Chapter 9: Anniversary

Sometimes being a hero isn't everything it's cracked up to be. I felt like an idiot on the ceremonial platform, crowded together with all my crewmates and friends, waving to the crowds. Granted, some parts of the ceremony were good. The missing man flyover and the tribute to all those who lost their lives in the battle of the Star Forge got me choked up. Dying in the silent vacuum of deep space isn't pleasant, and a lot of good people were lost in that battle. We ten were lucky to have gotten out with our skins or plating intact. I approved of honoring those sacrifices.

But the parts honoring us were just embarrassing. I mean me, a hero? Maybe the others deserved it, but I brought on this war. What kind of hypocrite does it take to stand and receive the accolades of a government she once tried to bring down? My kind, I suppose. I went along with it because the Council and my friends insisted.

"Isn't this great, Fi?" whispered Mission, waving wildly. "Me, a hero! Maybe this will show other Twi'lek girls that they can be more than dancers and whores. Just think of it, I might be changing other people's lives by standing here and waving!"

Out of the mouths of babes. Dustil had said something similar about me. OK, if I had to be the Redeemed Sith Lord Object Lesson, I could do that. Maybe it would help somebody else, and that would be worth a little humiliation. I waved some more, shifting to keep my balance as the platform changed direction.

There was a strange noise and a jolt, and I was suddenly looking sideways at everyone's feet....

---

The previous night's party had been a strange affair. I arrived late, having spent a great deal of time primping nervously, and hoping that HK-47 and I would be the last ones to arrive. Everyone but Carth had gathered by then, looking odd in normal civilian clothing. HK-47 was buffed and polished for the occasion, but balked at wearing a flowery cravat. I'd thought it would be funny, but his droid sense of humor didn't mesh with mine. Master or no, I was leery of getting on the wrong side of an assassin droid. Mission had brought T3-M4 into the spirit of things with a flashy party hat. He looked remarkably like a Tarisian Undercity Pimp Droid. T3 might not like it, but he was unlikely to commit mayhem over being decorated in that manner. I noticed Mission hadn't equipped him with his flamethrower, though.

Everyone greeted me warmly when I arrived, but I could feel an odd tension in the air. After the initial greetings and small talk, I headed for the bar, where Canderous was standing bartending duty.

"Hey, barkeep, I'll have the usual."

He smiled tightly and began mixing a drink which looked rather alarming. I leaned against the bar and surveyed the room, trying to figure out the dynamics of the occasion.

Jolee and Juhani were huddled at one end of the room, talking intensely but quietly. Mission and Bastila had their heads together at the other end. Zaalbar and the droids lingered in the middle of the room, Zaalbar looking decidedly uncomfortable. I glanced at Canderous again. He remained entrenched behind the bar, looking for all the world like an embattled warrior sheltering in a bunker.

"OK, Canderous, spill. Something's up, and I want to know what it is."

"I want you to know that I'm just following orders, Revan. Nothing personal."

I gave him my best glare, said, "What's going on? We Jedi have ways of making you talk."

He laughed. "I know, I live with one, remember? And I'd rather be in trouble with you than with my lovely wife any day. I'm saying nothing, Revan. You can cope."

Juhani called Zaalbar over to their little group. He had to crouch to get his head level with theirs and hear the whispers. He couldn't contribute anything since it is physically impossible for a Wookiee to whisper. Mission spotted Zaalbar with the Jedi, and called him over to her cabal on pretext of asking something about Taris. A few moments later, Juhani casually strolled over to the other group, which stopped talking. She brought Bastila back to Jolee, and the three of them started jawing, glancing around innocently from time to time. Bastila periodically shook her head vigorously. Then she returned to Mission's group and grumbled to them for a bit. I looked back at Canderous.

"I don't need to ask which side you're on, right?"

"I'm on Bastila's side, now and forever." Mandalorians say the sweetest things.

I grinned at him. "I think I'll go stir things up a bit. I bet you they stop talking when I get there."

Canderous laughed. "No bet, Revan. Have fun. I'm going to stay here and hold what little high ground there is tonight. This is not my kind of battle." I shook my head and wandered away, unenlightened.

I decided to tackle the Bastila/Mission party first. Sure enough, they grew quiet as I approached. Mission looked extremely young and innocent. Something was definitely afoot.

"Mind if I join you? What's all the discussion about?" Sometimes a frontal attack works as well as anything.

