Chapter 25: Renee, Part II

Chapter 25 of: The Fate of the Wandering: Renee, Part II

The Ebon Hawk was filled with the sounds of spoons clanging against bowls and cups moving across the table. Leo had said that he was tired of eating dried food rations, so he had taken the meat and vegetables, dumped water over them, added spices, and heated it up, thus making something that resembled soup. Warm, delicious, and filling.

'I'm so hungry, I could eat a gizka,' Atton declared, digging into his food.

'If I recall correctly, we do happen to have some gizkas aboard this ship,' said Leo, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. 'Although they do have that immortal problem going for them, so I wonder what would happen after you eat them. Maybe they'd come back to life in your stomach?'

Atton's face paled, mid-bite, suddenly feeling a very strong case of indigestion, even though he had barely had anything to eat. 'Wise-ass,' he grumbled.

Now there was silence in the main hold. It was a slightly tense silence, of words and apologies unsaid. And it was also one of many worries. Brianna, Renee, Lena, Vincentii...

'What should we do?' Demi said finally, breaking the quiet. 'We can't just walk up to Vincentii's front door, pound on it, and demand for them to give us Brianna's cure. For one thing, we don't know where they are, and it's because of them that we're here in the first place. We've walked right into their hands. Back on Central Port, it was them who did the Sith enchantment over Brianna. It's them who has the only known cure for her, on a locked-in planet, conveniently where there is also an ex-Sith Assassin and current killer on the loose.'

'I'd say someone up there really has it in for us,' Atton said, scraping up the remains of his bowl.

'I second that. But what is it that Vincentii wants from us?' Leo questioned, looking agitated. 'Do they want my sample of the Clarande-V? They seem to be doing just fine without it.'

'Maybe they're going to do what all big companies do,' Atton suggested. 'Have some sort of meeting, involving many questions, credits, and if we're lucky, only a small blaster aimed at our backs.'

'Not all companies are like that,' Demi said apprehensively, trying to be fair.

'I fear that Vincentii is going to get us involved in something much darker and dangerous than a simple gun-point interrogation. They like to think big, shall we say. That's been proven, don't you think?' Leo pushed back his chair and dumped his bowl in the sink. 'I'm going to go check on Brianna and try to get some sleep. You do the same. As much as I hate to say it, we've done all we can for one night.'

'Hey, White-Haired Boy,' Atton called, and Leo turned around. 'If you want, I can come over later and act as a sort of translator for you and Brianna. Since I can read her mind, and all. How about it?'

Leo smiled a bit. 'Thank you, Atton. I just might take you up on that offer. Good-night, Demi.'

Demi waved a bit. ''Night.' She watched her brother disappear down the corridor, then turned to Atton. 'Let's finish that story of yours, then.'

Atton sighed, and Demi half-wished that she had never brought it up. 'Now? Force knows what time it is.'

'I have to know,' Demi said. 'I...I need to know what could have made Renee from what she was, into what she is now. I need to understand her, Atton. And if she makes another appearance, I may not have the time to hear it all. For whatever motive, to capture her, to kill her, to turn her back to the Light...I just need to understand.'

Atton sighed again, and ran a hand through his brown hair. 'I don't think it's really possible to understand her and the way she thinks. Who knows what goes on in that twisted head of hers? I mean, okay, I was with her for many, many years, probably too many, and sometimes it felt as if I knew her better than she knew herself. But it's not as though I know every little thing that goes through her head.'

Demi stared at him. 'There's a reason you don't want to tell me,' she said slowly.

Atton looked away. 'If you were me, you wouldn't want to either.'

Demi smirked just a little bit. 'Is it very...graphic?'

Atton rolled his eyes, but a hint of red appeared on his cheeks.

'You're blushing,' Demi said, grinning fully now, taking a bite of bread. 'This is interesting. I've never seen you blush before.'

'Don't get used to it,' Atton grumbled, drinking down the last of the juma. 'Look, you already know that Renee and I were involved. I don't need to shove it under your face.'

Demi bit down something sharp she had been about to say about him and Lena, and fumbled with her napkin. When she looked back up, her sparkling eyes were serious. 'I can handle it,' she said quietly. 'Besides, it's not as though you can honestly tell the story without including everything. And if you do, I can still read your thoughts, so...'

Atton exhaled, but he was smiling a bit. 'You're determined to make this as hard for me as you can, aren't you?'

'It's a horrible talent,' Demi said, settling down into her chair. 'So. Where does it continue?'

Atton took a deep breath, and dived in. 'It continues with a name, and the curiosity that followed that name. It continues with Revan...'

'So who is she?' Renee's voice was husky as she brought him closer to her in the dark. Here, it was uncertain whose arm or limb this belonged to, but the darkness and shadows was where both of them felt safer.

Atton rolled over her on the bed, and brought his lips down upon hers to silence her again and again. 'Let's not talk about her now,' he said. He let his hands wander, marveling at how she reacted to his touch.

'Why not?' Renee said when she could, putting her hands on his bare chest to stop him. 'I want to know. What's she like?'

Atton, not for the last time, sighed. 'I only met her once.'

'And?'

'And...she's...Force, I don't know, Renee! And I don't really care right now, anyway.'

Renee rolled her eyes and brought him back down to her, before rolling over him and holding him in place with both knees. 'What does she look like?'

Atton gave another resigned sigh. 'She's about your height with dark, curly-wavish hair, violet-reddish eyes, and a six or seven foot tall stud named Malak who I dislike just as much.'

Renee smiled and kissed him on the neck, inhaling his scent. 'Thank you.'

'You're welcome.' Atton rolled out of the bed and grabbed his shirt from off the floor, suddenly not in the mood for this. 'Why do you care, anyway?'

'Because, Jaq.' Renee fell back against the pillow with a content sigh. 'She's, what? Like our leader of leaders? Commander of commanders? Ultimate Jedi? You can't help but be curious about what a lady like that is like. She's probably very powerful.'

'Probably,' agreed Atton, and he kissed her once more, until they were both feeling heady and light, loving the feel of her rich, brown hair beneath his fingers. 'You have to go,' Atton murmured finally. 'Mars, spoilsport that he is, is going to be back soon.'

