Chapter 3: Disclosure

We assembled in the Ebon Hawk commons, where we'd had so many other critical discussions. Everyone looked at me, waiting for the story. I didn't know where to start. The silence grew uncomfortable. Finally, Bastila spoke.

'Just start from where you left me, Fiala. They know we fought, and that I remained in the control room to help the Republic fleet with my Battle Meditation. You left to find Malak. Where did you go?'

'The first room after the control room was a droid factory. Malak had two captive Jedi knights there in the far doorway. He killed them both. He told me I couldn't beat him on the Star Forge, that it fueled his dark side powers. I asked him to surrender, told him the Jedi would be merciful." I stopped, remembering.

"Is that what you call it? You think stripping away your power and your identity was an act of mercy, Revan? I would rather die."

I sat shaking like a trapped animal, unable to get the words out. I dimly heard people asking if I was OK, couldn't respond. Somebody pushed a cup into my hand, made me drink it. It was a potent beverage the Wookiees distilled, and it burned all the way down. It helped, though. In moments, my stomach unknotted and the visceral trembling stopped. I decided to skip that part. I looked around to see the concerned faces of my friends. Canderous was leaning over Bastila with the same beverage they'd given me, making her drink. Naturally, she would get the overflow of my emotions.

"I'm sorry, sorry, I can go on now. Malak called me a slave to the Jedi code, claimed to have surpassed me and figured out the true potential of the Star Forge. He told me he'd let the Forge destroy me."

"He activated the droid manufacturing gear and left me there to face his robotic warriors. They weren't hard to destroy, but they were replaced as fast as I destroyed them. I had to fend them off and shut down the all of the manufacturing computers to keep them from regenerating.'

'Once they were gone, I checked on the two Jedi. They were dead. I'd been right there and I couldn't save them, couldn't stop him. He killed them right in front of me. It tore me up.' I stopped, tears in my eyes.

'Go on,' urged Jolee. I sighed and continued.

"I took an elevator to the factory level and found Malak waiting on an observation platform. He was watching the battle between the two fleets. I figured Malak would be tough, so I stimmed myself to the gills, turned on every shield I had, and went to meet him. He, uh, he complimented me on getting so far. He hadn't thought anyone could stand against the power of the Star Forge. He considered capturing me to make me his apprentice, but was afraid I'd be too powerful for him, believe it or not."

"I believe it," whispered Bastila.

"I told him I would never serve the dark side again." I really wanted to tell them the rest, but my jaws seemed to be clamped shut again. "There is more of your old self in you than I expected. . . The darkness and the light wage a constant war within you. . . The balance is tipped one way now, but it can easily be tipped back. . . You will forever stand alone." The shakes had returned. "I wanted him to renounce the dark side and told him that I believe in redemption.'

'Good for you.' murmured Carth.

'He pointed out...well...essentially, that I need to believe in redemption to live with myself. That I...I don't have anything else.' I fell silent again, looking at the floor, thinking Malak had had quite a good point.

'That bastard,' spat Carth, 'can't you see what he was doing? He was trying to psych you, trying to undermine your confidence to weaken you for the battle he knew was coming. He was afraid of you and used every trick he could think of to get an advantage. Don't take his words at face value.'

'I'm disappointed,' growled Canderous, 'I did not believe Revan would be so easily cowed. The words of your enemy should be meaningless, like the cries of animals. And why did you spend all that time yapping with Malak, letting your shields and stims run down? That was a poor tactic.'

'Cowed?' I snarled, 'It didn't affect me at all for the battle, Canderous. And I had to try to save Malak. I owed him that much. Bastila, Juhani, and I all were offered opportunities to return to the light. Didn't Malak deserve one as well? And of all the Jedi I have known - well, that I remember - Malak is the only one who didn't lie to me. Jolee here lied by omission, many times, when I tried to find out what was so 'special' about me. Bastila, the Council, heck, even Juhani lied by hiding the name of her home planet until she was so angry she was about to pop. Malak never did. You were there on Leviathan, Carth, Bastila. Sure, he mocked me, but so what? He told the truth, on Leviathan and on the Forge. And if the truth is hard to live with, well, that's not his fault, is it?'

