Destiny: Part III

Alexis had reamined in meditation all night long after her fight with Carth and her meeting with the ethereal Jolee Bindo. Nothing had been revealed to her. She was just as confused as she had been the day before. It was still dark out and she had no intention of waiting for Carth to get up before she left the apartment. She was still too vulnerable where he was concerned to deal with him, especially this early in the morning.

Alexis stood slowly and stretched, all of her muscles screaming in protest. She hadn't moved once during the night and everything hurt. She shook out her limbs carefully, trying to avoid straining anything. She was still weak and shouldn't have knelt on the floor for more than six hours. It simply hadn't been a good idea.

Alexis made her way gingerly to the shower, where she took a very quick and (she hoped) quiet bath. Once she had brushed her teeth and was dressed, she wrote a quick note to Carth explaining that she had things to do and crept out of the apartment.

Her face was hidden beneath a hooded cloak that had accompanied one of the Jedi robes Kalen had given her. It was much too large, but Alexis didn't mind. At least it was thinner than the cloak from Atton. She made her way to the Ebon Hawk as quickly as she was able and went immediately aboard.

Canderous was awake and sitting in the garage, leaning over a large cup of java juice. He was a bit bleary-eyed and mussed, as if he had just gotten up. 'Here to cook us breakfast?' He growled at her, watching as she discarded the hooded robe.

'I don't cook things. If I try, I burn them,' Alexis responded lightly.

Canderous took a large gulp of his drink. 'So why are you here?'

'To try to get some of you all to go shopping with me,' Alexis said with a cheesy grin.

'Shopping?' Canderous responded incredulously.

'Yep. You wanna come?' Alexis gave him another disarming grin.

Canderous glared at her for a second but his expression melted into a returning smile rather quickly. 'Going to buy another bounty hunter outfit?'

'You saw that, huh?' Alexis asked, blushing slightly.

'Best outfit I've ever seen you wear. Maybe you should consider a career change,' Canderous replied.

Alexis cuffed him on the shoulder and started to walk away. 'Round up whoever's going with us. I'm tired of this ship anyway,' Canderous called to her retreating back.

Alexis turned back. 'Gotcha,' she said with a wink.

Alexis made her way to the women's dormitory next. Kalen, Mira, and Visas were all still in bed. Kalen was the only one awake. She was staring at the ceiling, frowning.

'Feeling any better?' Alexis asked her quietly.

'Hhhmm? Oh, hey Lexi. Yeah, I feel a little better. Why? Do you have plans for today?' Kalen asked, sitting up.

'I was hoping you guys would go shopping with me. I need to have Jedi robes made before I meet with the Senate. It won't do for me to show up looking like a little girl,' Alexis said, motioning towards her leggings.

'But you're so cute,' Kalen cooed at her in a mock baby voice.

Alexis sighed. Clearly everyone was going to give her a hard time today. 'So, do you want to go? Canderous said he'd go with me.'

'Sure he will. You're his hero,' Kalen replied.

Alexis shook her head. She couldn't exactly deny that he might think of her in a similar manner. 'Get up and get dressed. We have things to do.'

'Anyone else going?' Kalen asked as she slid out of the bed.

'I thought I'd see if Atton wanted to go.'

'Hhhhmmm,' Kalen said noncommittally.

'I'll go wake him. I know he isn't up yet.'

'Do you want me to wake Mira?'

'No. Four's enough, don't you think?'

'Sure. I'll find something to wear. Do you want me to bring an extra set of my robes for measuring purposes?'

'That would be great,' Alexis said as she turned to leave.

Atton was sleeping in the cockpit, sprawled across delicate equipment and drooling. He looked so innocent when he was asleep.

'Morning, Revan,' Atton muttered with a yawn before she had the chance to flick his ear or shout to wake him.

'Damn. You spoiled my fun,' Alexis said, feeling a bit of disappointment. She would have loved to have caught Atton off guard.

'I heard you coming. I'm a light sleeper.'

'I can see that,' Alexis replied, motioning towards the drool.

'Ha, ha.'

'I guess someone in a profession like yours has to be a light sleeper if he wants to keep his- ah- well. You know what I mean.'

'So, what do you need?'

'I want you to go shopping with me.'

'Shopping?' Atton said in almost exactly the way Canderous had. Alexis burst into laughter. 'What's so funny?' Atton asked suspiciously.

'Canderous said the same thing.'

'Canderous is going shopping?'

'Yep.'

'So who else is going?' Atton asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and yawning.

'You and Kalen and I.'

'Sounds like a regular party.'

'Meet you outside in ten minutes,' Alexis said, turning and starting to leave.

Alexis heard Atton grunt in response and moan slightly as he attempted to rise from the chair.

A little over half an hour later, they all stood inside of a small tailor's shop in the middle of the Citadel Station. It had only been open for a few minutes and the tailor was still bustling around, preparing her shop for customers. Alexis was once again wearing the hood that hid her face. Kalen, Atton, and Canderous were all dressed in their average street clothes.

Alexis knew the woman who worked here. She'd known her most of her life. She had worked as a tailor on Coruscant before moving to Telos and she'd made many of Alexis's robes when she was just a girl.

'What can I do for you all?' the small, plump woman asked, rubbing her hands together and making her way towards them, a friendly smile on her face. She wasn't human, although her appearance was very similar to that of a human. Strangely enough, even Alexis didn't know what race she was.

'Can we trust you to be discreet?' Kalen asked her.

'Of course you may, Master Jedi,' the little woman responded knowingly.

'Do you know me?' Kalen asked, surprised.

'Yes. She used to work on Coruscant. Don't you remember?' Alexis asked from beneath her robe.

'I trust I am to be discreet about the girl beneath the hood?' the tailor said.

'That'd be nice,' Atton muttered.

'Would it help if I lock up the shop? I shouldn't have too much business this early in the morning, but if you really mean for me to be discreet, it would be best if we lock the door. Then you may drop your hood.'

Alexis smiled beneath her hood. Nicola Baien was always good to her customers. Especially when they looked as if they had money. 'If you would, I'd be very grateful.'

Nicola locked the door and pulled the shutter before she came back to them. 'Now, if you'd be so kind, I'd like to know who I've got here.'

Kalen pulled out her spare Jedi robes as Alexis dropped her hood and tossed the cloak to Canderous. He caught it and draped it over his shoulder.

'Revan?' Nicola said in shock.

'At your service,' Alexis said with a bow.

Nicola straightened her face and smiled. 'It's been a long time, girl. I should have known when I saw how tiny you were.'

'It's a small world, isn't it?' Atton said, giving them a slightly sarcastic smile. One look from Kalen wiped it from his face.

'What can I do for you?' Nicola asked, ignoring Atton completely.

'Well, Kalen and I are looking to have a few sets of Jedi robes made in about a week and a half. I've completely destroyed every pair I own, so you'll have to measure me all over again, but Kalen has a set for you to base hers on,' Alexis said.

Kalen smiled faintly. 'It looks like we're about to have a lot of public functions to wear dress robes to. I need two sets of dress robes and one pair of regular robes.' Kalen held out the spare set of robes she had brought and Nicola took them and looked at them for a second.

'I can do that,' Nicola said. 'What about you, dear?'

'Ah... I need two sets of dress robes and five sets of regular robes, if you can manage it,' Alexis said.

'In a week and a half? I'll be busy, won't I? Alright, let's get you measured and then we'll discuss colors and cuts,' Nicola said, grabbing her hand.

After an intense period of barely-dressed measuring, Alexis had finally escaped Nicola's clutches. Kalen was looking at colors and materials in a databank and Atton was staring at a pair of fingerless gloves remarkably similar to his own. Canderous was staring blankly at a wall, holding most of Alexis's clothes.

Alexis made her way to Atton's side, smiling. 'Looking for a new set of gloves?' Alexis asked.

'Actually, I was thinking of trying to get you to get a pair. They'd be rather useful. Help you keep those tiny hands around your lightsaber.'

'May I see them?' Alexis asked, holding out her hand.

Atton passed her a pair of pitch-black fingerless gloves in a thin, soft material that was remarkably lightweight. Alexis slipped one on. It was much too large, despite the fact that it was a woman's glove.

'Too big,' Atton muttered.

'I'll bet I could ask for a couple of sets to go with my robes. I rather like this idea,' Alexis said with a grin.

'It's all about style,' Atton replied.

They made their way back over to Kalen's side, each grasping one glove in their hand. Kalen and Nicola were staring at a bit of pink fabric, grinning to themselves. 'What are you two up to?' Alexis asked.

'Making a set of Jedi robes,' Kalen replied.

'In pink?' Atton responded, raising his eyebrows.

'Pink, white, and brown,' Nicola answered.

'Why is it,' Canderous called from across the room, 'that you two can't wear normal Jedi colors? I've never seen any Jedi but you two wear anything other than black and brown.'

