Revan's Shadow: Chapter Six

When the trio found the prisoners, Obtena took an immediate disliking to Griff. The first thing he tried to do was pass himself off as an important official of Czerka and promise a reward for his safe return (that Obtena knew Czerka would never pay even if he had been anything other than a lazy con artist). It didn't take long to decide not to tell him about Mission; he might have ended up joining them, and she was fairly certain she'd hurt him if stuck in the Hawk with him for any length of time. She tried to recall everything the Jedi masters had taught her about keeping a cool head under difficult circumstances; she was starting to think she should have paid more attention after all, because the mental effort was all that was keeping her from snapping a few of Griff's fingers with her bare hands.

She was bothered by the fact that she'd imagined such a specific punishment for annoying her, off the top of her head.

Now that she was trying, memories of her time on Dantooine were floating back to the surface, and they were proving no less troubling. More than once, the Jedi masters had said - or not said - certain things; even during the first meeting, before they'd decided to train her at all. At first she'd been as frustrated as Carth by their secrecy, but as the Force opened up to her during that amazing month, she had been... distracted? Focused on the training. She had learned so much in that time, but in retrospect, Obtena was starting to suspect that there was specific information related to this mission that the masters had not shared with her or Bastila.

"Force help me, Griff, if you hint at a handout one more time, I'm going to do something to you that will make Bastila think I've fallen to the dark side. No! Not one more word. Not even to apologize. Shut. Up." Obtena clenched her fist in front of his face. Griff gulped and finally fell silent.

Bastila. If there had been any distraction during training, it had been from her. Obtena watched as her companion kept the Jawas from trying to sneak her lightsaber off her belt, the trace of a smile on her lips. Since their meeting on Taris, she had been a constant source of irritation. During the Jedi training, as Obtena got to know her, and as the Force bond between them grew stronger, irritation had turned to infatuation. The revelation had come as a surprise, but the feeling was hardly unwelcome. She blamed the bond for it most of the time, but wasn't about to deny herself the pleasure of enjoying the ride; especially since she couldn't recall feeling quite like this about anyone before.

Once back through the gates of Anchorhead, Iziz was reunited with the Jawas of his tribe, and for a moment they all hopped up and down around him. Then they pulled the two Jedi into the throng and hopped up and down around them as well. Once she convinced HK that the Jawas were not threatening her, Obtena couldn't help but feel better amidst such celebration, and did not rush to question Iziz about their bargain. It was not until Bastila asked that he produced a map, scratched out on bantha-hide, that marked a cave in which he claimed the starmap to be; that seemed consistant with the vision Obtena and Bastila had shared the night before their arrival to Tatooine.

After sleeping through the rest of the morning, the Jedi were swapping lightsaber crystals (so that they could compare the different effects) when Mission came back in a huff, spat a few insults directed at her 'no-good brother' and stomped off to sulk in the women's dormitory. After sharing a look with the others, Obtena watched with Juhani as Bastila reassembled her lightsaber. The double-bladed weapon took considerably more effort to take apart and put back together again.

A thought struck Obtena as she stared at it. "You didn't make that yourself, did you?"

"No," Bastila admitted, "I took it from the first dark Jedi I defeated, the day I..." she trailed off.

"...The day the Jedi strike team tried to capture Revan," Obtena finished for her. Bastila had never liked to talk about what had happened at the best of times, and recent events had not been any help to her emotional stability.

"Only the Sith knew how to manufacture these lightsabers," Bastila went on, focusing on something other than her memories of that fateful day. "They are rare, yet not rare enough. The dark Jedi seek out the secrets of the Sith whenever and wherever they can. One such secret is the construction of these." Finishing the reassembly of the weapon, Bastila took a few steps back and ignited only one blade. "I had my own lightsaber back then," she continued while doing a few practice swings. The extra length of the hilt did not impede her performance. "After... the battle, I decided I wanted to learn how to use this. My masters allowed me to keep it and trained me as best they could." Bastila suddenly ignited the other end and spun the twin blades of light around her in an impressive flurry.

"Why did you want it?" Juhani asked. "It is not a trophy."

Bastila extinguished the weapon and leaned against the workbench. When she spoke again, she did so slowly. "Not a trophy. That day... I had used my battle meditation to help the Republic fleet several times before, but I had never..."

Obtena nodded. "You'd never been in a personal fight, before." She watched as Bastila closed her eyes with a resigned sigh.

"The contingent of dark Jedi on that ship; not to mention the presence of the Sith lord, constantly... humming in the background, like the ventilation system. It was... suffocating. It felt as if the dark side of the Force was a pressure that built with every step. The soldiers were little trouble against half a dozen Jedi, but the dark Jedi..." Bastila blanched. "They were so... vicious. Brutal. Without fear. Every blow I parried or deflected seemed powered by sheer rage. Yet every time I struck one down, I wondered if he or she had been one of the fallen, who had followed Revan into the Mandalorian war. Who had followed her down the path to the dark side, afterward..."

