I'm Not Such A Bad Guy

Kale Soral grimaced as he took a sip from his mug of Tarisian ale. Oh, he wasn't grimacing because of the ale, no. While it was a bit stronger than he usually liked, it was actually quite good. He was grimacing because his so-called 'partner' was cramping his style. Kale was a smuggler by trade and Carth a soldier, and the difference would be obvious even to a Kedorzhan. Kale put his mug back on the counter and turned to the man sitting next to him.

'Hey, why don't you just have a drink and relax, huh?' Kale said. 'You stay that stiff and proper you're going to die really young, flyboy.'

Carth turned his head and glared at the (younger) man, cursing the twist of fate that stranded him on Taris with the smuggler. Almost everything about Kale set off alarms in Carth's head for one reason or another, from his past to his posture. He frowned and crossed his arms.

'I don't know how you can be so lazy about all this,' Carth muttered. 'We finally have a lead with this Mission girl, and you drag us in here and start drinking. It's bizarre and quite frankly idiotic.'

Carth's eyes darted around the dark interior if Javyar's Cantina, the 'hottest spot' in this section of the Lower City. As far as Carth was concerned, that translated to the 'worst, most disgusting, most dangerous, most likely to be full of Sithspawn spot' in the known galaxy. As for Kale, this was his kind of place with his kind of people in it.

'I,' Kale began with a grin, 'am not lazy. I am simply the kind of man who knows when to take a break before once again endangering his life for the good of the people. And again, stop being so stiff. Slouch, you nerf-herder, before you get us both killed.' Carth's problem, as far as Kale was concerned, was that he had been a soldier too long. He had spent so long being all prim and proper and protocol-friendly that it was stuck in him. The man barely knew how to not stand straight, while everyone in Javyar's was either laid back or hunched forward depending on their mood and how many systems they had the death mark in. Even though he had left his orange jacket back in the Upper City apartment in lieu of some body armor, the way he held himself made him stand out. And standing out was not the best idea for a Republic soldier on a Sith-occupied planet, never mind a cantina where you could be killed for looking at someone the wrong way. Carth frowned some more and slouched slightly forward.

''For the good of the people'? Yeah, right. And if we get killed it will be your fault for bringing us in here,' Carth replied. 'We've already seen people gunned down here, and I swear I heard blaster shots in the bounty hunter room earlier. We should get moving to the Under-City now. We're wasting time.'

'Taking a break is never wasted time,' Kale shot back before taking another sip of his drink. 'You know what, Carth? This isn't your kind of fight. That's why we keep having arguments. That and your little 'trust' issue.' Kale had noticed Carth's extreme paranoia problem, most likely due to someone stabbing him in the back somewhere along the way. To the smuggler, paranoia was often a good thing. It kept you alive more often than not. But it was only useful as long as it didn't hinder operations.

'I've already said I don't want to talk about that right now,' Carth practically snarled at him. 'And wait the hell do you mean by that fight comment? I'm a soldier, you're just a smuggler working for a pardon and some credits. I don't even know why you're working for us.'

'I took this job because the Republic is good for business,' Kale replied matter-of-factly. 'Your custom officers spent years trying to catch me, and while they never caught me I did lose a cargo or two. But the Republic is full of enough holes to let someone like me work. The Sith would come down on me like a hammer simply because I wouldn't bow and scrape to them like some two-bit scumbag. I need to be free to work, and the Sith Empire is the exact opposite of free. And while you may be great in a pilot's seat or in a set-piece battle, this sneaking about is my kind of thing. It's my way of life.'

'Your way of life is thievery, deception, blackmail, and killing,' the pilot said. 'You make a living off of breaking the law, and if it wasn't for this war I'd probably be in a ship chasing yours. Hell, you've just gone right on breaking the law since you got here! You blackmailed that mechanic who sold you the busted droid, threatened her business for a mere seventy-five credits!' Carth had read the report on Kale, and had watched his actions. The smuggler, since arriving on Taris, had spent much of his time breaking into apartments and doing yet worse. He held innocent people at blaster-point while he stole credits and forced Carth to go along with him. He snuck up on Vulkars and cut them down without provocation and then looted the bodies with a smirk.

'She scammed me, and nobody scams Kale Soral and gets away with it,' the smuggler replied, his face going serious. But he quickly shrugged it off and grinned again. 'Besides, I'm not such a bad guy, right? I'm fighting the Sith, so I can't be that bad.'

