Destiny: Part II

The sun had risen over Telos. Carth watched as Revan sat cross-legged in the middle of the floor of his apartment, dubiously eyeing the three sets of Jedi robes Kalen, the exile, had presented her with the previous evening. All of them would be far too large for her. Carth could see that, but Revan kept absently turning them in her hands, weighing the material and carefully studying the stitching.

Carth was smiling slightly at her, feeling foolishly happy for some reason. It felt so right having Revan in his home, even though they had been apart for so long. She fit into his life so neatly... more so than his first family ever had. He always felt a pang of guilt when thoughts like this surfaced, and yet it was true.

Carth's first wife, Morgana, whom he had loved dearly, had been a sweet girl, stubborn to a fault, and very lovely. She had been tall, Carth remembered, and curvy, with bright, shining eyes and a sharp mind. He had always felt that something was missing when they were together. It was as if one or both of them lacked some essential component of compatibility that would have solidified their marriage.

Morgana had immediately wanted to settle down and start a family, Carth had not. She had wanted to stay home and care for the baby; Carth had wanted to see the galaxy. They had grown apart as Dustil grew up, and when she had died, Carth had felt that he barely knew her any longer.

She had begged Carth more than once to stay home with her, give her another son and let the Republic take care of itself. Carth regretted not at least giving it a shot. Perhaps if he had stayed home on Telos where he had belonged, he might have been able to save her life. But then he would never have met Revan.

He always felt so conflicted when he compared the two, as if his wife was still alive and he was cheating on her. He had to concede though that Revan completed him in a way his wife never had, and he didn't even know if she loved him. It was as if she were a missing part of his soul...

Carth almost wished that he had met Revan first, before he had met his wife. If they had married... but Revan had been very young when he had first married Morgana. Merely a Padawan under the tutelage of Jedi Master Kae, she had been far beyond his reach. Perhaps it was better that they had not. Perhaps things were this way for a reason. Perhaps because of the Force. Carth's heart ached for a moment with an acute sort of pain, pain for the past and for the present, and he looked away from Revan, his expression troubled.

Carth shut his eyes and listened to Revan's soft breathing and the quiet rustle of material. He let his mind wander away from the dark subjects he had been pondering and into the future. He thought of Revan, he thought of her restoring the Republic, he thought of him at her side. He thought of the rebuilding of the Jedi Order, of Kalen Valirra, and of her companions. He even thought of Telos, once again teeming with life...

Alexis lowered the very large robes she had been handling and turned to watch Carth. His eyes were closed and his breathing was even. When she closed her eyes, she could hear the steady rhythm of his heart. He had been silent for some time and Alexis had no desire to disturb him.

She rose as quietly as her weak body would allow and took two steps towards the door. She felt Carth's eyes open and he smiled at her. 'Tired of playing with your new clothes?' He asked.

'Actually, someone's at the door. I'm fairly certain it's Seré, but there's something about that door... I can't sense much of anything through it.' Alexis said.

'I'll answer it.' Carth replied, standing up. He followed her over to the door and opened it before the girl could knock.

'Early again, Seré?' Alexis said quietly. The tall girl stepped inside and shut the door behind her without responding.

'Carth, I've taken a vacation from work for a few days as well. I told them that it was much easier for me to be gone when you weren't there to need my help. They agreed.' Seré said, ignoring Alexis's presence completely.

Carth nodded once. 'Fine.' He said nothing more but instead made his way back to his seat, picking up one of Revan's new robes as he passed. He flopped back onto the couch and held the thing up, frowning. 'I'll bet I could fit three of you in here.' He said softly.

Alexis shrugged and leaned up against the wall. He was behaving a bit strangely. She pretended not to notice, however, and watched as Seré lowered herself carefully onto a nearby chair. Alexis was growing tired of the girl. Despite all of the control she had over her emotions, Seré was beginning to irk her a bit. First, the girl's well-aimed barbs had startled her. Then, the pain had set in. Now, they only served to make her fed up with the entire situation. 'I only need them for patterns, really. All I need is someone we can trust to make Jedi robes discreetly.'

Carth did not answer. He settled the robes on the arm of the couch and leaned back, placing his hands behind his head. He simply stared at her, his posture and expression relaxed but his eyes intense. He appeared to be thinking very hard about something while idly staring at her.

Alexis looked down, uncomfortable. Why was he being so odd? Had she done something wrong this morning without knowing it? She glanced down at her body, eyeing her clothes and the way she was standing. Nothing appeared to be out of the ordinary, at least that she could see.

He continued to stare and Alexis shut her eyes to block him out. She sank slowly to the floor, still leaning against the wall, and drew her knees up to her chest. This brought a brief spasm of pain, causing her to draw in her breath sharply. Her body still hurt so much. She was much too thin and weak and food made her feel ill. She was, however, no longer dehydrated, and that had eased some of the soreness in her muscles. The pains of her body were not the pains bothering her the most. It was the emotional hurts that she was afraid would never heal.

Ever since she had rediscovered her identity as Revan, Alexis had harbored deep-seated feelings of guilt and shame. She was usually easily able to force them away because of her training as a Jedi, but lately it had not been quite so simple. More and more often she found herself dwelling on the terrible things she remembered doing in her past.

It was strange the way she remembered things she had done when she was Darth Revan. It was as if she had only been a witness, not actually involved. She always watched herself as a third party, never from the Sith Lord's eyes. The memories were vague, too, as if she had been in some sort of pain-filled fog. She could quite clearly remember her childhood now, and everything leading up to the Mandalorian Wars, but anything after that was only an impression.

Alexis looked back up at the door. Someone else was there. She shut her eyes for a moment and tried to force her perceptions through the door. It was resistant, but she was easily able to pick up on the familiar person on the other side. It was Kalen.

Instead of telling Carth, Alexis rose and opened the door. Carth and Seré watched curiously as Kalen entered the room without a word. Her expression was pained and she looked rather melancholy. She was dressed in a tunic and leggings, not her Jedi robes.

'Lexi... can we talk?' She said without pause. She turned her soft blue eyes on Alexis and stared.

Alexis was perplexed. Something was obviously wrong. 'Sure. Carth, is there somewhere Kalen and I can talk?' She took Kalen's hand gently.

'Of course. Use the bedroom. It's quiet back there.' Carth replied, perplexed.

Without a word, Alexis led Kalen out of the room and into Carth's bedroom. They each took a seat on the bed, facing one another. Kalen was fidgeting nervously and did not speak immediately.

Finally, after a pregnant pause, Alexis broke the silence. 'You're worried about the Order, aren't you?'

'You always were able to read me like a book.' Kalen said with a wry smile. The smile faded as quickly as it came. She was quiet for some time before she spoke again. 'What do you know about the True Sith?'

'Traya told you, didn't she?' Alexis asked in return.

'She mentioned something to that effect, yes.' Kalen said uneasily.

'The True Sith have always been, and will always be. No matter what Traya told you, the Sith can't be destroyed. The True Sith are those that lurk in the shadows, preserving the Sith traditions and training new Dark Lords. They are the Sith archivists... historians of destruction. Traya was well on her way to joining them.' Alexis said. She was unsure why Kalen found all of this important.

'So, the Sith will never fade from existence. There will always be Sith.' Kalen said with certainty.

'Yes...' Alexis said. Where was the girl going with this?

'Then the Jedi shouldn't either.' Kalen told her with conviction. Kalen had been looking down but suddenly, her eyes jerked up and met Alexis's. They bored into her and Alexis had to fight the urge to look away.

'I- I don't see where you're going with this...' Alexis said. She was lying; she certainly did. Kalen was asking her not only to save the Republic, but to save the Jedi as well.

'Don't lie to me, Alexis. I've never met a Jedi who could lie with a straight face.' Kalen said.

Alexis felt Kalen's hand on her shoulder. 'Isn't the Republic enough? I'm only one woman! How can you ask me to save the Republic and the Jedi? How can I rebuild both? I'm not strong enough to shoulder it all. I barely have enough strength to keep myself alive.'

'Then let me help you. And Carth. And Atton. And Disciple. And Mira. And all the rest. Let us help you, Lexi.' Her words tumbled out, mixing together in her excitement.

'Why do you need me? Can't you do it alone?' Alexis whispered softly. She was nothing. Not a Jedi, not a Sith, not a woman, not a girl, not a hero, not a villain, not Alexis, not Revan. She was nothing, but she was everything in between. 'Why me?' She said brokenly.

'Because you've been through it all. You were once everything that was right and good in this galaxy. You fell, a distortion of what you once were, corrupted by fear and circumstances beyond your control. You stepped back into the light, bruised and beaten, but wiser than before. You're what the Republic needs because you ARE the Republic. Once a great institution, corrupted by the fear and greed of man. The Republic needs YOU to lead it back into the light. As does the Jedi Order. Fix what you've broken, Revan. Drag us all back into the light.' Fire shimmered in Kalen's eyes. Righteous fire.

Alexis was trembling as she brushed a lock of her hair out of her face. Within the space of five minutes, everything had changed. How could Kalen expect her to lead the galaxy back into the light when half of the time she felt as if she trod in the gray area between light and dark?

How could Kalen believe she was what the galaxy needed when she had been its destroyer in the first place? How could she, a fallen Jedi Knight and former Sith Lord, tell the Republic it was corrupt without sounding like the ultimate hypocrite? Why did the full weight of the Republic's fate rest upon her slender shoulders?

Alexis's mind raced as Kalen's words danced around in her mind. She needed to settle down, to find her center, to think rationally, but she couldn't. Her thoughts were chaos.

Alexis looked into Kalen's eyes, her own stinging with unshed tears. 'I can't.' She said hoarsely.

Kalen gave her a small, tight smile. Her expression was encouraging. 'As long as you're not alone, you can.'

'What if I fall again?' Alexis whispered. The darkness was now her greatest fear. The irony was that fear was a part of the darkness...

'You won't. There is nothing left for you in the dark. Everything worth living for is in the light, Alexis. You won't fall again.'

Alexis stifled a sob. 'Kalen, are you sure? What if you're wrong? What if I'm wrong?'

'I'm not wrong. You are hope. You're purpose. You're everything the Republic needs... everything the Jedi need... and more.'

With a soft gasp, Alexis buried her face in her hands and cried for the first time in her life.

Carth was getting tired of answering the door. Kalen's companions had trickled in slowly, one by one, arriving all in their own good time. They were all silent, as if they already knew something important were happening in Carth's apartment.

Atton was seated alone, shuffling a deck of pazaak cards. Visas and Mira sat together on the couch, holding hands. The Disciple, or Mical, or whatever the blonde boy's name was, was pacing along the front of the apartment in front of Bao-Dur. Canderous was sitting next to Seré, who looked as if she were frightened out of her wits. Carth himself stood in the doorway between the living area and kitchen, leaning against the wall.