Obtena put Bastila's feelings into words. "You've spent most of your life in the enclave on Dantooine. You've got Jedi theory down fine, but when it comes to executing it in the real worlds, you feel that you're falling short. You get doubts, but your faith sees you through. Like learning how the galaxy should work, then realizing it doesn't; but carrying on regardless because you know it could work.

"Meanwhile, here I am, seasoned explorer with no love for the ways of the Jedi. We get thrown together, linked to each other. Now all your knowledge is clashing with all my experience, and it's keeping you off-balance because despite your faith, the way I do things tends to be of greater practical value. You've rarely had to kill sentients with your own hands, while I've killed more than I care to recall-"

Bastila's face went white and she stammered an interruption before she spoke up. "I'm sure you've killed more than your fair share of people in your lifetime, already..." Obtena stepped forward to comfort her, but Bastila flinched away. When she spoke again, her voice was cold and hard. "I took this lightsaber to remind myself of what I used to be and what I became, and why I have had to do what I have done. That is all I have to say on the subject." She walked away.

"Bastila," Obtena called out after her, and the conflicted padawan paused. "When you kill an enemy, you don't feel good about it because you've taken their life. You feel good because you've preserved your own. That's not the dark side. That's life."

Bastila continued on her way without responding.

Juhani waited a moment before speaking. "That is not always true, Obtena. It is possible to take pleasure in another's death."

"It applies in this case, I think," Obtena assured her. "It's... what I feel. From her. It's hard to put it into words."

"I don't doubt." Juhani motioned towards the central hold, and they went to take a seat. Zaalbar was there, and he looked to Obtena with a questioning expression. He had heard Mission's explosive entry. She nodded to him wordlessly and gestured starboard, and he rose from his seat to go keep the young Twi'lek company.

Once they were both settled, Obtena asked Juhani, "Did you have a bond with Quatra?"

"It was not like what you share with Bastila," Juhani explained, a tinge of regret in her voice. "A bond of familiarity, of friendship; nothing more. In a way, I envy the connection you two share. I have wondered what it would have been like... but such thoughts change nothing, and should not be entertained. In a way, indulging them is what led to my... experience with the dark side."

"Interesting that you put it like that," Obtena mentioned. "The masters said you had fallen to the dark side, as you did yourself at the time. The power of the dark side was present in the grove, but the ruin where we found the starmap was stronger. I can't help thinking you would have been drawn to it if you had... fallen 'as far' as everyone thought."

"Since hearing Bastila's description of the place, I have wondered about that as well," Juhani confided.

"Near the end of my training, Vrook made this speech about a time when I would be tempted by the dark side. I think that's what happened to you. Your trial of temptation before being made an official Jedi knight, if you like." Obtena smiled at the Cathar, then added, "Which puts you in charge of this mission, when you think about it. You outrank both of us."

Juhani shook her head. "The Jedi are not a military order. You are the leader here, and I am both grateful and honoured that you have accepted me with you." She paused and fidgeted a moment, suddenly self-conscious. "I am not used to such unbiased acceptance from one who is nearly a stranger to me. We Cathar do not make friends easily, or for long. Even on Dantooine, I remained alone. Not ostracised, exactly, but... seperate."

"Even from Belaya?" Obtena countered, and was rewarded with a startled look from Juhani. "She seemed pleased enough that you had come back. Well, for her. Less prone to Vrook impersonations, heh."

"The time she and I spent together was... comforting; but being here, now... it is... warming. I feel more than welcome. I feel... needed."

"Your company - and your lightsaber - are most appreciated Juhani," Obtena told her with a sincere smile. The Cathar inclined her head in grateful response.

*

Griff had abandoned Mission on Taris, that much Mission has made clear. I think she's spoken with Zaalbar about it. I was almost surprised she didn't come to me, but they've been together far longer than we've all been together. Though I get the impression there's more to it than that. Well, I don't want to push. I'd been repeatedly nudging Carth during our stint on that doomed planet, and now he and I barely speak. I'm not even going to try again until that particular frown leaves his face. I bet if we took off the beard, eyebrows and hair - and any other hair he might have - he really would look like a hairless Wookiee. Even though I'm starting to think he has a point about the Jedi and their secrets, I'm not about to risk him blowing up at me again out in the desert. HK will also disappointed that I don't want to take him along this time, but I'll promise to have another go at his memory core when I get back.

Rumour in the hunter's lodge is a Jedi already tried to remove the threat of this krayt dragon, and was never seen again. I'm glad I'm not doing this alone.