'Tell him to come back later,' Renee said, just as softly. 'He can use my room for tonight.'

Mars burst in through the door just then, shutting it behind him. 'Yeah, because that's really my dreamwish. To spend the night in a frilly pink girl's dorm.' He tossed Atton a piece of bread in plastic, which Atton caught in surprise.

'Isn't it?' Renee said lazily, watching him.

'No,' said Mars shortly, switching on the light, making both Renee and Atton wince. 'It isn't. My dreamwish is for you to get the hell out of my room.' He tossed her a bread package as well. 'There. That's my bribe. You both missed the dinner call, and Dane had to cover for you, per usual, and I can honestly say, we're both immensely pissed off at the both of you. You're both acting like a couple of kids. If the officers find you out, they'll move one of you to separate forces, and you can be sure you'll never see each other again. And you're supposed to wake up at 0400! Instead, you sleep in a few extra minutes, but still manage to make the roll call and morning drills without ever getting caught. That pisses me off. It's like this war that's we're going to be fighting soon doesn't mean anything to you.'

'Oh, please,' said Renee, getting up and stretching, giving into Atton's arms. 'It means things. It means that I can be far, far away from you, in a separate camp, hopefully. That, my friend,' she said to Mars, 'is my dreamwish.'

'Yeah,' Mars sneered. 'You sure think big, don't you? Being the officer's pet that you are, I would have thought you'd have come up with something a little more creative. Like abandoning me, leaving me to be surrounded by Mandalorians, letting me die an honorable death.'

'There's an idea!' Renee exclaimed, laughing, drawing apart from Atton.

'Except you can leave out the honorable bit,' said Atton, and he and Renee shared a smirk.

Mars rolled his eyes. 'Just get out of my effing room. Why don't the both of you have your fun in the janitor's closet, or something?' He kicked through the trash and clothes on the floor, and groaned loudly as he looked at what had happened to his desk. Datapads lay scattered across the carpet. 'Force, what's wrong with you? You're supposed to stay on the bed. I have to clean this heap up now, because of your mess.'

'Aw, thanks, Mars,' Atton said, thumping him on the back. 'You're a good friend. Really, you are.'

'Go to hell!' Mars snapped.

Atton just laughed. 'We'll miss you, too.' He put an arm around Renee and the two of them went out the door. 'Don't worry, we'll be back!'

'Oh, please,' Mars said, rolling his eyes, throwing out some paper, then giving up and climbing the ladder to his bunk above Atton's. 'Please, for your sake if not for mine, take your time.'

'Atten...tion!'

Not again, Atton thought mentally. Beside him, Renee stood, straight and determined, just another person in a long line of soldiers all in their ranks and positions. She caught his eye and mouthed, 'Buck up, soldier,' so Atton reluctantly fixed his posture.

'Entering...Revan and Malak!'

Atton felt Renee's newly piqued curiosity and interest, knowing it took her great discipline not to look over the tall shoulder in front of her to see who this 'Revan' was. He heard footsteps of two people, both moving at a quick pace, one lighter than the other.

And then, he felt her. It was as though she had been carried by a light breeze, and her devilish violet eyes found his before he even knew that he was looking for them.

'It's you,' Revan said quietly, her eyes blazing with red sparks just waiting to form. Atton didn't know why, but she seemed more serious than the time he had seen her last. Now, it was as though she was looking straight into him, into his very soul, his desires, and she wouldn't let him break their gaze. 'You've changed.'

Atton heard this with surprise. Was this a good thing or...?

'I'm not sure yet,' Revan said, in reply to his thoughts. 'But we'll soon see, won't we?'

Malak then came and spoke to Revan in a low voice. 'The soldiers are ready. I know this, just by the tension in the room. They are hungry. They are hungry for war. And they are well-trained. After the demonstrations tomorrow, we cannot stay here long. Do not become too attached. We have alliances to make along the Outer Rim as well as...'

'I know all this, Malak,' Revan said dangerously, impatiently. 'Don't you feel it?' she said then, so softly that Atton could barely hear her. But it was as though she did want him to hear. 'The power...The potential...' She looked up sideways at Malak. 'You know what I mean.'

Malak looked, a little surprised, at Renee, then down the line and at Atton. Piercing amber eyes. Atton did not shrink under his gaze, if anything, he held himself more defiantly. What is he thinking about? Atton wondered.

'Ah,' Revan said suddenly, halting in front of Mars. 'Competitive. On fire. You have passion that will bring you far.'

'Thank you, ma'am,' Mars said, looking ahead of him with pride.

At Dane, Revan stopped as well. 'You have a good heart. But you hold on too tightly to people you have lost, or who you feel you will lose soon. Let them go. And fight for them and their memory when the time comes. That is all I have to say.'

Dane looked troubled as Revan walked away, with Malak right behind her.

'You've done your job well,' Revan said to the head officers, tightening her ponytail, letting its dark mass swing back over her shoulder. Officers Kempshaw, Rai-el, and Urikal listened attentively. Revan turned back to the soldiers. 'And you will bring this galaxy victory. This I know. You all have strengths and strong motivations; things in your past that you will fight for with all your heart, and that will help shape your future. I'm proud of what I see here, and that is no lie.'

She then proceeded to head out of the room, dark blue Jedi Knight robe drawn close around her form, lightsabers clinking.

And then, Mars, still in his position, let out a war cry, pounding the Echani staff he held in one hand on the ground. It was a cry for victory and honor, and one of the highest respect for their leaders. Eventually, the rest of the room joined in, so a beating of staffs against the floor rumbled and vibrated around. Yells and shouts and cheers rang true. Revan had one hand on the door, a teary smile on her face. They would never know how much she had given up for them, or what they might have to give up in return.

'Thank you,' she said, quietly, simply, but it was enough. And then she swept out the door.

'Did you see that?' Renee hissed incredulously as they sat at their table near the window. Black sky and endless space stretched out beyond it as the Academy lay suspended in what felt like the middle of the galaxy. 'She didn't talk to me. She didn't even look at me. But Mars--Mars, of all people--'

'That doesn't mean anything,' Atton interrupted. 'Besides, you heard her. 'I'm proud of what I see here.' That applies to you, too.'

