[INFLUENCE GAINED: MANDALORE]
A/N: A big thank-you to DarthRedHead for her black belt in Beta-fu. *bows respectfully*
SETTING: The Ebon Hawk's swoop garage
TIME: Shortly before the crew departs Nar Shadaa for Korriban.
CHARACTERS: Atton Rand, Mandalore, and the Exile, Urela Toral
URELA TORAL sits on the floor of the garage attending to swoop bike repairs as ATTON RAND paces nearby.
ATTON: Alright-- maybe some guys find the whole Jedi thing attractive, but not me, sister. Jedi are crazy. I mean-- any group that would have me as a member should be handing out straitjackets instead of lightsabers.
A tiny smile tugs at the corners of the Exile's mouth as she tinkers with the swoop's right thruster.
URELA: That's an excellent idea. I'll have Tee-Three run out and pick one up in your size.
MANDALORE enters. Leaning against the garage entrance, he watches from the shadows as the Pazaak-obsessed pilot attempts to steal a kiss from the cautious, but willing Exile. He is clearly unnerved by this development, but before he can do anything to interrupt them, an enormous crash and the furious sputtering of an enraged assassin droid all but destroy the romantic mood. Recovering her senses, Urela puts some distance between herself and the scoundrel as she hastily sweeps her hair back into a messy bun.
URELA: You don't need a straitjacket. You need a muzzle.
If Atton is disappointed by her change of heart, he hides it behind a cocky grin.
ATTON: I'm not the one who needs to be controlled, Urela. You don't see me handing out extreme Jedi make-overs to every stray in the Galaxy with an inkling of Force sensitivity.
She drops the hydrospanner and rises to meet his gaze.
URELA: Are you upset with me?
ATTON: Upset? What gave you that idea?! Gee, I guess I'm just not able to express my feelings in flowery prose the way you like it.
URELA: (For the hundredth time) Leave Mical out of this.
ATTON: Fine by me. I wanted to leave your precious Disciple with the Laigreks back on Dantooine.
URELA: Atton, Mical and I--
ATTON: Don't say it. The only thing worse than his 'Jedi knight in shining armor' routine is how much you get off on it.
Urela gapes at him, angry and hurt, causing Atton to sigh in frustration.
ATTON: That's not what I... um... I didn't mean that.
From his perch in the shadows of the dim garage lighting, the Mandalorian has seen enough.
MANDALORE: Hey, Rand. I need a moment alone with our fearless leader.
His deep voice startles them both. Atton clocks Urela's guilty expression at having been discovered in an intimate moment and he nearly pounces on the older man.
ATTON: Look-- whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait.
MANDALORE: (Dismissive) Actually it can't. And you should be helping the Zabrak with repairs. The old woman made it clear she wants this ship in the air as soon as she returns.
The mere mention of Kreia sends Atton to a dark place. Unable to meet the Exile's gaze, he shoves his hands in his pockets and retreats to carry out the crone's wishes. Urela stares after him for a moment before waving Mandalore over to join her.
URELA: (Turning her attention back to the swoop bike) You needed to talk to me?
His armored footsteps clank forward until he stands directly behind her. There is an odd tension between these two. Neither of them appear entirely comfortable around the other.
MANDALORE: Yeah. Look-- if you care about Rand even a little, don't give him any hope.
Urela is so startled by his forward request she nearly solders her foot to the floor of the garage.
URELA: I'm sorry?
MANDALORE: You will be. Believe me.
He picks up a compact wire cutter and hands it to her. She eyes him suspiciously, but accepts the tool and begins using it to cut away some of the swoop's charred wiring.
URELA: That's not what you wanted to talk to me about, is it?
MANDALORE: I thought Jedi were supposed to be perceptive.
URELA: And I thought Mandalorians were supposed to mind their own damn business.
MANDALORE: Maybe I would mind my business better if you stopped batting your eyelashes at him and laughing at his jokes.
Urela drops the wire cutter and cranes her neck in the Mandalorian's direction.
URELA: Batting my eyelashes... ? Did you hit your head jumping out of a Basilisk war droid, old man?!
MANDALORE: What I can't figure out is why you would choose to carry on like that with a member of your crew. Someone who is clearly beneath you.