'Some of them wear blue and red,' Atton added, looking quizzically at them.

Alexis gave Canderous a sudden smile. 'I hated Jedi robes when I was a kid. I thought that they looked like sacks. I didn't want to wear them at all, but Master Kae kept telling me that I had to. Finally, just to make him angry, I had a set made in bright emerald green. I thought he was going to die of shock. They were practically the same color as the lightsaber I carried then. Master Kae demanded that I change, of course, and I refused. I had all of the rest of my robes thrown away and I bought new ones in the brightest colors I could manage. I admit I kept doing it just to make Kae mad, at least at first. After a while, it just kind of became part of me. I never really stopped.'

'Yes you did,' Nicola whispered suddenly. 'I remember when you left for the Wars. You had me make several sets of robes in black and gray.'

Alexis smiled sadly. 'I remember now. I didn't want to head off to war wearing all of those cheerful colors. It seemed wrong somehow.'

'What about you, Kalen?' Canderous asked.

Kalen was blushing furiously. 'Well, I uh-'

'Oh, do tell, Kalen,' Alexis said, grinning at her.

'It's embarrassing!' Kalen wailed.

Atton looked very curious. 'Why?'

'Oh, fine. I started wearing colorful robes because Alexis did. She was only a couple of years older than me, but she was the best Jedi I'd ever seen. It was hero worship, really. I wanted to be just like her. So did lots of the other Padawans, but none of them took it to quite the extreme I did,' Kalen said, looking at the floor.

'Ha! That's hilarious,' Canderous said, slapping his knee and smiling.

'So, how did it feel, being the hero of hundreds of baby Jedi?' Atton asked.

Alexis chuckled at the memory. 'It was a bit annoying, actually. It was cute at first, but it got old fast. I never really noticed it from Kalen, though. She was pretty good at hiding the fact that I was her hero.'

'Oh, shut up,' Kalen muttered, blushing even more. Canderous and Atton erupted into raucous laughter.

---

Several hours later, the four of them sat in Carth's empty apartment. Atton and Canderous were idly playing cards. Not pazaak, for once, but some strange sort of poker that they'd both learned how to play in a local cantina. Kalen and Alexis were standing in the kitchen. Kalen was cooking a rice dinner that they'd purchased the ingredients for on the way back to the apartment. Alexis was attempting to help her.

'Lexi, dear, you're just getting in the way. I'll make lunch. Why don't you go and um- set the table? Or something,' Kalen said, shoving past Alexis one more time.

Alexis laughed hopelessly. 'I guess I'll leave. Clearly I'm not even capable of assisting some who's cooking.'

Kalen gave her a tight smile as she edged past her once again. 'Thanks.'

'Must be nice to be able to cook,' Alexis muttered as she left the kitchen. She made her way to the table in the living room where Canderous and Atton were playing cards. Neither looked up at her. They just continued to stare at the foreign looking cards in their hands.

'Burn the water again?' Atton asked slyly, tossing a card onto the table. Canderous cursed and stared furiously back into his hand, trying to decide what to do next.

'You caught me,' Alexis said in return. Her utter failure at cooking was no surprise. After all, making the perfect meal was hardly part of her Jedi training. Perhaps it should be incorporated into the lessons of the Order's future Padawans. It was safe to say that she wouldn't be the instructor, however.

No one replied, so Alexis glanced at Atton's cards, trying to figure out just what they were playing. The cards had strange markings on them with numbers and sometimes even faces. Atton glanced over at her, frowned, and covered his cards. 'Trying to help Canderous cheat?' Atton asked suspiciously.

'I don't cheat,' Canderous growled.

Alexis laughed lightly. 'I can tell when I'm not wanted. I'll go find...' Alexis trailed off and glanced at the door. Carth was outside. She could tell it was him, even through that door.

Alexis watched as the door slid open and Carth walked in. He glanced around the room in surprise. Kalen stuck her head into the living room, wiping her hands on a towel. 'Who's here? Oh, hey Carth. Want some lunch?'

Carth turned towards her, frowning slightly. 'I didn't know you guys were here.'

'What are you doing home? Shouldn't you still be at work?' Kalen asked.

No one else was speaking. Canderous and Atton had slipped back into their card game. The world around them didn't exist. Alexis was watching Carth with guarded eyes. Kalen hadn't noticed a thing. She wasn't very perceptive for a Jedi sometimes.

'I forgot that I had a meeting this evening. I need my uniform,' Carth replied. He was wearing his favorite orange jacket and dark green flight suit. He looked exactly as he had almost five years ago when he'd been helping Alexis search for Malak.

'Do you have time to stay for lunch? I did make it in your kitchen,' Kalen said with a smile.

Carth nodded slowly, looking at Alexis apprehensively out of the corner of his eye. It seemed that staying for lunch was the last thing in the world that he wanted to do.

Alexis straightened. All she had to do was be calm. She'd behaved childishly the day before. She just needed to grow up a bit and- avoid him like the plague. Not that that would help. And not that she could really do that in the first place. She just needed to act like the rationale adult that she was. Most of the time.

'Great. You and Lexi sit down. I'll have the food ready in a bit,' Kalen said, disappearing into the kitchen without looking back.

Carth stared at the people in his living room, wondering why he'd ever been lonely. Did he really need company? All he wanted was to talk to Revan alone for a little while, to apologize. At the moment, he wouldn't have the chance.

Revan flashed him a welcoming smile that was nearly a grimace. She wasn't happy to see him. She'd left the apartment before dawn just to avoid this meeting. Carth nodded at her and stalked off to his bedroom to retrieve his uniform. He hadn't expected her to be home.

Carth collected his suit from the closet and folded it over his arm. What could he say to her? Would she even want to talk to him? Carth resolutely turned and left the room. He made his way into the living room and tossed his uniform across the arm of the couch. He sat down in a nearby seat and looked up to see what Revan was doing.

She was seated in a chair she'd pulled up by Canderous, frowning at the cards in his hand. 'Now that just isn't fair. I thought you didn't cheat,' Atton said.

Canderous looked up, an innocent smile on his face. 'I'm just teaching her how to play.'

Revan was smiling again, a real smile, rather than the forced one she had given him. 'Worried I could beat you, Atton?'

Carth stood up again and headed to the kitchen without looking back. Revan was enjoying herself, so he didn't want to upset her again.

'Kalen?' Carth said to catch the young Jedi's attention. She turned towards him, wielding a spoon. She had some sort of sauce smeared on her cheek

'Anything I can do?' Carth offered.

'Do you cook better than Lexi does?' Kalen asked, grinning. She'd noticed the sauce on her cheek and was attempting to wipe it away with the back of her hand.

'Doesn't everyone?' he quipped back.

'Here, stir this. Alexis has actually told me that you cook very well. It's better that one of you can, since...' she trailed off, passing him the spoon.

Carth chose to ignore that comment. 'It looks like you're done.'

'I am, all except for that sauce you're stirring. You did volunteer, though.' Kalen took the spoon back. 'On second thought, would you set the table? I don't know where the dishes are.'

'Oh good. From one menial task to another.'

'There's no slave labor on Telos. You'll have to do.'

Carth began to gather plates, glasses, and silverware from the cabinets. 'I hope there isn't a uniform for this as well. I think that I have one to many as it is.'

'I don't know. Alexis might like some kind of leather slave outfit on you. I'll bet I could find one somewhere.'

'I'm not so sure.'

'Why aren't you out there with her, anyway?'

'She's busy.'

'Too busy for you?'

'Canderous was teaching her how to play some kind of card game.'

'Right. Well, I'll go get the rest of the party while you finish setting the table. It may be hard to break Atton away from whatever game it is that they're playing. I'll be back,' Kalen said, heading out of the kitchen.

Carth watched her go, frowning slightly. Hopefully everyone else at the table could carry the conversation. He didn't think Revan was too keen on speaking to him just yet.

Alexis glanced up as Kalen slid into the living room and dropped promptly into Atton's lap. He was so startled that he dropped his cards. Alexis smiled at the look on Atton's face. Kalen had probably crawled into that poor boy's lap just to distract him from his card game. It was one of the few things that would have done it.

'Well hello there,' Kalen said, tossing an arm around his neck. 'Carry me to lunch, flyboy?'

'Sure,' Atton said, rising with Kalen in his arms and making his way into the kitchen, a bemused smile on his face.

'Smart girl,' Canderous said to Alexis.

'Yeah. Lucky boy,' Alexis replied.

They rose together and made their way into the kitchen in the couple's wake. Perhaps Atton had taken some of her good advice. Well, probably not. It was much more likely that Kalen had realized a few things and decided to take the situation into her own hands.

Carth was already sitting at the table. Atton took a seat with Kalen still in his arms instead of dropping her into another chair. 'I don't think that this is a chair built for two,' Kalen said dryly.