"I was just telling Mission and Zaalbar about the recipes for tonight's snacks. Mission is trying to learn to cook."

"Oh, really? And Zaalbar's interest?"

"Is in eating, naturally," chirped Mission. Zaalbar looked about as uncomfortable as a Wookiee can.

"I am hungry now, Mission. Can we eat yet?"

I thought about probing Mission's cooking skills further, but decided she was a good enough liar to bluff her way through.

"Not until everyone gets here, Zaalbar. Carth sure is late." She looked like a wide-eyed kid of ten. Oho. I wished her face showed this much when we played cards. My credit balance would be much better. The door buzzer sounded.

"Oh, Fiala, will you answer that while I check on something in the kitchen?" Bastila went bustling away.

"Gee, Mission, I really need to head to the 'fresher. Why don't you get the door instead of leaving poor Carth standing there?" I headed for the san to hide for a minute or two. I gave myself one point for successful evasion.

When I returned, Carth had already made his entrance and was talking with Zaalbar and the droids in neutral territory. Bastila intercepted me and handed me a large platter of finger food. "Could you serve this around? It might be nice to serve Zaalbar first, he's hungry." Uh-huh.

"If Zaalbar is first, none of the rest of us will get anything to eat, Bastila." I carried the tray over to Jolee and Juhani, and set it on a nearby table after they took a polite few tidbits. Zaalbar could help himself if he wanted anything. Another point for me. I was chatting with my fellow Jedi when Canderous called me over to the bar.

"Here's a fresh one for you, Revan, and, oh, by the way, here's what Carth wanted. You wouldn't mind taking it to him, would you?"

I growled, "Canderous...."

"Orders, Revan, orders. I'm a good soldier. Don't blame the troops." He grinned and began cleaning up the bar area. I wanted to slug back both drinks. With any luck, I'd end up unconscious and avoid this whole mess. Instead, I inexplicably stumbled while crossing the room, badly twisting my ankle and nearly dropping the drinks. I plopped onto the couch and called T3 over.

"Clumsy ol' me. Here, T3, be a dear and take this to Carth, please." I took T3's pimp hat off. Carth's drink sat nicely on the droid's flat head. T3 trundled off to Carth, burbling happily. Zaalbar took advantage of the interruption to head for the snack platter, leaving Carth alone with the droids. I felt T3 was now safely in my contingent, and Zaalbar would follow the food. I scored another point for avoiding the drink maneuver, but awarded no points for recruiting T3 because I didn't know how to take advantage of him. Three-zip-zip.

"Oh, Fiala, are you all right?" Bastila hurried over, apparently concerned and speaking rather louder than necessary. "Carth, can you come help Fiala, she's turned her ankle." Carth looked over and spotted me for the first time. Judging by his face, he approved of the new clothes and haircut. I smiled at him, barely able to keep from laughing.

"Oh, Bastila, don't be silly. It's just a strain from these ridiculous shoes. I can heal the thing." I closed my eyes and bent the Force, finding some liquid heating in the kitchen, and cranking the temperature up until it boiled over. I opened my eyes to see Bastila stand quickly, looking startled, and hurry off to the kitchen, from which issued an impressive hissing noise and great quantities of steam. That made my score four.

Carth strolled over and sat near me on the couch. Scratch my point and give it to the Mission/Bastila team. 3-1-0. I was crestfallen. That had been such a good point.

"You look really nice tonight. It's good to see you." I'd forgotten just how handsome he was. I couldn't take my eyes off him. The feeling seemed to be mutual.

"You clean up pretty well yourself, flyboy. What have you been up to?"

"Well, I finally got my own ship. She's a..."

Juhani arrived abruptly, slid her slender frame neatly into the gap between Carth and me, and began chattering away. I looked at Jolee, who just happened to begin a prolonged stroking of his goatee. The Jedi get their first score for the evening. 3-1-1. I was still ahead on points, but uncertain of my agenda, except to confound the machinations of the other two teams. I shrugged mentally, decided that was good enough. Juhani rattled on while I sipped my drink and planned. Carth and I stayed put. Mission stood in the far corner with Zaalbar, looking gloomy, while Jolee occupied the near corner, alone. The droids were the only ones who looked content. They had gone to the bar where HK-47 and Canderous continued their exchange of bloody stories.

Bastila emerged from the kitchen, glared suspiciously at me, and positioned herself in front of our threesome. When Juhani paused for breath, Bastila jumped in.