URELA: I don't know what you're talking about. Hand me that ...that...
She points furiously at the hydrospanner near Mandalore's foot, stammering like a protocol droid with a broken vocabulator until a low, throaty chuckle emanates from behind his cold, intimidating helm.
MANDALORE: I'm talking about the elaborate mating dance the two of you are doing. End it. Today.
He retrieves the hydrospanner and passes it to Urela, who takes it and points it in a fairly threatening manner.
URELA: Any dancing I do-- mating or otherwise-- is none of your concern. If I feel like doing the Corellian Hustle in my underwear, that's up to me. Understand?
MANDALORE: This isn't my first time saving the Galaxy, Urela. I know how this story ends.
She ignores him, channeling her anger into the damaged swoop, violently hacking at the bike's wiring as though it had transformed into a squadron of elite Sith assassins. Mandalore watches her vent her anger for a moment before reaching in to extract the tool from her vice-like grip.
MANDALORE: Look-- I'm not judging you. I think in his own mixed-up way Rand cares about you. I also think you care about him too, as much as you try to deny it.
URELA: I'm not denying anything. (The ridiculousness of her retort is not lost on either of them and she offers up a guilty half-smile before continuing:) Doesn't 'thinking' violate some kind of Mandalorian edict? If you guys start 'thinking,' it might get in the way of all that fighting, drinking and dragging your women around by their hair.
MANDALORE: Save your sarcasm for the Sith. When this is over, you're going to leave Rand behind. Do the kid a simple kindness: don't give him any hope.
Her eyes narrow to slits as she studies him, trying to glean his motives.
URELA: Why do you care?
MANDALORE: Honor on the field of battle is the only thing I ever cared about. Without honor, we are nothing-- we are less than nothing.
URELA: And what does that have to do with me?
MANDALORE: If you let him think he has a chance at your heart, you'll take every shred of his self-respect-- his honor-- with you when you leave him.
The Exile stares at him pointedly.
URELA: I'm not going anywhere.
MANDALORE: You will. You're gonna come to the end of this journey and decide you need to take the next step alone. All alone. Even though we -- he-- has proven himself more than worthy of coming with you, but that argument won't sway you. Not in the end.
She can read nothing from his expressionless helm, but with the Force, the Exile senses a flicker of conflict.
URELA: So, this has nothing to do with me.
Instead of taking the bait, Mandalore picks up the hydrospanner and begins cutting at the swoop's damaged wiring. Urela wordlessly accepts his help, watching as he begins to repair the bike. For a man who finds no honor in anything but battle, he is surprisingly skilled.
URELA. I know we haven't exactly gotten along. Quite honestly, I haven't been comfortable having you around.
MANDALORE: A grudge holder, huh?
The Exile hands him a spool of coiled replacement wire and shakes her head.
URELA: It had nothing to do with the war. It was the gossip. The whispers in the cantinas. There are those who believe you were a member of Revan's crew. They say you were with her when she defeated Malak at the Star Forge.
He directs the stare of his impassive helm at her.
MANDALORE: Do you believe everything some boozed-up gossip tells you in a cantina?
URELA: Mandalore-- I'm not Revan.
For a moment, it appears she has crossed an invisible line. She thinks he might lash out and attack her, but instead, he simply removes his helm and resumes repairs to the bike.
MANDALORE: No, you aren't Revan. When she finally remembered who she was, she didn't trust herself around us-- and you don't trust anyone but yourself.
He pulls a burnt-out power chord from the intestines of the swoop's fried engine and hands it to the Exile. For the first time, Urela has the chance to peek at the Mandalorian behind the mask. He is handsome; a seasoned warrior complete with the scars of battle and loss.
URELA: (Gently) She left without taking any of you?
MANDALORE: You saw Onasi. He's a shell of what he was. Looking out the window-- up at the stars-- waiting for her to return.
URELA: Are you waiting too?
His eyes darken and she can sense him pulling away-- putting up walls to protect himself.
MANDALORE: This conversation is over.
Before he can escape, Urela reaches out and lightly touches his shoulder.
URELA: I also bear the scars from my time with Revan. She has a way of... leaving a mark on those who serve with her.