'So now you're defending Darth Malak, Dark Lord of the Sith? I don't believe it! He may not have lied, but he certainly twisted the truth to put an ugly face on it,' cried Carth, 'Why are you sticking up for him? I remember the Jedi on Dantooine saying that you were best buddies in the academy. Exactly how close were you two, anyway?'

I gaped at Carth, speechless. I hadn't expected this.

'Carth! She isn't Revan, remember? This is Fiala, our friend and comrade,' rapped Jolee.

'I'm sorry, Fi, I ... I just can't believe you would take anything Malak said seriously, or acknowledge any good qualities about him. He's done enough damage. Don't let him do any more by believing him.'

'No, your question deserves an answer, Carth. And, frankly, I don't know. I have one memory of him from the ruins at Dantooine where we found the first star map. I never told you about that, did I?'

'No. You and Bastila and the Jedi Council knew, but you all kept it close.' Carth said bitterly.

'I'm sorry, I should have told you. I thought I owed the Jedi Council something then, and was just obeying their instructions. I'll tell you anything you want to know, now. The vision - memory, actually - that came back on Dantooine, the one where you said Bastila and I looked like ghosts, that was the only one that showed me Malak. He and I stood together before the door to the Dantooine ruins. I was figuring out how to get in. Malak kept questioning if were doing the right thing, if it wouldn't get us banished from the Jedi forever, if we shouldn't stop before it was too late. He said the ancient Jedi sealed it for a reason, and that we could never go back to the Order if we entered. He didn't physically try to stop me, but he did seem to want to talk me out of entering those ruins and abandoning the Jedi Order. I didn't listen. I went in anyway. He followed me to his ultimate doom.'

'You mean, he followed Revan. You're not Revan,' declared Carth.

'I don't know if I can truly claim that, Carth. There are plenty of Revan's deeds I can deny because I know nothing of them, or of her for that matter. But I do have these few real memories. I can't deny them, and I can't get rid of them. Does that make me Revan? Or Fiala with a couple of Revan's memories? Anyway, I do remember Malak, that we were friends, and that I led him down the path to the dark side. And that's all I know of Malak besides the Leviathan and the Star Forge.' I trailed off.

'So, was that the end of the conversation with Darth Malak?' queried Bastila. She was regarding me narrowly.

'No...not...not quite," I stammered, "But that was the gist of it,' I lied. 'Malak said this had to end with one of our deaths. Then he attacked me. He was tough. Damn! Was he tough!'

'A worthy opponent is a joy,' said Canderous, 'You were fortunate.'

'Fortunate? He nearly took my head off, several times. If it weren't for all the medpacks and stims and mines, I don't know if I could have taken him. The robes I got from the Forge were really useful, too, even if they are ugly things. And then, when I started to do some damage, he stopped and...' I looked hard at Bastila. 'Did you know about those...machines...on the observation platform?'

She gave me an agonized look. 'I was Malak's own apprentice. I knew of them.'

'Did you tell these people about them when you told your story?' I was relentless. A hideous though occurred to me. 'You didn't actually use any of them, did you?'

'I did not use them, thankfully. I was not required to and had no need. But I did not tell of them either.' Our bond was roiling, but we both kept control.

'I have to tell them.'

'I know.' She turned away.

'Do you want to be here when I do?'

Bastila wiped her face, turned back to us. 'I will stay. It was none of my doing, after all.' She put a brave front on, but I could feel her turmoil -- her guilt.

'As you will. Malak had machines on the Forge which were capable of manipulating the Force.'

'Like the ones the Rakatan Elders told of,' interrupted Juhani, 'I thought the Elders were exaggerating or mistaken in that tale.'