Atton watched as Kalen squirmed out of his lap and made her way to her own chair, a pained expression on his face. Alexis hid her grin. Kalen was playing to win. Little did she know that she already had her fist around his heart.

Alexis glanced furtively over at Carth. He was looking back at her. Their eyes locked for a second before Alexis finally managed to break the connection. Damn. There was nothing she could do to temper her feelings for the man. Every time she looked at him, even after they'd been fighting, she wanted to jump into his arms and hold on and never let go. Alexis sighed. The next few months were going to be difficult indeed.

Alexis sat outside of Roshana Seraph's office, watching her secretary type on a large computer terminal. She'd been in here, alone, for twenty minutes, waiting for her meeting with the senator.

The senator was late, but Alexis didn't care. She was busy thinking about other things. The day before, after a rather boring lunch, Kalen, Atton, and Canderous had stayed for a sparring match and then returned to the Ebon Hawk.

Carth had gone back to work. He hadn't gotten back until very late, and Alexis had pretended to be meditating when he arrived. He'd looked as if he wanted to talk to her, but Alexis had firmly ignored his attempts to rouse her. She still wasn't ready to talk. She might never be. She'd have to speak with him eventually, however, and she knew it was time to stop avoiding it. The next time he showed signs of wanting to talk, she'd give in.

It wasn't really him that was the problem anyway. It was the point that he'd made. His observation about her penchant for running away had cut her to the very core, simply because it was so true.

Alexis absently ran her fingers along the dark black circles under her eyes. She hadn't slept in days. Using meditation in place of sleep had worked for her for a very long time, but now that she wasn't so used to it anymore, the sleep deprivation was getting to her. She probably looked ill. She was losing weight again, despite eating well and exercising.

'Senator Seraph will see you now,' The secretary said, startling Alexis out of her thoughts.

Alexis rose, nodding. She smoothed her clothing carefully, eyeing the pink tunic and white leggings carefully. She looked okay, though she didn't look much like a Jedi. To top it off, she'd had to wear a heavy cloak into the office to hide her identity. The secretary hadn't recognized her, or hadn't commented.

The secretary rose and opened the door to the senator's office for her, a friendly smile on his face. Alexis smiled back at him and he promptly blushed. He was very young, now that she got a closer look.

---

Alexis stepped into the office and the secretary shut the door behind her. She turned her eyes immediately to the woman who sat behind the desk. The woman rose and gave her a welcoming smile. The reception was much better than Alexis had expected.

The woman was around thirty-two or thirty-three years old. She had short, heavy dark brown hair and brown eyes. She was wearing a dark red senatorial robe that hid most of her body. As Alexis edged closer, she realized that the woman was enormously tall, probably taller than Carth. Her face wasn't classically pretty, but she had strong, friendly features and even white teeth. She looked strangely familiar. 'Welcome to my office. My name is Roshana Seraph, as I'm sure you know.'

'My name is Alexis Starling. Or, Alexis Revan, if you prefer,' Alexis responded, offering the woman her hand. She had a very firm grip, Alexis noted.

'Please, take a seat. May I call you Alexis? I have a feeling it will be more comfortable than Revan,' the senator said, motioning towards a soft-looking beige chair across from her desk.

Alexis carefully settled herself in the seat. Roshana took her seat as well. 'You certainly may.'

'Good. Please, call me Roshana. I hate formalities,' the woman said. She smiled again. 'Look, I know you've already noticed that I look at bit familiar to you. I could see the recognition in your eyes. Allow me to explain.'

'You don't have to,' Alexis said quickly, embarrassed that Roshana had noticed.

'It's alright. I'm Carth's second cousin. I understand that you two have known each other for some time. It's only natural for you to see the family resemblance.'

'Oh, now I see. I'm sorry if I stared. The similarities really are striking.'

'Yes,' Roshana said, 'We all have the same hair and eyes. The same nose, too, I'm told.'

Alexis nodded. 'I'm very glad that you took the time to see me.'

'I'd actually have liked to have seen you sooner, but Carth told me I had to give you a bit of time. He's very protective of you, you know.'

'Well, we've been friends for a very long time.'

'I see,' Roshana said knowingly. Alexis had to resist the urge to blush. 'So, what are you doing back in known space? I was led to believe that you'd disappeared after the Jedi Civil War.'

'I did. I've come back to do that which I should have done in the first place. I'm back to aid the Republic in rebuilding,' Alexis said with conviction. She wasn't sure that that was why she had come back originally, but it was her purpose now, so it was the truth.

'So what is it that you think you can do for the Republic?' the senator asked, leaning forward on her desk and resting her head on her hands.

'First and foremost, I'd like to attempt to rebuild the Jedi Order with the assistance of the exile, Kalen Valirra.'

'I am told that all of your Masters are dead,' Roshana said seriously.

'That's true, or at least as far as I know. Kalen is, however, very experienced, as am I, and though neither one of us was a Master when we left the Order, I believe that both of us are more than capable of serving in that capacity now. There are also five, possibly six others with rudimentary Jedi training who I feel would like to help us,' Alexis said.

'Why do you feel that the Jedi should be resurrected?'

'The Jedi, despite their faults, are the peacekeepers of the galaxy. They serve as figureheads, representing order and stability. I know that our reputation will have to be rebuilt, just as the Order itself will have to be rebuilt, but I feel that it's worth it. The Jedi are an essential part of a stable Republic. We've kept the galaxy safe for generations. We'd like to continue to protect our people.'

'You seem very passionate about this,' Roshana said carefully. She was leaning forward with interest, Alexis was proud to note.

'It's something that I consider to be of the utmost importance. At first, I admit, even I was skeptical. Why did the Republic need a former Sith Lord to help restore it? A friend told me, however, that a woman who'd triumphed over darkness would be the perfect person to lead the Republic from the darkness in which it has languished for so long. The Republic needs me because I am so much like it. I was once as corrupt and dangerous as our Republic is now. I am not that person any longer. I've stepped back into the light. I believe that the Republic can as well.'

'Why should I believe that you won't fall again? What's to stop you from becoming a Sith once more?'

Alexis took a deep breath. 'I understand that you're worried. But the only answer that I have for you is this: I'm older, I'm wiser, and I have friends that I can count on to stand by me through thick and thin. Even if you don't trust me not to betray you, trust in the ability of my friends to keep me on the path of the light. They will not allow me to fall to the dark side.'

'Do you really think that the Jedi are enough to reunite the Republic?'

'I do. The Jedi have always been the muscle supporting the Senate. Without us, no one will believe that the Senate has the power to carry out its decisions. Once we have been restored, many of the worlds that feel that there is no benefit to joining the Republic will see that we are re-establishing ourselves and that we do have the ability to protect them.'

Roshana smiled at Alexis suddenly. 'I see why you are considered to be so powerful. Your words motivate. I am half ready to leap from my chair and learn to use the Force myself.'

'Does that mean that you'll sponsor me in the Senate?' Alexis asked, placing her hands on the edge of the table. She was unable to hide the urgency in her voice.

'I'd like to talk-' Roshana began, but she was interrupted.

'Senator, I'm very sorry to interrupt, but your son has been dropped off here. It appears that the baby sitter has fallen ill. He's crying and I'm not really sure what to do...' The secretary announced over the comlink. A very young child could be heard sobbing in the background.

Alexis glanced at the door. 'May I get him for you? I love children.'

Roshana shook her head. 'Malikei will bring him in. You can hold him if you'd like, though. I have a feeling that you'll be very good with him. If you can do half of what you've done to me to him, he'll be asleep the moment he touches your hands.'

Alexis gave her a faint smile. 'Thank you... I think.'

'Malikei, go ahead and bring Radek in please.'

'Do you only have the one?'

'Yes. He's my pride and joy. His father's a soldier with the Republic. I believe he took over the ship that Carth was recently piloting. The Sojourn? Anyway, he's quite a handful most of the time.'

Alexis turned to the door and rose as the secretary entered with the young boy. He was around two years old. He had thick, brown hair and brown eyes. He looked a lot like his mother. And like Carth. Alexis was smitten the moment she saw him. 'Oh, he's an angel!' Alexis said, smiling and offering her arms up.

The secretary looked a bit startled, but he held the boy out to her. Alexis took the little boy and held him against her chest. She carefully used the Force to exude a sense of calm. The baby relaxed almost instantly.

Alexis leaned her head down until she could see his eyes. 'Hi. I'm Lexi. What's your name?' The little boy looked away bashfully.

'Do you have a name?' She gave him a big smile. He looked at her from beneath his eyelashes for a few seconds. She gently ruffled his soft hair.

'Radek,' he told her softly.

'Radek. That's a very nice name. How old are you?' Radek held up two fingers. 'Two, huh? That's old. You're a very big boy, Radek.'

