Past Mistakes, Prologue

Dustil Onasi clenched his teeth as he felt the yellow blade strike against his, the force pressing him back against the small rock in the field of grass. Sweat trickled along his brow and he reached into himself to find the strength and power needed to push back the attacker. His muscles strained and ached from the effort and Dustil felt the heat of the lightsabers close to his face as he gradually lost his hold.

With great effort he called on all his energy and pushed back with all his might, sending his attacker reeling. Then, ducking quickly he rolled along the grass to his left and then leapt up with his lightsaber in a standard defensive stance. His attacker's blade hit the rock and sent a few sparks flying off of the granite slab before he jumped backwards, flipping through the air, and spun around to face Dustil again.

'That's a new trick,' Jolee Bindo remarked amusingly. 'But you'll have to do more than that to keep up with me, kid. Youth and vigor isn't a match for age and experience.'

'You'll find I'm full of surprises, old man,' Dustil replied, grinning.

'Feisty today, are we? Well, don't say I didn't warn you.'

The lightsabers met again, crackling upon contact and flashing brightly. Dustil's opponent then lifted up the lightsaber into an upwards position before spinning and bringing the blade down in a sloping, downwards angle. Dustil automatically went into the proper block. Both blades clashed again and again, in a deadly dance of weapons and skill.

Dustil knew that his adversary was right. He couldn't hold up against the old man for long. That was to be expected of course. His opponent had decades of experience in using the Force. Dustil had only a few years. It was natural then that he would be unable to stand up to the old man's strikes so long as he relied on his advanced Force techniques to enhance his skill in battle and to keep Dustil on the defensive, which Dustil knew to be his weakest point.

But Dustil also knew that if he could break out of his defensive lock that he could defeat the old man. He was younger, and had more energy. Though he was growing weary and his body ached from the fight he was far from through. The old man was tiring, his advances were slowing, his breath heavier. If Dustil could take on the offensive he knew he could win.

There was only one way to do that. Dustil looked inside himself and looked for some Force technique, some way he could channel his aggression, increase his finesse, something. He found nothing. Some of the more advanced techniques, some of the more complex forms could help him, but he was only a padawan and knew none of these.

That's not true, whispered a voice in his head. There are ways to defeat the old man. Ways to make him appreciate you. He looks down on you. He sees a child. You're a man. Don't be afraid to use the power that is yours.

Dustil winced as he fell back over a ledge he hadn't been watching for, distracted by the voices in his head. The voices that were him, his lesser self, the self which once had been him. He knew where they were coming from and he knew he couldn't give in to them. That power was forbidden, it was closed to him.

No, he said simply. I gave that up, years ago. I'm no longer that person.

You know you want it, the voice said seductively, ignoring his refusal. The power is there. It isn't wrong. It is only a means to an end. It has helped you before. Use it, embrace your true power and defeat your opponent. It is the only way.

No!

Do you not feel it in you? The desire to win? Give in to it. Only a fool does not desire to succeed. You have promised yourself you will become a Jedi. Then let you show the old man your are more than a child, that you are fully capable!

But...

But would it be so bad? After all, his master had told him the Force was no inherently good or evil, that it was the way in which you used a power that created its evil. He was only trying to prove himself, only trying to show his potential. Would it be so bad to just give in a little, to use the forbidden knowledge he had learned in the halls of the Korriban Academy to succeed? No, it couldn't be that bad.

His opponent was above him now, and was placing his lightsaber to Dustil's neck. The old man was smiling.

'I warned you kid. Youth and valor doesn't make up for age and experience.'

Dustil felt rage burn in him. How dare the old man be so condescending. He was a worthy opponent. He wasn't just a kid! He could take care of himself. He felt his temper rise and let the anger took over.

It was almost as if he wasn't in control of his body. He felt his arm rise up and strike the lightsaber away from his opponent, leaping up and bringing down the lightsaber down. His adversary dodged it easily and leapt out of the way. Dustil swung at his master, his lightsaber swinging wildly, letting his passions take him over.

Jolee continued to block the attacks, deflecting them at every turn and then leapt up and out of the way, flipping over Dustil and landing behind him. Then he swung his lightsaber sideways, cutting Dustil across the back and used the Force to push him out of the way.

'I believe our training is done,' Jolee said coldly, turning off the lightsaber. Dustil reached towards his back and felt the burn marks, the only injury suffered by a fight with training sabers. His skin stung and he felt a burning sensation but he was not badly injured. Slowly, Dustil calmed and he felt the full realization of what he had done. He had given in... again.

He slowly got up and turned off his lightsaber, throwing it to the side in disgust. Jolee grabbed Dustil by the cuff of his robes and turned him around to face him.

'What in all the world did you think you were doing?' the old man snapped. 'You were leaving yourself open to attack, giving into your anger! How do you expect to become a Jedi if you can't remain calm?'

Dustil felt his heart sink, here he was, and Jolee was right, he had failed again. He had given into his anger, his fury, his ambition and allowed the dark side to possess him again.

I thought I had left that behind, Dustil thought unhappily. Why is it still with me?

For a long moment Dustil and Jolee's eyes met and there was a silent, painful pause between them. Then, slowly the wrinkled, dark-skinned man gave in to his better instincts and his eyes softened. He turned away and shook his head.

'I'm sorry, kid,' he said finally. 'Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on you. I mean, after all, with what you went through on Korriban, I mean... it's only natural.'

'No,' Dustil interrupted. 'It's my fault. I shouldn't have given in so easily to my anger. It's my fault. I'm always rushing things.'

'Only natural,' Jolee sighed sadly. 'You're young.'

Jolee walked away slowly.

'Let's... let's get headed back to the camp, my... my mouth's starting to dry and I need my old man's sleep.'

'Master Bindo...'

'Enough with that master crap, I'm old dammit!' Jolee snapped, turning back towards Dustil, his eyes angry. 'You know I don't need fancy titles. Between you and I there is only our names. Age alone should be enough for respect. Now I said let's head back to camp. I'm not in the mood to argue!'

Dustil nodded and silently followed Jolee as they walked back. He felt the pain in his heart grow. Would he ever do things right? He'd never seemed to in the past. His life had been one mistake after another, one stupid blunder into another stupid blunder.

He looked at the training saber on the ground where he had thrown it and picked it up, looking at it as he walked along.

Would he ever forget Korriban? The dark chambers, halls of terror, where he had blinded himself to the evil around him, the evil he was a part of. Would he ever forget Selene, the girl he had loved, the one who had brought him to the Academy? Could he ever forget her sweet, deep, green eyes? Would he ever forget how first he met her?

Would he ever forget Telos?