Ask HK-47: KFM Edition

Objection: But Master, surely there must be some use you could have of me!

'Relax, HK. I can handle a few combat droids well enough. Besides, it's not like I'm going alone. Mandalore and Brianna are accompanying me, so I think I'll be just fine.'

Supplication: I would be most delighted to take point! I could provide cover fire! I could even be a distraction! But please, Master, those HK-50's are simply begging to have me perform aggressive deactivation upon them!

'Actually, I'd kinda prefer it if you remained here. At least this way, I know you're not causing any trouble.'

Pleading exclamation: Master, I beg of you!

'HK...'

Disappointed compliance: Very well, Master. But you know what this will entail...

'Yes, I know. And I'm willing to take that risk.'

Statement: And with that, I once again am open to answer any and all queries from you, the faithful readers.

Announcement: This installment will feature questions from the meatbag denizens of the 'KotOR Fan Media' site. A most unusual assortment of sloshers to be sure, but seeing as how many of them are fans of this unit, I am not complaining too much. And so, we open with our first communication...

'HK,

What really rusts your joints? If you know what I mean. AND I THINK YOU DO.'

-Arrow

Responding to 'Arrow':

Statement: Climates with high levels of humidity and moisture tend to play havoc upon my joint motors. Also, prolonged exposure to liquid substances such as water has an adverse effect.

Confused statement: It has become apparent to me, according to the meatbag designated 'Mira', that this query is intended to be what is known as a 'double entendre'. And since there are certain nuances of meatbag culture that offend me greatly, I refuse to give this query any further consideration than it has already received.

Lamenting: What I would not give to be blasting apart HK-50's at this moment...

'HK,

If a train leaves San Francisco, heading due west at 70 MPH, what time is it in New York?'

-Kitome

Responding to 'Kitome':

Calculation: 8:53 AM Eastern Standard Time, according to your particular chronological measurement system.

Advisement: Do not ask me how I came to that conclusion. Even I fail to ascertain the circumstances.

'HK,

Out of all the assassinations you've done, what was your favorite, and why?'

-Kattalez

Responding to 'Kattalez':

Recitation: There was once a powerful gangster boss that held one of my master's comrades captive. He had ordered me to infiltrate his base of operations and perform a distraction while he went in for the rescue.

Resolute statement: I still say there is no better distraction than a landspeeder full of plasma grenades. Had I the capacity, the resulting meatbag casualties on that particular mission would have me shedding tears of joy.

'HK,

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

And alternately, if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

Also, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?'

-Snarkywench

Responding to 'Snarkywench':

Commentary: Your apparent obsession with wood is most fascinating. It seems you may be familiar with the Ewoks of the forest moon of Endor, who have made great strides in the use of wood.

Hopeful statement: I do so hope to take on a mission there one day. Having an opportunity to slaughter so many small, furry meatbags would bring great joy to my motivators, especially hearing their squeaks of pain.

'HK,

Maybe you can answer a hotly debated philosophical question for me. How many angels can dance on the head of a pin? No, that's not it. The question is 'Why does anyone care how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?'

-Vlork

Responding to 'Vlork':

Concurring statement: That is a rather pointless topic of discussion. Although I think a better query may be 'How many angels can dance when being fired upon with a heavy repeating blaster?'

'HK,

Do you love T3 or any other droid? Both the traditional definition of 'love' and yours included.'

-Mila

Responding to 'Mila':

Statement: If by 'love' you mean 'plot the eventual destruction of when the meatbags' backs are turned', then yes, I do 'love' T3 in that sense.

Gleeful statement: I also await the opportunity to extend such 'love' to the fat one as well.

'HK,

Is it hard to deal with light-sided masters who fall in love with one of their meatbag companions? *coughRevanandExilecough*

-Lotus

Responding to 'Lotus':

Statement: I find the pheromone-driven human reaction known as 'love' a most sickening aspect of organic culture. The mere thought of two sloshers pressing their slimy, mucous-covered lips together serve only to increase the drive to not only kill all of Master's companions, but also to replace my behavior core with a thermal detonator when I am finished.

'HK,

Would you kill a useless meatbag again?'

-Bastila_Skywalker

Responding to 'Bastila_Skywalker':

Lamenting: This is one of the few things that disappoint me about killing meatbags: Most of them die only once. And the ones that do return to life, through some infinitesimal fluke, are almost not worth the effort to kill again.

Statement: Note that I place emphasis on the word 'almost'. I am still an assassin droid, after all.

'Dear HK-47,

If you had the chance to do it again, would you have another Pacifist Package installed?'

-RogueLadySabyne

Responding to 'RogueLadySabyne':

My apologies, as HK is currently undergoing extensive repairs. It seems your missive caused his circuitry to go into overload, as he started screaming and running all over the ship, going on about something taking over his behavior core. I eventually had to have Remote shut him down, so I could take him to the repair bay without further incident. Rest assured, he should be back online as soon as possible, and ready to resume answering your questions.

Thank you for your patience.

-Bao-Dur

Apology: I am sorry about that pause, but I seem to be in nominal functioning order now.

Statement: It appears I have enough time for one more missive.

'Dear Strong Bad,

How do you type with boxing gloves on?'

-Crapfully yours,

Steve, OH

Statement: There appears to be a glitch in the Holonet. My memory core contains no files regarding a 'Strong Bad' or 'boxing gloves'.

Meanwhile, in an entirely different universe...

'Mama-mia! Here's one-a spicy email!'

'HK,

Do you suffer from PMT -- Pre-Mechanical Tension?'

Midnight_Hawk

'Dang it, The Cheat! Have you been playing with the Lappy again?'