'I guess,' Renee said doubtfully, stirring her soup with a spoon. Agitated, she pushed the bowl away. 'Did I do something wrong? I didn't pass under her Majesty's gaze?'

Atton sighed. 'Renee...You're overanalyzing--'

Suddenly, above them, the intercom clicked. 'Renee Lunecaster and Jaq Rand,' clipped a voice. 'Please report to Revan and Malak's quarters, located to the left of the weapon storehouse. Thank you.'

Renee and Atton stared at each other. 'Are we in trouble?' Renee said, eyebrows creased in worry.

'Guess we'll find out,' Atton muttered, just as confused.

She stood up and Atton did the same.

Dane came up to them. 'Hey, did you guys hear? You have to report to the--'

'Yeah, we heard,' Atton said roughly, walking past her.

Dane Ulgo watched them go with a strange expression on her face. Hurt, downfallen, crestfallen, maybe. Revan's words were still ringing in her head.

'Renee and Jaq Rand?' a person by the door questioned as they came closer.

'That's us,' Renee said, impatiently gesturing at herself. 'I'm Renee, and that's Jaq Notta Rand.'

The doorperson looked confused. 'But Revan sent for a Rand, and you're saying that he's not a Rand?'

'That's right,' Atton said, nodding. 'I'm Notta Rand.'

There was a pause. 'Then what are you doing here?'

Renee rolled her eyes and sighed loudly. 'That's his middle name!' she exclaimed.

'Oh!' Atton and the soldier said at the same time, realizing the little mis-communication they had just had.

'Well,' blustered the doorperson. 'Go on in.'

Renee and Atton were both wary when they entered the room. Aside from them, it was completely devoid of people. There was a tapestry behind a desk, draped over the wall in alternating colors of violet and red. Two chairs were set out in front of it, and there were two passageways, one on either side of the desk.

'Nice digs,' said Renee, calmly walking over to the desk and picking up a datapad that was on it. ''To Officer Urikal,'' she read, as Atton sat down in one of the chairs. ''Intensify recruits' training especially as the war looms ever closer...You know as well as I that the Mandalorians are fierce and brutal opponents. They will not hide or take cover. They will keep marching, even as their ranks fall to pieces around them, and this is the sort of intimidation I want our soldiers to be expecting. Maybe they cannot be immune to it. Maybe we all possess some kind of fear. But I just want us to be ready. Revan.''

Renee dropped it back down on the desk, looking deep in thought.

Then, from the right passageway, a door banged open and they heard the sound of a woman laughing.

Renee and Atton exchanged a look, and Atton stood back up beside her in rigid attention, not exactly sure what they should expect.

Revan then came into view, holding a mug of caffa in her hands, exchanging exasperated yet amused looks with Malak who was grinning sheepishly at some conversation they had been having before Atton and Renee had come in. Revan then set herself in the tall chair behind the desk, the colors of the tapestry illuminating her eyes even more. She took a sip of the caffa, then set it aside. She gestured at them to sit down. 'Glad you could make it,' she said, as Malak stationed himself by her chair, a tall guard at the ready.

'I'd say the same thing,' said Renee, 'Except I still don't have any idea why we're here. And what do we call the both of you? Jedi Admirals? Commanders of one third of the fleet? High-ranking Generals? Sir? Or ma'am?'

'You may call us,' Revan said, holding the mug in one hand, and searching through a cabinet below the desk with the other, 'Revan and Malak. It's simple, easy to remember, and much shorter so you can save some of your breath. Now...' She found a file and dropped it onto the desk. Then she smiled, and noticed the datapad to Officer Urikal had been moved. 'Read anything interesting?' she said, adjusting it slightly so it was back into place, her eyes twinkling.

'Not my fault,' Atton said automatically, and Renee shot him a look.

Revan raised her delicate eyebrows. 'I never insinuated that it was, but now I'm starting to wonder...'

'You're here because we have a proposition to make,' Malak said, deciding to cut to the chase.

'Yes. Thank you, Malak,' Revan said, smiling a bit. 'To put it plainly, we're promoting you.'

'Promoting us?' Renee repeated. 'To what?'

'Jaq is under Officer Rai-el, and you are under Officer Kempshaw, is that correct?'

Atton nodded. 'Yes.'

'We're moving the both of you to Officer Urikal, and you will be his right hands, I suppose is how I can put it. You will both head a squad, and you will be in charge of that squad. Dane Ulgo and Mars Wood...They are friends of yours, are they not?'

'Well, Dane, sure. But Mars...'

Revan waved that away. 'This is war, Jaq. What I mean is: Can you trust them?'

Atton nodded slowly. 'Yeah. Yeah, I can.'

'Good. That's cleared up then. They will also be in your squad. I believe when we sent you into the last test, during the Echani training, you three made quite the team, and made it out faster than everyone else. That is not an easy feat, Field Officer Rand.' She turned to Renee. 'And you. I have not seen you fight, command, or demonstrate any kind of skill, but I have seen you. Your state of mind is admirable. And I have evidence to prove that the both of you are...special.' Her lip curled slightly as she finished typing up something on new datapads, and handed one to each of them. 'Give this to Officer Urikal at your next eight-mile run. You will start your new training them.'

Atton and Renee looked down at the datapad, but it was encrypted.

'That will be all,' Revan said, tugging her dark hair out of its band and letting it down. It was slightly wavy, and Atton noted Malak watching as it flowed behind her shoulders, saw his fingers flex as though itching to run his hands on the silky strands and feel them between his grasp. 'I'm sorry, but I honestly don't have time for questions right now.'

Renee and Atton both stood up, and saluted both Revan and Malak.

'So, are we supposed to say 'thank you?'' Renee wanted to know.

Revan looked up, a smile on her face. 'If you're alive at the end of the war, you can thank me then. There's the door.'

And so, with one last salute, they left.

---

'I was whirling through the air,' Mars related to other soldiers who had gathered round, tankards of ale littering the table. 'I felt the muscle in my right arm stretch and it was just burning. I hit the ground hard, right on it. The impacted expanded out, and I found I couldn't move my arm at all.'

Dane was listening, a vague smile on her face, one elbow on the table, her other hand holding an ale. She looked up and saw Renee and Atton, and waved.

