The Bright and Shining Thing

(Please read first. Just a little fun with the idea of "desire." Enjoy!)

He shines with the light of a thousand new-birthed stars, reflected in the image of his glory. I cannot look away. My gaze is rapt.

I have come to tell myself that if I can just get near him, reach out and touch even a fraction of that brilliance, then maybe some part of me will be will finally be at peace.

Mission thinks that this is just a passing phase. As if such desire could vanish like the morning dew, swifter than credits at a pazaak table. She doesn't understand.

Zaalbar reminds me that such is the way of things: that which we cannot have will always grow brighter the further it is out of reach. But I wonder - is he speaking to my own dilemma, or is that his way of mourning for the home that he has left behind?

HK and T3 have both offered their opinions. I couldn't follow the little one's beeping, but it would truly be a sad day if I ever resort to HK for advice. I shove away the thought.

So far, the Cathar has been kindest. She has said nothing, and for that I am grateful.

"You need to stop obsessing," Bastila's voice cuts through our bond, clear as springwater, and as cold. "You swore an oath as a Jedi. You cannot allow such material desires to cloud your thoughts. Our mission and the fate of the entire galaxy suffers while you mope!"

Mope? I do not "mope." You just don't understand. None of you could.

I look over at the dejarik table where Jolee and Carth are playing. I sigh. He is so bright. I cannot turn away. And yet, I cannot look for long, for fear I will go blind.

"Think of the Jedi Code, Revan," Bastila counsels. "Let it guide you."

There is no emotion; there is peace.

There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.

There is no passion; there is serenity.

There is no death; there is the Force.

Please, Bastila, I plead. Just once. I beg of you. Let me go. I promise it will be only once, never again. This one, single time. No more, no others. It's good luck, you know, I'm sure of it. If I could do this just once... I know defeating Malak will be like pure pazaak from there.

"Don't be daft, Revan. How would that help?"

I break my gaze away, forcibly turning from the two men at the dejarik table. Because. I tell her. I used to rub his head for goodluck too.

End.