'Revan fought the Mandalorians, but that doesn't mean he was a good person Kale. Just look how he turned out,' Carth said. But the soldier had to admit that the slick young man wasn't that bad. He had saved that man from Davik's bounty hunters. He had helped get Dia out of trouble. He had saved an Ithorian from a gang of human children. All at a cost of credits and supplies. And he was willing to go down into the Under-City with Carth to face rakghouls and who-knows what else. Perhaps the smuggler, just like he said, wasn't so bad.

'I suppose that's true,' Kale admitted, polishing off his drink. 'But for all my so-called vices I'm a good guy, and that's that. I may not be doing it for the most altruistic of reasons, but I am doing it and not entirely for my own profit. Plenty of other people will benefit from it. Even those snooty Jedi will be the better for it. Are you sure you don't want a drink?'

'I'm fine, thanks,' Carth said. 'And you're right. I might have my issues, but as long as you don't stray too far you're not in my blasters's scopes.'

'So comforting, Carth,' Kale said with a laugh. He tossed a few credits on the counter and got up, Carth following him. 'Come on, flyboy. Next stop is the Under-City. Time to go save the galaxy.'

Short piece, not much happens, but it was very true to the tital. Revan-Kale (cool name by the way!) is trying to convince Carth that he is not such a bad guy and succeeds in the end, mainly because of his previous actions.
The main criticism that I have for this piece is that it tells what has happened rather than describes it happening. The scope of what happens physically is 'Kale drinks a mug of Tarisian ale'.

"polishing off his drink"

Just a slight criticism here, but I could be wrong - You down a drink, you polish off food.
I enjoyed your piece, like to see more.
Just remember if I seem critical, its because I want to help you improve.

It's a good start, but knight's right in that not much happens here. Perhaps having Carth reflect on the good Kale's done could happen after he convinces Holdan to take the bounty off of Dia. There's no real resolution because not much happens.

The characterizations are good though, and I like Kale's reasoning of why he's siding with the Republic, very much in keeping with a scoundrel's mindset. It's a good piece of writing.

Not a bad start. You've definitely got a voice in your writing, and that's a good thing, especially in a more character-interaction driven piece like you have here. In a revision, I would suggest you look to cutting those descriptive passages that are really unnecessary, like the opening paragraph, because direct in-scene moments like:

"Hey, why don't you just have a drink and relax, huh?" Kale said. "You stay that stiff and proper you're going to die really young, flyboy."

Carth turned his head and glared at the (younger) man, cursing the twist of fate that stranded him on Taris with the smuggler.


will convey so much more to the reader than five sentences of setup that say the same thing, but disperses our attention rather than focuses it. (Hope that made sense, I haven't had my morning coffee yet today...) In other words, it's an issue of don't tell if you can show it better.

Goodluck with the writing!

~Free

Ooooooo I like it. The others are right when they say not much ahppens here but the legth of the stroy is perfect for this kind of thing. I like how you portray Revan as someone different then I imagined him, and I love how he calls Carth flyboy. Nice job!

I always thought that Carth would be extra distrustful of a smuggler/scoundrel. You did a good job of showing that. Carth is in character and I like how you have a male Revan calling him "flyboy."

Cool!

Hey, nice work! I love the way you write the interaction between Revan and Carth- it's almost brotherly! (in a bickering, competitive sort of way- not sappy brotherly! =P) 

Their conversation was interesting and believable- I wish you'd written a little more though! Overall: great stuff! ^_^

To be posted 3 July 2009 on

To be posted 3 July 2009 on StarwarsKnights under The Critic returns and Lucasforums under the Critic’s Two Cents.

Posted; albeit late. Sorry

Because I find that a lot of the writing here is already what I would define as professional standard, I will tag those I liked as pick of the week. Check at StarwarsKnights for the best of the best.
 

KOTOR On Taris: As a rogue he’s not that bad a guy

I have always played KOTOR as a soldier because I felt more comfortable there. But seeing this I am almost tempted to try it as a scoundrel. The author had a lot of fun with the dichotomy of someone who’d hold people at gun point to rob them, then turn around and save the Ithorian and the man being rousted by bounty hunters. Two side of the same man. Even his reason for choosing the Republic over the Sith fit.

I can even see Carth as this uncomfortable, after all the description fits someone more comfortable in a controlled environment.

All in all, a good read.

Pick of the Week

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