'My bone was shattered,' Mars said in a conspiratorial whisper, indicating his left arm, 'It was disconnected. Even today, I can't feel anything in this arm. People say you have to make sacrifices, that pain is weakness leaving the body. And I've been through worse than this. So maybe they're right.'

'Can't feel anything in your right arm, you say?' Renee said, sliding over so everyone sitting on the bench had to make room for her. Then, suddenly, she punched Mars hard right below the shoulder, her fist making solid contact with his arm with a wham!

Renee grinned. 'Did you feel that?' she said pointedly.

Mars had winced and hissed in pain, and was now rubbing it. The other soldiers were laughing. 'What the hell was that for, Lunecaster?' he glowered.

'Oh,' Renee said carelessly, adjusting the salt and pepper shakers. 'Did I ruin your story's dramatic effect?'

'Jaq,' Mars complained, drinking some ale sulkily. 'Your girlfriend's outta control.'

Atton smiled and sat down next to Renee, draping an arm across her shoulders. 'She's like that.'

'I'm not his girlfriend,' Renee said at the same time. 'Hey, Dane.'

Dane lifted her tankard in a little acknowledgement, and drank deep. 'So, what did Revan and Malak want?'

'Apparently, we are now 'Field' Officers, and you and Mars and me and Jaq are all under the command of Officer Urikal. Jaq and I lead the squad.' Renee shrugged. 'I didn't really go into details.'

'You got promoted?!' Mars jaw couldn't drop any lower. 'What did you do to deserve that? You probably slept with Malak, didn't you?'

There was a tense silence.

'No,' Renee said presently. 'I like my men with hair, thanks. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that Revan doesn't mind, so you can take up her taste of men with her. But you and I both know that that wouldn't exactly be the smartest move.' Her eyes glittered dangerously. 'Would it, Mars?'

'Gods, Mars,' Dane said wearily, rubbing her eyes. 'Talk about tact. If we have to remind you, it was Renee who mopped the floor with you back in the dueling are--'

'Okay!' Mars exclaimed. 'Okay! Force, I got it already. I didn't mean it. Much,' he muttered darkly. 'I mean, it's not exactly secret that you've been sleeping around. It's sort of making me wonder how you get all of your favoritism from the officers...'

Atton narrowed his eyes and clenched his fists under the table. Renee noticed this and slid a smooth hand over his fist.

'Come on,' she whispered. 'Let's get outta here.'

'I've never heard a better plan in my entire life.'

Both of them stood up, the bench creaking beneath them, and made their way to the exit.

'Jaq, please,' Dane said after them, her eyes wide. 'You know what Mars is like. He doesn't mean anything by it!'

'Talk what you want,' Atton said simply, not looking back. 'I have better places to spend my time.'

And, holding Renee about the waist, they left Mars and Dane behind.

The grass was damp underneath Atton and Renee, the smell of it fresh and crisp. Now, it felt as though it was them against the galaxy now. The sky was scattered with stars, as they both looked above at the heavenly spectacle above them. It was beautiful. There was no other word for it. The way the lights spread out across the canvas that was the night sky, the way they felt that this was one thing that would never change. Stars.

Atton and Renee lay in the grass, Atton with one hand under his head, the other holding Renee's. Their hands were clasped together, intertwined, held over Atton's heart, and Renee was turned toward him, looking into his face. His eyes were dark and agitated as he searched above for some kind of answer.

'Mars is a bastard,' Atton said, tracing a constellation mentally. 'There's no other word for him.'

'It's fine, Jaq.' Renee sighed. 'I'm used to it. I've met worse guys than Mars. Believe me, it didn't hurt as much as you're making it out to be. I'm fine. I swear.'

'You're fine?' Atton demanded, firing up. 'Did you even hear what he was saying about you? I swear, that Mars is lucky there weren't any sharp objects nearby, or else I would've...'

'It's not as if it's the first time,' Renee interjected. She smiled grimly. 'People talk, Jaq. It's what mouths are made for.'

Atton turned to look at her. 'So, it's not for this, then?' And he kissed her soundly and deeply, closing the small gap between them with just one breath. It was different, though. It was gentler, peaceful, sweet.

Renee drew apart, a smile on her lips. 'I knew you wouldn't just let that line go by without having a say in the matter, flyboy.'

Atton smiled a bit, before sighing again, and looking back towards the stars. 'I hate it though. Why can't people just stick to their own business? And why does it hurt me, obviously more than it hurts you?'

Renee kissed him swiftly on the cheek, softly. 'Don't worry about it, Jaq. I can deal. I'm a big girl.'

Atton looked down at her, and his voice was warm and tender. 'I know that.'

'That's good, then. So don't worry.' She inspected his eyes. 'Okay?'

Atton exhaled. 'Okay.'

'Promise?'

That made him smile. 'I promise.'

And for a moment, they were together. They were happy.

From a window in the Academy, Revan watched them from above, remembering her own late escapades with Malak, long before. She couldn't help but smile as Atton stroked Renee's curls, both looking up into outer space, into whatever lay out there before them. Revan knew where that road would take them better than they did. She did not once glance up at the sky, the moon, or the stars; instead, she saved her last glance for the two shapes in the grass, before she closed the blinds and the window. In the back of her mind, she knew Atton had seen her, up there, hidden. That was good. He was meant to. She was meant to be in the back of his cobwebbed mind, as well.

Just a few months later, as the drums of war began, those same stars would begin to extinguish, one by one. Renee and Atton would be among the soldiers who waited in their formation, blood pumping in anticipation and fear, even as they heard the screams and shouts of dying soldiers, and the shots of repeaters far off in the jungle. Planets would crumble and fall into dust. As Revan led them into war and victories and helped them find their strengths, Atton and Renee both knew they would follow her wherever she led. Nothing would ever be the same.

Darth Revan paced around the room, her face livid, her red eyes bloodshot. 'I need more,' she said now, and Atton and Renee watched her, as she moved from one end of the room to the next. Her dark hair swung around restlessly, over her black robes and armor. 'I expected more from you.'

'We know,' Renee said. Even she was intimidated by Revan when she was in one of her tempers. They used to get along well, even through their immense difference in status and station. They would laugh about nothing, they would tease Malak who accepted it, amused, and they would talk. But now, it was Renee's turn to listen. 'We're sorry.'

