After the Fall Chapter 49 - Letting Go

Letting Go

Dustil

His Master spoke. "I have taken on this one as my apprentice, and he has agreed to have me as Master."

His father went a few shades paler, if that was even possible. "No," he said stonily. "I won't allow it."

"Father," Dustil said, stepping closer to him.

Carth stared back, pain in his eyes. "I lost you for so long, almost lost you again on Korriban, and almost lost you just now. I won't allow the Jedi to take you away from me, too."

He smiled. It was a serene smile, with the certainty of knowing the right thing behind it. "I love you, Dad," he said. "But it's time for me to learn what I can from Master Nayal."

His father's face twisted into a mask of confusion. "I don't understand...you're not--your mother and I took you to the Jedi on Telos. They said they had nothing for you there."

Dustil scratched his chin. "Yeah. I sort of remember. There wasn't anything for me there...because my Master was waiting for me here." More literalism? he asked his Master silently.

//Those who say the Jedi are untrustworthy simply do not know how to see the truth in what we have to say.//

"Dustil, I just found you again," Carth said. "I can't lose you."

He put his hand on his father's shoulder. "You're not losing me, Dad. This is my destiny. I can feel it." He looked towards Revan, then back at his father. "I--I did some bad things while I was on Korriban, with the Sith. When you and Revan came--I'd thought--I thought I was doing what was right, and then you came along and showed me some ugly things but--" he sighed. "I left the Academy because of what they did to me, not because I thought they were wrong."

"Dustil, you just need time--"

He nodded. "I need to re-learn some stuff, too. Master Nayal is willing to teach me, but I've got to do it on his terms."

Carth closed his eyes. "I--I guess I understand." He sighed heavily. "Just spare a thought for your old man once in awhile."

Dustil smiled. "I'll just look for trouble if I ever get homesick."

Carth's shoulders shook. It could have been laughter or tears. My father is a hero, he realized. The kind you read about in history holocrons.

"Dustil," Revan said quietly. "And Master Nayal, for as long as I have the Ebon Hawk, you've got a ride around the galaxy."

He nodded. "I've got to report to Admiral K'tek for debriefing, and to resign my commission."

"The Republic's losing a good soldier," his father said gruffly.

His chest tightened. He understood, finally, how much of an honor it was for his father to say that.

"I love you, son. I'm proud of you, too." His father lay back on the stone floor and reached for a medpac.

Dustil put his hand out and took the pac from him. Guided by instinct, he put his hands out over his father's body, centimeters from his skin, and tried to remember the feeling of connectedness he'd experienced before.

The cool tide welled inside him, traveling from his center out and down his arms, radiating from his hands. The wounds criscrossing Carth's chest began to knit themselves at an accelerated rate.

"You must have some talent to have hidden the true extent of your Force-sensitivity from the Sith and the Jedi," Jolee said.

"I didn't know it, myself," he replied. "The Force works to further its own ends," the Master's voice said. This is getting annoying, he thought.

//You made your choice, apprentice.//

He looked at his father, struggling to sit up. I guess I did. Don't make me regret it.

He approached the Wookiee. "Zaalbar, I know you have no reason to trust me. But I swear, as a Republic officer, and as an Onasi, I did not intend to harm Mission in any way." How could he, when he admired her so much?

Revan put a hand on his furry arm. "I believe him, Z. Let him clean up his mess."

What must I do, Master? I don't even know what I did to her.

//You sent her to a place where your betrayal could not hurt her. Now you must call her back.//

How? I don't know how to use the Force like that.

//Apparently, you do, else you would not have been able to send her in the first place. Follow your own trail.//

He sank to his knees and took Mission's blue hand in his. Then he closed his eyes and opened himself.

Such life! Such energy! The place radiated with it. It was like being inside a holovid, with fireworks and music and flashing lights and smells and pulsing, lush energy. //Now find her.//

Mission! Mission! He yelled with his mind. A barrage of image and sounds and sensations, disjointed and incomplete, slammed into him. There. The lights and sounds faded and he found a small storage crate, the kind used in cargo ships across the galaxy. He touched the lever to release the lid.

She was inside, huddled with her knees to her chest, head-tails wrapped around her arms, and arms wrapped around her knees.

"Time to come out," he said. "I'm sorry."

She looked up at him. "Leave me alone."

"You have friends," he said. "Friends who need you. They miss you. Come back with me."

She shook her head. "Friends betray you."

"No. I betrayed you. I had my reasons, but I'm sorry."

"Piss off." There. Some of the inconquerable Mission was emerging.

"Come back and say that out loud."

She lunged to her feet and the box broke apart.

He was knocked out of the Force by a very real left hook to the jaw. He sprawled backwards and hit the stone, knocking the back of his head painfully.

Mission stood over him, fists clenched, head-tails streaming out behind her, and glorious blue fury on her face. She wove unsteadily, but her mouth set in a mulish line. "You bastard," she said.

He nodded, not moving. He understood what the Master wanted from him now. He wanted to make things right with her, to spend as much time and effort as necessary for her to forgive him.

//Your path lies elsewhere.//

An aching sadness welled in him. He knew the master was right. "I'm sorry, Mission," he said again.

"Shut up," she said. "Don't ever come near me again."

He didn't respond out loud. That won't be a problem.

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