Revan's Shadow: Chapter Eleven - Present Day

Robes discarded and forgotten, Bastila and Obtena enjoyed the gentle tide of the ocean in each others' arms. The bond between them had swelled with their passion, but now it was reduced to a subtle contented hum that seemed to be in tune with the sound of the waves lapping the beach. Bastila had only paused long enough for them to wade into the water; once there, she entwined herself around Obtena once more. The last two hours had witnessed more kissing than she had seen in her entire lifetime, let alone experienced; and she loved it. Obtena felt fingernails dig into her skin as Bastila reinforced the maximum amount of body contact between them.

"I never want to let you go," Bastila whispered when Obtena finally broke the kiss.

"You wouldn't want to give Canderous the satisfaction." The reply caught Bastila short.

"I had forgotten about... them," she sighed. "We're going to have to go back, aren't we? To our lives. I don't want this night to end."

"A part of me wishes the same," Obtena admitted, "But all nights end. If moments were all we ever had, they wouldn't be nearly as precious." She caressed Bastila's face, fingertips brushing against almost-bruised lips before sliding around and up into her hair. "You're afraid of the future." A statement, not a question.

"The Jedi council will not allow us to continue like this," Bastila said, closing her eyes and leaning her head back into Obtena's palm. In response, Obtena lowered her lips to the fading bitemark she had left on her neck and wrapped her lips around it, sucking gently. This provoked another sigh, and then Bastila was kissing her again.

The water cooled without the sun's light, and they finally made their way back up the beach, picking up their scattered clothing as they returned to their place at the treeline. "Again?" Bastila asked with the seductive smirk she had inherited from Obtena.

The former Sith lord looked at her. Naked and dripping, loose wet hair stirring in the breeze, eyes shining in the starlight... "Give it a little more time to grow," she decided, resisting the urges that had so recently been satiated. "The longer we wait, the sweeter it is."

"What if tonight is all we have?"

"Bastila... " Obtena took her hands. "What we do after tonight isn't the decision of the Jedi council, or the Republic, or our friends, or anyone. Just us." She led them up to the grass so they would not have more sand stuck to their drying skin before sitting down. Bastila's face turned thoughtful as she leaned back against Obtena, who began to play gently with her fingers.

"I've been thinking about what you said," Bastila said after a while. "They may not have killed Revan literally, but perhaps giving you a completely new identity was even worse. Whether you eventually recover all your memories or not, Darth Revan can never be redeemed. Either she will never return to be redeemed, or... she cannot claim the redemption you yourself have earned." Obtena did not reply, keeping eyes on fingers, so she continued. "For a while - on that very spot - we became as much one person as I can imagine any two people ever being. I didn't just feel your soul. I... became a part of it." Obtena's hands finally grew still. "We both retain the shadows of our darkest deeds. Jedi have turned back to the light before I, and will long after I'm gone. Nevertheless, I cannot deny what I have done. It will always be with me... and perhaps I should never be rid of it."

Obtena nodded. "Juhani is the luckiest of us, I think. All she did was make Dantooine's grumpy wildlife grumpier. I'm sure she blames herself for the deaths the kath hounds caused, and by extension the risk of war between the Sandral and Matale families, but that's nothing compared to what you and I could be accused of."

"But it's not fair. You haven't really-"

"That doesn't matter. Whatever happened to my mind, it's still the same soul. Like you just said, it will always be with me."

Bastila pulled Obtena's arms tighter around herself as they fell silent, their thoughts straying down seperate paths for a moment. "I wonder if Shen and Rahasia are alright..." she wondered aloud.

"We'll find out. Goodness knows we deserve a celebration for what we've just achieved, but I've still got quite a mess to clean up. I'll begin at Dantooine and work my way back from there." Obtena tore her gaze from Bastila to look up to the stars above, as something out there seemed to pull at her. There was something on the edge of her senses, or memory. Was it her destiny that called to her? It only lasted a moment... and then Bastila's voice redirected her attention.

"There's something else I've been thinking about."

"The Republic," Obtena intoned, her face growing dark.

Bastila twisted around to look Obtena in the eye. "One of the things we learn during our training is how those outside the order regard us. I used to think any reference to Jedi arrogance was simply a response to our... mystique. I admit, I believe differently now; I did enjoy a certain aloofness among the common people-"

"Ah. The Jedi princess shows her colours," Obtena interjected.

"Well, yes. I did enjoy the title, even when it wasn't meant in a complimentary fashion. I think I saw each Jedi as walking a tightrope between the truth and the image we project. Now I know even I - I mean, I - am as prone to failure as anyone. The fact that we are... special, isn't what's important. It's how our actions affect the universe. What makes us special is what makes our actions that much more important. So many have perished due to our actions, or orders. If they should learn that... 'you' live, that I fell; it is unlikely they will see much difference between the Sith we were and the Jedi we are... what? What is it?"

"I just noticed, when you said it. I still don't consider myself a Jedi."

"You are a greater champion of the light than I could ever hope to-"

"No. Well, maybe a champion, by definition; but a selfish one. Many things I've done for my own benefit rather than some higher morality. I was selfish. I wanted to get you back, even after you had fallen, so I went and did just that. I brought you back because I didn't want to lose you, the way you were; not because it was the right thing to do. I just... don't ever want to be without you."

Bastila turned again and kissed her tenderly in response, and knew she had made her decision. She looked into Obtena's eyes and spoke in a firm voice: "Then you never will be. No matter what."

*

During the quieter moments, it is difficult not to reflect and question any single memory. Even the ones everyone take for granted. How old were the Republic and the Jedi council? How old was the Sith empire? These are things I supposedly learned, lost, and learned again. How can I possibly know for sure that the answers from before and after Darth Revan match?

One of the memories I long for the most is the memory of home. I cannot believe Deralia is home. When I think on it now, I feel certain it is not. The night after the destruction of the Star Forge, that was the call of home. I must have come from somewhere. It's out there, waiting for me. But I have much to do first, and I don't know how much time I have left...

As much as I long to return home, I cannot imagine it will be an easy thing to do. It's never easy, when the shadow of your own crimes precede you.