The air felt heavy with emotion, even though he certainly didn't know why. Weren't most of these people Jedi? Shouldn't emotion have been the last thing clouding the room? And yet... these weren't the type of Jedi he was used to.

These Jedi were all more like Revan, except perhaps the Disciple. They all seemed to be more self-aware than any other Jedi he had ever met. They were more in touch with their own feelings and acutely aware of the feelings of those around them. They weren't indifferent. They were warmer somehow, more vulnerable.

It almost frightened Carth to see Jedi such as these. These Jedi weren't trained warriors who ran like machines. They were people as well as Jedi, not droids like the Jedi of the past. These Jedi were human. These Jedi were real.

Carth was surprised when Kalen walked out alone, a weary grin on her face. She stopped in the center of the room, her eyes dancing merrily. 'It's done,' she told them all frankly.

It appeared that he and Seré were the only ones who did not understand. The faces of everyone else in the room lit up spectacularly. Atton put away his pazaak deck and Mical stopped pacing. Visas and Mira rose in unison, wearing identical grins. Mandalore chuckled and muttered something about knowing it from the start.

'You think I can go talk to her now?' Atton asked Kalen, shoving his deck of cards into one of the pockets of the jacket he now wore instead of Jedi robes.

Kalen nodded at him. 'Be gentle. She's still in shock.'

Atton gave her a slightly lecherous grin. 'Aww, come one. I'd never hurt a lady.'

Carth frowned but said nothing as Atton disappeared. 'Would someone please tell me what's going on?'

Kalen turned on him, her hands on her hips. 'I've just single-handedly saved the Jedi and the Republic,' she said, buffing her nails on he front of her tunic and smiling.

'Yeah? How'd you manage that?' Carth asked her skeptically. Had everyone else in the room gone mad?

'I convinced Alexis that they needed her to save them.'

---

Alexis was drying her eyes when Atton walked into the room. He shut the door carefully behind him and sprawled out on the bed beside her, making himself comfortable.

'Are you here expecting to celebrate?' Alexis asked him with a sniffle. He didn't reply.

Alexis continued to dab at her eyes, trying to catch her breath. She wasn't sure why she'd cried. It hadn't helped the situation any and losing control over her emotions made her feel weak and useless. It wasn't an unfamiliar feeling, but it was unwelcome nonetheless.

'I had forgotten that Kalen was so wise.' Alexis said quietly. It was true. She had remembered Kalen being an impulsive youth, much like she herself had been. Had Kalen always been so... together?

Atton still said nothing. Alexis sighed and collapsed onto the bed beside him and shut her eyes. 'Would you stop counting? You're practically shouting numbers and it's about to make me crazy.'

That brought a chuckle. 'Can't figure out what I'm thinking?'

'I really don't want to know. Actually, you're projecting your surface thoughts so loudly that T3 could probably read them.' Alexis told him. 'What are you trying to keep her from finding out?'

'She knows everything worth knowing,' Atton muttered.

'No she doesn't, or you wouldn't be shouting numbers at me for all you were worth. What, are you two so close that you can't stay out of one another's minds, even when you try?'

'Please, spare me. You can obviously already see what's going on.'

'I just want to hear you say it.' Alexis said. So, why didn't Atton want Kalen to know that he loved her?

'You remember me... from during the wars, don't you?' Atton asked her shrewdly.

Alexis's eyes popped open. 'I do.'

'And you know about... the things that I did. How good I was at killing Jedi.'

'I do.'

'And you know that I... enjoyed it?'

'I do.'

'Would you stop saying I do? Space! It's sounds like we're getting married.' Atton said crossly.

'Hearing wedding bells in your future?' Alexis asked with a soft laugh.

'I'm trying to be serious here and you're laughing at me!' Atton practically shouted.

'Easy, Atton. I'm only teasing you. Go ahead and finish what you were saying.' Alexis said. This conversation with Atton was making her feel better somehow.

'She deserves someone better than me; someone who didn't like killing; someone who didn't murder the last woman he loved.'

'Then let her go.' Alexis said quietly. She knew she was pushing him, but someone had to.

'I can't. That's just it. I can't let her go. I want your help. Please, help me protect her from... well... me.'

'I don't think that Kalen wants that kind of protection, Atton. I think she'd much rather have you.'

'I don't deserve her! I'm a murderer. I'm a monster! Why in the Force does she want me?'

'Everyone can be redeemed, Atton. Look at me. Think of what I once was. Now... now you all want me to save the Republic, to save the Jedi. I don't deserve a second chance. But here I am. I'm getting it. The Force works in mysterious ways. Maybe things are the way they are for a reason.'

'Don't spout your Jedi nonsense at me, Revan!' Atton sputtered in frustration.

Alexis extended her hand slowly to his belt and unclipped his lightsaber and held it in front of his face. 'It's your nonsense too, Atton.' She said quietly.

He snatched his lightsaber and hooked it back in place. 'Only because of her. Only to protect her,' he said.

'Atton, I'm going to tell you something in the strictest confidence. If I find that you have repeated it to anyone, I'll... steal you're favorite jacket and tear it to shreds.'

'Nice threat,' he muttered under his breath.

'Look, I don't have to tell you anything.'

'Oh, go ahead. You know it'll make you happy,' the sarcasm was thick on his voice.

'Love doesn't have to lead her to the dark side. Love can save just as quickly as it can damn. Just ask her. Just ask me.' And now Atton knew. He knew that she loved Carth. She wondered if they all knew.

'I know you love him, Revan. But you haven't acted on it, have you? That's what I want. I want to be able to leave her alone. To hide my feelings, to protect her and myself.' Atton sounded a little angry.

'Don't use me as an example. I have to fight it every day. It's harder than you'll ever know.'

'She's a Jedi, Revan. Jedi aren't supposed to love.'

'She's an Exile. None of us are Jedi. Not really. Give her a chance, Atton. Let her tell you why you're worth her love.'

'You know she's never said it... She may not love me at all.'

'You wouldn't be so worried about it if you didn't already know. You two have to fight to stay out of each other's heads. Just let go. Two can be stronger than one.'

'When are you going to follow your own advice?'

'Do as I say, Atton, not as I do.'

'Can I call you mummy?' Atton asked, grinning sardonically.

'I'm younger than you. Much too young to be your mother.'

'Then stop acting like her.'

'Oh, get out, you rat!' Alexis growled, mockingly preparing to throw a pillow at him.

Atton hopped off of the bed and began to back away, his hands held in the air as if she had a blaster pointed at his chest.

Atton stopped at the door and looked back at her. 'I'll think about what you've said.'

'Hey, Atton.'

'Yeah?'

'Looks like I've gotten started.'

'Started what?'

'Saving the galaxy, one lovesick boy at a time.'

'There's one in the living room who's been in pain a lot longer than I have. Maybe you should get to work on him next.' And with that, Atton was gone.

Alexis fell back onto the mattress and stared at the door. It had been a strange morning. She and Atton Rand barely knew one another, yet he'd spilled his guts as if they'd been friends for years. Perhaps their bond went deeper than she had previously thought. It was a bond of shared pain and regret.

She and Atton Rand were more alike than she'd ever considered. They were former Sith, dealing with their past failings in the only way they knew how: by aiding their betters. Alexis had attached herself to Carth and Atton to Kalen. In Atton, Alexis found a kindred spirit. If things turned out well, they might even become friends. She certainly hoped so. She'd had precious few of those in her life and most of them were dead.

The closest friend Alexis had ever had was Malak, and that relationship certainly hadn't turned out well. Next was Bastila, and Bastila was lost to her forever. Juhani and Jolee, they were both long gone. Mission was living on Kashyyyk with Zaalbarr and Alexis hadn't seen them in five years. She and Kalen had only been distant friends, not close enough to remain in contact during the Mandalorian Wars. She looked forward to building real relationships with Kalen, Atton, and all of the others, of course, but she knew that her only real friend was Carth. Even he was not truly her friend. He was so much more...

She was such a hypocrite, giving Atton advice that she couldn't bring herself to follow. She just couldn't... wouldn't give in to her emotions again. Part of the reason she'd fallen was that she'd fancied herself in love with Malak.

When she'd realized the truth, that she didn't love him, she had finally been broken and began to travel long path to the dark side. Oh, that wasn't the only reason, but it had always been a factor. And her lack of emotion where Malak was concerned was the reason he had turned on her and attacked her ship, allowing the Jedi to capture her.

She knew, of course, that her love for Carth was nothing like her love for Malak. For starters, she knew that her love for Carth was real. But did that make any difference in the effect love could have on her? She wasn't sure. And she didn't want to test it... and yet it was so tempting, to give in: to throw caution to the wind and tell Carth just how she felt.

If she did, was all hope for the Republic lost? Could the Jedi be rebuilt under a woman who couldn't even follow one of the most basic tenets of the Jedi Code? Maybe that didn't matter. Maybe she didn't have to act like a Jedi to train Jedi.

Frivolous dreams, at least for now. She was barely well enough to kill a single Sith Assassin. Whether or not she could train students was not even relevant yet.

It was curious, though, to think about how she would go about training Jedi. They would have to know almost immediately that she was no Jedi, that she never would be again. Would loving be so wrong for someone who was already an ex-Jedi? Would students obey a master who did not obey her own rules? It was hard to say.

Alexis mentally shook herself. It didn't matter yet. All that mattered was getting her ready to step back into the public eye... to groom her into the rallying figurehead she was about to become.

It had been two weeks since Carth had seen Revan. It shouldn't have mattered after the years that they had spent apart, but it did. They even remained in contact via comlink. It wasn't as if they were completely apart. They were still on the same planet. He missed her, nonetheless.

On the very same day that Revan had agreed to step forward and help the Republic, Kalen had packed her away to the Jedi Academy in Telos' polar region for what the two young Jedi had referred to as 'intense retraining'. All of Kalen's party had disappeared with them.

Carth had gone back to work the following day, throwing himself back into the bureaucratic nonsense that was the Telos Restoration Project. Telos had to be repaired or the Republic wouldn't try to save another Outer Rim world. The project couldn't fail.

Though Citadel Station had a new fuel source and there had been very little damage done to the station during the last battle with the Sith, there were still a lot of problems. Czerka was a constant concern, as were the mercenaries and pirates inhabiting some of the shield zones on the planet's surface.

