Snow

A.N: It's been a VERY long time since I've posted anything on here and I wrote this, this last winter, kinda late no? I've been trying to get back into the swing of writing again and what better way then to actually submit stuff! Thanks to Delasaer for being an excellent Beta, she rocks hardcore people. Anyway, this is my take as my Exile Sorna at a young age and her relationship with Atris. Enjoy.

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If anyone had asked me, as I sat there in the Archives, watching the snow fall that day, why I had been watching it instead of going outside to play, I would have told them that I preferred it. It would have been a lie. I suppose I just liked watching the snow. The entire Academy was covered in the cold gift from the sky. I had only seen it once before anyway. Each snow flake had its own unique shape, and they even fell differently. If you had enough patience you could see it. I suppose I have a lot of patience.

I usually ended up with a lot of free time, when I wasn't in training sessions with Master Vandar, with the rest of the younglings, or helping Master Atris reshelf data pads left carelessly around by other students. There were only three windows in the Archive; one on one side near the Holo Projectors, the other near the lounge, and the last in the very back of the room. That one, I had claimed. It had a cozy window seat beneath it, too small for older students but perfect for me, even if I was tall for my age. Since I was in there a lot it became my official hideaway, my place of refuge. I didn't have any privacy in the quarters I shared with the rest of the younglings, even if I had a bunk in the very back of the room.

Sometimes I would fall asleep on my little perch near the window, and no one would even know I was there. Master Atris usually knew, though she didn't seem to mind. She would even share supper with me. We would sit there and eat in pleasant silence without people to bother us. She and I are a lot alike: We both like our solitude. So I suppose that's why she had come to look for me when it had begun to snow. Because she didn't want to go outside either.

"Good afternoon Sorna, how are you today?" She said, with a polite smile on her face. I looked up at her and smiled nicely too, and said that I was fine, even though I really wasn't. She moved a chair near my bench and sat watching the snow with me, and when she wasn't looking, I would look at her. When I was around the older students, I had heard chatter of a few male ones that had crushes on Master Atris. She was young for a Master and pretty in a way no other person was. I admired her, but I was also jealous.

What we had in common was only our hobbies, but when it came to physical appearances, we were entirely opposite. With close observation you could see that Master Atris carried herself with an ideal combination of confidence and propriety, holding her chin at just the right angle, her pale hair piled into a careful bun, icy blue eyes shining of pride. Some called her snobby, but she was just quiet. I, on the other hand, was a frozen patch of ugly grass that stuck out of the snow.

I always slump when I walk, so people can't make fun of how tall I am, or how large my eyes are. My hair is an odd shade of brown, and it's impossible to comb so it hangs in my face like a shaggy curtain. I wanted to be like Master Atris - pure and delicate. But that was impossible, so I stuck to admiring her from afar.

We had watched the snow together for a long time when she finally made conversation.

"Is something the matter Sorna? You seem troubled." I hadn't expected this. Usually Master Atris and I regarded each other's silence as just silence, with nothing behind it. Students were playing outside, making snow creatures, and having snow ball fights. Even Master Vandar had braved the cold to watch the merriment. I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat and shook my head.

"No Master Atris, I'm fine," I said, sounding a bit weaker than I had planned. She didn't believe me, I didn't expect her too as I felt her eyes searching me for answers. She sighed heavily and brought her chair closer to where I sat curled up.

"Why do I get the feeling that your not being completely honest?" I didn't look at her, I just continued to watch.

Master Vrook was being bombarded by snowballs thrown by Talvon and Xeset, he had tried to get them to stop. I suppressed a giggle. "Poor Master Vrook, he'll be grumpier than usual now." I looked at her then, and even she couldn't stop the smile that was forming on her face.

"Now Sorna, that's quite disrespectful. Calling Master Vrook grumpy." I stared at her in disbelief.

"He is grumpy though." She laughed lightly and shrugged.

"Yes I admit he can be a bit of a crab," she said sheepishly, with a glorious grin on her face. I nodded triumphantly and turned back to the window, the snowball fight had escalated.

Revan and Malak had joined the battle.