'Sorry?' Revan let out a harsh laugh, and stopped her pacing to face Renee. Suddenly, she thrust her hand out and grasped it around air, and Renee was lifted off her chair and suspended three feet off the ground. Renee clutched a hand around the invisible force that was choking her neck, her feet dangling. 'You're more sorry now, aren't you?' Revan demanded, over the sound of Renee's gagging throat. 'Does it give you a whole new perspective? Answer me!'

She tightened her grip, her eyes on fire, teeth gritted.

'Revan,' Renee gasped, clawing at the hands that held her. 'My lord. My--' She winced and spasms racked her body... '--queen. Please...'

Revan dropped her unceremoniously to the floor, cutting off their connection, and turned away to the wall and the growing shadows that lengthened it. This was the same room they had all been in when they had been promoted to Field Officers, except Malak was not here at the moment, and the tapestry behind the desk was red and black. And this was no longer an Academy for Republic soldiers; it was a Sith Academy. Atton helped Renee back up, the latter who was breathing hard and watching for Revan's reaction.

'I told you not to kill unless it was absolutely necessary,' Revan said. 'Together you are a powerful duo, the leaders of your faction, and you decided to go on a little killing spree. You both figured it would be fun.' She hissed that word like it was venom. 'I believe you are taking advantage of the trust, of the favors, of the generosity I give to you.' Her voice hardened. 'I don't like being played. You should know that by now.'

'It won't happen again,' Atton said. 'We got carried away.'

'There's the understatement of the century!' Revan cursed and the trophies, datapads, and caffa mugs on her desk rattled with the frustration her Force was giving out. 'We rely on stealth and efficiency in this mission, and the both of you are using neither. The cover-ups I had to do for the both of you...You both have talent; you know that more than you should. But if you don't use it correctly, you'll find yourself having a very short life span indeed. Am I making myself clear?'

'Yes, Revan,' Renee said, sitting up straight.

'Then go. Head over to the colony you left and get the job done cleanly. That is all I have to say to you.' She lowered her voice. 'You know you both make me proud. You've barely even seen the extent of what I do and still you respect me. Or fear me. Either way, you made a smart choice in doing so. But you need to work to gain my trust, or else these opportunities I could so easily give away to another Assassin. Show me that you deserve them because the extent of your potential...that is something I do not want to see fail.'

Revan used the Force to propel her two lightsabers on the desk over to her, both of which she caught in a firm grip. Then she disappeared through the left doorway, and they heard the distinct sound of a door clicking. That was their queue to go.

Silently, Atton and Renee left, and walked down the hallway, Renee moving at a faster pace than Atton.

'What's the rush?' Atton said, Renee never breaking her furious stride.

'Force, Jaq!' she snapped. 'Are you deaf? Or just stupid? Did you not hear what she said?'

'They're just threats. You know she wouldn't really kill us. We're too important to her and her cause.'

'Now you're blind, too? Did you not see her suffocating me?'

'But she didn't go all the way with it.'

'That's not the point.' Renee's emerald eyes were agitated. 'She was right, alright? We messed up, Jaq. We messed up bad. You can't deny that. And if we don't make up for it, she'll replace us. You know she can, and she won't hesitate in doing so.'

'Fine. Let her replace us. We can run away. Forget this.'

Renee stopped in her tracks and stared into Atton's eyes, a furious and icy glare. 'You did not just say that. You did not.' And she resumed walking down the hall.

Atton stopped and watched her go. 'Okay! Maybe I didn't, but why are you acting like this?'

'Because I actually want to live out the night. And isn't this what we've been working towards these past few years? We can't lose this now. We've got our eyes on the prize, Jaq.'

'And what exactly is this prize?'

Renee stopped in the doorway. 'That's what I want to find out. I want to be at the top. I want to be at the top of the game, Jaq, whatever this game is that we're playing. And I want you to be there with me.' She paused. 'Can you handle the challenge?'

Atton looked at her, and then he heard footsteps behind him.

'Jaq!' It was a familiar voice. Dane. Her voice was out of breath.

Atton whirled around, and came face to face with Mars, who was beside Dane. 'You,' he said tersely. He had not seen these two in many months.

'That's right,' Mars said. 'And we're here to talk some sense into that thick skull of yours, mate.'

'How did you get in here?' Atton demanded. 'This Academy's supposed to be hidden.'

'We've lived here for years, Jaq,' Dane said, exasperated. 'We grew up as teenagers here together, remember? All three of us. It's not as if we'd forget that.'

'Who let you in?' Atton said, his voice rising. 'You're not supposed to be in here!'

'We broke in, and would you shut up so Dane can talk?' Mars exclaimed.

'Since when have you ever cared about what others had to say?' Atton said, his eyes slanting in suspicion.

'I hate to break it to you, Jaq, but you've missed a few things while you've been away. Things change. Dane, she's--' Mars voice was almost tender, something Atton had never thought possible. 'She's my friend. I care about her more than anything else, and you, obviously, are the opposite, the way you left with Miss Sith Brunette over there immediately after the Mandalorian Wars.'

'Hello to you too,' Renee said, still standing in the doorway. 'What do you want?'

Dane glanced over at her, then turned back to Atton, lowering her voice. 'We want you to come with us,' she said, desperately.

'Why?' Atton said sharply. 'Haven't you made it clear enough that you hate me? That you hate us? Give me a reason why, exactly, I should go off with you. You both sound happy enough. You sound as if the two of you were getting married, to tell the truth.'

'Don't be an idiot, Rand,' Dane said. Her eyes shone bright. 'Force, Atton? Can't you see what she's doing to you?'

'No,' Atton said shortly. 'I can't. Really, I feel better around her than I've ever felt around the both of you combined. You're the ones who made the mistake, not joining Revan after the Wars. In fact...' He took a pistol from his belt and cocked it at Mars' head, who instinctively took a step back to cover Dane. Atton smiled eerily. 'I'd say you made another mistake, coming here. Who were you looking for, exactly?'

He took a step towards them, and Mars and Dane had to go back a little farther down the hall. 'Jaq? Jaq Rand? The one you thought you knew after all of these years? Let me tell you something. You never knew him.'