Carth stared at the report he was trying to read, rubbing his head with a free hand. He still didn't have the hang of reading Ithorian. He certainly couldn't speak it. His only hope was either to get Revan to teach it to him or to find some sort of translator. Revan was busy, however, so it looked like he was going to have to find someone or something to help him finish reading the report from Chodo Habat, the Ithorian leader on Telos.

Carth almost missed the Sojourn at times like this. The starship had taken off again only days after docking at Citadel Station under a different commander to give Carth a break. He knew that it was really so that he could remain on Telos and work on the Restoration Project, but no one in the Republic said quite what they meant anymore.

Carth glanced out of his window and saw that once again, he had worked past dark. He stood slowly, tossing the report back onto his desk as he did so. He wandered out of his office quickly and into the office of his secretary. She was still sitting behind her desk, working at her computer diligently. Lately she had been working late every time Carth did. It was getting a bit strange.

'Working late again, Seré?' Carth asked, stifling a yawn.

The girl looked up and flashed him a dazzling smile. 'Of course! You don't think I'd leave while my boss was still here, do you?' She batted her eyelashes at him with an expression of wide-eyed innocence. Carth didn't think she had the intelligence of a Gamorrean raider.

'Well, I'm leaving.' Carth said, trying his hardest to be polite. It was difficult, to say the least, when he was so frustrated. Revan, Telos, the Republic: everything weighed heavily on Carth's mind and there was nothing that he could do about any of them.

'Will you walk me to my apartment? I hate walking through the Citadel alone at night. I don't feel safe.' She continued to bat her eyes. Carth wondered if that ever became painful. Perhaps it would cause an epileptic seizure if she just kept at it...

He could see no way out of it. He'd have to walk her home. He groaned mentally. 'Sure. Get your things and let's go.'

When Seré was ready, Carth took her by the arm and marched her all the way to her apartment at a steady clip, ignoring all of her attempts at conversation. By the end of the trip, after he refused her invitation to come into her apartment, Seré looked surly and Carth felt like shooting the next thing he saw with his blaster.

Back at Atris's Polar Academy, Alexis collapsed onto the ground, laughing at the wounded expression on Atton Rand's face. It seemed she might have hurt his 'man feelings' as Carth would have put it. 'Don't have any muscle to bruise, do I?' He growled. He was rubbing the center of his chest where she had kicked him when they were sparring, looking pained.

Alexis continued to giggle. 'I'll bet that there isn't a single muscle on you.' Oh she loved how easy it was to tease this guy.

Atton turned on her and shrugged of his jacket and started to unbutton his shirt. 'I'll show you.' He muttered.

Alexis laughed even harder, twisting on the floor and holding her stomach. He redoubled his efforts, finally shrugging out of his shirt and staring defiantly down at her. His torso was just as heavily muscled as she'd known it would be, but it was so much fun to mess with Atton's mind that she couldn't resist joking about how lean he looked.

'Pppffttt. That's nothing.' She continued to laugh and Atton looked as if he were about to explode.

The exile chose that moment to walk in. She surveyed the scene, Atton half dressed and clutching his extinguished lightsaber, Alexis on the floor, laughing hysterically, her lightsaber more than ten feet away, and she stared at them for a moment.

Atton looked slightly ashamed but Alexis just couldn't stop laughing. 'He took off his shirt when I told him he didn't have any muscle for me to injure.' She gasped between laughs.

Kalen grinned down at her and Atton said, 'She kicked me in the chest!' He still sounded offended.

Kalen was silent for several seconds and it appeared to have dawned on Atton that she might be angry. He was staring at her apprehensively while Alexis tried to catch her breath. 'Don't kick his ass, Lexi. He might take off his pants.'

Alexis erupted into fresh gales of laughter and Atton gathered up his clothes and what remained of his pride and fled the room. Kalen waited until Alexis was able to sit up, breathing heavily and wiping tears from her eyes, before she spoke again. 'You seem to be feeling better.' Kalen was still smiling at her.

'I haven't felt this good in years... I guess having a real purpose makes all the difference.' Alexis said. It was true. She hadn't felt so wonderful since she had been with Carth and Bastila during the Jedi Civil War, before they had known she was Revan.

'I happen to think that it's opening yourself back up to people that's making you feel so great. Especially Carth.' Kalen said quietly. She looked suddenly sober.

'Carth's not even here.' Alexis said quickly. Why was everyone seeing through her lately? Was she that transparent?

'No, but you wouldn't be acting this way if it weren't for him. You're happy again.' Kalen's eyes bored into her for several seconds before she changed the subject. 'You look so much healthier. In two weeks you've gained back enough weight that you don't look sick and your muscle mass must have doubled.'

'You think I'm fat?' Alexis asked with a feigned gasp.

'Everything funny today?'

'Mostly.'

'When do you want to go back?'

'I'm ready whenever you are. I think we've found everything here that will be useful. Certainly enough white Jedi robes to last a lifetime.'

Kalen looked at the too large white robes Alexis had on. 'White's certainly not your color, is it?' She asked.

Alexis tried to control herself, but it slipped out... 'No, black is.'

Kalen shook her head. 'Force, Alexis... you shouldn't joke about things like that.'

'I'm not joking! Look at my hair! What other color could I wear? Sheesh... just being honest and the Jedi girl goes for my throat... thought those Jedi people were supposed to be nicer than that...Can't trust 'em... Scourge of the galaxy...' Alexis muttered under her breath.

Kalen laughed again. 'I can't do anything with you. Have you gotten into Atton's juma? Maybe found a stash of spice?'

'I would never poison my body that way,' Alexis said half seriously, laying her hand over her heart. In truth, she didn't know why she felt so chipper either. Maybe it was just her way of dealing with the pressure that had so recently been placed upon her.

'How about we go back to Citadel Station right now? I can't think of anything else we need to do here. I know it's late but it certainly doesn't look like you'll be getting any sleep tonight and I know I'm not tired.' Kalen said, offering Alexis her hand.

Alexis took it and rose to her feet. 'What about everyone else? You can't tell me that Bao-Dur, Visas, and Mical aren't already in bed. I know that they've been asleep for at least an hour.'

Kalen shrugged. 'Then they've had all the rest they need. Jedi have to be able to live on very little sleep. We'll call it a training exercise.'

'Oh, you are a cruel task master. Come, sister, let us wake the children.' Alexis linked her arm with Kalen's and they marched off to gather everyone.

---

Kalen and Alexis emerged from the Ebon Hawk around three hours later. It was very late and Citadel Station looked deserted. The only people Alexis could see were two TSF officers patrolling the halls of the docking module. It wasn't quiet, however. The party inside the nearby cantina appeared to still be in full swing.

'Hey, Lexi, you... wouldn't like to drop into the cantina would you? I don't want to go back onto the ship just yet.'

'Any particular reason?' Alexis asked. Kalen seemed a bit strained and Alexis didn't know why.

'Ah... not really,' Kalen replied evasively.

Alexis shrugged. 'I don't mind. We'll have to disguise me a bit, though.'

'That's true. You look a bit too much like a Jedi, even when you're wearing a tunic and leggings. We'll have to do something about that.' Kalen was eyeing Alexis speculatively.

Before the Jedi Civil War, no one had known quite what Alexis had looked like. During the wars, she'd taken to wearing a mask and heavy robe to disguise herself and perhaps make herself look a little bit more formidable. At the end of the Jedi Civil War, when she had been turned back to the light, no one had recognized her as Revan because no one could remember what Revan had looked like beneath the mask. When she had defeated Malak, however, they had paraded her around the Republic and now practically everyone knew exactly who she was.

'Let's talk to Mira. I'll bet she'll help us out.' Alexis said. She was feeling a little excited. She hadn't been out in ages...

Another half an hour passed before they were finally ready. Mira had decided to join them, dressed in her old bounty hunter attire. She looked rather proud of herself. She'd put together Alexis's entire costume.

Alexis was wearing a pair of Mira's old gray leggings that fight surprisingly tightly considered the size difference between the two girls. She had a wide holster slung low on her hips with a wicked looking holdout blaster strapped to each side. She had on her own black knee-boots and a tight white shirt that had once gone underneath a set of Jedi robes. The waist and the sleeves were torn away, revealing Alexis's leanly muscled stomach and shoulders. A long pink scar was clearly visible on one side of her middle. Her hair was pushed away from her face by a thick navy blue headband and it hung down her back in loose ringlets.

Alexis felt a bit foolish. She never dressed this way. She was about as modest as they came. She did look a lot like a bounty hunter, however, and with Mira with them, she almost felt the part. Kalen looked a bit out of place in a loose-fitting flight suit, but she did look like a pilot.

On the short walk to the cantina, Alexis saw both of the TSF officers staring at her. Whether they were worried about her shooting someone or were admiring her costume, Alexis wasn't sure. She was still a little on the skinny side so she chose to think that they were watching to make sure she didn't cause any trouble.

Once inside the cantina, Alexis felt a little better. The people in here were too busy drinking and watching the dancers to notice her. Mira led them to a table and sat down. She pulled out a pazaak deck and tossed it onto the table.

'I didn't know you owned a deck,' Alexis said idly, fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

'Nicked it off of Atton.' Mira replied.

Kalen started when she heard Atton's name and looked up guiltily as the other two girls watched her.

'Hear something you like?' Mira asked slyly. Kalen quickly looked back down.

'Can I get you anything?' a voice suddenly asked. Alexis turned and looked up at the twi'lek girl standing over them. She was very tall for a twi'lek and she was speaking basic, which was odd for a twi'lek.

'A hit of juma for me.' Mira said.

'Nothing for me. Dulls my senses.' Alexis replied, glancing at Mira in a way that she hoped looked reproachful. It must have worked, because the waitress took a step back as if she expected the pair of them to lunge at one another over the table.

'Juma for me as well.' Kalen said softly. She had picked up the deck of cards and was shuffling it idly.

The waitress disappeared as quickly as she had come. 'A Jedi that drinks. That's a new one.' Mira said.

Kalen nodded, staring at the table. 'I learned to drink during the Mandalorian Wars. A General who wouldn't drink with her troops usually didn't win their loyalty.'

Alexis stared at the table. She always felt guilty when Kalen talked about the wars. It was her fault the girl had gotten involved in the first place. It was her fault that any Jedi had gotten involved when they did.

'I notice Alexis didn't pick up that habit.' Mira said in a deceptively conversational tone.

'I didn't have the time.' Alexis said softly. She'd never had the opportunity to spend time alone with her troops. If she wasn't giving speeches to inspire whole groups of them, then she was devising tactics and battle plans with Malak and the Republic commanders.

They were silent for some time. Mira dealt a few hands of pazaak. Kalen won nearly every time. She was very good, or very lucky. It had been ten minutes or so when their drinks arrived and Mira put away the cards.

