Chapter 10: Rescue

My Ebon Hawk hummed along in hyperspace, heading for Kashyyyk yet again. It was time to check in with Zaalbar, and to say goodbye. I was couriering some important encrypted datacards from the Republic to the Kashyyki Planetary Council. Kashyyyk was considering joining the Republic. This was for the best, considering my situation. I was being given time by the Jedi Council to wrap up negotiations and resign my position as ambassador. It would be easier for everyone if there were no loose threads.

The hyperspace journey was tedious, as always. HK-47 was my only companion. I had long ago developed various games to wear away extended travel time. We challenged each other with translations in obscure languages. He had a sparring routine that I used to keep fit and active. I tried to keep frenetically busy between sleeps, distracting myself from the yawning loneliness. It was worse now since the reunion of the Hawks' crew.

---

This was my first venture outside the Jedi temple in several months. The Council had kept me a virtual prisoner since the anniversary celebration. Jolee reported my lapse in control, as he had to. I couldn't blame him. He was very concerned with my stability, and the Jedi's ability to control me. The Council had questioned everyone at the party, Jedi and non-Jedi alike. I'd heard rumors that Carth had been completely uncooperative, cheering me considerably. Mission, Canderous, and Zaalbar hadn't been aware of the Force undercurrents and had experienced the whole event at a surface level, as a simple, though ugly, argument.

I had expected repercussions, and got them aplenty. The incident initiated yet another round of deep psychic probes, assessments, and tests, stretching my patience thin. I had already been through this multiple times, with no help and no improvement. I got the impression from Veera that they didn't really know what to do with me, strategically, morally, or ethically. She did make a telling statement at the end of one grueling session, though. When I awakened, she was leaning back in her chair, hands over her eyes, exhausted.

'This would have been so much easier, Fiala, if they had let us start from scratch.'

Start from scratch? Intriguing. Veera was a pure academic, without a political bone in her body. Questioned intellectually, I had no doubt she would yield significant information.

'How would you do that? Start from scratch, I mean?'

She looked at me with surprise. 'Why, start with nothing, of course. The difficulties you are having are due to the remnants of Revan within you. We achieve a much higher success rate when we are allowed to remove the old personality entirely. That's standard procedure, not grafting a new personality onto the old.'

She had done her best with me. If she had been allowed to work as she wished, Revan would have been gone, and I would be a whole person now. But the Council had needed Revan's information. I'm certain the decision was easy at the time, desperate as they were. I wonder how many on the Council had grown to regret it, now that the aftermath was going so poorly.

'Can't you wipe out Revan now?'

She looked horrified. 'There is no way for me to do that without affecting you, Fiala. Every part of your mind would have to be destroyed to remove her.' She suddenly looked nauseated. 'I'm a healer. I don't rip minds away for a living.'

'It doesn't take any special training to tear away a personality, though, does it?'

'I don't like where this conversation is going. I'm trying to help you, not...' She stood, shaking her head. 'Don't give this any more thought. Nobody would agree to it.' She strode out the door quickly, leaving me alone in her office, thinking. I didn't share her optimistic view of sentient nature, particularly where the Council was concerned. They seemed like creatures of expediency to me.

I raised the idea at the next examination session with the Council. They were reviewing the results of the latest near-Revan sighting, and Veera reported that my state was essentially unchanged from her last assessment. There was much discussion and many suggestions from Jedi who had no idea whatsoever of what I had been going through. Finally, they called on me for a response, a plan of action I would take to improve my control.

'Honored Councilmembers, I have a plan which will satisfy all of our requirements. You have the information you needed from Revan's memory. I am unable to keep her well-controlled. I'm no real Jedi, as you know all too well, and I am unhappy being Revan's jailer. Revan and I are costing you all a great deal of time and effort, and bringing you nothing in return.'

'Bastila told me the Jedi do not execute their prisoners. I may as well be your prisoner. I accept that you will not execute me. Therefore, I ask that you mindwipe me, completely. Remove Revan and Fiala, and start over. Either that, or break your tradition and kill me. I tire of this existence.'

The Jedi on the council have better self-control than most sentients, of course. A small ripple swept the room, but no major flurries, until Veera stood, pale.