'Jaq,' Dane whispered. 'We're your friends.'

Atton just laughed, tilting back his head to the ceiling and laughing loud and clear. 'Yeah. Yeah, that's got to be it! You really had my back all these years, didn't you? Running off the way you did, scattering as fast as you could like cowards, anything to get as far away from me as you possibly could.'

'Hey,' Mars said sharply. 'We didn't run. That was you, Jaq. We stayed by the side we thought we should stay by, the Republic, and we stayed loyal to that side till the end. That's what being a soldier means. And you were on your way to being a real fine one. Hell, I'll even admit it, you outclassed me.' Mars pointed a wavering finger at Renee in the doorway, who crossed her arms over her chest indifferently. 'But then, this--this nobody from Nar Shaddaa finds her way to our Academy, and suddenly, you're just gone. Suddenly, you do everything at the whim of Revan! I respected Revan too, you know. But do you really know what she's planning? How do you know she just won't throw you away, after she's done with the both of you? She's power-hungry, Jaq. Protect the galaxy against the Mandalorians, fine, but now she wants to take over the galaxy? And you're still sticking around. What is she making you do? This isn't you, Jaq. And you know it.'

'Right, because instead, I'd really want to stick around the whiny and protective Dane Ulgo, and the stuck-up bastard Mars Wood, who thought he was such a hot-shot, going around, challenging everyone he possibly could.' Atton put his other hand on the pistol as well. 'Now I'm giving you a fair warning. You get the hell out of my sight, or I put this next bolt through your brain. 'Cause I mean--' He laughed again, but it was as humorless a laugh as a laugh could be, '--what are friends for right? We play fair. Don't we?'

Atton pressed the trigger, and a blast of energy whizzed towards Dane and Mars. Quickly, Mars shoved Dane to the side of the wall and out of the way, yelling, 'Down!'

Atton just chuckled, and let the gun drop from his hands, where it spiralled down to the floor and lay there. The sound it made as it hit rock bottom echoed throughout the empty hall. 'Yeah. What was I thinking? I mean what I said before, but I mean it more now. You're not even worth my time.' He tightened his jaw. 'We're done.'

And he headed down the hall towards Renee, who smiled, satisfied, her emerald eyes twinkling.

'Jaq!' Dane cried, getting out of Mars' grasp.

Atton just waved casually over his shoulder, and kept walking.

'You know what?' Mars said, staring after him disbelievingly. 'You're right. We're done! I don't even know why I bothered wasting my breath coming after you. You aren't worth it. You and Renee, you think you have it all. And personally, I think you deserve each other. But you don't really love each other, do you?'

'Yeah, well.' Atton smirked. 'At least we still know how to have a right good time.'

And Dane and Mars watched as Atton joined Renee and stepped through the door. In his head, he no longer remembered Elle or the nickname she had given him, 'Atton.' He was Jaq now. Forever and evermore.

Mars fought a battle within his head, seeing Jaq's retreating back and the gun on the floor, and finally reached down to swoop it up, but Dane put out a hand to stop him.

'Don't,' she said. 'Don't do it.'

'Dane--' Mars began, disbelievingly.

'I know what you're thinking. And maybe we can't help Jaq now. Not anymore. But I just have this feeling that there may be someone else who can. Just trust me on this.'

Slowly, Mars nodded. Besides, Atton, Jaq, whoever he was...He was already gone.

---

There was a girl in the corner that watched him, as he entered the run-down inn on the edge of space. A cloak was drawn around her huddled form, as she laid her head against the wall behind her, clutching her knees to herself. A table lay before her, glasses of juma and bottles of whiskey on it untouched at the moment. Her hair was of a fair color, but matted and stringy, hanging in slightly wavy strands down the side of her face. But she was beautiful. A different kind of beauty than Renee or Revan. And her eyes...There was something about them. Jaq had seen them before.

They seemed to stare at him, yet look through him at the same time. She wasn't really here. She had the look of a refugee, lost and wandering, after the Mandalorian Wars. Ghosts still haunted her. But there was something else about her...an aura that Jaq could sense. He couldn't quite pin down what it was...She wasn't a Jedi. He knew that instantly. It wasn't that she didn't look like one; after Jaq broke his targets they resembled her, until he helped them find their way again...to Revan. But no. He shouldn't get too close to her. There was an energy that maybe she wasn't even aware of, reaching out, trying to grasp...She was there and she wasn't there at the same time. She was hollow. She was empty.

Jaq turned away and made his way up a few stairs, before entering his room, throwing his pack on the floor. Then he saw her. A fire was crackling in the fireplace of the small, dark room. The flames lept high, in sparks of orange, red, and yellow, throwing shadows on the floor before it. He saw her curly brown hair, silky and itching to be touched beneath his fingertips. Renee lay under a thick, red blanket, and laughed, rolling over and looking up at him who stayed by the door, propping her chin on her fist and looking at him.

'So, you're back,' she said, lazily laying back down again. 'Still angry? Still going to throw furniture at me? Oh, right.' She laughed a bit. 'There is no furniture in here, is there? I guess you're just going to have to be content with yelling at me, but there's really no guarantee that I'm going to listen to you.'

Jaq watched her, lithe and naked beneath the blanket, and overcame a powerful desire to throttle her and choke the life out of her like Revan should have done long ago. He wanted to kiss her red lips to make the smirk disappear; he wanted to run a hand over her graceful neck to hear her gasp and fall prey to him just like the others had; he wanted to feel her jerk and squirm beneath him, taste her rich blood in his mouth. Because he could never really have her. He knew that now.

'You know we can't trust each other, don't you?' Renee said, tracing a circle in the dust on the floor. The blanket had fallen slightly so he could see the elegant strokes that made up the small, dark swan tattoo on her back, wanting to be traced, wanting to be felt. 'We can never be friends. Now that we've gone this far. We're animals, Jaq. And we share an attraction. We kill, and we make love, and then we kill some more.' She chuckled softly, and firelight flickered on her face. 'What a charade, Jaq. What a charade. And you want out. But you can't.' She gathered the blanket around herself and got up to face him.