'How is it that you keep winning?' Mira asked Kalen. Kalen downed her drink in one swallow and looked at the table.

'Can I get another?' Kalen called.

'Make that two. And make it a little quicker than last time.' Mira added. She looked back at Kalen, waiting for an answer to her earlier question.

Kalen didn't respond. She was growing more and more despondent with every hand of pazaak. 'She practices a lot. She's getting personal lessons from everyone's favorite scoundrel.' Alexis answered for her. Once again Alexis wondered what was bothering Kalen. It was probably Atton, but Alexis couldn't be sure.

'Let's not talk about him,' Kalen muttered.

Well, that confirmed it. 'What's he done now?' Alexis asked before she could stop herself.

'I said I don't want to talk about it.' Kalen said firmly. Her drink had arrived and she downed that one just as quickly as she had the last. 'Another.' She muttered to the waitress.

It was clear that Kalen planned to get drunk. Alexis wasn't sure that that was such a good idea, but she really had no say in the matter. Mira didn't seem to want to stop either. She ordered another drink as well. Alexis resigned herself to being the responsible one.

They continued to drink and play pazaak for well over an hour. Alexis found herself winning more and more hands as they went. It seemed her companions were starting to lose the ability to count.

They were laughing together at something Mira had said when two men sat down at the table. Kalen fixed them with an owlish stare and Mira squinted at the one closest to her.

'Can I help you?' Alexis asked coldly. She hoped she sounded tough, but she couldn't be sure. It was definitely time to get Mira and Kalen out of here. They were attracting too much attention.

'I think your friends are drunk,' the taller man said to her. Both of them were kind of scruffy looking. One had on the jacket of a fighter pilot and the other was dressed like a bounty hunter.

Alexis frowned. She wasn't frightened of them, of course. She knew she could easily defend herself and her friends with her blasters or her bare hands if she had to. She would miss her lightsaber, of course, but she could do it. She didn't want to be noticed, however, so she hoped there wouldn't be a fight.

'I think you might be right,' Alexis said. Mira had fallen asleep on the table but Kalen appeared to be struggling to sober up. She was failing miserably.

The man in the pilot's jacket leaned a bit closer. 'You look familiar to me.'

'I get that a lot. Maybe we met on the job, hhhmmm?' Alexis said, leaning back in her seat.

'And what exactly is your job?' He was scrutinizing her body and clothing rather closely. The other man was finishing Mira's last drink, which sat untouched on the table.

'I'm a bounty hunter.' Alexis said. She was starting to feel a little nervous. These guys could probably see right through her.

'Looking for work?' The man drawled slowly.

'Nope. I'm taking a vacation. We're leaving for Nar Shadaa in a few days to take a break.' Alexis said. She'd never been to Nar Shadaa, at least as far as she remembered, but she knew its reputation.

'Maybe you'd like some company then?' He asked.

'You know, I don't think I caught your name,' Alexis replied, trying to decide how best to get rid of her unwelcome guests. She could still see Kalen struggling to stay awake out of the corner of her eye. It seemed that Kalen could hold her alcohol very well for a Jedi.

'I didn't give it to you.'

'That would explain it,' Alexis watched as the man got even closer to her. She could smell the liquor on his breath. Well, that might mean that his mind was a bit duller than usual...

'So, would you like a bit of company or not?' He asked. She could feel the heat radiating off of his body.

'I think that you'd like to go back and watch the dancers,' Alexis said, waving her hand lightly across the table. She hadn't tried to use the Force to persuade anyone to do anything in a very long time.

It seemed to work, though. The man stood. 'These girls aren't any fun. Let's go watch the twi'leks dance. Maybe they'll be a bit warmer.' The other man, who seemed a bit drunker than his companion, nodded and rose slowly.

The pair stumbled away and Alexis looked over at her companions. She sent her awareness into Kalen's mind first. She gave her the equivalent of a mental slap to shake her from her drunken stupor.

Kalen rubbed at her eyes. 'Wake Mira up. I need you two to be able to walk back to your ship. I certainly can't carry you,' Alexis told her.

Kalen looked confused for a moment before she realized what was going on. 'You do it. Mira won't mind and I'm a bit to dizzy to crawl into anyone else's head.'

Alexis shrugged and focused for a second. She was bit gentler in waking Mira since she wasn't as familiar with her. ::Mira:: She called into the younger girl's mind several times before Mira opened her eyes and looked back at her. 'Let's walk back to the Ebon Hawk.'

Mira nodded and they all stood up. Kalen and Mira were a bit shaky on their feet and Alexis took the arm of each and started to lead them out. It took a long time to get them back to the Hawk and into bed. She left them fully clothed and didn't even attempt to help clear out their minds before they slept. They would both have a well-deserved hangover in the morning.

Alexis didn't feel like going to Carth's apartment, so she slid back out into the Citadel. She'd replaced one of the blasters on her hip with her lightsaber. The grip didn't look out of place in the holster. Instead it looked like any other strangely shaped pistol.

Outside of the Station, Alexis could see the sun starting to rise. It had been a long night, but she wasn't tired. She could feel Telos all around her as she hadn't since she first arrived. The planet's pain was seeping into her being. Malak had destroyed Telos and yet Alexis felt guilty all the same. Without her, Malak wouldn't have fallen.

Alexis ambled down one of the corridors, idly fingering the blaster she still wore. It felt strange in her grip. She had no particular destination in mind, she just walked along the halls, taking random shuttles and letting her feet carry her where they would.

She found herself standing outside of the TSF's headquarters before she even realized where she was. An officer standing outside gave her a rather spiteful look and Alexis remembered suddenly how she looked. She flushed a bit and started to turn away, but the officer called her back. 'Miss?'

Alexis turned back towards him. 'Yes?'

'Is there anything I can do for you? You seem lost.' His voice was hard, yet polite.

Alexis sighed softly. 'No, I'm just taking a walk.'

'It's a bit early for a walk.' He replied coldly.

'I've been out all night. It's more like late to me,' Alexis replied. Why was this kid bothering with her?

His hard demeanor dropped very suddenly. 'Are you a bounty hunter?' He asked excitedly.

Alexis grinned at him. Why not? 'You seem excited about it.'

'Well, I've never met a bounty hunter before,' he told her earnestly. His eyes were glowing. He seemed very impressed.

Alexis had been a bounty hunter once on Taris. She hadn't actually collected any bounties. In fact, she'd helped three people get the bounties on their heads removed. She'd still been a bounty hunter, though. Well, sort of.

It was funny to her how quickly this boy's official persona had dropped when she told him she'd been out all night. He didn't look a day over nineteen. Alexis suddenly felt very old. She'd never had the chance to be that innocent. At nineteen, she'd been getting ready to go to war.

Alexis smiled at the boy. 'What's your name?'

'Doran Snider,' the kid replied. 'What about you? I mean, what's your name?' He was stumbling over his words.

'You can call me Lexi,' Alexis told him. She offered him her hand and he shook it gently.

'If you don't mind my saying so, I've never imagined a bounty hunter as small as you are. You're hardly bigger than my sister and she's only twelve,' he said.

'Great things come in small packages,' Alexis wanted to laugh, but she held herself in check. If he only knew. 'Look, I have to go. Maybe I'll see you again some other time, hhhmmm?'

He nodded enthusiastically, 'It was very nice to meet you... Lexi.'

Alexis grinned at him. 'It was nice to meet you as well, Doran. Keep up the good work.'

Alexis turned and walked away, whistling off-key. The encounter had left her spirits much lighter. She made her way towards Carth's apartment, a small smile playing on the corners of her mouth the entire way.

Alexis stood in front of Carth's door, trying to remember the code that would grant her access to his apartment. She'd only used it once and there were several digits to it. She could hack it, of course, like she had done before, but that would take time. Perhaps she could open the lock with the Force...

She contemplated knocking, but she ruled that out almost immediately. It would be far better to wait for him to leave for work or to head back over to the Ebon Hawk to sleep for the day. He might be awake, however, so maybe knocking wouldn't be such a bad idea.

Finally, she remembered the code. It was the numeric equivalent of Dustil's birth date. She entered it rapidly and the door slid open. She wasn't prepared for the sight that greeted her.

Carth was sitting on the edge of his couch, apparently startled awake by the sound of the opening door. Seré was curled against his chest. Her eyes popped open only seconds after his did and they both simply stared.

Alexis couldn't stop staring either. What was going on? Why were Seré and Carth on the couch together this early in the morning? Well, they were both fully clothed, if that made any difference, Alexis noted, surveying the scene rapidly. She felt a slight frown crease her face and made an effort to straighten her features.

There is no emotion, there is peace.

Alexis closed her eyes and quickly centered herself. There was obviously a logical explanation, even if it was, in fact, the explanation that was obvious. That didn't matter. Alexis calmly informed herself that she had no real claim on Carth.

Finally, with an effort borne of pure willpower, Alexis shut the door behind them and forced a friendly smile. 'Good morning all.'

'How did you- I didn't know you were back.' Carth finally said lamely, sitting up and pushing Seré off of his chest in the process.

'I got in very late last night,' Alexis replied. She was still utterly emotionless. Her ability to control her own mind often amazed even her.

'What are you wearing?' He asked suddenly.

'Ah. This. Well, I'm supposed to look like a bounty hunter. It's a rather nice disguise when you're visiting a cantina in the early morning. Sort of goes with the pazaak and the juma juice.'

'You were in a cantina all night? Didn't it ever occur to you that someone might recognize you?' Carth sounded angry.

Alexis shrugged idly. 'Well, not really. It's a fairly good disguise. I don't look much like a Jedi or a Sith, you see. I look like a bounty hunter.' Her responses would have seemed sarcastic if her tone hadn't been so flat. Nothing could penetrate her shell.

'Revan, are you drunk?' Seré asked. She was still leaning on Carth, even though they were both sitting up. Alexis didn't even notice.

Alexis was startled. Drunk? Her? She almost lost control, she was so surprised, but her calm dropped quickly back into its place. 'No. I'm not drunk. I've never actually had any alcohol so I really wouldn't know what being drunk was like.'

'What are you doing back?' Carth asked. He was till wearing his red and gold Republic uniform.

'Do you mind if I use your shower? I suppose I could go and use the one on the Ebon Hawk but I'd rather have a real shower. The refresher on that ship is pitiful, really,' Alexis said, avoiding the subject. She just wanted to bathe and meditate. This conversation was taxing her energy.

It was Carth's turn to look startled. 'Don't you want to know... I mean, isn't this a bit-'

'No. I'd just like a shower,' Alexis replied when he trailed off.

Seré was looking back and forth between them with a glowing expression on her face. She appeared extremely pleased with herself for some reason.

