Against All Odds part 2

How can I just let you walk away? Just let you leave without a trace? When I stand here taking every breath with you.You're the only one who really knew me at all.

The wind whipped up, blowing sand across the small outpost town and sending the inhabitants into the tents and doorways of the mudbrick buildings that dotted the small spaceport. The sun was setting in the distance, casting an orange glow on the land as the rising moons dotted the sky overhead, heralding the oncoming night.

From an ornately carved balcony on the second floor of the town inn, a lone figure stood watching the sun go down. Wisps of reddish blonde hair escaped from under the hood that covered the head and lower half of the face of the reknowned Jedi Revan also known to her friends as Sarrin Kasra.

She had yet to come to terms with which name she thought of as her own.

'What am I doing here?' her mind asked itself for the millionth time since she set out on this journey.

She knew the answer, or at least, the surface one. Her clues had led her here in search of the source of the dark power that lie waiting, like a coiled serpent, to attack the Republic she had sworn long ago to defend. The true Sith. Ancient beings of dark power thought long extinct, their power extinguished by the Jedi Knights of old, but in truth laying dormant and filtering in to known space through the watered down version that most called the Sith today.

But Sarrin Kasra, the once Sith Lord known as Darth Revan, knew differently.

However, that wasn't the real question that plagued her right then as she stood and watched the townspeople scurrying to close up the marketplace, gather their herds and children, and retreating into the safety and warmth of their homes before the cold night of the desert, with its looming windstorm and roaming predators could reach them. No, she knew the true question far too well. The one that had haunted her every step of her journey.

What was she doing out here, all alone. Leaving behind the best thing she had ever known, the only thing she had ever wanted for herself.

Was that really so bad? So selfish? To want something for yourself?

It wasn't fame, or power, or reknown. Although, being who and what she was, all those things would have been so easily in her grasp. But she didn't want any of that.

All she really wanted was him. Carth Onasi. The man she loved with every fiber in her being. The man she left behind on Coruscant after he had sworn his love for her, damn near given his life for her in the battle with Malak, her one time apprentice. The man she had shared her life with for months after the fall of the Star Forge, shared her love with. He was everything she had ever dreamed of wanting, and he had shown her a bliss she could never have fathomed existing before then.

The man who she had left without a word, just a stolen kiss and a message on a datapad that told him he couldn't go where she had to go, and that she wanted him to move on and be happy because she didn't truly believe she would make it back alive.

The wind blew again, the loose tendrils of her hair blowing over and tickling her cheeks like a playful caress. The way his fingers would do as they lay together in bed, discussing ..anything. How their day had gone, what sort of speeder to buy, whether he should accept this newest promotion the admiralty was offering him and where they would move if he did. He had always been so easy to talk to.

She wished he were here with her now, with his strong arms around her and his chin resting on her head, so she could tell him how much she missed him. She had always felt so warm, so safe in his arms.

A jedi's life is sacrifice.

How can you just walk away from me? When all I can do is watch you leave? Cause we shared the laughter and the pain, and even shared the tears. You're the only one who really knew me at all.

A man ran back out of a tent, helping his wife pick up the last few remaining baskets of goods from their stall in the marketplace. He lifted the largest basket up onto one shoulder, striking a heroic pose as his wife folded a blanket before picking up the smaller basket . They shared a laugh at his antics as they walked side by side back to the tent where a small boy was waiting with the doorflap held open and a small, multicolored canine sitting at his feet, tail thumping happily.

Sarrin fought back the lump that was forming in her throat at the sight, and chided herself for being weak. She should be happy for those people, knowing it was her duty to fight to keep them safe so that they could share their simple life, their love, and raise their family under the protection of the Jedi.

Protection from dangers like the Sith, who would murder them, enslave their children and raze their planet into dust. Murderers, like she had been. Like her fleet had done to Carth, razing his planet and murdering his wife. Taking his son away to be polluted in the Sith Academy of Korriban, a planet where the very rocks radiated the darkside of the force.

Murderers like herself who had once destroyed the life of the man she had fallen in love with years later.

Maybe she left him behind because deep down she knew she didn't deserve happiness. Didn't deserve love. Didn't deserve the bliss she had known with him.

The boy took the basket from his mother and carried it inside, with his furry four legged companion jumping up to try and get into whatever the basket was full of. Maybe some of that delicious smelling fresh bread she had smelled baking earlier in the day. The man dropped the large basket from his shoulder, then gave a groan and stretched from the weight. His wife shook her head at him, but reached up her labor worn hands to gently massage his shoulder. The man got a contented smile, then leaned down to kiss his lady there in the golden glow of the setting sun.

Sarrin reached out with her senses, stealing just a glimpse of the moment of bliss the two were sharing. There was love there, not the desperate passion of newly discovered love, but that easy, comfortable, time worn love that shone with contentment and comfort. These were simple people, who labored from sunrise to sunset and eked out a meager living. But this family had something no wealth in the galaxy could buy. Love. Pure simple love.

So take a look at me now. There's just an empty space. And there's nothing left here to remind me, just a memory of your face. Take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space. And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face.

She felt a touch against her belly, then realized it was her own hands. She made a habit of dressing in native garb where ever her search took her to blend in and not leave a trail for enemies to follow. On this planet women wore vests and low cut pants but covered their head and face in a veil as it was considered immodest for an unmarried woman to show her face.

She watched the happy couple with their son dragging boxes inside the tent for the night, and wondered for a moment what it would be like to carry a child. His child. It had been something they had discussed a few times, after he told her he wanted to have children again. She closed her eyes, letting herself fall back into a memory of one evening in particular.