"Oh, Juhani, could you come help me for a moment? I found a traditional Cathari recipe and finally managed to find all the right spices. But I need you to help me adjust the seasonings, since I've never tasted it before." Juhani, seeing no graceful way out, shot a look at Jolee and padded behind Bastila toward the kitchen, leaving Carth and me alone. One more point for the team I'd begun calling the Romantic Brigade. Jolee set sail toward Carth and me, but was neatly intercepted by Mission and Zaalbar, who began questioning him intensely about the Jedi code and matters of morality. He couldn't resist telling them stories to illustrate. Mission scores a nice point for the Romantics. 3-3-1. They had tied me, and the Uptight Jedi were trailing badly.

I looked at Carth, who was glancing around the room with interest. "What's the score?" he whispered. So he wasn't unconscious after all.

"Three to three to one," I murmured back.

He looked at me quizzically. "Wait, who's the third team?"

"Me," I said quietly, "and you, if you'd care to join."

"What's our objective?"

"To foil both the other teams."

"Sounds good, count me in. Who's trailing?"

"Jolee and Juhani."

"And here you've had carry our scoring all by yourself. Well, I'm in the game now. I'll try to pull my weight. What's the plan?"

"We're tied with Mission and Bastila, and we're playing right into their hands by sitting here together. However, they can't score any more while we continue to talk. I say we take a defensive posture, stay here and chat, and see what happens next."

"Check. Well, at least we get a chance to catch up, right?" He smiled at me. I wanted to melt, didn't. I thought of a safe topic.

"I finally got to meet Dustil - I mean, outside of Korriban. I really like him, Carth. He seems like a great kid."

"I sure like to think so. It took awhile for us to get back on good terms, but things seem to be rolling along now. He's doing well at the Academy."

"He told me... that you explained who I am... or, was. I was pretty surprised. I didn't think you would tell anybody."

"I wouldn't have, normally, believe me, and I haven't told anyone else. I would have asked you first, if I could have. But he was so depressed after we got him and his friends off Korriban. He seemed to think everything was his fault. Kinda like someone else I know. Anyway, that was the only thing I could think of to give him some hope. Look, I'm sorry if I overstepped, but it was really important to me that he be able to pick himself up and start over. It did seem to help him."

"I can't say I'm thrilled about it, but I understand. What really astonished me was that he said it didn't bother him that I had been Revan."

Carth looked surprised as well, and a bit wary. "I don't know that I believe it, Fiala. I'm not warning you against him or anything. But he was very close to his mother, and it's hard for me to accept that he could put the past aside so quickly."

"You put it aside pretty quickly, Carth," I said quietly.

"I had a much better reason than he does. And I'd known you a lot longer, and very well. I don't know what it means, but just be aware that there may be more anger under there than he's willing to admit. OK?"

"I'll take that to heart. Not that I'll be seeing him much anymore. The Jedi will be assigning me to more missions after tomorrow, and that means I'll be offplanet, away from home."

"So Coruscant is home now?"

"As good as any other." I shrugged. "It's strange, not having a past. I don't have much of a sense of home."

"Wouldn't the Jedi tell you about Revan, so you'd know where home is?"

I searched his face, wondering how much I should tell him. "They gave me a datapad with Revan's complete records. I set it aside for a long time and never looked at it. One day... one day I took it out and let HK-47 skeet shoot with it."

Carth looked sympathetic. "You didn't read anything at all about your past?"

I sighed. "It's not my past, Carth. Sometimes I think it is, but other times I know it's not. So, no, I didn't read anything. As far as I'm concerned, my life began on the Endar Spire. Those are the first memories I have that I know are mine." I smiled at him, wistfully. "I guess that makes you my oldest friend."

"Not Bastila? You came on board with her party."

"But I don't remember it. Maybe it was the head injury during the crash landing on Taris, I don't know. But the first memories I am sure are mine are of escaping the Spire."

"I...I didn't realize that." He looked touched, vulnerable. "I want you to know that, however things stand between us..."

"And how is the younger contingent doing tonight?" Jolee had escaped from Mission's clutches and remembered what he had intended to do. Definite point for the Jedi on this one. His timing couldn't have been worse. 3-3-2.

The evening continued in the same ridiculous dance of manipulation. Mission and Bastila continued to try to create magical moments for Carth and me. Juhani and Jolee did their darndest to keep us separated. Carth and I slithered away from all of them, while Canderous remained holed up, avoiding the whole game unless ordered into action by Bastila. All in all, it was an entertaining evening.