Carth didn't say anything so Alexis narrowed her eyes and lifted her eyebrows slightly. 'Well? May I use your shower?'

'Of course. Go ahead.' Carth said weakly.

Alexis lowered her head. 'Thank you.' She turned on her heel and stalked off, removing weapons and holsters as she went.'

---

Carth watched Revan leaving. She wasn't even curious as to why Seré was in the apartment? Did she not care? Had the 'intensive retraining' at the academy really severed all of her emotions that way? Where was the girl he knew?

Carth stood up, shoving Seré off of him. Why hadn't he even been given the chance to explain? Should he have forced her to hear him out? No. That probably would have made things much worse.

Carth turned and glared at Seré, whose face bore the ghost of a smile. If he didn't know it were impossible, he'd say that the girl had planned the entire incident.

The night before, after Carth had arrived back at his apartment, Seré had called him, sobbing into the comlink. She kept repeating that someone had tried to break into her apartment just after Carth had left and she was frightened. Could he please come over and sit with her?

When he arrived back at her apartment, Carth saw no signs of tampering on her door. She didn't look scared at all. In fact, she'd looked rather smug. She told Carth immediately that she was nervous staying in her apartment. Could they head over to his? She'd feel much safer there.

Carth, feeling dubious about the whole thing, had reluctantly agreed. What would it hurt to let her sleep in his bed for the night? He had a perfectly good couch. He could have a tech come and take a look at her locks in the morning and everything would be fine.

Back at his apartment, however, his plan had backfired. He'd sent her off to his room to get some sleep and he'd settled down onto the couch to do some work. He had been having a hard time sleeping lately and having Seré in his apartment hadn't made things any easier.

She'd had other plans. It hadn't been ten minutes when she ran from his room, sobbing hysterically, and threw herself onto his chest. He'd held her while she cried, not knowing what else to do, and tried his best to comfort her. Eventually, she'd settled down, but she had refused point blank to go back to his bed to try to get some sleep. So she had remained, huddled against Carth's chest, until she had gone to sleep. It had taken Carth much longer, but eventually he had drifted off as well.

He hadn't awoken until Revan arrived. He certainly hadn't expected her back so soon. Their last communication hadn't even hinted that she was getting ready to return. He especially hadn't expected her back when the sun had just risen.

And why had Revan been in a cantina the night before dressed as a bounty hunter? Had she gone alone, or had she gone with friends? She seemed to have been spending an extraordinary amount of time with that scoundrel Atton Rand lately. Perhaps he had taken her into the bar. But that didn't seem quite right... Atton and Revan seemed close; but- then again, maybe they had gone as friends. Nothing fit together the way it should.

Carth sighed and looked over at Seré once again. 'Can I take you back to your apartment so you can get ready for work?'

'I don't want to be alone,' Seré whispered in a small voice.

Carth frowned. 'I'll find a TSF officer to stand outside of your door. I have to get ready for work, too. The officer can bring you into the office whenever you're ready. In fact, I think I'll call on officer to escort you back to your apartment. There are things I need to do here.' Carth started to head towards his bedroom to call for an officer on the com.

'Oh, can't you take me back? I'd feel so much better,' She practically cooed. Carth hadn't ever realized how truly annoying his secretary was. Could he fire her on the grounds that she grated at his nerves?

'No can do. I'll call on officer. I'm sure that a TSF agent will be able to keep you as safe as I would. More so, in fact. I'm getting old,' Carth said absently, continuing to walk away. He thought he heard Seré huff in frustration, but it might have only been his imagination.

Alexis felt the warm water sluice over her cold body and shut her eyes, enjoying the sensation. It was funny how such warmth could penetrate the spirit as well as the body. Everything this morning had been so tense. The shower was a good way for her to get things back into perspective.

Nothing too bad had happened, really. Kalen and Mira were drunk. That wasn't her problem. She used the Force to manipulate the mind of another... that was her problem, but it wasn't particularly dangerous, at least not in this case.

What else?

Kalen and Atton were still having difficulties. That was something she could help with. They just needed a push in the right direction. All that was left was Carth. And Seré. Together.

Alexis pulled her mind away from that thought quickly. Jealousy was an emotion that led to the dark side. That was something she could not afford. Carth was angry with her. That she could deal with. He just needed to know how slight the risk that she would be recognized had truly been.

Alexis scrubbed at her hair idly with her hands. The soapy lather ran down into her face and she shut her eyes quickly. She could still easily picture Carth and Seré on the sofa...

Alexis reined her mind in once again. She forced open her eyes to dispel the image and soap ran into her eyes. She immediately erupted into a long trail of curses as the soap burned her eyes.

This was not going to be her day.

Alexis emerged from the shower shortly thereafter, dressed in some of the clothing Carth had purchased for her a couple of weeks before. It fit her a bit better now. She no longer looked as if she were a child dressed in her mother's clothing. She almost looked healthy. She was toweling her damp hair when she ran into Carth in the hall. 'Excuse me,' she said in a friendly tone, stepping out of the way.

Carth reached out, as if to grab her wrist, but dropped his hand slowly. 'We need to talk.'

'You should probably go get a shower. Don't you have to be at work soon?' Alexis asked. She hated how formal she sounded, but there was nothing she could do about it if she wanted to remain in control.

'Revan,' he began, but he stopped and looked at her helplessly, apparently at a loss for words.

'We can talk some other time. I'll be ready to get out of your apartment whenever you're ready to leave, I promise.'

'You don't have to do that. Stay here. We'll talk when I get off of work,' Carth said, a pleading look in his eyes.

Alexis felt her defenses melting. Those brown eyes of his would probably be her downfall. 'Fine. Thanks for letting me stay, then.'

'Revan...' He started one more time. Alexis shook her head and started to walk away. 'Wait.'

Alexis turned back slowly. Oh no, what was he going to do? 'Nothing happened,' he whispered before he disappeared into the bathroom to take his shower.

Alexis had been careful to avoid Carth when he was leaving for work. She wasn't ready to talk to him again. Even if nothing had happened. Even if she wasn't jealous. Or scared. At all.

Alexis settled down in the middle of Carth's living room floor and collapsed into a seated position. She crossed her legs, closed her eyes, and tried to empty her mind... but to no avail. She couldn't get Carth out of her head: his voice, his smile, his eyes, that stupid orange jacket...

Why was nothing working? Alexis heard a soft noise and stood up quickly. What was that? She eased her way into the kitchen, her back to the wall, grasping her lightsaber.

The noise was soft and scratchy, like a tree branch brushing against a window. She stiffened and started to switch on her lightsaber. Wait- assassins didn't make any sound. She took a few more steps, straining to hear exactly where the sound was coming from.

The gizka stepped out of the doorway leading to the hall, his nails raking against the ground as he moved. Alexis was unable to stop herself from igniting her lightsaber, which frightened the silly beast to no end. With a look of comical fear, the little creature slammed backwards into the wall and shut his eyes. He seemed to believe that is he couldn't see her, she couldn't see him.

Alexis lowered her lightsaber and switched it back off with a frustrated sigh. She was cracking up. She couldn't even sense the difference between gizka and assassins. She'd finally gone mad.

Alexis slid down the wall and onto the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest. That gizka was going to give her a heart attack. That was, of course, is she didn't give it one first.

The gizka must have forgotten how scary she had been a moment before because he ambled over to her and put his head on her calf. She smiled faintly at him. 'It's not your fault I've lost my mind, is it? You just wanted someone to pet you.'

The gizka was encouraged by her words and leapt up onto her raised knees. She lowered her knees slowly and scooped the gizka up and held him against her chest. He made a sort of purring noise and shut his eyes while Alexis scratched him.

'Why did Carth keep you? You aren't the best pet. You're kind of frightening. You've almost made a former Sith Lord pee her pants twice. But she's off her rocker, so I suppose that's not really saying anything. Force, I'm even talking to a gizka,' Alexis groaned.

The little gizka blinked at her. 'Why is it that I never see you until I least expect it?' Alexis asked him. 'All of these questions are rhetorical, of course. If you answer, I'll know I'm a nutcase.'

Alexis heard the com go off in Carth's bedroom. She lowered the gizka to the floor and headed towards the sound, wondering whether or not it was someone she could answer.

When she arrived, Dustil Onasi's voice was echoing loudly through the empty room. 'Dad! I know you haven't left for work yet. Why aren't you picking up?' He sounded a lot like Carth.

Alexis thought for a moment. Should she answer? It might be important and Dustil was certainly entitled to know that she had returned. Carth might not want him to know, however. It wasn't really her place.

'Dad?'

Oh well. Might as well go for it. 'Dustil?' Alexis said, switching on the com to answer the call. The boy's face immediately sprung up on the screen.

'Revan?' Dustil said incredulously. 'What are you doing there?'

'I guess I've come back to do what I should have in the first place,' Alexis began hesitantly.

Dustil was frowning at her. 'What, like marry my dad?'

Alexis was shocked. Did Dustil want her to marry Carth? 'No... to help rebuild the Republic.'

Dustil made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. 'Haven't you tortured him enough?'

'Torture? I-'

'He's been pining after you for four years. You finally come back and you say all you returned for was the Republic?' Dustil even got angry like Carth did.

'Dustil, I really don't know why I came back. I hadn't even been planning on helping the Republic. At least not originally. I didn't have any kind of plan, I just... showed up,' Alexis trailed off. Why had she returned from the Unknown Regions? The sad truth was, even she didn't know.

'I-' Dustil began, but he didn't finish. 'All right. I'm sorry I attacked you. I just- He's been in pain for so long, Revan. He's like a ghost without you. I've been watching him for the last four years. I know.'

Alexis was speechless. What could she say to that? It wasn't as if she were purposely hurting Carth. She loved him! She didn't want to see him in pain any more than Dustil did.

'Just- forget it.' Dustil said, shaking his head. 'I called to tell Dad that I was coming to visit in about a week. Could you let him know for me? I hate to bother him if he's already left for work.'

'I'll tell him.' She started to reach up to turn off the com.

'Hey Revan?'

'Yeah?'

'Will you be there when I get back?'

'I'll be here. I promise.'

'Good. I intend to make you my stepmother, even if you are only seven years older than me.' He turned off the com before she could respond.

Carth sat in his office again, still trying to make sense on the report from the Ithorians. It was too bad that things with Revan were a bit rocky. She could have easily made sense of this.

He was angry with her, to be sure, but he wasn't sure how much of that anger he should have directed back at himself. Revan wasn't really at fault. Did he really have any right to be mad at her for going out for one night? She really hadn't looked like herself at all. It had been a very good disguise.