'We're much more alike than you'd ever let yourself believe,' she said. 'You can't deny that. Try, and you know you'd fail. We both listen to our consciences, don't we? We do what they say. But we both know that they're not that voice in your mind that tells you right from wrong. It's that demon in the back of your thoughts that says out loud things you'd otherwise never say. It's dirty, and it's dark, and it's seductive, and we fall for it every time.' She chuckled again and walked right up to him.

'What do you want, Renee?' Jaq said through gritted teeth. He could smell the sweet fragrance in her hair, clouding his thoughts, but all he could see was the ashes of what he thought could have been, and a brewing storm that loomed closer. They should never have gone this far.

'What do I want?' Renee said. 'No, flyboy. The question is: What do you want? Me? This?' She wrapped the blanket around him and herself, and murmured words to him, achingly dragging her lips across him, every curve of her pressing against him.

Jaq closed his eyes and let her, felt the pain and the realness of it all.

'I always tell the truth, don't I?' Renee said, entwining her leg with his. 'I always say what I feel? Then know this. I want...you. I want--'

'No,' Jaq said abruptly and shoved her off. 'I don't.'

Renee just smiled. 'Still jealous, are you? You know they didn't mean anything. My method worked, didn't it? They fell. It ended...well. Revan got her Jedi, the boys--I daresay--learned something new, and I got my fun...'

'Is that what this is?' Jaq demanded. 'Fun? Didn't Revan explain to you exactly what she thought about 'fun'?'

'Jaq--'

'No.' He roughly brushed her off, which hurt her more than a slap to the face. 'I'm leaving. I'm going downstairs.'

Renee watched as he grabbed his jacket and left, slamming the door behind him.

The girl was still there, in the empty inn. She watched as he fumbled with his lighter, his cigarra trembling in his hand. He attempted to start a spark with his lighter and failed. The lighter fell to the floor, and he cursed, bending over to pick it up. The girl looked blankly at him.

'What the frack are you staring at?' Jaq snapped, and tried lighting it again. This time, it worked. He took a long drag, the smoke lifting up into the balcony and night air before him.

When he turned back, the girl was gone.

Jaq headed over to her table, and held up one of the juma bottles, testing to see if there was anything left. The contents slushed and swirled inside. He took a swig, and set it back down.

He pushed his way through the tables, and went back up the stairs, this time bursting through another door. He shut it behind him quickly.

His victim was still there, tied up, gagged, her eyes wide as he entered. She was strong, muscular, and had brown, curly hair. Just like the lioness smothered by red blankets in the next room over. That was this Jedi's unluckiness. To Jaq, this was Renee. This was his payback.

'Had a nice night?' Jaq taunted, leaning close to her and breathing smoke into her face, alchohol still on his breath. He took a dagger from his belt and held it to the bonds that held her there. 'I didn't. In fact, I'd say it was a load of anything but fun. It was--' Instead of slicing through the bonds, he slit this Jedi's wrist, letting the veins bleed, hearing her whimper beneath the cloth. '--painful and--' he proceeded to do the same to the other wrist, cutting an old wound wide open, '--torturous and sometimes...' He set the dagger down and violently ripped the gag off her mouth. '...I honestly just wanted to die. So I really don't know what you're complaining about.' He leered in close so that they were eye to eye. 'You're damn lucky, if you think about it.'

'What do you want?' the woman croaked, her voice cracking, tears in her eyes.

'Oh, now, why does everyone ask me that?' Jaq took out his lighter and watched as the woman's eyes widened even more. Instead, he lit up a new cigarra, and placed it in the Jedi's mouth. 'What I want, is for you to die, of course.' He pushed the cigarra further into her mouth, pushed the dirty thing down her throat. 'I want you to stop tormenting me, stop seeing how far I can go until I snap, stop making me fracking kneel down at your feet and beg for mercy, because that's not how I work, Renee.'

The Jedi gagged and sputtered, as the cigarra burned and scorched the top of her mouth, steaming her desperate, pleading eyes. In a few moments, she would be the first target Jaq had killed in a long time out of mere spite and anger. She choked and her throat made a gurgling noise, and then, she died before his eyes, unable to tell Jaq what her name really was. But she doubted he would have cared, anyway.

Darth Revan's curly dark hair shadowed her face. 'You are young. You are full of energy. You are ready.' She bent down so she was face to face with Jaq. 'I am sending you on a most dangerous assignment. I am sending you after a very powerful Jedi. I am sending you to kill her. But I am warning you, she will haunt you. She will shock you with her kindness. She will try to break you.' She leaned in close to Jaq's ear. 'You will not let her, will you, pet?'

Jaq stared blankly ahead. 'It will be she who breaks. I swear it.'

Revan smiled maliciously. 'That is what I love to hear.'

Renee waited for him outside, leaning against the wall. When Jaq opened the door and swept past her, she followed. 'Going somewhere, flyboy?'

'You know where I'm going,' Jaq said, not looking at her, eyes instead darting up and down the hall.

'Are you insinuating that I eavesdropped?' Renee said, faking hurt. 'I wouldn't do a thing like that. I play fair, Jaq. All I know is that it must be different than ordinary recon, the way you're acting.'

'I'm acting,' Jaq said sharply, 'how I usually act.'

Renee laughed. 'I'll say. Moody? Dark?'

'You're not coming with me this time. Stay here.'

Renee shot him a defiant look. 'I'll go wherever I damn well want to go, flyboy.'

At this, Jaq flew a fist at her that rocketed through the air and landed against Renee's cheek, sending her sailing into the wall with a wham! She clutched the side of her face, blood dripping from her nose, and looked back up at Jaq.

'Are you happy now?' she demanded, her dark green eyes glittering dangerously. 'You sent your message. You don't want me within an arm's length of you. But that's fine. See, that's how you should have acted towards me that first day in the dueling arena. If you had, then we wouldn't even have been here!' Her voice rose. 'If you had at least pretended that you hated me that first day and onward, then I wouldn't have turned into whatever I am now!' She was practically shrieking. 'And it's all your fault, Jaq, you know? You're the one who got me dragged into this. You're the reason why I can't stand the sun anymore. You're the reason I listen to Revan and do her will like some kind of puppet, you're the reason I hate Jedi, and you're the reason I kill without caring!'

'You're not going to lay this all on me!' Jaq roared.