---

The Romantic Brigade slipped up late in the night. Bastila was called out of the kitchen when she and I were the only ones in there, and Mission didn't make it in fast enough. I slid out the door and onto the dark balcony, where I could get some peace and quiet for a moment. I wasn't the only one with that idea.

Carth had already made good his escape and was there on the balcony, staring down over the wall, clearly visible by the yellow light streaming through the windows of the main room.

"Thinking of jumping?" I was in shadows, but he had heard the door. He wasn't startled when I spoke.

"I'm seriously considering it."

"Mind if I join you?" He turned toward me, chuckling, then I lost sight of him as he moved to join me in the shadows.

"You mean join me out here, or join me in a jump?"

"I'll jump if it will get me away from the circus in that apartment."

"That was my thinking, too. But, hey, we seem to be away from it now. And we're winning the game.' He chuckled. 'You know, everyone greeted me tonight except my teammate. I got hugs from all the women, even Juhani. But you didn't so much as say hello." His voice was light, teasing.

I laughed, moved to give him a quick hug. Neither one of us seemed inclined to let go. After a few seconds, I thought a peck on the cheek would be appropriate, but I missed. Must have been the darkness. I don't think he minded.

A few moments later, I managed to pull myself away from the kiss, whispered "Hello."

He cleared his throat. "Congratulations. You just won the 'Greet Carth' contest, hands down."

I rested my head against his chest. "Nice to know I've still got it."

"Oh, you certainly do." He slid a hand up my back and twined his fingers in my hair as I tilted my face up to his for more.

This time, he broke it off, looked around the balcony. "Next contest. Which contingent do you figure will be out here first?"

"Well, this is sure to be where the Romantic Brigade wants us. So the first ones out should be the Uptight Jedi, as soon as they've broken free from the clutches of the Romantics."

He laughed. "I was thinking of them as the Killjoys and the Good Guys, myself."

For some reason, that broke my mood, recalled me to myself, made me let him go. "Oh, Carth, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"Are you sure?" I couldn't see his face, but he sounded serious.

"Yes, I'm sure. It's cruel of me to lead you on. I... I lost my head. You have that effect on me." I stepped back a pace to a safer distance. "So, uh, how have you been?"

"I've been missing you. I miss you every day, Fi. I keep wondering why you prefer the Jedi over me. What hold do they have on you?" He took a step toward me.

"It's not the Jedi that have a hold on me, Carth. It's the Republic, and the whole galaxy for that matter. I told you that." I stepped back.

He stepped forward. "Did they do what you feared, Fiala? Did the Council put a time bomb in your head when they healed you, so that you need to stay with them?" I couldn't see his face in the darkness, but could feel his proximity.

I took another step back. "No, nothing like... I need... I mean, they need me."

He moved closer. My back was against a wall. "I need you, Fi. I still do." I felt his hand brushing my hair back, leaned my face into his palm. I reached up to touch his face. He caught my hand, pressed a kiss onto my palm and the inside of my wrist. "Ah, Fi, come with me, marry me. We can be happy, and we can still work to help the Republic, together..." He was cut short by a frantic kiss. I heard myself making small noises, realized that I was trying to say "yes" as we strained together.

The door opened and Jolee's voice drifted out. "Come look at the city lights, Zaalbar. It sure looks different from night on Kashyyyk, doesn't it?"

Startled, Carth and I jumped apart. I was thankful for the darkness, which doubtless covered a multitude of telling signs. "One more for the Killjoys," muttered Carth. I quickly stood on my toes and whispered the name of my hotel and my room number into his ear. He found and squeezed my hand as Jolee and Zaalbar emerged from the apartment, then stepped out of our dark niche toward the interlopers, running interference.

"Coruscant at night is one of my favorite sights, Jolee." One for us.

"Oh, hello, Carth, didn't know you were out here." Jolee was all innocence. "I just wanted to be sure Zaalbar got the whole Coruscant experience while he's on planet..." I lost the conversation as I slipped back into the kitchen via the other door. Nobody was there, so I fussed around cleaning up a bit, settling myself down, until Bastila chased me back out to the main party. Carth was already in and seated at the bar, chatting with Canderous. I had a hard time looking anywhere but at Carth, and he was watching me each time I caught his eye. This was going to be one long night.