Revan was absolutely stunning. Her features were exquisite: high cheekbones, a delicate nose, smooth, pale skin, and a lovely bow-shaped mouth. Revan had always been the very definition of beauty. And those eyes: her emerald eyes were captivating. He could stare into them for days...

Ah, there was the heart of the matter. Carth was angry with himself for seeing her dressed that way and immediately having the urge to drag her off to his bed. Revan certainly didn't need a horny old man added to her list of problems. In fact, she really didn't need him at all. She never had.

Carth had always hoped that one day, Revan might come to rely upon him, to need him as much as he needed her. But she didn't. She was too independent. This morning was proof of that. If he had discovered her asleep in the arms of another man, he probably would have exploded. She had calmly asked to use his shower. The shower! As if that had mattered!

Carth had been thinking of taking her in his arms and... And all she did was calmly ask to use his shower, ignoring the woman practically lying in his lap! She hadn't so much as asked why Seré was there. She was the most frustrating woman he had ever met. Could she have at least had the decency to be a little jealous?

Jealousy leads to the dark side, an annoying little voice whispered in the back of his head. Carth sighed and felt the anger drain out of him. He didn't really want her to be jealous... Well, not really. He'd just wanted some sort of reaction, some sign that she might have cared. He hadn't gotten it. All he'd gotten had been a cold shower.

:: Atton :: Alexis called, slipping into Atton's mind.

:: Never had a Sith Lord in my head. :: Atton muttered back sleepily.

:: You still haven't. Is Kalen up? ::

:: Dunno. I'm not up. ::

Alexis pressed her hand to her forehead. :: Do you mind dropping by Carth's apartment? I need someone to meditate with. ::

:: Unh uh. I don't meditate. ::

:: Then it's time someone taught you. :: Alexis told him with a sigh.

:: Why don't you meditate with Kalen? Why didn't you crawl into her head in the first place? ::

:: That isn't somewhere I want to be. She's going to have a hangover when she wakes up. ::

:: You got her drunk without me? ::

:: You're most likely the reason she got drunk. Get yourself over here before I come and get you. ::

:: Oooh. Is that a promise? ::

:: Atton! :: Alexis's mind shouted in exasperation. She needed a friend at the moment, but if Atton was going to act this way...

:: Sheesh. I'm coming, I'm coming. Can I at least take a shower first? ::

:: Please do. :: Alexis pulled out of Atton's mind with a sigh. It was so difficult to hear him over all of the counting he did in his head. Could he even count cards in his sleep? All of those numbers had given her a slight headache.

Alexis really wanted to talk to Kalen, but Atton would have to do. Kalen would not be pleasant company this morning. Atton was a good guy, though, and he would at least listen to her. He could usually lift her spirits, too, even when she felt the worst. They probably wouldn't do much meditating, but she would teach him the basics. He'd probably enjoy it if he'd at least try it. That was, of course, if he could stop counting long enough to meditate.

Alexis slowly let her thoughts drift back to her conversation with Dustil. How could he ask her to marry Carth? Alexis chuckled suddenly, caught unaware by her own ludicrous thought. He couldn't. Carth had to ask.

Alexis shook her head slightly at herself. That wasn't what was important. It was important for her to consider the consequences of her attachment to Carth. Dustil knew the Jedi Code as well as she did. So did Carth, for that matter. Both of them knew why she couldn't give in to her feelings.

And yet... Hadn't she given Atton advice that contradicted the Jedi Code? Hadn't she encouraged his relationship with Kalen? But, that was different. Wasn't it? They deserved a little bit of happiness. But then, didn't she?

No. Kalen hadn't slaughtered hundreds of innocent people. Kalen hadn't fallen to the dark side. Kalen had never been a Sith Lord. Kalen wasn't a monster. But Atton was. Alexis bit her lip.

Had Atton's actions been any different than her own? Did she really deserve happiness any less than he did? Yes, Atton was only following orders. Atton turned away from the Sith on his own. Atton hadn't been a Sith Lord.

Alexis lowered her head into her hands. She was tearing Carth apart. Didn't he deserve happiness? He was a Republic hero and a good man. Why did someone like Carth even want her? Did he really want her? Or was the love in his eyes a result of wishful thinking on her part?

He'd loved her once; he'd told her so. Back in the Star Forge System on that Rakatan planet so many years ago... Maybe his love had faded with time. Maybe he was only helping her out of a sense of duty.

So why had he told her that nothing had happened with Seré? Why did her hold her at night? Was it compassion? Did Carth know that she still loved him? Of course not, you fool. You've only told him once.

Alexis sat bolt upright. She'd only told the man that she loved how she felt once. Maybe Carth was just as confused as she was. Sadly, she couldn't help him when she could barely help herself.

---

Atton ambled into the apartment, opening the door with a wave of his hand and closing it in a similar manner. Alexis was sitting in the middle of the living room floor once again, looking up at him. Atton dropped into a sitting position across from her and gave her a rakish grin. 'We're all alone. Are you sure you can't think of a better way to spend our time?'

'I just- wanted someone to talk to,' Alexis said slowly.

'I'm all ears,' Atton responded, resting his chin on his hand and his elbow on his knee so that he could stare at her.

'I'm not so sure it's going to work that way. Oh, I'm so bad at this.' Alexis sighed.

'I know it's hard sometimes to confess you're undying love for someone. Just try it. I- Say it with me now. I -- Love -- You -- Atton. See? That's not so bad. Now you try.'

Alexis collapsed into helpless laughter. He was such a scoundrel. 'I'd -- love -- to -- kill -- you -- Atton.' Alexis said.

'Woah. I thought you'd given all of that up,' Atton held up his hands as if to fend off an attack.

'I might make an exception. You know, one more murder for the road. It's not like you're innocent, so I wouldn't really be guilty of anything, right?' Alexis smiled.

'Hey- I'm as innocent as that choirboy Mical,' Atton said.

'Somehow, I doubt that.'

Atton was silent for a second. 'I've been meaning to ask you something,' he said hesitantly. 'It's been bothering me for a while now.'

'Shoot.'

'I'm not sure that's the best word to use.'

'Oh, fine,' Alexis said, exasperated. 'Atton, please, go ahead and ask me your most noble question.'

'I don't think I have any noble questions.'

With a snarl of mock fury, Alexis lunged at him. She slammed into his chest and knocked him back onto the floor. 'If you don't ask me your silly question, I'm going to shake it out of you.'

'Temper, temper.' Atton said, sitting back up and pretending to dust off his jacket. 'Now I won't ask until you say please.'

'I have to ask you to ask me your question?'

'Yes,' Atton replied pompously.

Alexis glared at him for a second. She'd completely forgotten what she had asked him to come over and talk to her about in the first place. 'Please ask me you're damned question before I die from anticipation.' Her tone was sarcastic.

'I think you can do better than that.'

'Atton,' Alexis said in a waning tone.

'Oh, all right,' he said, sitting up and looking her in the eyes with a very serious expression on his face. 'Here we go. Why does Kalen call you Alexis?'

Alexis was dumbfounded. That was the all-important question? She waited for a few seconds, waiting for him to elaborate, but he didn't. 'That's all you want to know?'

'I think it's a good question.'

'Well, I think I have a good answer. But let me ask you a question first. What person in their right mind would name a child Revan?'

'Well, it is a stupid name,' Atton conceded.

'Thanks,' Alexis said dryly. 'Anyway, my point is, Revan is a surname. My real name is Alexis Revan. Jedi generally are referred to by only their last names so no one knew that my name was Alexis. Kalen always called me Lexi because she thought calling people by their surname was silly.'

'So your real name is Alexis?'

'I just said that, didn't I?'

'So why did the Jedi Council rename you Alexis Starling? Why didn't they change your first name, too?'

'I don't know. Sentimentality? Cruelty? Hope? I just can't answer that,' Alexis said. She'd often wondered that very thing.

'That's weird,' Atton muttered, looking slightly perplexed for a moment.

'It could be because the person who named me Alexis Revan was on the Council that renamed be Alexis Starling.'

'What do you mean?'

Alexis sighed. She hated revealing this, but she had asked Atton here to talk and she really had no reason to refuse. 'Kavar named me.'

'Why would Kavar name you? He was never your master, right?' Atton asked.

'No, Kavar was never my master. Besides, that has nothing to do with it. Kavar named me because Kavar was the one who found me.'

'Found you?'

'Yes, found me. Are you going to let me finish or are you going to keep interrupting?'

'Right, sorry. Go ahead.'

'Kavar was out on a mission with his Master, Vrook, on the very edge of the Outer Rim. Kavar probably wasn't any more than eighteen or nineteen years old. Now, the name of the world was Deralia.'

'Isn't that where you're from?'

'I'm getting there,' Alexis said, her voice rising slightly. 'Anyway, Kavar ran into a Mandalorian soldier. Now, even then the Mandalorians and the Jedi didn't get along, but Kavar sensed that the soldier meant him no harm. In fact, he was carrying a child.'

'You?'

'May I finish?'

'Sorry,' Atton mumbled.

'Now, the Mandalorian told Kavar that the little girl he had with him, who was only about a month old at the time, was a Force sensitive child. The Mandalorians had no desire to raise a child like that, so he asked Kavar to take her. Kavar was only a padawan, so he didn't ask any questions. In fact, he didn't even ask Vrook if taking her was the right thing to do. He just accepted the little girl without question.'

'You still haven't said whether or not the baby was you.'

'Yes, it was me, are you happy?' Alexis asked. 'Sheesh. Anyway, Kavar asked the soldier what my name was before the man took off. All the Mandalorian said was that they'd been calling me Revan. Kavar thought that Revan sounded like a last name, so when he took me to Vrook, he told him that my name was Alexis Revan. And the rest's history.'

'So were you raised in a Jedi Temple?'

'Yeah. The one on Dantooine.'

'And you don't know who your parents are at all?' Atton asked. He looked a bit sorry for her.

'Nope,' Alexis replied. 'It's never bothered me. You can't miss what you've never had.'

'Are you a Mandalorian then?'

'Well, Deralia's not a Mandalorian world, so it's had to say. I might be, I guess. If I am, they probably threw me out because I was the runt of the litter. I have a holo. I was hardly bigger than Kavar's hand.'

'That would be ironic, wouldn't it?'

'What?'

'You know, if you were a Mandalorian. You and Malak are basically responsible for eradicating their kind.'

'Don't say that around Canderous,' Alexis muttered.

'So what about Kalen?' Atton asked curiously. He hadn't moved in several minutes, which was unusual for him. She certainly had his attention.

'You mean her parents?'

'Yeah. Did she have any parents?'

'Of course she did. Her parents were both Jedi.'

'How does that work?'