Radek was smiling at her and rubbing his eyes. 'Are you sleepy?' She asked. Radek nodded. 'Would you like me to hold you while you take a nap?' She offered. It didn't look like she'd needed to. He dropped his head onto her shoulder and popped his thumb into his mouth. Alexis pulled it out gently. He didn't try to get it back. After a couple of minutes of Alexis rubbing his back and whispering to him, he shut his eyes and fell asleep almost instantly.

Alexis turned back to Roshana, who was grinning openly. 'I knew you'd be good with kids. You'd make a very good mother.'

'I'm not sure I'll have that opportunity,' Alexis replied quietly. 'Jedi aren't supposed to marry.'

'You aren't really a Jedi though, are you?' Roshana whispered back.

Alexis gave her a tired smile. 'Sometimes, I wonder that myself.'

'And what have you decided?'

'Carth's pacing outside the door,' Alexis replied, glancing over at the door.

'Shall we let him in?'

'If you don't, he'll wear a hole in your carpet.'

'Malikei,' Roshana said over the com, 'will you let Admiral Onasi into the office before he paces a hole through my carpet?'

'At once, senator,' the secretary replied.

Carth walked into the room, uncertain as to what to expect. What he did see was Revan, standing in the corner, cuddling a very small child. He recognized the boy as his third cousin, Radek, but for a moment, he allowed himself to envision the boy, who looked very much like he had as a child, as his own son with Revan.

Carth smiled faintly at the thought. Wouldn't it be wonderful to come home to a wife and son again? To experience all of the things he'd missed when Dustil was a boy? Or perhaps a daughter, with Revan's black hair and his brown eyes... she'd be tiny and delicate, like her mother, and very beautiful...

Carth felt the slight burn of unshed tears in the corners of his eyes and shook his head, trying to dispel the images. He hadn't cried in years, and he wouldn't do so now. Looking at Revan holding a child was doing crazy things to his head, however, and he had to tear his gaze away to save his sanity.

She wasn't even technically speaking to him at the moment. Wishing she were carrying his child under such circumstances was completely unreasonable. Ah, there was a lovely thought. Revan, pregnant. She was so small. Could she even carry a baby to term? Would he be willing to risk her life to find out? Idiot! Drop it before she figures out just what you're thinking!

'Can I help you, Carth?' Roshana offered suddenly. Carth turned to look at her, grateful for the distraction.

'I was just- um-,' Carth began, still flustered. 'I wanted to come by and see how things were going. I'd intended just to wait for Revan outside, really. I can go, if you'd like...' Carth said lamely. Why had he come? Now all he wanted to do was escape.

'Carth,' Revan greeted him quietly to avoid waking the boy. Her expression was soft and warm. She looked so, so appealing holding a child...

'Well, we're done. My son likes her, so obviously Alexis is all right. I'd love to sponsor her in the Senate,' Roshana said, glancing sideways at Alexis.

'Oh, thank you!' Revan said quickly.

Carth gave her a warm smile and Revan smiled back. For a second, everything was perfect between them. It didn't last. Her expression became guarded and she looked away to the toes of her boots, running her fingers idly though the baby's curls.

Roshana looked between the pair of them for a second, appearing curious. She smiled suddenly, turning her eyes to Carth. 'Good luck,' she mouthed. Carth nodded his thanks. Revan didn't appear to notice.

'We can meet again in a few days. For now, why don't you head on home? I'll take Radek. The Senate will be in session again in two weeks. We'll talk several times before then. I hope you're ready for a fight, Alexis.'

Revan looked up. Carth was surprised by the pain in her expression. 'I have to be. I can't fail.'

'You won't,' Carth said impulsively. He almost wished he could take it back when she turned on him, but her eyes softened and she seemed grateful, so he slowly let out his pent up breath. Things would have to get better between them soon. He felt as if he were walking on eggshells.

Revan carefully made her way to Roshana's side and passed the much taller woman her sleeping child. Roshana towered over Revan by well over a foot and Carth was struck once again by just how tiny Revan was. With such a large personality, one tended to overlook her diminutive stature.

Carth watched as the two women shook hands. He shook Roshana's hand next. 'Thank you again, Senator,' Revan said.

'Goodbye,' Roshana responded and the pair walked out of her office.

---

Alexis stared up at Carth outside of the senator's office. He'd seemed so nervous. His thoughts were in such turmoil, she'd been able to feel them from across the room. Alexis could actually see the tension in his shoulders.

Putting their slight animosity aside, Alexis reached over and touched his arm. He jerked as if she'd burned him and she pulled back very quickly. 'Aren't you feeling well?' she asked carefully.

Carth glanced down at her. 'I'm fine,' he replied, a bit too quickly in her opinion.

'Do you have to go back to work?'

'Yes, but I'll walk you back to the apartment. May I help you on with your cloak?' Carth offered.

Alexis nodded and Carth gently slid her cloak over her arms and tipped up the hood. Alexis adjusted it until it covered her face and body sufficiently. 'Carth, we need to talk,' she said finally. She hadn't intended to be the one to initiate the conversation, but he didn't seem too keen on doing it himself. She was a little worried about him.

'I know. Let's wait until I get home tonight. We'll talk then. We've been putting it off for far too long.'

Alexis took the elbow he offered, sliding her arm through his. He was a comfort to her, even now. They made their way to the shuttle that would take them back to the module that held Carth's apartment in silence.

Onboard the shuttle, Alexis took the only available seat while Carth hovered over her, looking alternately anxious and content. She could still feel the waves of confusion rolling off of him. It was rather disconcerting. Still, they said nothing.

Finally they arrived at Carth's apartment. He helped her out of her cloak and offered to get her a drink. When she politely refused, he turned to go. 'Until tonight,' Alexis said quietly.

Carth stared at her for a few seconds. 'Until tonight,' he replied. Alexis got the distinct impression that he was fleeing for his very life.

Alexis had been in the apartment for less than thirty seconds by herself when Atton slipped tentatively into her mind. He was rather clumsy about it and seemed very unsure of himself, but he was there, nonetheless.

:: Atton? ::

:: I- can we talk? ::

:: You seem nervous. Is something the matter? ::

:: May I come over? ::

:: Yes, no one's here. Come on over. ::

:: Thanks. ::

And with that, he was gone. Alexis frowned and walked towards Carth's bedroom, where all of her spare clothing was stored. What had Atton all tied up in knots? Alexis sighed and slid into Carth's closet. Her clothing was stored on the far side.

Alexis pulled out a pair of soft white leggings. They'd once belonged to an older child that had lived at Atris's academy in the Polar Region, but Alexis had confiscated them during her stay. They had been a bit too short, but they'd fit her slender frame well, so she had cut them off just below the knee.

Alexis pulled off her boots and changed into the short pants, along with a slim fitting white tank top she'd stolen from the same place. She'd chosen her new attire for utter comfort. She didn't feel like doing anything. Maybe she'd even be able to get some sleep after Atton left. She left her feet bare. She wasn't planning on leaving the apartment.

Alexis made her way back into the living room, letting her hair down as she went. It had been braided and wound up on top of her head for the meeting with Senator Seraph. Just as she pulled the final pin from her hair, Atton reached the door.

He'd made the trip from the Ebon Hawk in record time. Alexis opened the door with a flick of her wrist and Atton slipped in, panting. Apparently he'd run the entire way.

'Is there anyone behind me?' Atton hissed.

'No... Atton, is everything all right?' Alexis said, suddenly anxious. Who would be following him?

'She's trying to kill me,' Atton whispered, throwing himself onto the couch with a theatrical sigh.

'Ah... Who's trying to kill you?' Alexis asked, settling herself onto the floor a few feet in front of him. She crossed her legs comfortably and ruffled her hair. At least she could be calm, even if he wasn't.

'Kalen,' Atton said quite seriously.

Alexis erupted into an uncontrollable fit of giggles. 'Kalen's trying to kill you?' She managed to gasp, clutching her stomach and grinning.

'You're making fun of me again!' Atton said.

'You make it too easy, Atton.'

'She's... She's...'

'Don't hurt yourself. Just what is it that she's doing that it seems like she'd trying to kill you?'

'She's wearing her hair down.' Atton looked as if he'd seen a ghost.

'Is that all?' Alexis managed with a straight face. Kalen must have really done a number on him for him to be coming apart like this.

'She keeps... handing me things. Things that I was about to ask for. I hadn't even asked for the hydrospanner. She just knew. She knew I wanted it, and she handed it to me.'

Now he was babbling. 'Anything else?'

'She kisses me. On the cheek. That's all. But if I reach out to grab her, to kiss her for real, she just squirms out of my reach. And the little touches. She can't keep her hands off of me. They're always very innocent. The hand. The shoulder. The knee. She's driving me mad. And she won't talk to me, won't let me catch her. She's playing with my head. Every time I try to get something more serious out of her, she laughs at me and disappears.'

'Is that it?'

