A stroll on Dxun . . .
The surface of Dxun. SELENA (The Exile), MIRA and T3-M4 are strolling through the damp, miserable, rainy jungle. The occasional cannock jumps out of the bushes, only to be casually swatted with a Force Wave from SELENA.
They walk in silence for a while, and MIRA notices the look of intense concentration on SELENA'S face.
MIRA: (really fast) Hey, something wrong?
SELENA snaps out of it and looks at MIRA quizzically.
SELENA: Huh?
MIRA: (slightly slower) Something wrong?
SELENA: Uhhh . . . one more time?
MIRA takes a deep breath and concentrates.
MIRA: (normal speed) I said "something wrong?" You got that spaced-out Jedi look again.
SELENA: Oh, that. I'm just tuning out Kreia's telepathic nagging. Thank the Force for meditation techniques . . .
MIRA: Again? (sympathetically) Wow. Sorry to hear that. Say, where is she anyway? I thought she intended to come along.
SELENA: I talked HK-47 into going into the women's quarters and imitating my voice with the occasional "Aha", "Sure" and "I´m listening". Since she's blind it bought me time to leave without her.
MIRA: You hate her, don't you?
SELENA: (savagely) Oh yeah!
MIRA: So why haven't you dumped her off on some dustball yet?
SELENA: Ahh, what can I say? (idly kicks a pebble and beheads a charging cannock with her lightsaber without looking at it) I'm hoping she'll eventually start making some sense if I keep her around. Or that she'll make up her mind as to which side of the Force to promote.
MIRA: Fat chance.
SELENA: (wearily). I know . . .
MIRA notices SELENA'S sinking mood, regrets her words, and changes the subject.
MIRA: Uh, speaking of blindness: Why didn't you bring Visas along? A little more Force firepower would come in handy, right?
SELENA waves her hand, sending a pack of predators flying 200 feet into the air.
SELENA. Huh? Oh . . . sure. I just . . . ahh . . . I - I don't really feel comfortable around her right now.
MIRA: Why? Something wrong with her?
SELENA: No . . . no . . . not at all. I got nothing but sympathy for her. She's seen her homeworld destroyed, been force-fed the Dark Side, tortured, choked and beaten . . . and now, hanging out with and learning from me, she's beginning to see another side of things. And . . . and I dearly hope I can prove up to the task and help her recover and reject the Dark Side and escape her master's control . . .
A silence stretches . . .
MIRA: But . . . ?
SELENA gets awkward.
SELENA. But she's really . . . (sighs) . . . REALLY submissive . . . and meek . . . and adoring. It's . . . ahh . . . getting a little disturbing.
MIRA: Disturbing?
SELENA puts a hand over her eyes and groans.
SELENA: Two nights in a row . . . I've dreamt Visas comes to me . . . and says she's been a baaaaad Miraluka and needs to be spanked.
MIRA fumbles for something to say.
SELENA: In the second one she was actually dressed in fetish gear.
MIRA: (helplessly) Uhhh . . . no kidding? (rolls her eyes at her own lame reply)
They walk on in silence for a while, with MIRA desperately looking for some way to distract her companion. Finally her eyes light up and she turns to SELENA with a sincere look on her face.
MIRA: Y'know . . . being a bounty hunter on Nar Shaada isn't the best place to make friends. And eventually I told myself I didn't need or want friends. But you just trusted me with something embarassing and, uh, a little creepy. And it . . . feels kinda nice.
SELENA smiles sweetly, and MIRA breathes a sigh of relief.
SELENA: No problem. (jokingly) And besides: I can just use the Force to make you forget.
MIRA: (smiles and raises her finger in a mock threat) Hey, I warned you never to pull those Jedi tricks on me!
SELENA: (teasingly) Why not? You'd never know.
Then SELENA thinks of something . . .
SELENA: Oh, no!
MIRA: Huh? What?
SELENA: What if they weren't dreams? What if they were visions of the future?
MIRA fumbles a bit, then tries to make the best of the situation.
MIRA: (uncomfortably) Well . . . I guess you could . . . y'know . . . give it a try. Uhhh . . . now that Atton's out of the picture and all . . .
SELENA looks at her feet and mumbles something under her breath that could be "I guess . . ."
MIRA: I mean he IS out of the picture, right? After he told you about his old hobby? I mean, that was a falling out if I've ever seen one.