'I rise as Fiala's healer to answer. I object strenuously to this plan. Mindwiping her now would be equivalent to execution. You must not allow this course of action. Further, I will not participate. I do not destroy minds, I heal them.'

'You cannot heal mine any further, Veera, though you have tried hard. And it is not execution. It will be a new beginning.'

'But you will not endure through it! You will not wake up from this whole, Fiala. You will be gone.'

'I understand that, Veera. I accept it.' I looked around the Council, trying to gauge their reactions. 'Remove Revan's threat forever, and end my misery. This is not a heinous act; it is a merciful one. It solves my problems and yours. It's the only way, Masters. I doubt I can control Revan forever. I do have one suggestion. Make the next person a non-Jedi, and don't train her in your ways, even if she exhibits Force powers. Let her be normal, and give her a chance at happiness.'

"All of us struggle with the dark side, every day of our lives. We do not mindwipe those who have difficulty in that struggle. We continue the fight. Why shouldn't you?"

"I'm not like you. I'm not normal, and I'm not whole. I am a construct with a rotten foundation, Masters. What else will you do? Keep me prisoner? Wait until Revan returns entirely? I have all the goodwill in the galaxy, Masters, but it does not make me capable of controlling Revan forever."

'Leave us, Jedi Knight, and return to your duties.' Vandar was abrupt, cold. I bowed and retired, unable to judge their reaction.

It was nearly a week standard before any of the Council members spoke to me. It should have been hard, waiting to hear if I had been handed a death sentence, but I really didn't care all that much. I spent the time considering the disposal of my property. I set Bren's knife aside for Jolee, along with a note. Zaalbar already had Bacca's blade, but I left him one of Ajunta Pall's, as well. Canderous would receive Pall's double blade, a weapon he favored in melees. I'd give Mission my credit balance. It's something she would have gotten anyway, if I'd played much more Feza with her. Bastila and Juhani would each receive one of my light sabers. I set aside my Republic medal for Dustil. He hadn't destroyed the Star Forge, but he had engaged in his own little heroic struggle. He deserved recognition. I left the Ebon Hawk to Carth, but struggled with something more. It didn't seem like enough, yet I couldn't figure out what else to do. I was in the midst of documenting my wishes and packaging the disposable items when a young Padawan summoned me to the Council chambers. Only Zhar, Vrook, and Veera were present.

'We have considered your proposal, Rev-- Fiala, and we cannot accept it at this time.' Vrook never could get my name right.

I was disappointed and relieved. 'May I ask why, Masters?' Perhaps I could answer any objections they had.

'You are ambassador to the Republic from Kashyyyk. As representatives of the Republic, we would be acting illegally by mindwiping you. It would be an attack on Kashyyyk as long as you carry their diplomatic immunity.'

'Is that the only objection?'

'No,' snapped Veera, 'it certainly is not.' Zhar shook his head at her.

'It is the one which prevents us from adopting your plan at this time.'

I took a deep breath. 'You are all cleared for this information, Masters. Kashyyyk is negotiating for membership in the Republic. They will not need me much longer. In fact, I can probably resign now, pending an agreement on some terms we are negotiating.' I stared Vrook down. 'If I tie up loose ends with the Wookiees, will you do this?'

"We mustn't, Vrook, Zhar, it isn't moral. It isn't right!" hissed Veera.

"What other options are there?" queried Zhar. He addressed me sympathetically. "Please understand me, Fiala. I trained you, and I like you. In my heart, I agree with Veera. But my mind knows you are correct. I believe you would not ask this if it were not necessary."

"Veera, you must not allow professional pride to cloud your judgment. You did your best with me, but you didn't have the right material to work with. Let me go."

Vrook remained silent, meeting my gaze for some moments. Then his lip tightened, and he twitched his head in a short nod, yes.

---

So here I was, tying up said loose ends. H and I were sparring midway through the Kashyyyk run. I figured I might as well keep this body well-maintained for the next owner. HK-47 braced himself when the collision alarm squalled. He's really much smarter than I am. I was heading for the pilot's seat -- Carth's seat, I couldn't help but think of it -- when the ship lurched into realspace and tumbled me to the deck. The tractor beam alarm sounded while I scrambled into the chair. Something began pounding the shields as I called up the displays.

