I Have a Good Feeling About This...

Hmm, I didn't have these typos when I sent it for moderation... At least, I don't think I did. Oh well, thank you all for the loverly comments and feedback. As of now, I don't have a Chapter 2 planned. This was sort of a one shot deal. But who nows, maybe I'll be inspired....

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Pretending to be busy is one thing that Atton Rand is good at. It comes in nice and useful in all kinds of situations. Whether it is avoiding a guard by pretending to enjoy the services of a companionable joy-girl or avoiding unwanted attention by staying in the background in a bustling crowd. It is a skill that has all kinds of uses, and having an inordinate amount of free time on his hands gave him a chance to practice it. Atton was good at it too, almost as a good as a shady swoop mechanic, but those guys are pros when it comes to wasting time.

Currently he was laying shirtless on his back underneath the pilot's station tinkering around with loose wires on the Ebon Hawk. Kreia had told him that the ship was not to be fixed 'until their business here was concluded.' Which there was no telling when that would be, so the ship was fixed just in case they needed to make a hasty escape. Just because some grouchy Jedi told him to keep it broken for her, doesn't mean he was going to listen. Last thing they needed was to get out of here quick and couldn't because he had gutted the ignition coil for no reason.

This isn't so bad, thought Atton, A little 'me' time is just what I needed. Of course, I know better than to think that old witch was trying to do me any favors. She just didn't want me to spend anymore time with the Exile. His hands stilled as his thoughts trailed to the Exile and Kreia. Kreia. Just the thought of her made him cold all over. If he ever displeased her, she would make good on her threats. The thought of hurting Lyneidra terrified him. Even more so the thought that she could make him might enjoy it. It would be all too easy...

Memories came unbidden, a woman laid beneath him, broken and bloody. He was strangling her, punishing her for making him feel... He didn't want to feel... he just wanted to be left alone... he choked the life out of her, willing the love in her eyes to fade.... He didn't deserve it... she couldn't save him... why did she make him feel? In his mind's eye, the Jedi long since dead, had Lyneidra's face.

Atton squeezed his eyes shut, attempting to block the images from playing in his mind and to quell the moisture from his eyes that threatened to fall. I could never hurt her. I have to protect her. Even from me. He took a shuddering breath and rose to drop his wire trimmers into the toolbox. He almost wished he had never told Lyneidra about his past, or at least wished that he hadn't tried to remove himself from under Kreia's thumb. As always, he made things ten times worse by trying to weasel out of something, after Nar Shaddaa you would think he would've learned. Old habits die hard I guess. Atton let out a slow breath, calming his mind and body the way Lyneidra had taught him. There is no emotion... there is peace... there is no ignorance... only knowledge... there is no passion... there is serenity... Hah, the Jedi equivalent to counting to ten, but at least I do feel better.

'Atton?'

Jolted out of his revere, Atton banged his head on the pilot's seat in surprise. Change the face of the +2/-2 card and the total is...

'Lyneidra?' Atton rose from behind the chair to find Lyneidra staring at him at the cockpit's doorway, 'What are you doing here? I thought you were with the others.' He took a moment to stare at her, amazed by how beautiful she was each time he saw her. Her scarlet tresses were twisted into a loose bun at the nape of her neck, a few soft tendrils escaping to whisper along the sides of her face. Her soft ivory skin was unblemished save for a single scar that broke the perfect arch of her brow over her left eye. That scar was etched in Atton's memory, he has spent hours thinking about her face and all it's perfect imperfections. He knew from their meeting on Peragus, when she saved him from his holding cell wearing nothing but a kolto tank under garments, that her alabaster skin had a myriad of scars. Some from the Mandalorian Wars, some from her supposedly self-imposed Exile, but each one made Atton treasure her more.

A smile broke out across Lyn's heart-shaped face and Atton felt his heart lurch for a moment. Change the face of the +3/-3 card and the total is 17... 'And I thought you were supposed to be decent.' Lyn looked pointedly at Atton's naked torso, 'What, are your new robes too itchy?'

A lopsided grin to match her smile, 'What? Don't you like the view?' Atton spread his arms to give her a better view, turning to make sure she got the whole show, 'You never answered my question.'

'I wanted to check on the Hawk, I thought it was broken.' She rose one sardonic eyebrow at Atton, 'Nice try, by the way, but smelling like a drowned wookiee is hardly the way to impress a girl.'