'Well...' Alexis began slowly, 'Kalen's parents were two Jedi Knights who fell in love. They left the Order so that they could marry and have children.'

'So how did Kalen get to be a Jedi, then?' Atton asked, frowning slightly.

'From what I understand, her parents wanted her to have the same opportunities that they had. Just because the Jedi Order wasn't for them didn't mean it wouldn't make their daughter happy.'

'Does Kalen have any brothers and sisters? Does she even know?' Atton asked.

'No, she doesn't have any siblings, at least not as far as I know. Her mother died shortly after she was taken for training. I don't think her father remarried.'

'Was Kalen trained on Dantooine, too?'

Alexis nodded. 'Kalen was trained on Dantooine. Technically my training began on Coruscant. I was raised on Dantooine, but when I turned four I was taken to Coruscant to begin my training in earnest. I didn't get back to Dantooine until I was thirteen or so.'

'Is that when you met Malak?' Atton asked her, his voice suddenly soft.

'Yes. He arrived on Dantooine while I was away. He was six years old when he was taken, almost too old to train.'

'Was Malak older than you?'

'Yep. By two years.'

'I always thought you were older.'

'That's a common misconception. Everyone thought I was older because I was the dominant one. I think it was really because I'd been in training for so much longer. The Masters had been teaching me since they found me,' Alexis said. It was strange to talk about these things. She barely remembered them.

'Huh. Screwing with you head from the cradle. No wonder you fell to the dark side,' Atton said, looking back up at her. 'Did the three of you know one another?'

'Well, I was thirteen, Malak was fifteen, and Kalen eleven. We weren't ever really together but we did see each other a lot. Kalen and I were distant friends but I got really close to Malak when we became sparring partners. I was the only padawan in the Temple who could beat him. Even the older kids couldn't take him down,' Alexis said. Her voice trailed off.

'You could beat him? You're so small now I can't imagine what you looked like then,' Atton said incredulously.

'Oh, I was tiny. And Malak was huge. Malak was bigger than just about everyone in the Temple, adults included,' Alexis said. Memories of Malak when he was a boy almost made her smile until she remembered what he'd become... what they'd both become.

'So how'd you beat him?'

'Speed. Speed and agility, really. Malak was gigantic, and he was powerful, but I was too quick for him. I guess flexibility was a major factor, too. I can still contort my body into just about any position I fancy. It drove Malak up the wall.'

'Any position you fancy?' Atton asked, smiling widely.

'You know, this isn't what I brought you here to talk about.'

'You don't want to talk about what position you fancy?' Atton asked innocently.

'Atton...' Alexis said in warning.

'All right, all right. What did you want to talk about?'

'I don't remember, exactly. I mean, I have a general idea, but...'

'Then why did you bring it up?'

'One day, I'm going to start backsliding and stick my lightsaber through your kidney...'

Carth thought about going home to see Revan on his lunch break, but he decided against it. She'd probably think he was crazy. He'd missed her so much while she'd been gone and to be estranged from her again, if only for a day, was actually physically painful. He had a headache to prove it.

Seré had been annoying him all day, asking about whether or not he'd called to have the locks on her apartment door changed and trying to convince him that she needed to stay in his apartment one more night. Carth was absolutely sick of her. His polite façade was going to wear off if she kept testing him.

He was tired of doing paperwork, too. One of the downsides to his promotion to Admiral had been the dramatic increase in the amount of paperwork he was responsible for. The good far outweighed the bad, however. He was practically his own boss now. He could do whatever he wanted most of the time.

He really felt like heading back to his apartment but taking the day off when he knew he'd have to take so many in the future was irresponsible. He needed to make sure he kept his nose clean these next few weeks so that the Senate would have nothing to throw at him when he finally took Revan before them.

Carth absently fingered the pendant in his palm. It was tiny and silver and hung from a thin piece of black cord. The Onasi crest was emblazoned upon the front. The word 'Alexis' was written in a delicate script on the back. He'd had it for four years.

Jedi couldn't wear rings. That had been his first thought when he'd gone looking for some kind of gift to give Revan when he asked her to marry him. He'd chosen a pendant on a chain instead, knowing that that would pose her no danger. Next he'd taken off the chain and replaced it with a short bit of cord, knowing that the cord would give way more easily if someone tried to grab it. He'd had the Onasi crest placed upon the front and her name on the back.

Alexis. He missed calling her that. He'd been afraid to call her anything but Revan when she'd appeared on his doorstep two weeks previous. He hadn't known how she felt about him. He'd known that calling her Revan had been the right choice when she hadn't asked him to call her Alexis.

'...if you're more comfortable calling me Revan, I won't stop you.'

Carth sighed and slid the pendant back into the breast pocket of his jacket. He'd never gotten the chance to ask her to marry him before she'd left for the Unknown Regions. He wished he had. Maybe she would have agreed then. Now, he wasn't so sure. Of course, she might have said no. Maybe that would have lessened the misery he'd felt for the last four years. He doubted it, though. It probably would have increased it tenfold.

Why do you even bother, old man? She doesn't need you. She probably doesn't even want you. You're too old, too weak, too damaged. Leave her alone. Let her go about her business in peace.

She was alone again; well, except for a certain gizka that she was feeling a bit put out with at the moment. Carth had been due home for two hours now and Alexis was certain he was avoiding her. She'd taken to pacing the apartment, a favorite old habit of hers. Perhaps wearing holes in the floors would make her feel a bit better.

Atton had left a few hours before after an attempt at meditation which turned to a sparring match and then into an epic pazaak game. Alexis was proud to say that she had won the sparring match, even though she lost the pazaak game... In fact, she'd lost every pazaak game they played. Atton had been cheating, of course, but she'd been content to let him do it. The funny thing was, he knew that she realized he was cheating and he kept right on doing it. He'd clearly found it funny.

Alexis hadn't minded. Atton's antics kept her mind off of the weightier matters she'd asked him to Carth's apartment to discuss in the first place. His departure had been somewhat reluctant. He said he could feel Kalen, skirting around the edges of his mind, and she was angry and spoiling for a fight. Apparently her hangover had not gone away. He had actually looked a little frightened when he left. It was good for him. Maybe Kalen could teach him some manners.

Alexis stopped suddenly in the middle of Carth's living room and stared at the clock on the wall. The time between the ticks of the clock seemed interminably long. Where was her Jedi patience? It always seemed to desert her at the worst times.

Alexis threw herself onto the couch with a loud sigh just as the door opened. Alexis could feel Carth before she saw him so she didn't turn around. In truth, she wasn't sure what she'd do or say if she did, so she kept her eyes firmly on her hands, which were clasped in her lap.

'Revan?' Carth said softly.

Alexis realized that he couldn't see her. The lights were off and she was practically laying on the couch. The urge to say nothing was overwhelming. She knew that they couldn't avoid one another forever, so she needed to answer him, but she found that she certainly didn't want to. She was still too confused to talk to him just yet.

'I'm here.' Alexis said finally, sitting up higher in her seat as Carth turned on the light.

'I'm sorry I'm late. I picked up dinner on the way home, if you're hungry.' Carth said, waving a bag at her as he made his way towards the kitchen. He looked very tired, as if something had been weighing heavily on his mind all day long.

Alexis stood and followed in his wake. He didn't turn to look at her as he stopped at the counter and opened the bag. He removed several cartons from the bag, took one, and turned and settled himself into a chair by the table in a very short amount of time. Alexis followed suit, settling across the table from him. Something was off, somehow.

Carth looked up at her as she opened the container she'd picked up. She appreciated the gesture, but the food didn't look all that appetizing. Carth turned away once again and dug into his food as if her were starving. Alexis said nothing. She scooped up her fork and poked at the meal in front of her.

'I spoke to Roshana Seraph today,' Carth said quietly.

Alexis didn't know anyone by that name. By his tone, he seemed to think that she did. 'I see,' Alexis responded uncertainly.

'Aren't you going to eat that?' Carth asked, waving his hand absently at her food.

'Not hungry.'

Carth grunted in response and turned back to his food. The silence stretched on. Alexis put her fork back down on the table and waited for some time, hoping he would continue.

'She'd like to meet with you.'

The time that had elapsed as Carth ate had made Alexis forget exactly what he was talking about. She frowned and stared at him blankly.

'The senator from Telos? She's on planet. I met with her today and she told me she'd like to speak with you before you face the Senate.'

Was that why he was behaving so strangely? That didn't seem to fit. 'Oh. When does she want to see me?'

'In two days,' Carth replied shortly.

Alexis watched him as he continued to eat, his motions almost forceful. He seemed to be in a hurry, too. Alexis wasn't sure it would be wise to ask what was wrong with him. 'I see.'

'Did you and Atton have a nice day?'

Alexis's eyes narrowed. How did he know Atton had been there? 'How did you- No. Never mind. It was very nice,' Alexis said with a shake of her head. It didn't matter how he knew.

Carth didn't say anything. He closed the carton he'd been eating from a few seconds before and stood up and put it back on the counter. 'Are you finished with that?' He asked, holding out his hand to take her carton. She hadn't eaten a bite.

'Yes. Carth, Dustil called today.'

'Did he?' Carth asked, turning away and tossing her carton onto the counter next to his. He didn't seem the least bit interested.

Finally, Alexis had had enough. She stood up and walked over to him. When her body was a mere three inches form his, she turned her eyes up and looked into his. 'Yes, he did. Do you care what he had to say or are you going to keep trying to pretend I'm a rather dull-witted child you need to ignore?'

Carth's eyes widened for a second, and then became hooded once more. Clearly that hadn't had that much effect. 'You spoke to him?'

'Yes. I can manage speech when the mood strikes me,' Alexis responded crossly.

'I can see that.'

Alexis took a deep breath and counted to ten in Basic. Her anger had not abated, so she tried Huttese. Rhodian. Twi'lek. Gammorrean. Finally, she felt a little calmer. Calm enough that she managed not to howl in frustration, anyway. 'I'm going to head over to the Ebon Hawk to find more agreeable company. I probably won't be back tonight. Goodbye.'

'Running away again?'

Alexis gasped as if she'd been struck. She rounded on him, her eyes wide and her mouth open. Her pain must have been written clearly on her face for Carth's expression quickly changed. He reached for her, as if to grasp her arm.

Alexis pulled away before he could grab her. Why had he gone out of his way to hurt her? She turned and ran from the kitchen and into the living room. She could hear the echo of Carth's weighty footfalls on the floor behind her.

Alexis lifted the heavy brown hooded robe Atton had recently given her from the couch and darted down the hall towards Carth's bedroom. She passed its door and disappeared into the small storage closet just beyond. It was a simple matter to bar the door with the Force.