A quick assessment showed a huge ship off to port -- a frigate-sized capitol ship. It had both tractor beams on us and had opened fire. I suspected it wasn't a Republic craft.

'H, angle the shields, engage repulsor!' I shouted. He was already doing so, naturally, but sometimes it's nice to pretend that I'm actually in charge. We continued to draw nearer the frigate. If the repulsor drained any more power, the shields would be in jeopardy. I thought desperately, then decided to try a long shot.

'H, do what you need to to defend us!' I commanded. His combat protocols would function better than any human crewman. I slapped the mayday signal, identifying my ship and her position, and added information about the attacking vessel, on the off chance that a Republic ship would be nearby and interested in assisting. I sat back in the chair and composed myself. The Force was there as always, at my disposal. I imagined it to be a repulsor beam between the two ships. Peeks at the proximity display showed the distance between the ships decreasing, slowing, then stabilizing. I tried to push harder to increase the distance, but that required much more effort. Stabilizing the distance used little energy to maintain, but I couldn't risk the extra expenditure to gain any distance. There was no telling how long we would be in this situation.

'Warning: Fighters approaching, master.' HK-47 rebalanced the shields to protect the entire ship, then manned a gun turret. I couldn't gun and maintain concentration, so I left him to it. 'Take 'em out, H.'

The Hawk shuddered as shots began to slip past the shields. The fighters weren't too dangerous while our shields held, but the frigate's weapons could decompress us in very short order. I extended Force senses toward the frigate, found missiles and energy bolts in space coming toward us. I imagined the Force as a kind of shield between us and the frigate, angled to deflect the incoming fire. It wasn't any sort of normal Force function, but it did seem to work. A tiny bit of deflection at the start of the trajectory caused a wide miss at the end. HK-47 reeled off the number of fighters he destroyed with droid precision. Elation grew within me. The Hawk was stable, shields were holding, HK was killing the attacking fighters, and I held the frigate at bay and deflected its weapons. We could hold out for hours. Or at least until I tired. Then what? They'd reel us in like a fish, that's what. I needed to think of a way out. I shook my head. It didn't take a strategic genius like Revan to see that this situation was grim.

'HK-47, when you get a break, bring me all the stims from sick bay.' I might not be able to escape, but at least I'd put up one heck of a fight.

Several hours later, we still held out. The Hawk had taken some hits but we were intact. I couldn't tell how bad the damage was without running full diagnostics. The mayday was looping, but no incoming communication had broken the silence. I had tried a couple of unsuccessful jumps into hyperspace, but the frigate either had an interdictor system, or I just wasn't a good enough pilot to make the jump while tractored. And the distraction caused by each hyperspace jump attempt meant we lost ground against the tractor beam. The frigate had stopped wasting fighters and munitions and contented themselves with playing with the tractor beams, varying strength and rebalancing the two beams to try to get the Hawk to slip gradually toward them. I'd been able to keep our proximity relatively constant. I wondered whether their reinforcements or ours would arrive first. I wouldn't have put any credits on the good guys, that's for sure.

I was in light meditation, gazing out the fore windows, when the lovely view of the stars was suddenly and almost completely blocked by a capital ship barely two kliks away, according to the prox readout. Badly startled, I lost the Force Repulsor field and we slid toward the frigate. I frantically tried to regain composure. Another tractor signal sounded as the new ship caught us, opposing the pull of the first. The intercom crackled to life.

'Ebon Hawk, this is Myrkr Anlace responding to your mayday. Thanks for inviting us to the party.'

Relief tinged my voice. 'Myrkr Anlace, this is the Hawk. You're about the prettiest ship I've ever seen. And I'm getting a real good look. Next time, try to get closer, wouldya?'

'Roger, Hawk, we do fly tight. Our captain is the best pilot in the Republic, and the old man himself personally set this course. Didn't want to give them any warning we were coming. We have you now, and we'll take care of your little problem for you.'

The best pilot in the Republic? Oh, no. Surely, it couldn't be.