Atton took a step towards Lyn, raising an eyebrow of his own. These kinds of games were much easier than counting Pazaak in his head. It will be so much more fun without Kreia around.Caught up in the moment, he could almost forget how the sight of Lyn made his heart ache. He stopped in front of her and propped an arm above her head on the doorsill, effectively trapping her.

"It was broken, I fixed it. Aren't I handy? I would have thought Kreia and Mical would've kept you busy. So why are you really here?"

"I had to get away from the rest of them, I think HK made some new friends with the Mandalorians," she sighed and looked away from him, "And I wanted to know why you've been avoiding me since Nar Shaddaa."

There was a slight hurt to her voice, that set Atton on edge. The proton core is clicking again....one...two....three..

"And would you STOP that?"

Taken aback, Atton stepped away from Lyneirda, "Hey, I thought you promised not listen in on my thoughts anymore."

"I wasn't, but every since Nar Shaddaa and you opened yourself to me so I could rekindle your Force Sensitivity our bond seems to have gotten stronger. Whenever you try especially hard to keep something out I can feel it. You've been doing it a lot lately too. I want to know what is wrong. You're afraid of something, I can feel it."

"I-" Atton began, a cold chill passed over him, "I am afraid."

"Afraid, afraid of what?"

Of Kreia. Of you. Of myself. Of what she'll make me do... That I will enjoy it... "Of falling." Atton turned from Lyneidra, he didn't want her to see him like this.

A softness entered her voice that he had never hurt before, "Falling? Falling to the dark side?"

Atton closed his eyes, couldn't she see that this hurt him? "Yeah, I mean... I told you about me... before... it wouldn't be hard to fall back into that. Especially now, I feel everything so sharply now. It was like... before Nar Shaddaa everything had this filter over it. Now everything is clear to me... I just have a much harder time getting my mind under control."

"That's because you're trying to get your mind under control," Atton felt her step closer to him, "You need to find your center, it's your heart you need to get under control."

"That's what I've been trying to do! It's not working! Nothing is working!" He was shaking, Atton opened his eyes to stare at the galaxy map across from him. Best hyperspace route to Korriban from here is...

Lyneidra finished closing the distance between them, she was so close he could feel the heat of the jungle moon radiate off of her. She placed a slender hand on his bare shoulder, "It is because of the walls you put up, Atton. A Jedi cannot rely on their emotions to hide things the way you do. The strong emotions that protect you from the Jedi before only cause you to be off balance as one. It's like trying to play two games of dejarik one board--you cannot share the same amount of game pieces between the two games and still be whole. By sacrificing one piece of yourself for one side, you lose it completely. Do you see?"

Atton closed his eyes, trying not to think of how close she was to him, "But I've been doing this for so long... I... I do not think I can learn to let it go."

"I can help you, Atton, I swear. I will not let you fall."

Atton placed his hand on top of her's, "How?" keeping her hand in his, Atton slowly turned to face her. He kept his face a stony mask, "How can you help me?"

Lyneidra turned her emerald eyes up to his, "You have to let me in," she dragged her hand across his chest and laid it flat over his chest, "Here. But not like how you did on Nar Shaddaa, you kept your defenses up, even then. You have to let me in completely."

She stared into his eyes, it seemed as though she was trying to push something at him through her eyes but he couldn't fathom it. Her eyes were beautiful, he found no deceit nor desire to use him within their sparkling depths. His mind no where else, but on her eyes he gave his answer:

"Gladly."

Lyneirda rewarded him with the briefest of smiles, and before he could say anything else, she passed that finite distance between them and kissed him. He broke away in surprise, "Lyn- I.."

"Quiet, flyboy, let me do my thing," Lyneidra slid her arms around his waist and pressed her lips to him once again.

Atton closed his eyes and leaned against the computer console he was up against. Her lips were soft, much softer than he had imagined them to be. She tasted like cinnamon and Atton was amazed at how comfortable she fit within his arms. He pulled her against the length of him and bought a hand up to tangle within her long hair. He swam in her scent, and luxuriated in her heat. Atton lost himself in his desire for Lyneidra Chal.

There is no passion, there is serenity... Atton started at the voice and almost broke contact with Lyneidra. It had sounded like her, it felt like her. He could feel her in his head, like before on Nar Shaddaa. Lyneidra's presence filled his senses in a way no kiss ever could. It felt warm, it felt safe. Atton basked in the feeling, savored it like it was his last meal. It very well could be, if Kreia found out...