'Normal women don't behave that way. I just want to grab her and shake her. Or kiss her silly. I haven't decided which.'

'Sure they do. I thought you were supposed to be good at this game.'

'This isn't a game. This is very serious,' Atton said, turning an icy stare on her. Alexis bit her lip in an attempt to remain in control.

'Atton... She's flirting with you.'

'She's trying to kill me.'

'Look, Atton, Kalen's not some dancer in a cantina. Her definition of flirting isn't sticking her hand down your pants.'

'I wish she would. That would make things so much easier.'

'She doesn't want it to be easy,' Alexis said. Oh, poor Atton. He was so wrapped around Kalen's finger that he was he no longer knew which way was up.

'Why not?' He asked desperately.

'I don't think Kalen's in it just for kicks. I think she's playing for keeps. Her goal isn't to get you into bed. She could've had that a long time ago.'

'Damned right she could have.'

'Atton. Look at me.'

Atton turned his eyes to her slowly. They were still a little wild and he hadn't stopped breathing heavily. He couldn't still be tired from the run there. 'It's going to be okay. She's just trying to get your attention.'

'She already had it. Why is she doing this to me?'

'Atton. Look at me. Over here. In the eyes. Stop glancing at the door, Atton... Good. That's better. How do you feel about Kalen?'

'You know the answer to that.'

'Just say it. You'll feel better.'

'I can't.'

'It's not like you're telling her. You're telling me. Now say it.'

'I-'

'Atton...'

'Alright! Alright! I love her!'

'Thank you. Now, don't you feel better?'

'Not really.'

'Well, good. So, what are you going to do about it?'

'I've made a decision,' He was smiling and looked remarkably sane compared to the mess he had been a few seconds before.

'Oh?'

'I'm going to shake her, and then I'm going to kiss her silly.'

'I'm sure she'll appreciate it.'

Atton laughed. 'She's really got me, hasn't she?'

'I'd say so,' Alexis said, returning his smile.

Atton rolled off of the couch and lounged on the floor beside her. He stretched out on his back and put his arms behind his head. His grin had gone slightly silly.

'Atton, I think you're about to start drooling,' Alexis said half seriously. He looked rather pleased with himself.

'That's because I am finally sure it's me she's after, not Disciple.'

'Oh, poor Mical,' Alexis said seriously. She saw the boy so rarely that she'd almost forgotten that he existed.

'Poor Mical my boot. He was vicious about all of this. All of that flattery and meditation. I thought for sure she'd fallen for that crap.'

'He does love her, you know.'

'Well, so do I.'

'It's a bit different. He'll get over her. His is only a bad case of hero worship. You wouldn't have. If she had run off with Disciple, you would have drowned your sorrows in pazaak and juma. You wouldn't have lived another five years. You would have turned you liver to mush.'

'Hey- that's not fair.'

'It's true though.'

'You can't know that.'

'But I do. And so do you. Anyway, Mical will always love her, but I think that he'll come to realize that his love is the love of an apprentice for his Master. I don't think that Mical will ever love someone in the usual way. I think Mical will be the first true Jedi to return to the Republic.'

'Ah, innocent and virginal all of his life. He looks the part.'

'At least he has some self control.'

'Yeah, and no sex drive to speak of. He probably dreamed of holding Kalen's hand for all eternity.'

'Don't tell me what you dreamed of.'

'Have you ever seen that girl in underwear? I can't wait to see her wearing less. That was what she was wearing the first time I saw her, you know: a red tank top and underwear. I'm not even sure that she had on a bra.'

'That's more than I ever wanted to know. Thank you.'

'You're welcome,' Atton replied, turning his head to grin at her.

Atton stayed around for a while to play pazaak and chat. It was well into the afternoon before he left. When he went back to the Ebon Hawk, he was whistling contentedly and smiling.

He hadn't been gone for five minutes when Kalen waltzed into the apartment. 'Can't you people leave me alone?' Alexis moaned, dropping onto the ground with the bowl of white rice she'd just retrieved from the kitchen.

'Got any more of that? I haven't had time for lunch.' Kalen said in lieu of reply.

'Yep. There's some in the kitchen. Help yourself,' Alexis responded.

'You didn't cook it, did you?'

'Ha, Ha.'

'I'll take that as a no,' Kalen said as she made her way to the kitchen. She returned shortly thereafter, clutching a bowl of rice as well. She was already eating before she even sat down on the couch.

'Hungry?'

'Mmmhmm.'

Alexis set her bowl aside and leaned her back up against the couch beside Kalen's legs. 'So, what do you want to talk to me about?'

Kalen finished the last of her rice and tossed her bowl over beside Alexis's. 'I know that Atton was here. I want to know how I'm doing.'

Alexis smirked. 'He says you're killing him.'

'Mira suggested that I tie him up, use a bothan stunner, and starve him for a few days. I thought that this would be better.'

'Undoubtedly so.'

'So, what did he say?'

'Well, he mentioned that you were wearing your hair down.' Alexis glanced up at Kalen's long blonde hair. 'You really do have pretty hair.'

'Thanks. I knew that that would get him.'

'He also said something about you touching him incessantly and kissing his cheek. He even mentioned you handing him things before he asked for them. There for a while, he was completely out of control. I thought he might faint,' Alexis said with a laugh.

'The battle is nearly won,' Kalen said triumphantly.

'He mentioned something about what you were wearing the first time he saw you,' Alexis said slyly.

'Ah, yes. My underwear. I think I had on a t-shirt as well.'

'Atton even remembers what color is was. He seems to think that you might not have been wearing a bra.'

'Wishful thinking on his part.'

'No, the wishful thinking was the part where he saw you without it,' Alexis replied.

Kalen, despite all of her bravado, was still a bit of an innocent, much as Alexis was. She blushed a delicate rose color. 'Well then. That would explain why he's been trying his hardest to keep me out of his head.'

'That's not the only reason,' Alexis muttered. Kalen appeared not to have heard her. 'I felt I should warn you that he plans to capture you, shake you a few times, and then kiss you into submission.'

'I look forward to it,' Kalen said with a giggle.

'So, what are your plans for my boy?' Alexis asked in a mock serious tone.

'Your boy?'

'Oh, yes. He's called me mummy once or twice.'

'Well, I plan to have my wicked way with him.'

'If I were you, I'd make it legal first. He might run away if you don't.'

'I doubt it. I'm not sure he'll ever leave me again.'

'Congratulations.'

'Now all I have to do is get him to admit that he loves me.'

'It isn't very hard. You do love him back, don't you?'

'Well of course,' Kalen said. Alexis could actually see when the rest of her words sank it. 'What isn't very hard?'

'Getting him to admit that he loves you.'

'He loves me?' Kalen said, sporting the same silly grin Atton had been wearing only hours before.

'I thought you already knew that.'

'Well, I did, but it's always nice to hear it.'

Alexis chuckled. 'He was even whistling when he left.'

Kalen's smile faded. 'What's wrong between you and Carth?'

Alexis stiffly held her smile in place. 'What do you mean?'

'Jedi can't lie, Alexis. Wipe that fake smile off of your face and tell me what's going on.'

'Nothing.'

'Lexi, please. Tell me.'

'I-'

'Alexis, if you can't tell me, who can you tell?'

'I don't want to talk about it.'

'Fine. How did your meeting with the senator go?'

'She's agreed to sponsor me in the Senate,' Alexis said, surprised how quickly Kalen had dropped the previous subject.

'That's good news. Now, why are you and Carth behaving so oddly around one another?'

Alexis sighed. She should have known. 'I give up.'

'Great. Tell me everything.'

'Kalen, how is it that you can just cast aside the Jedi Code? How can you allow yourself to love?'

'Alexis, it isn't about allowing myself to love,' Kalen said, frowning at her. 'I didn't let myself do anything. I fell in love with Atton despite the Jedi Code. I knew it was wrong, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. Now that I do love him, what difference does it make if I tell him? The love's already there. I've already broken the Code. You love Carth. You've broken the Code too. Lexi, we're not Jedi. We're just Force-wielders. The Jedi Code only applies to us in the loosest sense.'

'I just can't let it go,' Alexis said sadly, staring at her hands.

'Alexis...'

'No, I'm not ready for this yet. Nevermind. We aren't getting along because we had a bit of a fight. That's it.'

'Okay. We'll pick back up on the love issue later. For now, what was the fight about?'

'Well... I don't really know what was wrong. Carth just came home angry. I confronted him and we argued... I started to leave... and Carth asked me if I was running away again.'

'And you're so upset because...?'

'Because he was right. I was running away. Again. If anything comes close to touching my heart, I run away.'

'So now you're running away from Carth.'

'I am not! I'm still here, aren't I?'

'Physically, maybe, and even mentally. But emotionally? Are you really here, Lexi?'

'Just, drop it, please! I'm not ready for this!'