'Such devices exist. Or existed before the Forge was destroyed. These particular machines were able to draw the Force from one Jedi, corrupt it, and redeploy it to another. The Jedi in the machine, Malak said, were as good as dead, but unable to rejoin the Force. Instead, they hung there, suspended, providing Force power for Malak and his apprentices to use.' Jolee made an incoherent noise of outrage. 'There were several such machines there, each containing a Jedi captured on Dantooine. Malak stopped fighting to draw the Force from them and 'recharge' whenever I got the upper hand. He told me that after he killed me, he'd do the same to me.' I rushed to get it all out quickly. I didn't ask Bastila if she knew any of the captive Jedi. I didn't want to know. That was her burden, not mine. 'I was able to destroy the machines, allowing the Jedi within to die. When they were gone, Malak had nowhere to recharge, and I mortally wounded him. He talked briefly before he died. He wondered how his life would have turned out if I had not led him to the dark side. He told me it might have been my destiny to rule the Sith empire. He seemed to almost wish that he had been the one captured and returned to the light.'

'Couldn't you have healed him and brought him back if you wanted to save him, like Bastila did with you?' whispered Mission. I was surprised to see tears standing in her eyes.

'I was depleted, Mission. I was out of everything, energy, Force, medpacks. And I don't think he wanted to be saved.'

'It was his time, Mission. He knew it. But even then, he could have turned to the light, yet did not. It's a shame,' said Jolee. 'Is that all that happened?'

'I made it back to the Hawk without incident, and you know the rest.'

The room buzzed with various conversations. Jolee leaned closer and said so that only I could hear, 'I think there was more to it than that. I don't know why, but you're holding something back. Take one word of advice from an old man. You're in danger. Malak is dead, but he can still harm you if you allow the poison of his words to work within you.' I made no reply. Jolee spoke loudly to call the gathering to order.

'We now face the question of where we go from here, what each of us will do.'

I nodded. 'I want to thank you all for bringing me to Kashyyyk. I truly believe you saved my life by doing so. I intend to stay right here until I come to terms with the Republic and the Jedi Council, no matter how long that takes. Everyone else is free to do as they will, naturally, though I hate to break up this team. We've done some terrific work together.'

'I shall stay and lead my people. My duty is here, now,' Zaalbar howled. 'You are all welcome to stay on Kashyyyk for as long as you like.'

'My duty is also clear,' said Bastila. 'I shall go to Coruscant, to the Jedi Council as I intended before we started this little...detour. I hope to find healing and forgiveness, and, perhaps, an end to this bond between us, Fiala.' I nodded.

Mission looked sad. 'Thanks for the offer to stay, Big Z, but this place doesn't have enough action. Fiala gave me T3-M4. Me and the little guy will go with Bastila to Coruscant. I hear it's a huge city. Sounds like my kind of place.'

'I will go with you,' said Juhani, 'and reclaim my place in the Jedi Order. I can hold my head up now after this great adventure of ours. I know I shall never fall to the dark side again.' I looked hard at her. Did she really believe it was that easy?

'I, too, will leave with Bastila,' said Canderous, thoughtfully. 'I've never been much good at sitting around and waiting for things to happen, and nothing is happening here. I'll see what Coruscant has to offer and decide where to go from there." He laughed. "Who knows? Maybe I'll join the Republic army and get a snazzy uniform like Onasi's.' Carth grinned at him. I was surprised. My two warriors had done nothing but snipe at each other during our quest. Maybe they had at least come to respect each other.

'Jolee, will you remain here with me and HK-47?' I asked. 'I'd like another Jedi around when Vrook is here, just so he can't try any funny business. Not that I don't trust him, but...'

'But you don't trust him. Sure, kid, I'll stay for a while. If you get things settled with Vrook, we can all go back to Coruscant together. I've seen enough of Kashyyyk already and don't care to stay longer now that things are heating up again. The Jedi Order might truly need me now.'

'Well, if you and Jolee are staying, I guess I will, too,' said Carth, 'The others can go back in Vrook's ship. We can keep the Hawk here and I can pilot you back when you're ready to leave.'

"Or you could take them to Coruscant in the Ebon Hawk now, Carth, and Jolee and I can return with Vrook." Carth looked at me, puzzled, slightly suspicious. "Anyway, let's get a final communication off to the Jedi Council. How long will it take for them to get here?"

"Around four days, with a decent pilot," Carth estimated.

Four days? I felt ill. I couldn't sit around here for four days, with everyone watching me to see if I was cracking up, and Carth mooning around. If I broke it off now, the tension would be unbearable. And if I led him on and broke it off later, well, that just wasn't fair to him. I didn't know what to do.