Lyneidra's presence seized on his thought, and tried to follow it to his core. Atton realized what she was trying to do, he just had to let her in. She would never get inside if he didn't let her, they could stay like this for hours and she would never get any closer unless he brought her in. So he did. Atton pulled Lyneidra into his mind, past all the pazaak games, past all the hyperspace routes, and past the all the lustful fantasies he had allowed himself to have of her. They had been his protection from the invasive advances of Kreia's mind, now they shamed him as they stood a barrier between him and Lyneidra.

Atton pulled her past all of his walls and brought her to the very center of his being. He placed her in the middle of all his inner most thoughts. Let her feel his fear of falling to the dark side. Let her wallow in the agony of his self-hatred. Let her stand in the middle of his past, let her see all the crimes, all the atrocities he had commited. Lives taken, Jedi slain, and underneath it all, the thrill he felt when he did it. His fear, his fear he would do those things again. Do those things to her.

Finally, he let her feel his love for her. The overwhelming desire he had to protect her and the way her presence made him feel. The way she had made him feel since he first met her. He was desperate to let her know that not everything was a joke. How it hurt so much to be apart from her... Atton felt her go still at this, both in his mind and in his arms. He broke apart from her kiss and looked down at Lyneidra. There were tears in her eyes, she was crying. For him?

"Lyn... I..."

"Hush, Atton. It's my turn now."

The presence that was Lyneidra in his mind spread open. Through their connection he felt emotions that were not his own flow across his consciousness, they were her feelings. There was understanding and forgiveness, for his past. She had said the words, but now he could tell that she truly meant them. They were not just idle things she whispered to manipulate him. She forgave him for each of his wrong doings, and filled the cracks between with the hope that he might forgive himself as well. There was a trust and faith within her, faith that he would never allow himself to fall so fall again and trust that he would never hurt her, never let anyone bring her harm. Her feelings swept over him like a warm desert wind, it warmed him in places he had not know he had grown cold. In the center of the wind, there was her love. Love for him, and it was that love that finally filled the holes in his broken spirit. She withdrew her mind from his, there were no walls or barriers for her to pass through this time. In her wake she left him calm, at peace.

'Lyneidra, what... how... did you do that?' Atton asked her breathlessly.

'Through our bond,' She smiled up at him, her lips wet from their embrace.

'Our bond? I've never been able to feel you like that before,' Atton raised a hand to her face, still mesmerized by the fact that this beautiful woman loved him.

'That's because you were too busy counting pazaak, flyboy.'

A mischievous grin broke out across his face, 'Well, I can think of some better things to do right now. Lyneidra, how can I thank you?'

'Say what you feel, Atton. I want to hear it,' she purred at him.

'I love you, Lyneidra Chal.'

'And I love you, Atton Rand,' she pulled him close and kissed him, 'Oh, and Atton, one more thing?'

'What's that, beautiful?'

'Kiss me again.'

They made love on the cold steely floor of the Ebon Hawk while Dxun's heavy jungle heat pressed down around them. It was like nothing Atton had experienced before, there wasn't any desperation or lust in their actions. It was a coming home, it brought him peace and comfort like no other thing had done before. There was no passion, there was serenity. They fell asleep in each other's arms, a naked tangle of limbs. For once in his life, Atton felt at peace.

"And I get the fool." Darth Sion turned from Atton, slowly stalking out of the room.

Loved from the moment I first saw you, thought you were a dream...tried to play it off as a joke... wasn't funny... It hurts... when I laugh... It hurts...

Atton sat up gasping for air, his skin felt like it was too tight for his body and his right arm was awash in a burning pain. Atton blinked to clear his eyes and saw he was still laying on the floor of the Hawk's cockpit. Lyneidra was still sleeping soundly beside him. Atton looked down at his hands, confused. That dream... Was it a dream? Atton clenched the fist of his right hand, the action caused pins and needles to shoot up his arm. It was too real to be a dream... Was it a vision? Of the future? Atton looked down at Lyneidra's sleeping form, her red hair laid across her face in a tangle. Gently, so as not to wake her, Atton straightened her mussed hair. No... there was something off...

Atton closed his eyes and tried to remember the emotions that had been streaming through the Vision Atton's consciousness. There had been regret. Atton knew that now he had no regrets. It had been a vision of the future, but it was one of possible futures, and in his heart Atton knew that it was one that would not come to pass. Not now. Atton leaned down and kissed Lyneidra's forehead.

Not now, not ever. I have no regrets. I have got a good feeling about this...