---

The party finally wound down very early in the morning. I was growing anxious. Carth and I wouldn't have much time together tonight, since we had to get up early in the morning to prepare for the ceremonies. Or, rather, get up a little later in the morning, but not much. I begged fatigue and tried to be the first one out the door.

Jolee and Juhani also stood up when I announced my intention to call it a night. "Well, I'm heading back to my hotel. See you at the convention center in the morning, guys."

"No, Fiala, you are coming back to the Jedi Temple with us tonight," Jolee stated firmly, and rather loudly. The conversations in the room all stopped. I hesitated.

"You kicked me out until after the ceremonies, remember?' I laughed, 'I'm going back..."

"You will return to the temple with us now, Jedi Knight." There was no levity in his tone. This hard-guy attitude was very unlike Jolee, even in his role as master.

"All my gear is..." I objected.

"HK-47 can go pick it up and bring it back to the temple."

"Objection: I am an assass... er, a combat droid, not a porter."

"I will go with you and help, HK-47," said Juhani. I opened my mouth to protest, but stopped as I saw Jolee's face. He was shaking his head.

"I'm sorry, Fiala, but you know it has to be..."

"Wait a minute," Carth was on his feet and angry, "you may be a Jedi Master, but you don't own her. She has every right..."

'She is a Jedi, Carth, as she must be. Enough said.'

'No, Jolee." I was fed up it with their games. I was humiliated at being ordered around in front of the whole group. And I had given up a year with Carth. No more. "No, I'm not going back to the Temple tonight. I'm tired of being the Council's kath hound, Jolee. I'm done with the Jedi. I'm going with Carth.' Wild joy flared on Carth's face.

Jolee was sharp. 'Do you think I like being the heavy here, Fiala, Carth? I love both you kids like you were my own. I wouldn't do this unless it was absolutely necessary. You know me better than that. You need to come with us tonight, Fiala.'

'Hell, Jolee, you encouraged us on Rakata,' cried Carth. 'I don't get it. What's with the change of heart?'

'Fiala was right on Kashyyyk when she sent you away, Carth. I understand that now. I've seen things... well, let's just say she was right, and leave it at that.'

"I'm not going back, Jolee. I don't belong with the Jedi. I belong with the man I love." I was furious. A red haze clouded my vision, which doubled from time to time.

Juhani jumped in, "You know why you must come back with us. You must, Fiala."

'I don't get it, Jolee. You let Bastila and Canderous marry. It's not like Fiala's terribly important anymore, Juhani. I know she's powerful, but face it: Bastila is a lot more valuable.' Carth moved to stand next to me, put an arm around my shoulders. I barely noticed, caught up in my internal struggle against the darkness.

Bastila was staring at me, comprehension dawning on her face. She didn't vocalize, but I saw her lips move. '...but you're more dangerous...'

Rage welled within me. "Bastila, you're the one who did this to me..." The Jedi in the room froze, feeling my fury. Bastila raised a hand in warning. I struggled against the rage, but it was sweeping me away...

"Fiala! Get control!" Jolee's voice was sharp, commanding. My head snapped around as I glared at him. The Force was right there for me, powerful, deadly, just waiting for me to use it. All I had to do was reach out, use it, and Carth and I could leave. It was so tempting. I felt Jolee grasp the Force, but he took no action. He was afraid of me. I liked it. 'Carth, move away from Fiala, please.' Carth didn't budge. Carth was unafraid. He was well worthy of me.

Juhani was quietly reciting the Jedi code. 'Must you spout that drivel continuously, Juhani?' I barely recognized my own voice. Juhani growled low in her throat. With her Cathari temper, she was so easy to goad. So easy...

A cooling whisper entered my mind from a source long dormant. It spoke of peace, of clarity, of control. I whipped around to face Bastila, saw her with eyes closed, serene. Her eyes opened then, cool blue windows of peace, mesmerizing. I felt an anchor there, a place to tether myself. I grabbed for it desperately, trying to release the anger. She and I stood immobile, gazes locked. The rage diminished as she helped bring me back from the brink of disaster. Despair filled me in its place.

"What are you doing to her, Bastila? Stop it!" yelled Carth. He lunged toward Bastila, only to be stopped by Canderous' grasp. Carth broke the hold, knocking Canderous to the floor, but Juhani made a quick gesture and froze him in his tracks. Canderous shot to his feet but restrained himself when he saw Carth immobile.