'Let me know when you are, Alexis. I'll be here.'

---

When Carth finally came home, Alexis was already emotionally spent. She was lying on her back in the middle of the floor, unconsciously echoing Atton's position earlier in the day. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was deep. She was trying to calm herself. She didn't even look at him when Carth came in.

'Revan?' He said quietly, flipping on the light and tossing his jacket onto the sofa.

'I'm here,' Alexis replied softly.

'You wanted to talk.'

Alexis opened her eyes and stared at him for a few seconds. 'I did.'

'Do you want to do it now, or would you like to do it over dinner? Maybe even after that?'

Alexis gave a weak laugh. 'Well, we do have to do it sometime today. Preferably before midnight. I'm not hungry, though. Are you?'

'A little.'

'Can I fix you anything? I'm pretty good at reheating rice.'

'On second thought...'

'Oh, you. I'm sure we can find you something. Let's go to the kitchen and look.'

'Revan, listen...'

Alexis stood up quickly. 'No, let's wait until you have food. We can talk after.' She started to walk towards the kitchen.

'I just wanted to say that I'm sorry.'

'Carth...'

'Fine. We'll get me some dinner. Are you sure you aren't hungry too?'

Alexis shook her head and slid into the kitchen, dreading the conversation to come.

Carth walked along behind Revan, frowning at her back. She was losing weight again. Maybe he could coax her into eating some of his meal. She had dark circles under her eyes, too.

When Revan stopped in the kitchen and turned around, Carth was unable to stop himself from stopping only a few inches from her and gently running his thumb across the bags under her eyes. She flinched slightly but didn't pull away.

Carth slowly pressed his entire palm against her cheek. Her breath caught and she shut her eyes. Carth stilled his hand, waiting for her to jerk back. She didn't move. Carth leaned forward slowly and pressed his lips to her forehead.

Revan was trembling. She lifted her hand and pressed it against his chest. He felt her fingers curl into his jacket for a second. She flattened her palm and pushed gently. Carth took a step back and lowered his hand. Revan's eyes popped open. 'Not now,' she whispered, turning away.

Carth stared at the back of her head, wishing everything could be right between them. He'd seen the pain in her eyes. He didn't want to hurt her, but he didn't know what he could do to help.

'Go ahead and reheat that rice. I've got some stuff I can throw into to make it to give it a little flavor,' Carth said quietly.

Revan nodded and went to get the rice. She didn't say a word. Carth watched her out of the corner of his eye as she heated it. She was moving warily, as if afraid he'd lunge across the kitchen at her. Was she actually frightened of him? He'd never thought so, but maybe she was after all. He knew she wasn't afraid he would hurt her. It was more likely that she was afraid that she would have to fend off any kind of romantic advance he might make. She'd had to do it once only a few moments before.

Revan passed him the warmed-over rice and Carth tossed a few things into it. He wasn't really hungry anymore, but he hoped that he could get Revan to eat some of the food if he did.

They both sat down at the table. Carth glanced at Revan's outfit. It was completely white, like snow. She looked like an innocent little girl with her hair trailing down her back and her calves and feet bared that way.

'Carth, I wanted to apologize again for the other night. I should have learned by now to keep my emotions in check. Reacting in that manner isn't the Jedi way.'

'It wasn't your fault. If I hadn't said that to you...'

'That shouldn't matter. I should be able to control myself,' Revan said. 'Oh, and Dustil said he'd be here in a week so... five days from today, I'd wager.'

Carth took a bite of his food and chewed thoughtfully. 'I wish I had an excuse for the way I acted but, I don't.'

'It doesn't matter,' Revan said.

Carth held out a bit of rice to Revan from his fork and she took it without thinking. He wanted to smile at her, but he figured that might be inappropriate. 'It does to me.'

'I guess the original issue was the night out in the cantina...' Revan said softly.

'I'm sorry about that.'

'Carth, if you keep apologizing, we're never going to get through this.'

'Sorry. Er- I mean- Right. Well, um- go ahead.'

'I went to a cantina with Kalen. She and Mira got drunk and I took them back to the Hawk. Someone had to take care of them, after all. No one recognized me, and nothing happened. I realize I took a risk, but it was late and I didn't look like myself at all.'

'You have every right to do what you want. I knew deep down that no one would recognize you. I just wanted to protect you. I hate it when I can't be there to take care of you. I felt like I'd failed you somehow.'

Revan looked up into his eyes. 'You can't protect me all the time.'

'And I know that. But I'd like to.'

'I know,' Revan whispered.

Carth looked down at the table. He forced himself to take another bite of his dinner. After a long silence, he looked back up. 'I'd like to explain why Seré was in my lap, if I may.'

'You don't have to. I understand.'

'I don't think you do.'

'Fine. Go ahead.'

'Seré called me in the middle of the night to let me know that someone had tried to break into her apartment. I went over there to check things out, per her request. When I got there, I didn't see any kind of problem, but she was hysterical. She came back to my apartment because she was scared. I sat with her for a bit while she cried and she fell asleep against my chest. I eventually went to sleep, too.'

'I see.'

'Nothing happened,' Carth added, seeing that she wasn't reacting at all to his story.

'Carth, it wouldn't be any of my business if something had.'

Carth glanced over at her. She might be saying it didn't matter, but her eyes told another story. She looked hurt, even a little worried. 'I think it would be.'

'Carth, do we have to do this now?'

Carth shut his eyes for a second. He was pushing and she wasn't ready. 'No. We can talk about it another time.' Carth offered up his fork again. Revan took it without comment.

'I was gone for almost five years. Things are bound to be a little strained between us. We're still friends though, Carth. At least, I like to think so. I want you to know that you'll always be important to me,' Revan said, looking back up into his eyes.

'Is that all we are, Revan? Friends?' Carth asked her softly. He knew he should have kept his mouth shut. He never should have asked. But he had to know the answer.

'Carth...'

'Tell me, Revan. Please, answer me.' Revan looked deeply into his eyes. He could see her thinking, trying to decide what to say. Carth shook his head suddenly. 'Forget it. I shouldn't have asked.'

Revan smiled suddenly. 'Carth, call me Alexis.'

Alexis stood in the bathroom, trying to decide what came next. She'd managed to escape dinner without any more serious conversation, but now she wasn't sure what to do. She'd showered and was once again wearing Carth's t-shirt. Why she'd never purchased her own pajamas, she wasn't sure. It wasn't for lack of opportunity. Alexis was suspicious that she'd done it because Carth's smell had helped her relax, even when they were apart.

Alexis stared apprehensively at the door. So, should she just crawl back into Carth's bed to sleep like nothing had changed since their first few nights together? Would he be uncomfortable calling her Alexis? Alexis had often thought about why Carth kept calling her Revan. It had never occurred to her, before tonight, that she's hadn't asked him to. The smile that had lit his face when she had asked had told her that she'd guessed correctly. He'd thought that she didn't want him to.

At least she hadn't been forced to admit her feelings for him. Not yet. She wasn't ready.

So what was she ready for? Lately, she'd been telling everyone who asked her to do anything that she wasn't ready. Well, when would she be ready? She didn't know. But she was going to have to start being ready to do things, to talk about things, to fix things.

Alexis put her hand on the door. She was going to go to him. She didn't want to be alone, even if she couldn't tell him that he was so much more than her friend. Even if she couldn't tell him that she loved him. Alexis stepped out into the hall and looked down to Carth's bedroom. He was standing in the doorway, watching her.

Alexis walked to his side slowly and he offered her his hand. She stood in front of him for a moment, staring at it. After a while, she took it cautiously. Instead of leading her to the bedroom, he swept her up into his arms and carried her there, avoiding looking at her as he did so. When they arrived, he lowered her gently onto the bed and made his way to the other side without a word.

Alexis nestled down beneath the blankets and turned away from him, praying she'd be able to keep her hands to herself. It appeared Carth was having none of that. She felt his warm hand on her back and she shut her eyes tightly.

'Come here, beautiful,' he whispered. Alexis rolled over.

'Carth...'

'It's all right. Just let me hold you.'

Alexis reluctantly pulled her body against his and Carth wrapped his arms around her. She placed her hands against his chest and Carth gently pressed his lips to her forehead again. Alexis forced her breathing to relax and her heart to steady.

Carth's fingers were lightly toying with her hair. The soft pulling sensation was oddly relaxing. His other hand was tenderly massaging her back. Alexis felt all of her nerves melt away. Force, he was amazing. She could barely think anymore.

After a few moments, Alexis was nearly asleep. She'd been so tired... 'Alexis? Are you still awake?' Carth whispered. Alexis didn't answer. She wasn't sure she could have formed words, even if she'd wanted to.

She felt Carth smile against her and her pulled her a bit closer to him. Alexis had to resist the urge to wrap her arms around him. 'Goodnight, beautiful,' he said quietly. 'I love you.'