'I just did, didn't I?'

Jaq narrowed his eyes.

'Say it!' Renee demanded, her voice shrill. 'Say that everything we ever did together was a lie! Say that it was my fault, all my fault, that you were the one who got pulled into this. Say the blame rests entirely on me, because I was the one who was curious about Revan in the first place! Say it!'

Jaq shook his head, a vein pulsing on his forehead. 'You just did. That's good enough, right? It ought to be. I was never really here to you, was I? You listened to Revan, Malak, sure, but me?' He laughed hollowly. 'You know, the whole time I knew you I felt half-alive. You took whatever life I had left and stole it and used me and in the end, I was nothing but an empty body, with no soul. But that's the way things go, right?' His voice cracked. 'That's the way things go. You use me, I use you, and in this hall we leave each other and don't look back. How's that for your ending, Renee? How does that sound?'

Renee shook her head venemously at him, disbelieving.

'Or you can just stand there and watch me leave, because there's no way that I'm staying,' Jaq said in an undertone.

And he whirled around and kept walking, down the opposite end of the hall he had, a year ago, been so willing to leave with Renee at his side. But now, he knew, he was far better off alone.

Renee could not turn her back on him, but couldn't go after him either. She settled for a compromise. She whipped out a dart from her pouch on her belt, and threw it after him, her eyes wild. It whistled through the air, ready to hit its target.

Jaq turned around a second before it would hit him, and the arrow pierced right through his left hand. He had to hold in his scream, his tears, at the blinding, stinging pain that met him. He hissed, breathing hard, cut off the sharp point with a dagger, and tore it out of his hand, expertly. Blood smeared across his palm, and a few droplets fell to the floor.

He looked up to meet Renee's gaze, who was now staring at him, horrified, as though not sure about what she had just done. 'Don't come after me,' Jaq said, holding up the dart, and breaking it in two. He threw it to the floor and stepped on it, crushing and cracking it with his boot. 'You come after me, and I'll kill you. And that's not just a threat, Renee. It's a promise.'

Jaq gave her one last look, and left the Academy for good.

There's this really depressing thing about opening your eyes after spending so long in some other world, some other time. First of all, the lighting sucks--to put it bluntly. These pinpricks, little white dots, just take over your vision and it takes you about seven seconds until you can finally see straight, and by that time, you wish you couldn't and all you want to do is go back to closing your eyes because everything there seems much, much worse. In reality.

He had started off telling the story out loud, but eventually we realized that really, words weren't needed. We used our bond to exchange thoughts, images, and words. I felt drawn into his memories, and Atton probably felt pulled into them unwillingly. When it was over, that was when the whole blinding problem started. Really, it only lasted a few seconds (seven, I think I said), and maybe, really, I relished it. It was my in-between time, my period of stalling what I dreaded was going to come.

Because I don't like being a bearer of bad news. It starts the whole I'm Sorry routine to cover the Awkward Silence, where you try not to sound pitiful but try, at the same time, to sound like you understand, and that's fine, but the whole underlying problem here was the fact that I wouldn't know how he would react; if he would even care. I wasn't sure at all.

Leo may be one for auspicious timing, but that is, unfortunately, something I have never really been blessed with.

So I stalled.

'So that's Renee,' I said to him, softly, staring at this really magnificent scratch in the table because anywhere else and I just knew I'd start a massive panic attack. And that was Jaq, I thought. That was unsaid, but we both knew it anyway.

'Yeah...' His voice trailed off, but when it came back, I recognized it as his. 'That's--that's her, all right.'

Then he gave me this look like, I want you to know that I never wanted you to know this, but now you're drawn into it and it's too late. Just remember that it's me Renee wants, not you. Just remember that.

Don't ask me how I knew this all just by one look, I just...knew.

Another thing that I am horrible at (aside from timing and giving bad news) is stalling. And small talk. I never could quite handle that. I think small talk is one of those things that drives me mad about this society, but hell, without it, what ever would the people do with the mentioned Awkward Silences?

But I'm not like that, so I went straight to the point. There was nothing left to do, anyway.

So I told him. 'Atton, I--I'm not sure how to tell you this, and I'm not sure how you'll react, but...Mars. Mars Wood. He's dead.'

The second look unsettled me even more, but I was ready for it. His eyes were wide in disbelief. Waiting for the punchline, drawing out the seconds. But it was not a joke.

He finally turned away and exhaled sharply. 'You mean it,' he said.

'I wouldn't just make up something like that.'

I did not like how that sounded. Protective, defensive. This was not about me.

He crushed a napkin in his fist. 'How?'

I swallowed. I don't know how long he had talked while I had listened, but during the whole time there was this glass of water on the table staring right at me, and I never once made any use of it. But draining it of its contents, now, seemed like the worst move I could possibly make. Then he would know, for sure, that I was stalling.

'On Deralia, we were attacked by Sith. Before that though, he came to Dane's door. He got hit by a lightsaber. Those wounds are...They're not easily healed. I tried, but the cut was too deep.'

I tried. I did not try hard enough. I did not know. I'm sorry.

'Will you hate me if I say, 'I'm sorry?''

You just did, Demi.

There was a screeching sound as Atton pushed his chair back and stood up, and just then I realized how stiff my body felt from staying in one position for so long. 'I have to think on this,' was what he said.

I nodded. 'Okay.'

That was all. But I had to ask.

He started making his way to his quarters, feet dragging, and my voice followed him. 'Are you sorry?'

He looked briefly over his shoulder. 'That's the thing. I don't know. All those years, I really thought I had the guy he was pegged down; I thought I knew him. Now...Now I'm not so sure.'

And I nodded again.

And there was one last look he gave me, over his shoulder. This one I know only lasted one second, not any longer, not any less. It stared right into me, boring into me, wanting to know the why and the how and the when and the what if...It was too much.

And so he turned back to where he was going, and I heard the door open and then shut behind him.

I closed my eyes at the sound of the click, and when I opened them, it was just me and the table now. And the glass of water.

That girl. The one in the corner of the inn with the jumas and the cloak and the lost eyes...Isn't it obvious? That was me, Atton.

Don't hear me...I don't want you to know.

That was me.

:) tWiNkLeT.