"I can't do this, Bastila," I groaned, "You people didn't build me to be a Jedi, you made me a scout. Now I have to be a Jedi, and I hate it. It's dull and sterile and pointless. I can't do it anymore. You've got everything, more than you ever knew you wanted. Why can't Carth and I have the same?"

Bastila whispered, "I'm so sorry, Fiala, I didn't realize..." Mission opened her mouth, but Bastila turned on her quickly. "Say nothing, Mission. We were wrong. You don't know what you're dealing with here."

Jolee spoke more gently than I expected. "Let's go, Fiala. Time to go.'

I again opened my mouth to defy Jolee, but Juhani stretched up to whisper a single word in my ear. I glared at Juhani, but her expression held no triumph. She, Jolee, and Bastila were both looking at me with sympathy.... pity, almost. All the fight drained out of me. "I have to go with them, Carth," I said, dully. Bastila released him from Stasis.

"What?" he said, "Why, Fi?" He looked stunned.

I shook my head. "I'll see you at the ceremony tomorrow."

"You know, it's hard to believe," he stated. I looked at him quizzically. "It's hard to believe you once had backbone enough to be Dark Lord of the Sith. Malak must have destroyed your spine along with your memory."

I could feel my face flaming, but Canderous got the first words in. "Careful, Onasi. Questioning her bravery and honor are deadly insults."

"She's not a Mandalorian, Canderous," Carth snapped.

"No, she's a woman. And they're touchier than any Mandalorian, believe me. Now, pull yourself together, act like a man, and quit trying to drive away one of the few people in the galaxy who loves you." We all stared at him. He shrugged. "What? I'm just sayin'..."

Carth growled, 'I don't see why she has to be what she just named herself -- a Jedi kath hound!'

'It's more than that, Carth,' I said, crushed.

"All I see is that Master Jolee whistles and you heel, Fiala."

"Carth, stop it!" Bastila snapped.

"Leave him alone, Bastila. He doesn't understand. He has every right to be angry." I was back in control now.

"Great, now you're defending me. Go back to your Temple, Jedi. I don't need you." He slumped at the bar, head in hands, tossing back the shot Canderous poured him.

"Why must you make this so difficult for her, Carth? It's hard enough as it is. Let be." Jolee was angry as well. "Let's go, Fiala, Juhani." He turned toward the door.

I caught Bastila's eye, nodded toward Carth, whispered, "take care of him?" She nodded, spoke to Canderous. "I'll make up the guest bedroom for Carth, dear. Mission, why don't you take the couch. It's far too late to go back home tonight..." Mission nodded, huddled in her chair, more subdued than I'd ever seen her. I tried to smile reassuringly at her, but don't know how much it helped. Zaalbar was heading toward her as we left.

Jolee led the Jedi contingent out the door and back to the temple. The Uptight Jedi, trailing on points, had won on a KO.

I was lectured most of the way back.

"You had better get yourself together for tomorrow, girl. You nearly lost it tonight. If I had any idea how badly Carth would unbalance you, well, let's just say tonight never would have happened. You may hate being a Jedi, Fiala, but it's all you have, and you better be very, very good at it in a few hours." Even though it was true, I resented it.

I woke up alone in the temple the next morning, naturally. I woke up...

---

"Come on, get up, you're fine now." Bastila was bending over me, hissing at me. "I healed you, you're OK. Hurry up and stand." I could see floating cameras behind her, all pointing at me. What the heck had happened?

Canderous extended a hand and pulled me to my feet easily. I straightened my robes. "Pretend nothing happened for the nice people," he rumbled. I resumed waving as everyone else returned to their positions. The smell of scorched cloth hung in the air. It was coming from me. So much for my best Jedi robes. I smiled serenely, and said to Mission without looking at her and barely moving my lips, "What just happened?"

She was smiling and replied the same way, "Sniper got you. They want everyone to see that you're OK, so keep waving. Holos at 11."

Something pressed against my back. I glanced behind me, saw Carth standing back-to-back with me, shielding me. I suddenly felt much safer, and warmer.

Zaalbar was still grumbling, which is quite loud when Wookiees do it, and well within the range of the audio pickups. Mission kicked him sharply, hissed "Quiet, Big Z, everything's OK! Keep cool, wouldya?" He crooned sadly at her, feelings hurt more than his shin.

"Observation: This incident would not have occurred had I been allowed to retain my weapons, master. I would have blasted that meatbag to smithereens..."