'Nice to have a big brother around to chase away the bullies, Anlace. Thanks for the help.'

'Our pleasure. Are you spaceworthy, Ebon Hawk?'

I assessed the damage indicators.

'We could use a ride and some repairs, Anlace. I think I can bring us into your docking bay once the tractors are off.'

'Negative, Hawk. Don't want you dinging up our pretty ship, do we? You just get set for landing and sit back and relax. Leave the flying to us.'

---

I was dozing by the time we were tractored into the Myrkyr Anlace's docking bay. The slight bump of landing woke me. Hours of holding the Force were catching up, and the effects of the stims were fading. I used yet another and had HK-47 lower the boarding ramp. An ensign came to meet us as we descended.

'Permission to come aboard?'

'Granted, Master Jedi. The captain wants to see you at your earliest convenience. Are you injured?'

'Nope, just fine, thanks, Ensign...'

'Ensign Jenkins, ma'am.'

'They never laid a finger on us, Ensign Jenkins. Can you show me to your captain?'

'Yes, ma'am. Follow me, please.'

HK-47 and I drew a lot of surreptitious looks as we followed Jenkins through the ship. The soldiers occasionally have Jedi supplementing their fighting forces, but rarely a Jedi with a sinister droid in tow. I dragged a bit, unsure if it was fatigue or reluctance weighing my steps. Jenkins had to wait for me several times, and finally slowed his pace so I could keep up. Eventually, he led me into an office to meet the captain. Captain Onasi, naturally.

I wasn't surprised, but still felt an electric jolt when I first saw him. He was behind his desk, standing, working. He looked tired and drawn, unhappy, but handsome as ever. My first instinct was to rush to him and comfort him. Instead, I waited until he looked up. I bowed shortly.

'Many thanks for the rescue, Captain. I don't know how much longer I could have held out.'

'Dismissed, Jenkins.'

'Yes, sir.' Jenkins withdrew, leaving the three of us alone.

'Happy to help. You can drop the 'Captain' bit.' Ice cold. I was hurt. I shouldn't have expected anything more. 'We timed your mayday message. It looped for nearly six hours. I expected to jump into space littered with fragments of the Hawk. How the heck did you hold out against a Sith frigate all that time?' I'd been studying the room and noticed a holo projector on his desk. A head holo of a pretty blond woman floated there. She was smiling. I hated her instantly.

'The Force, Carth.' I let my fatigue show in my voice. 'I've been holding a Force Repulsor beam all that time, and shunting their major fire aside. HK-47 manned the conventional defenses. We wouldn't have lasted much longer. I'm about out of stims. I've never been so glad to see anybody.'

'You held them off with the Force for hours?' Carth seemed skeptical, suspicious. It was just like old times. He began pacing restlessly. 'I've seen you lose the ability to use the Force within several minutes in battle. How are you able to last for hours now?'

'It was a different use of the Force. I was just straightarming them to hold them off. I didn't have enough power to escape, though, or we'd have been long gone. It was only a matter of time before they won.' I swayed with weariness, pulled out another stim. I was starting to tremble from fatigue and stress.

'Objection: Master, you have exceeded human tolerance for those stimulants. You should not use any more until 2.4 standard hours have elapsed.'

'Thanks, H, but I can't stay on my feet.'

'We can put you up, Fiala. There are some bunks available in the women's quarters.' Was that a hint of concern? I couldn't tell in my dulled state.

'I can't take you up on that, Carth. I'll head back to the Hawk, sleep there.'

'Negative, it's strictly against regs to sleep on a ship in dock. What's wrong with a bunk? I know you've had worse -- a lot worse.'

'I can't sleep in common quarters. Trust me, it causes trouble. Safest quarters are suites. I always get two rooms on a large ship. Part of the terms.' I fought to keep my eyes from crossing, but couldn't stifle a massive yawn.

'Only my officers and I have suites, and they're all full,' Carth objected, 'I'll have to move one of my key people and that will take a while." He grimaced, sighed. "Tell you what, come this way for now, before you collapse.' He came over and took my arm, steering me through a door opposite the one we'd entered through. I was stumbling, zoned, too tired to argue, yet very aware of his touch.