It was ironic that when someone she loved finally professed their love for her, Alexis only managed to restrain herself by using the Jedi techniques that should've kept her from falling in love with him in the first place. Carth drifted almost immediately into a deep sleep after his quiet confession. Alexis was awake for a very, very long time.

---

Alexis awoke the following morning to Carth looming over her from the end of the bed. He was grinning broadly at her. 'I didn't know you knew how to sleep past daybreak,' Carth said, motioning towards the window. The sun had just risen over the horizon.

Alexis glanced lazily down at herself. She was barely covered. It appeared she'd kicked the sheet off during the night and Carth's t-shirt was hitched very high up on her thigh. Alexis blushed and started to reach for the sheet but Carth leaned down and caught it before she managed. 'It's time to get up, isn't it?'

It was amazing how quickly Carth had gone from constantly nervous and tense in her presence to completely at ease. He didn't even seem to mind depriving her of her decency. Alexis sat up as quickly as she was able and tugged a pillow into her lap. 'I probably could have gotten a few more hours of rest if you hadn't bothered me...' she muttered. In truth, she was glad he'd woken her up. Sleeping past sunrise made her uncomfortable. 'Why didn't you wake me up when you got up?'

'I thought you'd wake up when I did. I did have to disentangle myself from you when I got out of bed, after all,' Carth was still wearing that huge smile.

'What are you so happy about?' Alexis asked suspiciously.

'You were talking in your sleep a little while ago.'

Oh no. Alexis didn't even remember what she'd been dreaming about. 'Oh?' Alexis responded weakly.

'It was fairly cute. You know, in a pathetic sort of way,' Carth said slyly.

'Pathetic?!' Alexis said indignantly. 'And what exactly did I say?'

'Well, you said that you'd love to go to one of the restoration zones on Telos's surface with me today for a meeting. And then you mentioned that we could have a picnic afterwards.'

'You were lying to me!'

'No, you were pretty pathetic.' Dignity forgotten, Alexis launched the pillow in her lap at his head. Carth dodged the rather slow-moving projectile and raised his eyebrows at her. 'Nice underwear.'

Alexis tried to grab another pillow to throw but she missed and nearly rolled off of the bed. Carth practically ran from the room, chuckling to himself. Alexis finally managed to lay her hands on another pillow. Once she had it, she stood quickly and ran after him.

It didn't take long for her to find him. He was standing in the kitchen, holding a piece of fruit in each hand. 'So, can we call a truce for breakfast?'

Alexis walked calmly over and retrieved her fruit from his hand. She bit into it while rather casually bonking Carth over the head with the pillow with her free hand. Carth's arm snaked out and caught her around the waist. He spun her around until her back was pressed against him. He fruit flew across the room. She tried to break free but he held her fast.

Alexis was giggling uncontrollably at this point. She'd forgotten how much fun pure silliness could be. Alexis stopped struggling and wrapped her hands around the arm Carth had across her middle for support. He feet weren't even touching the ground anymore.

Carth dropped his fruit onto the counter and wrapped his other arm around her. Alexis wiggled around, trying to break away. It wouldn't have been hard if she'd really wanted down, but she was enjoying herself. The squirming was mostly for Carth's benefit, and he knew it.

'You win,' Alexis said finally, sagging against his arm. Carth spun her around to face him in the blink of an eye. 'Well hello,' Alexis added in surprise.

'Hello yourself.' He was very close. Alexis could feel his warm breath on her face. She lifted her arms and carefully placed them behind his neck. Carth gave her a slightly lopsided smile.

Carth let go with one of his arms and placed his hand lightly against the side of her face. Alexis leaned into it, her breath coming quickly. Carth's face came closer to hers and Alexis looked into his eyes, her lips parted in surprise. Just as she was sure he was going to kiss her, someone rang the doorbell. Carth dropped Alexis as if she had burned him.

Alexis looked down and attempted to straighten the dark blue t-shirt she was wearing. Carth straightened his clothing as well and made his way to the door. 'Any idea...?' he began.

Alexis shut her eyes and turned her attention to the door. She shook her head slowly... 'Wait. Yes... It's Seré. What's she doing here?' Alexis frowned slightly from her position in the doorway between the kitchen and living room.

Carth shrugged and opened the door. Seré stepped inside without so much as an invitation. 'Carth, I came by to check on you. You're late for work by almost an hour and you haven't been answering the com,' Seré said.

Alexis slid into the living room, idly searching her body for her lightsaber. It appeared that she'd left it in Carth's bedroom. That was disturbing, as she never liked to be parted from it, but at this point, it seemed to be for the best. Seré had once again spoiled things for she and Carth and Alexis wasn't in a very forgiving mood.

Carth glanced at his watch and grimaced slightly. 'So I am. I was supposed to be in early this morning, huh?'

Seré nodded curtly. 'Yes. You have a meeting in slightly less than an hour. Will you even be going into the office this morning, or shall I just meet you at the transport ship?'

Carth looked back at Alexis, who was distracted, all of a sudden. Something was amiss... Someone who wasn't supposed to be in the apartment was there...

Alexis turned sharply and glanced along the wall near the door. There were two assassins wearing stealth field generators creeping towards the hallway. Alexis raised her hand slowly, palm out, and used Force stasis to freeze both of the Sith in place.

Carth and Seré saw the Sith simultaneously. Seré gasped and Carth reached for his blasters, which were strapped to his hips. Alexis walked calmly towards the assassins, studying them with a critical eye.

'Seré, why is it that you always let the baddies in?' Alexis asked sarcastically. One of the assassins was twitching slightly. 'And why do I always have to fight them in nothing but a t-shirt? It will be good to finally get those Jedi robes before this becomes my uniform.' Alexis held out a hand and one of Carth's blasters drifted into it. She pressed the blaster to the assassin's chest. Carth did the same to the other man.

As he came to, Alexis jabbed the assassin before her threateningly with the tip of the blaster. 'How did you get here? Who is your master?' Alexis asked. The assassin regarded her coolly without answering. 'Have any stun cuffs, Carth? It would be easier if we could tie them up and ship them off to the TSF's detention center without me having to keep them in stasis. I'd still rather not be seen.'

Alexis turned her head to look at Carth for a split second. The assassin took advantage of her distraction, twisting to the side to escape the blaster. Alexis moved the pistol without looking and fired once, hitting him in the breastbone. He staggered and reached for his swords. Alexis leapt into the air, landing a solid kick in his face. She fired the blaster a final time, catching him in the heart and killing him instantly. The other assassin still had not moved.

'Either my stasis worked a lot better on this fellow or he's brighter than his companion and has decided that he doesn't want to die today,' Alexis observed.

Carth leaned forward a bit to look at the man. 'I can't see his eyes through this mask to tell you which it is.'

'Perhaps...' Alexis shut her eyes and attempted to delve into the assassin's mind. It was well shielded; all of his thoughts and goals were hidden from her. She could, however, knock him out, at least for a time, which she did. He slumped to the floor while she was opening her eyes. 'There. Call a few TSF agents. They should be able to haul him off without any trouble now.'

'How do you think he got here?' Carth asked. Alexis had been wondering the same thing. It had been far too long for these assassins to have been hidden on the Ebon Hawk or her own small ship.

'I don't know,' Alexis said, finally spotting Seré for the first time since the incident began. She was cowering against the far wall, glaring malevolently back at Alexis. 'I'm going to go and check the apartment for any further company.'

'Be careful,' Carth told her. Alexis nodded and disappeared. 'Seré, go and call the TSF and request a few soldiers...' Alexis heard Carth order as she left the room.

After a quick sweep of the apartment, Alexis found no more unwanted guests. The TSF agents responded quickly and Carth swept off to fill out the massive amounts of paperwork involved in such an arrest, leaving Alexis alone to quickly prepare for the meeting she'd been roped into for the day.

Alexis sat outside of the transport ship on Telos's surface, fiddling wither lightsaber. She shouldn't have it out, of course. If one of the other diplomats that Carth was here with came by this particular transport, they would see her face and her lightsaber.

Alexis had dropped the cloak almost immediately after the diplomats had disappeared. It was a beautiful day, even though they were in a semi-simulated environment. The warmth from the sun was genuine, however, and Alexis basked in it happily. She hadn't seen grassy slopes like these in quite some time. Most of the worlds in the Unknown Regions had been barren wastelands.

Alexis clipped her saber back on her belt and glanced around. Carth and a few other high-ranking Republic soldiers were helping the Ithorians show visitors around this part of Telos's surface. According to Carth, this zone was one of the healthiest on the planet. Alexis knew that it was beautiful. It looked almost as if nothing had ever happened to it.

Alexis sighed happily and gently rested her back against the transport that she, Carth, and Seré had taken. It was lucky that Carth was a pilot. They hadn't had to bring anyone extra. Well, except for Seré. Alexis wasn't sure what they would do about her, but she was fairly certain that the girl wouldn't leave willingly. It was very likely that there would be a third party at their little picnic.