They were sitting out on the balcony of their apartment sharing a glass of Corellian brandy, his favorite. He had come home from a meeting with the new Chancellor, having been asked to give his input on upping the defenses in the Outer Rim against another potential Sith attack. Hobnobbing with superiors, as he called it, always made him feel a bit ragged so she had prepared something simple for dinner, and made sure he came home to soft music and a relaxed atmosphere. She came out to find him in his usual spot, stretched out in a lounge chair on the balcony with his boots off and shirt undone, sipping his glass of brandy.

She smiled at the memory. He had looked so good sitting there, so inviting. Carth being Carth, he grabbed her arm and pulled her down onto his lap, giving that little half laugh, half growl of his when he was in a playful mood. She remembered kissing him, tasting the brandy on his tongue, losing herself in the pleasure he could give her with such a simple thing as a kiss. She stretched out beside him, feeling the warm strength of his body through the light shift she had donned. She shivered slightly, only partially from the cool wind that had blown. Mostly from the sensual energy she sensed from him. He was in one of those moods tonight, and that kiss would be only the beginning.

His hands strayed down to one bare leg, proving she was right. She playfully slapped it away.

"You're incorrigible, you know that?" she scolded, getting a rakish smile in return as his hand went right back to where it was.

"Yeah, what are you gonna do about it, gorgeous? he teased, his fingers making her flesh tingle as he stroked her thigh. " Cut my hand off? You seem to have left your lightsaber inside."

"Not that I'm complaining, mind you." she purred, snuggling closer against his warmth." But if we keep this up, I may have to explain to Bastilla and Jolee how I got knocked up, and we'd never hear the end of it."

"Would it really be so bad?" he had asked, his voice growing more serious. His hand moved to stroke the silky cloth covering her belly."Carrying my child?"

His eyes had searched her face, the sincerity of the question etched in his features. She was startled when she realized he wasn't joking.

"No." she finally answered."I can't think of anything that would make me happier."

"Me neither." he had replied. Then he kissed her again, the kind of deep longing kiss that would make her forget there was anything else in the galaxy besides the two of them in that moment.

Gods, how could she have left him like that? She missed him so bad.

I wish I could just make you turn around. Turn around and see me cry. There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why. You're the only one who really knew me at all.

The wind blew harder, becoming colder as the last rays of the sun sank below the horizon. The darkness was coming, and there was a strange chill in the air, not completely of the wind. There was something out there, something just beyond the edge of her senses. Something she had come searching for.

She pulled the wrap she wore over her head tighter around her shoulders, giving a weary sigh. All this reminiscing was distracting her, which was dangerous out here in the Outer Rim. Distracting and pointless. What was done is done and even she, the 'all powerful' Revan of reknown, could do nothing to turn back time.

Besides she was being selfish. She had decided long ago that when she could work up the courage to leave the happiness she had found to seek out and destroy the true Sith, she would do so alone. After the battle of the Star Forge, she promised herself she would never again put anyone she loved in harm's way to finish something she had started. If it hadn't been for her and Malak toying around with the Rakatan technology, she would never have awoken this ancient evil and imperiled the galaxy once again due to her own foolishness.

No, this was her fight.

Carth had fought enough battles. He still had nightmares from the Mandalorian Wars, although he tried his best to hide them from her. But he couldn't, the bond they were forming between them was too deep. Where as her bond with Bastilla had formed when the young Jedi had used her strength to keep her alive, her bond with Carth was forming out of the intimacy they were sharing. Something they both invested their energy into willingly, a sharing of souls, a bonding that was stronger then any other.

Which was probably why the Jedi councilled against love. They knew that when a jedi joined with another, that joining was far deeper then a physical union. And when a bond like that was broken, the pain was almost physical. Like a piece of you was missing.

The moons glowed brighter as the sky grew dark. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, trying to recall the warmth her earlier memories had brought to her. Anything to ease the ache inside of her.

She wondered where Carth was just then, wondered if he had found someone new. Did he still think of her? Did he feel this emptiness inside of him, where she used to be, the way she did with him?

Take a look at me now. Well, there's just an empty space. And there's nothing left here to remind me, just a memory of your face. So take a look at me now, cause there's just an empty space. But to wait for you is all I can do, and that's what I've got to face.

Just then, she felt it. As if it materialized out of nowhere. But where...ahh yes. Without looking around, she reached out with her senses, locating the sudden disturbance in the force. It waited for her inside, just there...near the bed.

She turned around slowly, pulling the hood from off her head and tossing it aside as she stepped from the balcony back into her room.

"Lady Revan, I presume?"

The voice was whispery soft, almost an echo on a windy night. The figure that stood at the end of her bed was cloaked all in black, the face masked behind a wrap not unlike the one she had worn. Tendrils of dark energy swirled around this being's aura like a many headed hydra, lapping outward to sniff at her energy with a silent sense of hissing hunger.

A cold fear clutched her heart as she felt the strength of this creature she faced. She had suspected they would be like nothing she ever felt, but the sheer cold cloying energy of this creature made her skin crawl. Nothing could be seen of the physical being that housed this abomination, only the glow of greenish yellow eyes set against what appeared to be pale purple skin, like something dead from lack of oxygen.

"You ask the question as if you don't truly know the answer." she countered, keeping her voice far calmer then she felt. "And we both know that isn't the truth."

"Indeed." the head bowed slightly."You have shown great interest in our doings. We know who you are."

"Then you know I'm here to stop you." she answered.

"Then you have come all this way to die." the creature responded. The tendrils of dark energy surrounding him grew larger, forming into hissing heads of serpents that wove back and forth watching her like sentient foes themselves.

Steeling herself for the battle, she pulled both lightsabers from her belt, igniting them.

"I guess we're about to find out."

Take a good look at me now, cause I'll still be standing here. And you coming back to me is against all odds, but its the chance I gotta take.

The quiet of the desert nights was shattered by the humming clash of lightsaber blades.