"Oh, hush, HK-47. You would have blasted half the crowd to smithereens."

"I would have restrained myself to the sniper. And his accomplices, naturally."

"Who are his accomplices?"

"Speculation: I'm certain many meatbags in this crowd were accomplices, master." He scanned the crowd suspiciously.

Jolee edged nearer. "You should try ducking next time. Where's your Force sensitivity? Didn't you know it was coming?"

"Thanks for the concern, Master Bindo. Duck. Good advice. I'll try to remember." There would be a next time, and we both knew it. "No, I didn't sense it coming. There are a lot of hostile thoughts in the crowd; I couldn't filter out any one as more threatening than the others, Master." Jolee grunted. He and I were not on the best terms at the moment.

The platform finally docked and we were able to disembark. Our part of the ceremony over, we trooped through a hallway to the staging area where we had started out. A couple of flustered officials hovered around me, but, with Juhani and Bastila's aid and a little Force Persuasion, were sent away convinced that I was unharmed. As we were herded back to the staging area, Carth maneuvered beside me. He would have looked breathtaking in his Republic dress uniform if the red-rimmed, hollow eyes hadn't betrayed a serious hangover. I didn't insult him by offering to Heal it. Bastila would have done so if he had wanted relief from his misery.

"Can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?"

I looked around the staging room, saw a quiet corner. "Certainly. There?" I gestured, he nodded, and we occupied the corner. I could practically feel all the eyes on us.

"First off, are you OK?"

"Yes, thank you, Carth. Bastila did a good job healing whatever hit me. And thank you for shielding me, afterwards."

"It sounded like a Sith sniper rifle. The sniper must not have been a very good shot, or you'd likely be dead now. And I was a little late. Shielding you beforehand would have been a better strategy."

"I believe I moved as he shot, or I might not be here." He was silent for a moment. "Thank you for the concern, Carth; I'm fine." He touched my arm lightly as I turned to leave.

"Wait. That's not all." He licked his lips nervously. "Is this why you didn't want me around? Because you were afraid people would be trying to kill you, and you didn't want me to get hurt? Or you think the Jedi can protect you from assassins better than I can? I guarantee that they can't." He was uncomfortably close to the truth.

"No, Carth. I told you. The war's not over and we are both needed where we are. The Republic is bigger than both of us and we're needed. I'm committed to the Jedi. We Jedi are not allowed emotional attachments." I was as calm as death itself.

"What? That's certainly not what you said last night. And Bastila is married and has a family, so that's obviously not true."

"Bastila is not really a Jedi anymore, Carth. She is powerful and assists us greatly, but she is not of the Order. There are many things she is not privy to."

"Who are you, and what have you done with Fiala Ja? I saw her last night; I know she's in there. And I want her back. I don't like you very much, Jedi."

I couldn't afford to be either angry or amused. It might lead to a situation like last night's, and that was far too dangerous. "I am a Jedi, Carth, and that's all I am. It is all I will ever be. Last night was a serious lapse. It won't happen again." There is no emotion; there is peace.

"I don't believe you. I think there's more to it than that, and I want to know what it is."

"There is nothing more I am allowed to tell you. Military personnel have a different clearance system from the Order, and you are not cleared for confidential Jedi information." There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.

"I've been waiting all year, figuring you would come around, Fiala. You almost did, last night. If you won't come with me, at least tell me why. You owe me that."

"Why have you been waiting, Carth? Who asked you to wait? You have been wasting your time. There is nothing to wait for. Get on with your life." There is no passion; there is serenity.

Carth and I were speaking quietly but intensely. Canderous chose that moment to come over.

"Wow. I don't want to get any closer; I might spontaneously combust. Why don't you two get this thing settled? It's past time you did." We both glared at him, Carth's look raw and grieved, mine icy. "OK, OK, it's none of my business. I got elected to tell you we're all heading for Teksuni's Cantina for a post-ceremonial relaxer or two. Come on, let's go." Canderous departed, looking relieved to be well away.

"Typical Mandalorian tact," I observed.

"I happen to think he's right, for once. It is past time we settled this."

"No, it is settled, Carth," I declared, "it was settled a year ago, but you won't accept it. You must accept the situation and move on, for your own good." There is no death; there is the Force.

"Alright, already. It's settled because you and the Jedi Council say so. I know it's useless to argue with you." He turned to walk away, but looked back, said bitterly, "I deserve better than this."

I would have preferred being sniped again. He was right.