SELENA: Oh, yeah. He's out. Bastard. Say . . . he won't talk to me: Is his MalakTech artifical jaw working properly yet?
MIRA: Nope. The voicebox in it still creates that really squeaky voice. Like a cartoon mouse
SELENA: (gleefully) Heh. Serves him right.
MIRA gets a slightly concerned look on her face.
MIRA: Since we're discussing that, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. It's not like I'm an expert on the subject but . . . wasn't that a bit of a . . . Dark Side thing to do?
SELENA: Mira . . .
SELENA pricks her finger with a survival knife and lets a drop of her blood fall on a dead, bent sapling. The sapling come to life, straightens out, grows leaves, and beautiful white flowers grow around its base.
SELENA: I can afford a little stumble, wouldn't you say?
MIRA: Good point.
They continue walking.
MIRA: So . . . this means you're gonna kick his ass, right? The big bad Sith Lord who's been killing all these planets?
SELENA: Well . . . the future is always in motion. But I had a vision . . . of me and Visas and some insecure dork hidden under two inches of armor, on a desolate ship. And a dark figure dead at our feet.
MIRA: (optimistic) Well . . . great. The galaxy and the Jedi saved, Visas free, and happy endings.
SELENA: (uncomfortably) Yeah . . . and then Visas said "YOU are my master now, and I will follow wherever your path takes you."
MIRA: Ah.
SELENA: Yeah.
MIRA again fumbles for something to change the subject with.
MIRA: Say . . . there was something else I was wondering about.
SELENA: Yeah?
MIRA: Atton's fake jaw still won't work properly. No matter how many times Bao-Dur tries to fix it. Y'know, Bao-Dur the tech-genius who can fix ANYTHING he wants to?
SELENA'S face suddenly goes very innocent and peaceful..
SELENA: Yeah?
MIRA: Bao-Dur, who would do anything you asked him to?
SELENA: Aha?
MIRA: Bao-Dur whom I saw you whispering something to when he was working on the jaw?
SELENA'S face is the image of Jedi tranquility.
SELENA: (innocently) Yes, me and Bao-Dur go way back and have been through a lot together. What's your point?
MIRA: Oh, come on, isn't it obvious? My point is . . .
SELENA waves her hand in front of MIRA'S face.
SELENA: You want to dicuss the weather.
MIRA'S eyes glaze over for a second. Then . . .
MIRA: Hey, the rain let up! About time, don't you think?
They keep on walking.

BAH! HA HA HA HA! HE HE! This is really funny, not that much humor, but it's still funny. :)
Poor Atton's jaw! heh... then again... perhaps he deserved it. ^_^ Loved the conversation. Very amusing.
BWhahahahahahahah! :D
Quite amusing. :)
Visas in fetish gear? Somehow, I'm not suprised. Aways thought there was.... Anyway, a very nice story.
Now this is comedy! Truly, this is one of the better KOTOR ones I have read. It's funny, and what makes it better is that the jokes are all just in the words. There's no slapstick, no forced scenes. I really liked your interaction, though I was a little disappointed that T3 said nothing. (I like T3 :P )
*mental image of Visas asking to be spanked* *Shudders* You know, that came to mind when I first started playing the game. She's too spineless.
The rest of it was priceless, especially the end.
Top marks! Humour is hard to do, you have done well.
LV
Actually, this IS comedy...
"You want to discuss the weather"
"HEY! The rain's let up!"
What can I say?! I laughed my ass off at the Visas dreams and the conspiracy between Bao Dur and Exile... Oh God Atton really deserves that lol... Great way to shut him up hehe.
Keep writing! =)
It's all great :D Finally someone made fun of Mira speaking so fast ;) Oh, and HK-47 mimicking the Exile... just ROTFL :D
To be posted 29 Feb 2008 on
To be posted 29 Feb 2008 on StarwarsKnights under The Critic returns and Lucasforums under the Critic’s Two Cents.
Because I find that a lot of the writing here is already what I would define as professional standard, I will tag those I liked as pick of the week. Check at StarwarsKnights for the best of the best.
On Dxun: An interesting walk leads to an equally interesting conversation
The piece started out a bit strange, but immediately became a riot. Put it this way, just picturing Visas begging for a spanking, then Visas in bondage gear cracked me up, and it didn’t stop there. Excellent!
Pick of the week