Alexis chose to ignore that depressing thought. She sat up and tugged off her boots and socks, tossing them away to bury her toes in the grass. It looked as if it would be a fantastic day...

A few hours later, Alexis stared at Carth from across the blanket they were seated on in the grass while attempting to braid her hair. She was having a bit of trouble. Tendrils of it kept escaping and hanging in her face, obstructing her vision and tickling her cheeks. Finally, Alexis sighed and gave up. This braid would just have to do.

Seré glanced over at her. 'Is something wrong?' she asked in a seemingly kind tone. Alexis raised an eyebrow at her instead of responding.

Carth was sipping at a cup of java juice, watching her. He hadn't been able to get Seré to take another ship back to the Citadel, but Alexis had given up caring. Perhaps that was for the best, anyway. Their almost-kiss this morning had reminded Alexis that she needed to keep herself firmly in check. She hadn't yet made up her mind what to do about their situation and kissing Carth would only make things worse.

Alexis turned away to stare at the small lake that they were sitting by. It was so tempting... she didn't have any shoes on to ruin, and her clothes would dry... Alexis stood up and turned to Carth again with a brilliant smile. 'Care to go for a swim?'

Instead of waiting for his answer, Alexis stood up and sprinted towards the water. She dove in, hitting the cold water with enough force to drive her breath away. She rose to the surface, gasping and grinning, wet bits of her hair trailing down her face. Carth was standing on the shore, watching. 'Not going to get in?'

Seré ambled up behind him, a look of distaste on her pretty face. Alexis sloshed her way to the edge of the water and sat down in the shallows. The sandy bottom felt good on her bare feet. 'No thanks,' Carth said, laughing. 'You know, I think that nature removes your inhibitions.'

Alexis, feeling brave, gave him a suggestive smile. 'Ah, but you're too scared to come in the water and find out.'

Carth nodded, glancing back at Seré. 'What about you? Are you going to go swimming?'

Seré frowned. 'No thanks. I have to go back to work this afternoon, and so do you. She has no job to restrict her actions.'

Alexis sighed and stood up. She shook the water slowly from her hair and rubbed it out of her eyes. She wandered back to the shore, wringing out her clothes as she went. Carth and Seré both stepped away from her. 'What? Do I have the plague?' She asked, laughing lightly. 'Hey Carth, want a hug?'

Carth smiled gently at her. His eyes were warm. 'No thanks. I think I'll go pick up that blanket for you, though. You're going to be cold on the ride back.'

Alexis shrugged. 'Oh well. Party pooper.' She turned away from him, spotting something out of the corner of her eye. An Ithorian was making his way towards them. 'Ah, Carth, we have company.'

Carth turned to follow her gaze. He frowned and glanced back over at her. 'Chodo Habat. He's the Ithorian leader here on Telos. I wonder what he wants.'

Alexis cocked her head thoughtfully. 'I don't know, but he's Force sensitive. He knew who I was before he even saw me.'

---

The Ithorian made his way to their side, his gait slow and easy. He stopped directly in front of Alexis and bowed slowly to her. 'Welcome back to Telos, Lady Revan. I am Chodo Habat, the leader of the Restoration Project here and the Ithorians' spiritual guide.'

It was clear to Alexis that neither Carth nor Seré spoke Ithorian. They both looked extremely confused. 'It's a pleasure to meet you. I hope you don't mind if I speak to you in Basic. My companions don't seem to speak Ithorian, and though I can do it, my accent is terrible. It's rather difficult to wrap my tongue around,' Alexis said, smiling faintly. Dealing with others was always easy for her, even in strange situations.

'I have been meaning to speak to you ever since your arrival here. I believe, however, that you might consider carrying this conversation elsewhere, or attempting to speak Ithorian.'

Alexis turned to her companions. 'I'm going to speak Ithorian for a few minutes. I hope you all don't mind. I know it's rude but...' She spread her hands helplessly. Carth nodded once and Seré snorted. Alexis broke into slow, halting Ithorian. It was, by far, one of her worst languages and took her a very long time to warm up to. 'We can stay here. Just, please, forgive my accent.'

'Actually, it is better than I expected.'

'What can I do for you, Chodo Habat?'

'It is rather what I can do for you.'

'And what is that?'

'It is clear to me that you are in much pain.'

'I'm not sure what you mean...' Alexis said, stalling for time. Why was it that everyone felt the need to fix her? Others were entitled to be broken. Was it not her right to be less than whole as well?

'You are worried about many things. The Republic. The Jedi. Your friends. Your love. It is too much for any normal woman to bear. And yet, you, Lady Revan, are no normal woman.'

Alexis glanced at Carth out of the corner of her eye, hoping against hope that he did not understand a word of Ithorian. 'Please, this isn't something that I wish to speak of.'

'Fear not. I do not wish to speak of your mate. Doubtless you have heard enough about your relationship with him. I wish to speak of another matter,' the Ithorian said.

Alexis relaxed for an instant before she realized what the Ithorian had called Carth. 'My mate?' Alexis responded incredulously, only just remembering to use Ithorian when she spoke.

'Of course. He is the mate of your soul, is he not?'

Alexis sighed. So, the Ithorian thought that Carth was her soul mate. She could neither confirm nor deny this, as she herself did not know, so she chose to ignore it. 'What do you wish to discuss, if you don't want to talk about 'my mate'?'

'I wish to speak to you about another fear that you harbor. One I feel I can explain to you.'

Alexis was so tired of accepting advice from others that she wanted to simply walk away. She knew, however, that she couldn't. She had to know what he had to say. 'Which do you speak of, wise one? I have many.' Her tone was soft and slightly dejected.

'You do not fear as much as you might think. I wish to speak to you of your fear of fleeing in the face of a challenge.'

'How is it that you know so much about me?' Alexis asked suspiciously.

'I am a priest among my people.'

'That doesn't explain why you read me so well.'

'It is a connection I have made to you through the healing of your companion, Kalen Valirra. When she helped Telos, I helped to restore some of her Force powers through the healing of the planet. I am bonded to her, and she is bonded to you. The Force binds even strangers,' he seemed very certain of himself as he spoke.

Alexis shut her eyes momentarily. It seemed that there were many people who knew things about her that she did not know herself. 'What do you wish to tell me of my habit of running away?'

'Only this,' Chodo Habat said softly, 'Your fear is not one of responsibility, as you might think, but one of completion, fulfillment. You are not afraid to take on the challenges, you are afraid of what will happen to you when you conquer them. Finality has only brought you pain. When you finished your Jedi training, you went immediately to war. When you won your last battle during the Mandalorian Wars, you left known space and became a Sith. These you remembered well. When you defeated Malak during the Jedi Civil War, instead of remaining to finish your duty, you left the known galaxy. Now, why would you have done such a thing? You didn't leave before Malak was defeated.'

Alexis bit her lip. 'Because it wasn't over. Not by a long shot. I hadn't restored the Republic. I hadn't defined my relationship with Carth. I hadn't made my peace with the Jedi.'

'And that is why you went to the Unknown Regions,' the Ithorian said knowingly.

'But, I know all of this already. At least, most of it. How is this supposed to help me?'

'When you left known galaxy, you weren't only fleeing the end of one thing. You were returning to see the end of another.'

'And yet I didn't finish that one, either. The Sith still exist.'

'Yes. But why did you come back?'

'Everything revolves around that question. Many have asked it. I have even asked myself, and yet I still do not know the answer.'

'When you do, everything will become clear.'

Alexis was frustrated. 'Forgive me, but I don't understand how this was supposed to have helped me. I know that this question is the most important of all. It relates to every other that I ask myself. But how do I prevent myself from running away? I thought you came here to help me dispel one of my fears.'

'You flee the end because you fear what you will become, if you are given the chance to remain idle.'

Alexis nodded slowly. 'That is an astute observation. But it doesn't change anything.'

'You won't run away again because in your heart, you already know the answer to the question around which all of the others revolve. You only choose to ignore what your soul shouts back at you.'

Alexis opened her mouth to speak, but Chodo Habat interrupted her. 'I must go. Please, tell the Admiral and his secretary that I bid them farewell. Take care of yourself, Lady Revan. Should you need to speak to me, all you need to do is ask.'

Alexis lowered her head in acknowledgement. 'Goodbye...' she whispered to the fleeing Ithorian's back. He moved very quickly, despite what she recognized were the signs of advanced age.

Alexis turned to glance at Carth and Seré, rubbing at the sopping hair that was still sticking to her face. Carth held out a blanket for her and Alexis took it gratefully. As she wrapped it about herself, she knew that the blanket would do nothing to stave off the chill. If the warm sun could do nothing to dispel the darkness inside, certainly a blanket could not.