To Love Again

My first REAL fanfic. Please comment!

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Bao-Dur sat quietly against the cold metal wall of the damaged Ebon Hawk, his head bent in contemplation. The General would want the repairs done if they were to be off soon. It wasn't that he couldn't fix them, it was just that he felt so odd he couldn't concentrate. The General was out somewhere looking for something, as usual, and Mira and Disciple had gone with her.

He would have gone too, but he felt so...weary.

Bao felt a shadow pass onto him, and felt a shiver run down his spine.

"Hey," came the Exile's voice, "We're back. Are you all right?"

Bao hurriedly got to his feet. "Yes, General. I trust your expedition went well?"

"As well as could be expected. Thank you."

She still sees me as her subordinate, doesn't she?

"General...I'm afraid we may be stuck here longer than expected. I can't seem to concentrate on anything."

She looked surprised. "That's not like you. Is something wrong?"

Bao looked at her. "I don't know...Have you ever had that feeling that you're being...haunted by old memories?" He let the words spill out, "That the one thing keeping those memories around is right in front of you, but still out of reach?" He slammed a fist against the wall. He felt hot tears slide unwillingly down his cheeks.

"Bao..."

He turned and saw deep into her eyes. They were...spilling over. The vortex eyes were crying.

"I'm so sorry, Bao. I know how much it hurts." She reached out and touched his face.

The Zabrak felt another shiver run up his back, and looked at this beautiful creature that expressed such compassion.

"General...you have wonderful eyes."

She laughed softly through the tears. "You're such a sap."

"I know that."

For a moment everything was still, silent, then--she was close, very close, and warm...and...he felt himself kiss her lips.

I can feel her, she's finally close, I know it's wrong but she feels so good to me...

And the feelings were gone.

She turned and ran.

I hurt her, didn't I?

Of course I did.

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Bao slouched into his room and poured himself a shotglass of juma. His first attempt at love had been a complete and utter failure.

Damn, I'm an idiot. Thinking she could ever love me...a subordinate shouldn't be trying to love their superior.

He swallowed hard, and kept pouring.

I had to kiss her, didn't I? Had to go and make a move. She'll never want to speak to me again.

He slammed the glass down hard on the side table...

...and heard a soft gasp behind him.

He turned to see the General standing in the doorway. He straightened up rigidly and averted his eyes. "General. I--"

She laid a hand on his cheek. "Don't say anything," she whispered with a crack in her voice, "Don't say a goddamn word."

He looked into her eyes...her silver vortex eyes...and saw death, eternity, pain, struggle.

And she knew he could see it. He could feel it...he could feel her speaking to him through those vortex eyes.

Is this what you want, Bao-Dur?

There she was.

Do you want all this pain?

He could feel her there...he was holding her like he had dreamed...

Yes, my General. I want to be here for you.

And the connection was broken. She was there, the vortex eyes swimming with tears.

"Do you really want all that, Bao?" she whispered.

He felt himself draw her in, and kissed her once more.

Maybe I don't want the downsides...

...to love again.