A moment of silent understanding passes between them and perhaps a thought or two of Revan-- wherever she might be.
URELA: She probably knew you would be needed here. It's becoming pretty obvious that... I can't do this alone.
It's as close as she will ever come to asking for his help and the Mandalorian recognizes this. Hell, he prefers it.
MANDALORE: Why, you little Jedi tease. Are you batting your eyelashes at me now?
The Exile laughs as Mandalore applies the finishing touches to the bike. He replaces his helm just as Atton rushes in, his eyes locked on Urela.
ATTON: Kreia's back. She wants us to hit hyperspace.
Urela lights up at the sight of the rumpled pilot. It's an involuntary response and she quickly glances to Mandalore, who shrugs and looks away.
URELA: (Frosty) I should go see if she needs me.
ATTON: Wait-- I wanted to talk to you first. About what happened earlier--
URELA: (Cutting him off) There's nothing to say. It was an argument between friends. Nothing more.
She exits, but her emphasis on the word 'friends' has lowered the temperature in the garage by close to thirty degrees.
ATTON: Is she nuts?! The last thing in the Galaxy I want to be is that girl's 'friend.'
MANDALORE: All Jedi are crazy, Junior, but the females get hit extra hard with the loony stick. If they aren't trying to crush the Galaxy under their thumb, then they're whining about their stolen childhoods and how much they missed their Daddies when they were growing up.
Atton may be a fool, but he is sharp enough to smell the con in the Mandalorian's voice.
ATTON: This is your doing. You said something to her, didn't you? What did you say?!
MANDALORE: Only what needed to be said. Don't say I never did you any favors, kid.
Yaay! Mandalore love!
This is a nicely written scene. I love all the undertones.
I like the format, and the unspoken currents. This is really good. :)
Wow. I was expecting something parody by your tagline, but this is genuinely good drama. I like how distinct and deep your characters are -- there's much more beneath the surface than we first see, and you write it in such a way that we are left to speculate. The interaction between all of the characters is nicely complex -- there's both what's on the surface as well as what each one is aware of, and furthermore, there's motivations there they all won't admit to.
The dialogue is superb -- not over the top and not sentimental; very real and intelligent and yet revealing of each character's flaws.
The only thing I had trouble with was the grumpy assassin droid's interruption -- I assume this is HK-47, but for a moment, I thought maybe the next gen HK's had interrupted and there was a firefight. Apparently not. But what happened to HK after? You need to account for his appearance and subsequent disappearance in the story.
Thanks for the unexpected read! :)
this was good.....good advice on love from a Mandalorian..lol..too bad for Atton though,even though he has nothing to offer her.
Absolutely deep and complex. But it's not so complex that it becomes hard to undestand.
The characters are so well described and the conversations were completely believable. Impossible to say how fun that was to read.
Thanks
I usually read comments first to know what other people think of the story. When I saw "Mandalore love", I just can`t resist and I`m SO gonna read it now!
Excellent work. Very poignant. Clever title.
Lol, actually, its true he is doing Atton a favor :D
Good Job
Why, you little Jedi tease. Are you batting your eyelashes at me now?
*snigger*
To be posted 30 May 2008 on
To be posted 30 May 2008 on StarwarsKnights under The Critic returns and Lucasforums under the Critic’s Two Cents.
TSL No specific period given: Mandalore gives some good advice.
Written in script form, the piece had Mandalore, not much for introspection, giving advice on love. It is interesting in it’s own right, and gives some depth to the bluff warrior the game created.
This is truly genius and a good story.
Pretty good. Weird was of putting the story - like a script - but pretty good.
Is this ever in the game? At all where Mandalore takes off his helm? I never go to Dxun first... ah well. Great Story anyways!
that must be implemented! awsome! amazing! love it!
this reminds me of jolee in the first game, where he gives your pc love advice. never thought that canderous would turn into jolee.
great story, by the way.
Really well done. The dialogue's great, and the interaction between the three characters is very believable. Alas, I must confess I mainly ignored Mandalore, as well.