She could faintly hear Carth calling to her as she settled onto the floor between the boxes of paper and old clothes. The room was dark, but she didn't notice. She pulled the robe on and flipped up the hood. She was cold, but the robe didn't seem to ward off the chill. She had a feeling that the cold wasn't really going to go away.

Alexis sighed and pulled the robe tighter about herself anyway. She'd done the very thing that Carth had accused her of. She'd run away again. And that was exactly what she had been going to do when faced with Carth's foul temper. She'd been planning to run to the Ebon Hawk: to escape.

---

Why was it that she could stand firm in the midst of the most hopeless of battles, unafraid of pain or of death, but she turned tail and fled every time anything came anywhere near touching her emotions?

The answer was a simple one. She hadn't always been this way. Before the Sith, before her emotions ruled her life, Alexis had been able to handle anything thrown at her. Now, she was afraid to feel: afraid that once again, anything that she let touch the real her, not just the surface, would take her back to the dark side.

The fear was borne of the dark side and it ate at her like a disease, rending her apart from within. She tried to control it, tried to master it, but it swelled within her every time she took a breath. Alexis shuddered violently and shut her eyes. She could feel the burn of unshed tears and she fought against it, fought her emotions for all she was worth.

In the end, she won the battle. The urge to cry subsided and Alexis drew her knees up to her chest and rested her head against them. Carth hadn't abandoned her. He was still outside of the door, even though he was no longer making any noise. In fact, he was leaning against it in much the same position she was in.

Alexis let her thoughts drift away from him. Thinking of Carth only made things worse. Not that anything she thought of didn't hold at least a little bit of pain. Did the Republic really need someone who ran away from the simplest challenge? Who couldn't handle her emotions? Who sat about, brooding about her own feelings when there were many more important things that needed her attention?

Alexis stiffened her spine and opened her eyes. She started to stand but was startled when she suddenly realized that the once dark room was glowing a faint blue. She turned her head slowly, afraid that the light's source would suddenly vanish. It didn't. Jolee Bindo was sitting on her left on a crate full of papers, munching on a sandwich.

'Glad to see you've still got a bit of back bone in you.' Jolee growled at her in between bites. Alexis was startled.

'How...' She began, but couldn't finish.

'Hmph. Quit wasting your time with the how. It's the why that's important, kid,' Jolee responded, tossing away the remains of the sandwich, which vanished into thin air.

Alexis took a deep breath. 'Okay. Why are you back?'

'I don't even get a 'Hello, Jolee. How have you been'?'

'Hello, old man. I've missed you,' Alexis said sincerely.

'Hmph,' Jolee responded. He looked so real. Alexis raised her hand to his face. His presence felt warm, yet Alexis couldn't quite touch him. He was there, but he wasn't. He was a part of the Force.

'So, why did you come?'

'I'm here to ask you a question.'

'Ask away,' Alexis responded, perplexed.

'Why did you come back?'

'I haven't gone anywhere.'

Jolee sighed dramatically. 'Why do I put up with these simpletons? Alexis, why did you return from the Unknown Regions? You haven't eradicated the Sith. You weren't finished.'

'Are you telling me I should have stayed?'

'Let me tell you a story...'

'Oh no, not that again, old man-'

'You'll hear this one whether you like it or not. There was once a foolish young Jedi who often spoke to a wise and distinguished older man. Every time he told her anything, she thought that there was specific lesson in it that was meant just for her.'

'Wasn't there?' Alexis asked, grinning insolently at him.

'Sometimes there was. Sometimes there wasn't. Everything I say doesn't have some hidden meaning. Heck, most of it doesn't,' Jolee told her, picking at his teeth with his pinky fingernail.

'So was I supposed to have stayed in the Unknown Regions?' Alexis pressed.

'Alexis, I don't claim to know everything. Far from it. But I will say this. Everything you do, you do for a reason, even if you don't know what that reason is. Maybe you should have stayed in the Unknown Regions, maybe you shouldn't have. That's no longer relevant. Why did you come back?'

'I don't know,' Alexis said impatiently. Had he come here just to pester her?

'Yes you do! Why did you come to Telos?' Jolee asked, leaning towards her and staring into her eyes intently.

'You seem to know the answer. Why don't you tell me?' Alexis asked stubbornly.

'It's more fun watching you struggle,' Jolee muttered darkly. 'Look, kid. I do know why you came back. So does everyone else. You're the only one that's too blind to see it. Well, I guess there is one more, but you both were always a bit thick.'

'Was it to meet Kalen?' Alexis asked him. She didn't understand where this conversation was going. She was back now. Why was it important what the reason had been for her return?

Jolee didn't answer, he just glared back at her. Alexis looked down, feeling silly. What was he getting at? 'Jolee, I just don't know. I didn't know why I was heading back when I was doing it. I just... turned my ship around and headed home one day.'

A grin split Jolee's face. 'Telos is home, is it?'

Alexis furrowed her eyebrows. Well, she'd never really thought about it, but Telos did feel like home. Even though she'd only been here for a short while before she left known space; even though she had no real ties here; and even though she'd never lived here herself. 'I- why are you smiling?'

'You're getting closer to the answer. So, what's so great about Telos? It's not much to look at.'

Alexis frowned slightly. Telos wasn't beautiful. In fact, the Citadel Station was rather sterile and unattractive. It had been gorgeous once, before Malak had destroyed it. 'It's familiar, I suppose. It doesn't hold as many bad memories as Dantooine and very few people would recognize me here. If I stayed on Coruscant, everyone would know immediately that I'd returned.'

Jolee glared at her again. 'You're thicker than I thought. Stop thinking about it for now. You'll just hurt yourself. Just, promise you'll keep it in mind. Meditate on it or something. I'm sure it will come to you.'

'Are you leaving?' Alexis asked suddenly. She found that she wasn't ready for Jolee to leave just yet.

'I can stay for a few more minutes, then I'm leaving. I'll be back, though. You can't function on your own,' Jolee told her.

'Can I ask you something?'

'You just did, but I gather you have something else to ask me, so spit it out.'

'Is Bastila- can Bastila do what you're doing? Have you seen her?' Alexis said in a rush. She hadn't realized just how much she'd missed the girl. It had been so long since she'd seen her.

Bastila had been a soothing presence, always lurking in the corners of her mind. They had had such a deep connection that she had been unable to shield Bastila from her thoughts, even when they were far away from one another. Bastila had known everything. Alexis missed that. Alexis missed having someone who could see all of her faults and still accept her and even love her like family.

She and Bastila had been so candid with one another, discussing things that Alexis would never have told another soul. Bastila had done the same. All of the dark, slimy secrets had been brought into the light and shown for what they were. And they had still trusted and respected one another.

As the years of separation had passed, however, she and Bastila had grown apart. When Bastila had died, Alexis had felt a very sharp, very personal disturbance in the Force. She had known the cause, of course, but she had always held out hope that her suspicions were wrong.

Jolee shook his head slowly. 'I've felt her, but she's never actually appeared. She seems to be struggling a bit. This technique is very hard to accomplish, even for the Masters.'

'You know Bastila,' Alexis said sadly, 'she'll never give up without a fight.'

Jolee gave her a soft smile. 'I have to go. Catch ya later, kiddo,' Jolee said as his presence faded away.

Carth sat outside the door to the closet, cursing himself for a fool. He never should have said those things to Revan. She was too fragile for him to take out his anger and frustration on. She wasn't ready to deal with his emotions as well as her own.

He'd been in a bad mood all day thanks to Seré, and as a result, his meeting with the senator, Roshana Seraph, had gone badly. He'd been the one to call her, to ask for a meeting for himself. She'd very happy to see him, at least at first. He'd shown up late and explained the situation with Revan rather poorly. She'd demanded to see Revan right then and Carth had refused.

The senator had finally asked him to leave after they'd argued for several minutes. He wouldn't leave, telling her that she would have to meet Revan eventually. The senator, a normally calm woman, had yelled several uncomplimentary things about his mother. She was, after all, still very young. She wasn't much older than Revan, actually.

Carth had to admit, the whole thing was his fault. If he'd told her she could meet with Revan another day immediately rather than just refusing her, she wouldn't have gotten so upset. They probably would have parted amicably. Sadly, that hadn't been the case. He'd told her that she would be able to see Revan in two days and she'd agreed half-heartedly.

He knew why she was so upset. She was sitting on the best secret in the galaxy. One that, when revealed, could very well help save the Republic. Her loyalties told her not to wait. She wanted to throw Revan into the role of the rallying figurehead instantly. Carth knew that Revan wasn't ready for that. He was only trying to protect her. He respected the senator's reasoning, but he didn't agree with it.

He'd told the senator that he would be attending and she had flatly rejected that idea. She had said that she would meet with Revan alone or not at all. Carth had argued that point for several more minutes before he finally gave up and asked just what they would be discussing. The senator wouldn't say. She said that was between her and Revan.

Carth had gotten angry all over again, saying that she could just forget the whole thing. In the end, he knew that that couldn't be the case. Revan needed to meet with Seraph before she went before the Senate. She had to have a sponsor or they wouldn't see her, former Sith Lord or not.

The senator had known that, too. Carth had gone back to his office after the meeting, his irritation doubling with every step he took. When he got there, Seré had asked one last time to stay at his apartment, and he'd blown up. He'd shouted at her until she ran from the office, sobbing. He'd felt like a bastard afterwards, which had only made things worse.

When he'd finally gotten home, he was so furious that he was actually shaking. He hated being left out of the loop, especially when the information was so important to him. He hadn't even really been angry about her spending the day with Atton. He was no fool. He knew they were only friends. But he'd goaded her about it, and snapped at her when she told him that she'd answered the com-link. What if someone had found out that she was staying here? What if someone who wanted to hurt her had realized that she was still alive?

Answering the com hadn't been all that terrible, though, but Carth had finally lost control completely. He'd purposefully chosen the most hurtful thing he could say to her. It was, quite possibly, the lowest he'd ever gone. It had been stupid and childish and he'd hurt the one person he wanted the most to protect.

Carth felt the door push against his back and he stood up quickly, waiting for Revan to emerge. When she did, her eyes were red and she looked pale, but she didn't look angry. In fact, her expression was like a mask of stone. There was no emotion to be found there. She nodded to him once and said, 'Forgive me. My outburst earlier was remarkably juvenile. Perhaps I'll be better able to control myself in the future.'

Before Carth could apologize in return, Revan swept away, the huge cloak she was wearing dragging the ground behind her. She stopped in the living room, ignoring Carth as he called her name. She knelt down and shut her eyes, apparently to meditate. She was gone before Carth reached her side, her mind far, far away.