction of his entire life, but while his anger with her still simmered beneath the surface, it wasn't nearly as all consuming as it had been a few weeks ago.
It was much easier to hate a masked Sith Lord he thought he'd never meet, than a vain, pushy, intelligent, competent and occasionally considerate woman who had no idea who she was. Even worse, out of a sense of duty, she'd willingly helped him get Bastila back even though he'd been less than nice to her. His fear, disgust and anger with her seemed to erode every single day he spent with her, which led to a tangle of conflicting emotions that brought on a very different kind of anger and self-loathing entirely.
'Right. That's why you barely speak to me, and when you do you can't even manage to be civil. You look at me like at any moment I'm going to stab you in the back. You follow me everywhere I go. At first I thought you were just a cold, paranoid dickhead who treated everyone like that. But then we met Mission and Zaalbar and got Bastila back and I find out that not only can you carry on a conversation that's longer than five words, but that you're actually a decent, nice guy. To everyone except me.'
Dark curls bobbed as she shook her head and looked away. For the first time, Carth realized that he'd hurt her feelings. Another pang of guilt, just as unexpected and damned frustrating as the first one, churned his guts.
'It's not you. It's me. I just have... issues,' he finished lamely, not knowing what else to say, unable to tell her the truth.
Revan couldn't hide her contempt. 'Oh no arguments here, flyboy.'
His temper flared when he realized that there was a part of him that actually cared about her good opinion. He quashed the urge to blurt out the truth and defend himself.
'There are things in my past that... Look, I just don't trust people all that easily, okay? And I hate this situation we're in.'
That part was definitely true. He'd been ordered to take part in what he thought had to be the most reckless plan in the entire galaxy. He thought both Admiral Dodonna and the Jedi Masters had to be out of their mind, but it wasn't his place to question his orders, just to follow them to the best of his ability. But that didn't mean he had to like it.
'So you decided to take it out on me? Considering how nice you are to the others, that makes no sense.' She rolled her eyes, and he could tell she wasn't buying his excuses. 'Whatever, Onasi. You're not my problem anymore. I don't need to figure you out.'
'Then think about this. This mission we're on, it's important. We have to get Bastila off this planet and you to the Jedi so you can do your job or we're all going to be kneeling to Sith Lords. And that's everyone's problem, including you. A lot of people are going to die if we aren't successful.'
Carth saw the flicker of guilt and duty on her face, and he knew he was on the right track. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. 'Things have been stressful, and I know... I know that I haven't been treating you right. If you come back to the room and help us get off this planet, I'll be nicer. Okay?'
Revan crossed her arms under her chest. 'Whatever. I'll stick around at least until we talk to the Jedi Council. But stay out of my way, because I'm done with you.'
As she turned around and marched back to the apartment without even a backwards glance at him, Carth followed more slowly, lost in his thoughts and self-loathing, hating himself for feeling guilty about hurting a Dark Lord's feelings.
Pris... you forgot to fix your typos =P
But nice story snippet, too bad she didn't walk out, would have been interesting.
That has put an entirely new twist on Carth's issues and it really works. His reasons for acting the way he does in the game are perfectly valid, but your take on the reasons behind Carth's actions take it one step further; it's totally plausible.
I would love to see this expanded, not neccesarily in to a story but a longer one-shot at least - the concept deserves some more development.
Aside from the few typos, I really enjoyed reading this and it left me wanting more. :)
ZOMG, you spelled Wookiee wrong!11!
I like that Carth was a total asshat. It fits with the whole anger, paranoia and wanting revenge (on Saul ingame, Revan here, since she's available.) There was a certain degree of maturity with your Revan in that she picks up on how he treats everyone else differently and singles her out and that she's not just going to piss and moan about it, she's not going to put up with it.
On the technical end, I'd like to see a few less descriptors. There were a few phrases like, "Carth saw the flicker of guilt and duty on her face," that just felt like I was being told and I'd much rather make my own assumptions with what's given. What does duty look like on someone's face?
I'd like to see more as well, if only because Bastila was asleep through this entire piece and I'm sure his relationship with her would be very different given that they both know and Carth doesn't strike me as the type to keep secrets very well.
Nice snippet of what feels like a longer story. I don't feel it needs any more elavoration, it was just like many plays that portry a 'slice of life'.
The 'What if' idea is very bland, but the way it was written is nothing short of brilliant, showing your level of maturity as an author. I'm amazed to see that you wrote it in a single day, and saddened that it is not an official entry. This is by far my favourite of all the Fics.
This was a fun piece with some good lines and typical strong characterization. It was a good choice to write it from Carth's perspective--he and the audience (and Bastila, presumably) are in the know about Revan but she's not. You did a good job showing Carth's involuntary like of decent people warring with his hatred of a theoretical Revan. This story is certainly expandable into a longer arc or series, but it would be hard to keep it from turning into a walkthrough and I don't imagine you want to invest the time in that! The only real crit I have is that there may have been a bit too much explanation ("he'd been ordered to take part in what he thought had to be the most reckless plan in the entire galaxy. . .") but I think that may have been caused more by the parameters of the challenge itself. Like I said in Grimrabbit's review, it's hard to make big "what ifs" that affect the entire game fit into DCC-sized stories. Nice job!
This most enjoyable piece was written in one morning? I am impressed. The "What If" topic is rather bland, in my opinion, but this is a very enjoyable take on it. As always, I like a Revan who's rough and capable, but also has a caring, devoted side. You manage that dichotomy very convincingly, and it's fun to read.
My only complaint is that I can't vote for it...
Very witty dialogue and a clever premise. Your spot on characterization makes this piece sing. Of course, reading that you wrote this in only one day makes me want to jump out a window...
Now I want a fict where Carth and Min dislike each other.
I love that her beauty and niceness aren't enough to make him change his mind. Although the premise is predictable, it doesn't matter because your character development is strong enough to hold interest.
That's my favorite part because there's so much of Carth in that paragraph. Officer and gentleman. Man with a job to do. And so he soldiers on. It's even possible to get some sympathy going for Min with what you've given us, with her confusion, and insistence on keeping on with the mission. Actually, you've taken a moment so early in time that nothing is really changed by Carth's knowing from the game. He's suspicious -- he would be anyways...
Except internally for him of course, and that's everything.
Well done!
To be posted 26 Oct 2007 on
To be posted 26 Oct 2007 on StarwarsKnights under The Critic returns and Lucasforums under the Critic’s Two Cents.
Because I find that a lot of the writing here is already what I would define as professional standard, I will tag those I liked as pick of the week. Check at StarwarsKnights for the best of the best.
Alternate Universe KOTOR On Taris after Bastila’s Rescue: Carth struggles to understand his feelings. One of the ‘What If’ entries, this piece is well worth reading. You get the flavor of someone trying to conceal knowledge without giving up his feeling, which causes the frustration that was so prevalent in the Taris Mission specifically. The only way it could have been better is if it had been on Leviathan with Saul telling him and Carth saying ‘so?’. One of the picks for this week.