'Where are we going? Will HK-47 be able to stand guard?'

'Come on, there's a great couch right over here. HK-47 can keep watch if you don't trust me.' I never could seem to say the right thing to him.

'No, no, Carth, no, that's not what I mean, dammit...' I mumbled, trailing off as my head nodded.

I remember sitting down on the couch, and that's all.

---

Food. I smelled food - good, real, cooked food. I opened my eyes. I was lying on the couch in a small, neat room with a vid, and a couple of chairs. Somebody had put a blanket over me and a pillow under my head. A nearby alcove contained a dining table covered with the food that I'd smelled. Farther on was a hallway with a couple of doors. These must be Carth's quarters; nobody but the captain would rate so much space on a military ship.

'I figured that would wake you up. If you've been stimmed for hours, you should be ravenous.' Carth sat in a nearby chair, unsmiling.

'I am, and that smells great. Not like the ship's rations I'm used to.'

He smiled humorlessly. 'This isn't a typical ship. We have 500 crew and soldiers to feed each day, and run with a complete kitchen staff. The military marches on its stomach, you know, and it's important to feed the troops well to keep morale up. I do think we've got about the best ship's mess in the fleet, though.'

I'd been waking up and wandering over to the table as he talked.

'Wow, there's enough food here for your entire crew. You're eating too, right? By the way, what is this - lunch or dinner?'

'Right now, you could call it either late dinner or early breakfast. It's all for you; dig in.'

'At least sit with me while I eat, catch me up on things. And here, have some Corellian figs. You love those.' I stopped, abashed, afraid I was being too familiar. He came over to the table, pulled out a chair for himself, and settled down to munch on the figs.

'One of my junior officers has volunteered to give up her quarters for you -- in exchange for a hefty extension in her next shore leave, I might add. I gave HK-47 the location so you can head down there after you eat.'

'Thanks for letting me sleep here. I needed it badly. And thanks for the food, too. You're a terrific host. Better than I deserve.'

'Ah, nothing's too good for a fellow Hero of the Republic. I went down to have a look at the Hawk while you were out. She's a great little ship.'

I could feel my face grow hot as I ate, and kept my eyes on my plate. There was only one bunk made up since I was traveling solo. And there was only one bunk I was able to sleep in on that ghost ship -- Carth's former bed. Maybe he hadn't noticed. He wasn't acting any different.

'She is. I try to take care of her. Did you...uh...did you go in? Is she badly damaged?' I snuck a glance at him, but his face told me nothing.

'Sure, I checked her inside and out. She took some hits. It'll take a day or two to get her fixed up.'

'Damn, I'm going to be late getting to Kashyyyk.'

'Look, lady, you put me way behind my schedule, too. You caused us a bit of trouble, you know that?' He was tired, I could tell.

'I sure didn't do it intentionally,' I snapped. I was tired, too.

'What were you doing in realspace there, anyway? That's not a normal stop on the Coruscant to Kashyyyk run.'

'I was pretending to be in distress to lure you in. My Sith allies and I are trying to trap you. Is that what you expect to hear?' He glared. 'Look, that ship must have been an interdictor; I was yanked out of hyperspace by a false collision alarm. I hadn't intended to stop. I'm not even sure where you found us; I never had a chance to check out the location.'

'Don't be so touchy, dammit, I wasn't trying to imply you did anything wrong. I checked your course, and it was perfect. How did they know you were going there, though? And it's awfully coincidental that I had the only ship able to respond.' He was only thinking out loud, puzzled, but I took it personally. Maybe it was seeing the same holo of that wispy, insipid blond on a table in the corner, I don't know.

'Look, if you don't trust me, if you think I'm up to something, just drop us off here. I can limp to the nearest spaceport and get repaired.'

'What are you mad at me for? I just saved your ass, remember? And I already checked the Hawk's logs...'

'You're checking up on me now? I can't believe it. Oh, wait, yes I can. But I thought we'd gotten beyond this point a long time ago.' I quit eating, stood up. 'I think I better leave now. Thanks for the rescue, and dinner.'

'That's right, run away again. You do it so well.'

I did, before he could see the tears standing in my eyes.