I frowned and watched as Revan and Malak dug a trench in the snow to guard them from oncoming fire from Talvon and Xeset. Malak had gotten hit square in the jaw and was now sprawled out behind a laughing Revan. I felt a tap on my shoulder and peered into Master Atris's concerned face. I tried to meet her eyes without being overwhelmed by those icy depths, but I found myself looking down, trying to hide myself in my curtain of hair.

The real reason I hadn't gone out to play in the snow is that nobody wanted me there. For a reason unbeknown by me, I was an outcast. I had only been here for a year and I already wanted to leave, but I had no where to go. I wasn't fit to be a Jedi, I had a lousy, small connection to the Force that made regular younglings look like Masters. I could hardly ever move the training blocks or see what was on the back of the card, or meditate, or do simple acrobatics.

I didn't know why, but every time I called upon the Force, it felt like there was this wall that was stopping me. Like someone had put a fence around my mind and I could only roam so far...

I felt Master Atris's hands push back my curtain and tuck it behind my ears. She slid the other hand underneath my chin and tilted it to face her. I felt tears that weren't there before cascade down my face and I felt utterly ashamed to be crying in front of her.

A sudden warmth enveloped me as Master Atris gathered me into her arms. I buried my head into her shoulder and let the tears fall freely.

I don't know how long we sat there like that, but I didn't mind. It had been the most comforting contact I had gotten for a year. I finally raised my head and met her gaze, her usual calm and composed exterior had crumpled, leaving her in almost the same state I was.

"I...just-" I began, but she shushed me and lifted me from her lap. Retrieving a handkerchief from her pocket, she handed it to me and I dabbed my eyes and wiped my nose. I handed it back to her sheepishly and coughed uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry, Master, I should not have done that," I said looking up at her guiltily. She shook her head and brushed back tears that had formed in her own eyes. It was an amazement to me, the fact that Master Atris could shed tears. She always seemed untouchable to me, and I didn't know what I did to cause this. She looked at me long and hard, and even though I was young, I could feel the turmoil within her.

There was a sense of familiarity, of recognition in her eyes. Perhaps she knew all along what was wrong with me, or perhaps she knew how it felt, how much it hurt to be absolutely useless. Standing up, she brushed the wrinkles that had formed in her robes from where I had sat just moments before, her head turned in the direction of the window, and then back at me.

"At this moment, it would be my duty as a Jedi master to inform you about controlling your emotions. But I feel that it is also my duty to completely disregard that due to the circumstances." I looked at her, with what must have been the most unblinking gaze I could muster. I was thoroughly confused. I couldn't even get mad without sending a flare up for any Jedi to sense, and now a Master was telling me that it was ok?

"Master?" She slipped her hand in mine.

"I think it's about time for some fresh air." She replied, smiling lightly.

I couldn't feel her lead me from the archives. I walked where she walked. I had complete faith that she wouldn't let me get led astray.

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My eyes had to adjust to the sunlight that glared off the bright blinding powder. It was only late noon, and the snow was already deep. I felt myself shiver inwardly, it was bitterly cold but I didn't care. It was beautiful.

The snow ball fight had ended and students had begun to march back into the Academy. I caught Revan's eye as she passed me and Master Atris. She hesitated for a moment, then just grinned and caught up with Malak.

The courtyard was empty now. Master Atris let go of my hand and ushered me farther into the snow. I milled about the entire courtyard, looking at each piece of snow art that students had created. I even took the time to kick a un-thrown snow ball that was piled in Revan's trench.

After awhile I returned to where Master Atris stood unmoving. Her nose had reddened from the cold and I laughed. She laughed too when I told her.

"It looks better here, doesn't it?"

"What looks better?"

"The snow. It looks a lot better standing on the outside of the window than on the inside." I nodded mutely and understood her meaning.

"Do you think it will stick?" I asked, wondering if the snow would be here tomorrow.

"Perhaps, but we must remember that the snow must melt," she replied, folding her arms over her chest.

"Why?" I asked, genuinely curious.

She began walking towards the academy but stopped to glance back at me. "Because nothing lasts forever, young one. The harsh beauty of winter gives way to spring, the snow must melt and the flowers must bloom."

"Master?" I said quietly, a small smile on my face.

"Yes Sorna?"

"Thank you."