Mandalore seems a lot softer than he is in the game, which is artistic license, I suppose, although he made it pretty clear that he had no respect for anyone in the crew excepting an Exile who had gained influence. I can't see him helping Atton in this way, because, in both games, Canderous simply doesn't care about the relationships between the crew. He has his mission, they have theirs.
I like the Exile, but sadly, she has fallen into the OMG!Attonishawt catagory. Luckily, she appears to be a smart girl. Good character.
Atton, on the other hand, is a little too smart for his own good. I sincerely doubt that he would backtalk to Mandalore, who could crush him with one hand. :P The ending is a bit contrived, and doesn't make much sense, seeing as that Mandalore dissuaded the Exile from having a relationship with Atton. So why is that doing Atton a favor? Atton doesn't know about the conversation. It's confusing and doesn't work with the rest of the piece.
You have a good grasp of dialogue, and all together this is solid mechanically. One thing, though. Why oh why did you call T3 Tee-Three? It makes me want to cry. Yes, 3 is a number that should be spelled out in normal circumstances, but his name is T3. Call him T3. You wouldn't call HK Aitch-Kay, would you? Or R2-D2 Arr-Two-Dee-Two? So please, please, don't call him Tee-Three. T3 works just fine.
Other than that, nice piece of work. And wow, this is a long review. I hope you'll take what I said into consideration, because I feel that this piece has the potential to become quite good. As it is, it feels unfinished, and I sincerely hope that you will take the time to make some improvements. I hope to see an improved version some time in the future, and I also hope to see more stuff from you soon! Happy Writing!
The story reads like a movie script, yet the subleties and implied feelings of the characters are well expressed.
:D
I didn't know Canderous had a soft side. :p
Actually, R2 is often spelled out Artoo. Same with Threepio.
Nice piece with nice undertones, but it was kind of repeating the same ideas over and over again. Not exactly the worst thing ever, but it did get a tad tiring. I also agree with what was said about HK--it was sort of like you forgot you wrote it. Also, while I can't exactly see Canderous doing this, what he does fits in with how I view him. Lastly, I thought the almost-kiss between Atton and the Exile didn't fit in properly with the rest of the piece, and broke the flow. Overall, I'd say it's ok now, but you should definitely work on it more. Hooe I helped!
This is so great. I am in love with this! You should've written the scripts for the games. XD
I have a place in my heart for Canderous, so this is beyond awesome. Thank you muchly.
Oooh, I'm so very glad I took a look at KFM before this slipped off the front page :)
I don't think there's much that I can say which hasn't already been said. I don't think I've ever seen a script-format fic convey so much emotion and character depth.
Good job :)
Your story was great. I really liked the way you wrote Mandalore. Brilliant. I have to say that Mandalore was one of my favorites and a story that is not Exile/Atton is well, a small relief. Not that I hate them, there's just so many you get lost.
Anyway, the tone, style and dialogue were put together nicely.
((And you can remove Mandalore's helm in the PC version with a mod.))
Oh... Wow. I love that! It does some good things for that situation. Brilliantly written.
I suspect Atton won't think of it as a favor, even if later on, Mandalore spells it entirely out with the visual aid of lovesick Admiral Onasi in the room. (I've actually seen people try to justify the sort of thing that Canderous did here, to the 'Atton' of the relationship-that-wasn't, and it never sinks in on any level that maybe, sometimes it is better to "never have loved" than to have "loved and lost".) This is the sort of favor that is best left unsaid and undiscovered.
Good story! How come I've never read your stuff before today...?
I had none of the problems that noneko and some of the others did regarding HK, the ending, or the characterization of Mandalore. But then, I like endings that leave things in the air, and I like seeing hidden sides of characters that show more than the 2-D characters that we get from the game... as long as they fit as part of a whole. And this one does.
It's a very interesting style you employ and I'm wondering if I should try it out occassionally to shake up the old muse. :D
Cheers, BaM
Gah, again I say (I've said this before,) Jedi and their pilots. What's gonna happen next, rich-ass women falling inlove with their limo drivers or something -stupid-
I love Canderous. I loved the fact that he came back in the second game (though as 'Mandalore' --he did say in the first game that his strength was a near-match to the MAndalore then, basically).
This was awesome. There's not enough fics with Mandalore/Canderous in 'em.